Doctors Gordan Devlan, famed botanist, and Vesa Garner, equally famous geneticist, are leaders in their fields and have come to an astonishing cooperative discovery, they told the reporters of Pop Science Magazine. They have made an astonishing breakthrough in their research into the DNA differences between humans and plant life, as well as for the purposes of climate control and genetic modification. Using special chemical formulas combined with tree DNA, they were able to convert animal cells into plant cells. Moreover, these cells proceeded to reshape the animal into a form more befitting a plant. 

While the specific uses of this formula were unclear, they’ve already begun animal testing; several lab mice were given the formula, and in as little as five minutes, they ceased to be mice and instead became surprisingly healthy tree saplings. Projections indicate that these saplings consume carbon dioxide and output oxygen at a shocking rate, indicating animal-plant conversion may be of great help in the battle against climate change and greenhouse gasses. Animal rights advocates decry the practice, but our reporter was assured the transformation is painless. 

When asked whether this seems like the work of a mad scientist, the pair had this to say: 

Dr. Devlan: “What? No, of course it’s not, we’ve used all scientific rigour required.” 
Dr. Garner: “Well, a person wearing a lot of green asked if we could put the formula in mist form, and how far we could spray it. Doesn’t work like that though, if you dilute it like that it doesn’t do anything.” 
Reporter: “So are you planning to threaten the city with transformation into plants if they don’t meet your demands? It seems like what scientists usually do after such a discovery.”
Dr. Devlan: “Do you even hear yourself? I’m a scientist, not a supervillain! We called security on that man asking about it! Like I’m going to call it on you if you don’t be careful.” 
Reporter: “Are you a superhero then, turning criminals into plants?”
Dr. Garner: “You know, that would be cool now that you mention it. Gordan, do you think we could -” 
Dr. Devlan: “No, we can’t, Vesa. Again, no! Have you even covered science before? This interview is over.”
After this, Doctor Garner made sure to note that they are accepting human test subjects. Doctor Devlan stressed that these tests would be voluntary and compensated very well, and not involve kidnapping (“unless specifically requested!”, Garner added before being dragged away). 

-Article in Pop Science Magazine, issue #52

    It had been a month since the article advertised the human testing, and while media attention had given them a boost at first, almost everyone turned away when they said they didn’t actually know how to reverse the process yet. They’d hoped they would get a few eccentrics, at least, looking for a chance to live forever in some form, or maybe some very enthusiastic conservationists, but not even that had appeared. So the two scientists were bored out of their minds waiting for people who’d either never come, or come and then turn around without signing the waiver. 

    This was the case it was on one cool winter morning. Doctor Garner had a fan next to them - as cold as it was outside, it was downright balmy in the greenhouse that they planned to carry out the tests in. They couldn’t well turn someone into a tree only for them to die in an inappropriate climate, now could they? 

    “Do you think we should maybe take a different tactic? Ask the government to let us test this on death row inmates or something?” Garner asked. 

    Doctor Devlan shook his head at his partner’s casual tone. “Every time I think you’ve said the craziest thing that could come out of you, you add one more. No, we’re not going to test on prisoners. Half the media thinks we’re nutso mad scientists already! We don’t need to add the government conspiracy theorists to the bunch!”

    “Hon, the conspiracy theorists already think we’re a government plot.” 

    “I know! I don’t want them to be right!” Doctor Devlan groaned, putting his head in his hands. 

    Shortly after the exchange, there was a tinkling as the door opened and someone entered. Vesa nudged Gordan in the arm and pointed at a pair of youths entered, taking off their coats and looking arounds. “...Those aren’t the lab assistants, right?” Vesa asked. 

    Gordon straightened himself, coughing a little and adjusting his tie. “No, they’re not.” he said. 

    The pair seemed fairly normal for young people. The woman was a bright-brown brunette with fairly long, straight hair that hung in a loose curtain down to the middle of her back, bright brown eyes and a curious expression. She was fairly pretty at that, with kind features and a healthy figure (not fat, just a bit thick in some places), wearing a magenta shirt and jean shorts, and magenta sneakers. The young man, for his part, seemed similar; a fairly intelligent looking type, wearing glasses and a grey t-shirt with a logo on it, and simple jeans and shoes. He had short brown hair and also brown eyes, similar to the young lady. 

    “...Hi, office hours aren’t being held today-” 

    “Uh…” The man started, but the woman moved forward.

    “Hi! We’re not here for that, no!” The woman said. “I’m Joanne, and this is my friend Chris.”

    “We’re not hiring any lab assistants right now…” Gordan said. Vesa had grinned and was rooting through the cabinet at the back for something. Did she know something he didn’t?

    “No, no, we’re not here for that either. You had an advertisement?” Chris said. Doctor Garner put down a pair of papers and a pen - long contracts for the experiment. 

    “Yeah, yeah, testing the tree-ification formula on people, right? Are you still accepting applications for that?” Joanne continued. 

    Doctor Devlan nearly choked on his drink. “Wait, really? You’re not serious are you?”

    Vesa smiled. “Wonderful! Read over this contract and waiver. Sorry for the pain, but you know, any human testing has a lot of legal niceties we have to get over.” 

    “We already read it online!” Joanne said, cheerfully signing hers and passing the pen to Chris, who took a moment to read over his. 

    “Totally understand. Don’t want anyone to think we’re being coerced. I heard the stories in the news, sorry about your reputation.” Chris said, before signing.

    Doctor Devlan was dumbfounded. “...Uh… Doctor Garner here will take you in the back for an alcohol and drug test. You seem to be of sound mind, but you know, gotta be sure.”

    Joanne smiled. “Don’t worry! I’ve done this before, I know the drill! They always seem so surprised that someone would want to try out being something else, it’s kinda funny.”

    Chris nodded, although he seemed a little more nervous. “It seems fun. And good for the planet, too, always a great benefit.” 

    “It’s great for the planet, yeah! Taking away your own pollution, and then continuing to take more after that!” Vesa said, ushering them to another room while Gordan looked after them dumbfounded. He’d found volunteers? And enthusiastic ones at that? Well, one doesn’t look a gift horse in the mouth when it comes to scientific progress. They seemed to be of sound mind, and healthy body, and would make for perfect test subjects.

    A few minutes later, after the drug tests returned to show both Joanne and Chris to be clean of intoxication and doing this of their own free will, they’d entered the greenhouse. Their clothes had been gently deposited in a bin nearby, for donation after the transformation, and they had simple hospital gowns and no shoes now. “So what brings you to the experiment?”

    “I’ve always been interested in transformation - it’s happened to me a few times before.” Joanne explained, “And it was always a fun time! I figure, why not do it again, but for a good cause?” 

    “And she convinced me to give it a go. Seems like it could be a good time.” 

    The scientists looked at each other. Doctor Garner shrugged, while Doctor Devlan rubbed his forehead. Well, these days, things were strange all the time. Why couldn’t she be a frequent victim(?) of transformations? “I just want to confirm. You realize this is going to be… permanent, right? Like, this isn’t something we know how to reverse, you’re signing up to be trees forever. I’m not trying to disparage the choice or drive you away, mind, just making sure you know what you’ve agreed to.”

    “So were the last ones.” Joanne said cheerfully as they reached the patch of dirt designated for testing. “Don’t worry, we did our research. Do we get to pick what kind of trees we turn into?” She stepped into the dirt, making a show of getting her feet in there as if she were already rooting to the spot. 

    Gordon decided to just… let it go. They clearly knew what they wanted and far be it from him to judge. “Yes. We’ve got a good few kinds prepared. Pine, birch, oak, fir, coconut…” he started to list them off. 

    Chris stopped him. “Coconut sounds nice. I like coconuts!” 

    “And coconut tree look inherently happy, so it’s a good choice, fun to turn into.” Joanne added.

    “Coconut it is.” Vesa said cheerfully, turning to a cart she’d brought with them and selecting a few particular beakers from it, labeled ‘coconut tree’. “So, we’ve only experimented on rats so far. We don’t know how the dramatically increased size will effect the change, but we’re pretty confident that you’ll still change.”

    The two nodded. “So what do we do now? Dump it on our heads? Drink it? Sprinkle it on the ground?” Chris asked, examining the leafy green liquid. 

    “And are we going to have to get out of our clothes?” Joanne asked, although not apparently embarrassed by the concept - she sounded more curious, than anything. 

    “It’s something you drink - that way we have some camera proof of not coercing this…” he looked pointedly up to a camera.

    “And no, don’t bother!” Vesa added, “Those hospital gowns are specially made to be absorbed during the process. You can keep your modesty until there’s nothing there to be modest about!” 

    Every time Doctor Garner opened her mouth, Gordon was sure she’d chase the youths away; but they seemed not only unconcerned by her statements but excited. “Well then… let’s get this started! Chris, you first, I’ll take mine after you.” Joanne said. 

    Chris grinned, taking one of the beakers from Vesa. “Bottoms up!” he said, and downed the contents in one gulp.

    “And now mine!” Joanne said, drinking her own as well. There wasn’t any going back now, but neither of the subjects seemed to desire that anyway - and hey, if this was what they wanted, more power to them. 

    For a few minutes, it seemed like nothing happened. The subjects were asked to step out of the dirt space for testing, but both found they couldn’t move; their toes had pushed into the dirt and grown, turning into roots. They were indeed transforming, and it was going fast; the first few minutes had simply been occupied by the creation of a root system. 

    From there, the transformation proceeded up their bodies. Their legs locked together to become trunks, and taking measurements the scientists noted some growth, rather than the expected shrinking. “Interesting,” Doctor Devlan said - now that the process had begun, he let his confusion rest and focused on the scientific opportunity. “We’d thought you would shrink, becoming saplings like the mice did. However, you seem to instead be growing.” 

    “Maybe since we’re bigger to start with, we’re becoming adult trees?” Chris suggested. The change, while it was fast with more skin turning to bark and going still by the second, was slow enough for the participants to notice and feel it. 

    Doctor Garner nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I was going to say; it seems like, since you have a lot more material to transform, it’s putting you further along the life cycle. We might have coconuts by summer, if we’re lucky.”

    “By the way, how does it feel? We weren’t exactly able to ask the mice.” Gordon asked.

    “Honestly? Kinda relaxing, actually,” Joanne said, “It’s sort of like the feeling of a good stretch, but extended out. And it’s nice not to have to worry about supporting my own weight, kinda like I’m reclining.”

    “Fascinating…” Gordon noted that down in a book. 

    The change traveled rapidly up their bodies now, straightening them out and adding some height as skin turned to bark. Their arms stretched upwards and sideways as they did so, and their bodies followed suite in the distinct palm tree bend. The wood claimed their chests, turning them into full trunks, flattening to a consistent circumference. 

    “Thanks for doing this!” Chris said cheerfully, waving as the wood claimed his face and kept growing. Joanne waved goodbye as well as she was changed too, a smile on her face. 

    Now that they couldn’t speak it went even faster; their arms grew up, up, and up, tens of feet into the air in a thinning trunk. At the top, their hands spread out, becoming leafy green fronds and their thin branches. 

    Vesa knocked on Chris’ trunk, near where his grinning face remained at his former height. “Do you think the faces are going to stay like that? It might confuse the investors a bit.” 

    “Mmm, no. Maybe for another month or two, give or take.” He said, inspecting the formerly-Joanne coconut tree. “They’ll be covered up by the regular growth of the trees. 

    “You know, I get a sense they’d be happy about that.” 

    “Well… guess I’m going to go write my report about this. You keep an eye on them, make sure they’re good and watered.”

    It was summer, six months later. “Yes, these are the trees…” Doctor Davlan said to a few men in suits. Where Chris and Joanne had transformed now stood a pair of tremendously tall trees, their leaves brushing against the roof of the greenhouse, coconuts weighing them down. It was impossible to tell they’d once been human - the trees grew far faster than their mundane counterparts, something shown by the surprisingly fast growth and ripening of the coconuts and the fact that new bark had covered where the faces used to be. 

    The men in the suits inspected them. “...Interesting. And you say that these trees, are supernaturally productive and healthy?”

    Gordon nodded. “Indeed; I was kinda surprised myself at first, but this was consistent both in these human tests, and in the mice before them.” 

    The man nodded. “Hm. I think my client will quite appreciate this opportunity. He’s said that rather than dying of his illness, he’d like to remain as a strong oak, or perhaps an apple tree. Do you have formulas for this?”

    Gordon smiled. “Of course - they were the first we perfected.” 

    The process had gained some traction after the initial trials; Chris and Joanne had been test cases showing that it worked, and was not a transformation that involved pain or suffering. As such, those groups that the scientists had hoped would show interest had begun to. This was the sixth formula they’d been able to get out in the last six months, with significant compensation for the chance to occasionally come and study the new trees. 

    Gordon Devlan was quite confident that Chris and Joanne would be ecstatic to hear of how their transformation had helped, and patted the two trunks fondly before showing the men to the lab.