Zacharius and Zahara, notorious bandit twins, were in a piss poor mood. Another month, another gang of brigands they had to leave because they couldn’t so much as set up a tent, let alone a roadblock. And they took some exception to their leadership skills. Yeah, Zach stabbed them if they talked back, so what? He was a fecking bandit! What were they expecting when they took Zacharius the Red into the group? Were they planning for him not to shank the previous leader? It was standard protocol. And they had the gall to be pissed off when Zahara decided to use them as her servants and occasionally furniture. They could have servants when they could cut people’s arms off without even looking at them like she could (and did, when someone decided to take a grope).
“Some people just ain’t professional.” Zacharius said aloud. “Well, we’ll fucking show them, yeah Zahara?” He took a look down the road and scowled as there was still no cart. “You sure this the place?”
“I’m sure Zach. Ma took me down the road way back when; you can tell it’s a noble’s road ‘cause of how clear it is way out here.” Zahara said, inspecting the cut on the massive oak. It had been sawn most of the way through; when they pushed, it would easily fall over, and right onto the road. “I figure at least a few nobs come through here every so often, when they’re thinkin’ they don’t wanna be spotted. Just a matter of the waiting, and then we’ve got the cash to buy their asses.”
And a matter of waiting it was. They sat down and waited for hours, impatient to get to the action, but well, they couldn’t magically speed whatever carts were on the way. They’d been tipped off that there should be a real bigshot coming through that day, but she seemed to be taking her time. It was nearing dusk by the time they heard the wheels of a cart and the clop-clop of horses down the road. They scrambled to their feet, axes at the ready. Zahara took position in a bush, watching the road, while Zach got ready to shove the tree.
A truly ornate cart came rolling down the road. Made of high quality wood painted a bright ivory color and inlaid with gold, and drawn by a quartet of similarly white stallions, it was big enough to carry four people and quite a sum of their goods - and a nob with this kinda cart would be bringing a lot of goods with her. “Cart’s coming! Push it down in about a minute, just before it reaches the place the tree’ll fall!” she called. As the cart came, she noticed something strange; there were no guards at all.
Something was fishy. She had half a mind to call it off, but Zach being Zach, the tree went down early. There was a creak and groan of protesting wood, before a loud snap as the last bit connecting it to the tree shattered and the oak fell to the ground and barred the road. Before the tree was all the way down, Zach had leaped out with both axes at the ready, shouting a battle cry- and was disappointed when nobody drew swords to meet him. Zahara stepped out. They were in it now, and may as well go the whole mile. “Your money or your lives!” she shouted.
“Or maybe both, haha!” Zach added with a loony grin. “You know the deal, nobs, get outta the cart afore we have ta come in and get you. You too, horse boy!” The cart driver stared out impassively, seemingly unconcerned.
Zahara frowned. Something was off about the man - how little he moved, the paleness of his skin. She blinked again, remembering something from their youth. She hopped up onto the side of the cart, to no reaction, and poked the driver. The skin was hard as rock against her finger, and when she hit it with the axe it scratched rather than sunk in. There wasn’t an ounce of flesh there. “Zach, that isn’t a man, it’s a golem! We’ve got some real rich ones here!” Someone that could afford a golem was either very rich, or had very rich patrons.
It was about then that the cart door opened, and a single woman stepped out. She was definitely a noble, from the silken black dress, the way her blonde hair was done up in smooth ringlets, her not-malnourished figure. But the real clincher was her expression. As she daintily stepped out of the cart, her expression was of disgust and contempt, not a drop of fear. She wasn’t tall by any means, but she still seemed to look down upon them. Zahara’s previous concerns that they were messing with someone dangerous or aiming too high were chased away by her anger. She hated being looked down on, and her brother hated it even more than she did. “And just what do you think you are doing?” she said, her voice dripping with as much venom as her expression.
“You don’t seem scared, bitch. You must be one of those dumb nobles, who think they can just throw your weight around and avoid an axe to the face.” Zach snarled, approaching with axe ready. “Jewelry first. Then, step aside while we loot your cart.”
“Hmph. I care not. This isn’t even a dent in my treasury. I shall offload and head on my way, then?”
Somehow, she got even more contempt into her words. Zach was furious. Her raised his axe to strike. “If this cart cost you nothing, how much ransom will there be for your capture? I think you’re coming with us, nob.”
The axe came down - a threat, not a strike, as she was cargo now - but to Zach’s shock she caught him by the wrist with one hand, and thrust and open palm into his gut. The wind was knocked out of him, and he could have sworn he felt something strange as it made contact. “Very well then. You’ve forced my hand.”
Before she could do any more, the noble was tackled by Zahara. “Good effort, but that’s enough out of you!” she said, quickly tying the woman’s hands behind her back while she was dazed. Or should have been dazed. She didn’t resist, but she also didn’t look like she was at all surprised. More amused than anything.
Zach, for his part, had caught his breath again. He felt rather odd, but he chalked that up to the surprise of a noble lady that could actually put up a fight. “Hmph. You stay out here and keep her occupied, Zahara. I’ll head into the cart and start checking the chests.” He said, before climbing into the cart.
“If you apologize and go on your way, brigands, you won’t be harmed. This isn’t an uncommon occurrence and to be frank, I don’t truly care.” The woman said, completely calm.
Zahara smirked. “Not happening. Might’ve before, but we’ve gotta wipe that smug smirk off your face. Lookin’ down on us was a mistake.”
Back in the cart, Zachary was honestly surprised at the size of it. It had looked big from the outside, but it was huge inside. Zahara probably would have realized it had a spatial stretching enchantment at this; a cart for four on the outside and a luxurious space fit for a dozen, and tall enough for the fairly big Zachary to stand straight, to ride in comfort inside. There was a stack of chests at the back, which Zach went to inspect greedily. As he moved, he didn’t notice that his messy short and red hair had started to grow out, down his back, along with lightening in color.
“Was it now? Why should I not look down on a pair of bandits? What contribution to society do you make beyond pillage and murder?” the noblewoman said.
“And who says we want to contribute to society? It’s chewed us up and spit us out, like everyone not born with a silver spoon up their ass.”
Zachary started to search the chests. He wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but even he knew that they wouldn’t be able to bring all the loot back on their own; they’d need to take the full cart, and to do that they’d need to get that golem working again. The command tablet would be in the cart, or else they’d have to just take the lighter valuables like gems. As he searched through the clothes chest for valuable silks (of which there were many), he hardly noticed his own leathers softening and stretching, shifting tone from brown to a black-and-white monochrome.
“And this gives you a license to do as you please?”
“That depends, can you stop us? That’s always what it boils down to in the end. You can’t stop us from robbing you and kidnapping you, so we’re gonna do it.”
The woman smirked. “And who says I can’t? In fact, who says I haven’t already?”
Zach started to sort the loot when he found one of the chests filled with gold. Light stuff, the clothes and such, in one pile. The heavy gold, in another pile. It was surprisingly hard to lift the latter; he was a pretty strong guy, so he should have been able to at least drag the chest, right? It was as if his muscles were fading by the second. He must have been stiff from all the waiting; yeah, that made sense.
Zahara frowned. “I don’t know about you, but from my position we don’t seem stopped.”
The woman tittered in that obnoxious way noblewomen do. “That’d be because you’re no sorceress, my dear. Certainly not on the level of High Sorceress Elspeth von Wealde.”
“And you are?” The worries were coming back. That had been a strangely specific name drop.
“As a matter of fact, yes, I am.” Elspeth said. Her eyes glowed faintly, and Zahara stiffened.
Zach was getting a bit sweaty trying to quickly examine all these heavy chests. He sat down for a minute, breathing heavily, although the tone of it was a little lighter than it had been. The cart really was for nobs; it was like the seat had a big cushion on it. Although it was hard to pay attention to that with the weird weight on his chest.
“I… ngh… wha…” Zahara managed, unable to move.
“I gave you ample warning, multiple chances to leave, one even with money. But you elected not to take it. A poor decision. To make up for it, you’ll serve me.” Elspeth said.
“I’ll never serve a who-” she stopped, “A bit-,” stopped again, dead in her tracks. “A lady like you!” she said, managing to put some force into what was no longer a very offensive sentence.
“Well no, you won’t. But you won’t be you much longer. I think Anna is a much better name for a servant than Zahara, don’t you?”
Zach stood and stretched, and rubbed his face as it felt tingly, and moved over to the silver chest. It was really shiny, almost mirror-like, which is why Zach shrieked in a very high pitched voice as he saw what had happened to him at last.
Z-Z-Z-Anna groaned as the mental effects started to take hold. “You… you… wonderful mistress!” she said, and blinked - that was not what she said. “You’re such a beauty, I’m so ashamed to have even considered hurting you.” No she wasn’t! But whenever she tried to talk, other words came out!
“It’s quite alright Anna. You can make it up to me.”
She could? What could she possibly do to- wait, no, bad-
“Let me out.”
Anna did just that, bending down and cutting Mis-Elspeth free. She curtsied, even though she wore pants and not a skirt. She felt a little thrill at helping, a bit of guilt lift, and tried to banish both thoughts. But failed.
“Now, while our introduction was rough, Anna, but I do think you can make a wonderful servant.”
She could? But… she’d ne- she could- she had to-
Zach burst out of the carriage, looking very different indeed. A burly bandit, muscular and scarred, had entered, but a cute young lady stumbled out. Her hair was long and white, tied up in a pony tail. The leathers had been replaced by a frilly, lacy maid outfit and cap, and she had a small and petite figure to match it. She had a naturally feminine way of moving, and her shrieks of fear were more adorable than anything. “Z-Zahara, I don’t know what happened but-”
“Oh my, Alice looks so cute! Anna, be a dear and help your sister calm down?”
Zach looked over at Zahara and the woman - seeing she was freed and the dazed look in his sister’s eyes. But too late - his sister was always faster than he was. She had leapt at him, and grabbed him, and before he could say another word had pulled him into a deep kiss.
For Zach, there was no longer any problems. Shaken by what he’d seen, and never the strongest of minds to begin with, he was nearly instantly replaced by Alice the loyal and loving maid, who melted into her sister’s kiss. For Anna, her appearance started to shift from bandit queen to proper maid, her clothes shifting to a uniform to match her sister’s, her hair turning from red to black and lengthening out before tying itself to a ponytail. When she pulled back, a perfect set of twin maids was complete - completely identical but for their hair colors, one black and one white. Alice and Anna turned to their beloved mistress and curtsied.
Elspeth inspected them for several moments and then nodded, satisfied. “Now then. Alice, Anna, I do believe that the cargo was jostled a bit by the sudden stop. Do go and clean that up.”
“Right away, mistress!” the maids said in unison, hurrying into the cart.