“Cleanup in Section 6” crackled from the battered handset on Vernon’s hip. He sighed, and clicked to transmit.
“What’d they do this time?”
“Pancakes. Thousands of them.”
Vernon sighed again, and pulled his cart from its parking spot. “I’m on it.”
Vernon trundled to the area that was only known as section 6 to mall security, janitorial staff, and the emergency evacuation maps nobody ever looks at. To everyone else it used to be “that bit past the food court” but had become “that bit with the Venn Machine”. Scattered all over the area around the bland-coloured box were, as described, thousands of pancakes. Some were stuck to the walls, but most lay broken on the floor. A gaggle of teens was huddled near the Venn Machine, and from the guilty looks they gave the janitor, he had a pretty good idea who the culprits were.
“Why?” he asked.
Most of the teens just shrugged. “It seemed like a fun idea at the time,” answered one of the girls. “She’ll be back to normal in a few hours.”
“Eight hours,” corrected Vernon. “Well after closing. Which means Security gets involved when she reforms, and she misses dinner. What will her folks say?”
Even more guilty looks crossed the faces gathered around. “She’ll probably get grounded, getting home at midnight,” admitted the girl who’d spoken up.
“So give me a hand, and we can get enough of this mess gathered up so you can change her back.”
There was much shuffling of feet, but no volunteers. Vernon set out several brooms and scoops, then unfolded a collapsible storage bin and set it beside the cleaning cart. “There must be a few of you that liked her well enough to keep her out of trouble...”
The outspoken girl glanced around at her peers. “Not really, no. She’s a transfer student. I only met her Monday. I guess I could help a little...”
Vernon gestured to the cleaning tools he’d set out, but the girl instead turned to the Venn Machine with a friend. Vernon just shrugged and set to work with his own broom and scoop. The pancakes smeared as he brushed at them, sticking to the floor. “Syrup too? Ugh, what a mess.”
Shortly after he started there was a soft whirring noise beside him. The girl he’d been talking to was using something that looked like a hybrid between a vacuum cleaner and a street-sweeping truck.
“Where’d you get that?” he asked.
She pointed at the Venn Machine and grinned. “They can help, too.”
With her assistance, the bulk of the pancakes were scooped up over the course of a handful of minutes. Vernon opened the Venn Machine, pushed his cart partway into it so that it wouldn’t close, and set his storage bin on the floor. The girl pushed her contraption in after it, and then Vernon pulled the cart away again. A few moments later, two students emerged from the machine. One was a guy who grinned at the helpful girl and set off with her hand in hand. The other was a somewhat distressed looking teenage girl.
“Are you okay?” asked Vernon as he stepped past the girl to retrieve his bin. He’d collapsed it and stowed it on his cart before she answered.
“That was very odd. And my bra is missing.”
Vernon chuckled softly. “Wouldn’t be the first time. Do you have everything else?”
She nodded. “They put my purse in the locker.” She approached the bank of lockers cautiously, and tapped in a code on one of them. It opened, and she sighed with relief to see her possessions there.
“So have we learned anything?” asked Vernon.
The girl giggled. “Two things. Amy’s reputation for Venn shenanigans is well earned, and she can sort-of be trusted.”
“Make sure someone knows where you’re going, if she talks you into changing for a month or longer. She wasn’t especially keen on helping out this time. Next time, she might take off with the others.”
“Leaving you to clean up.” The girl glanced around. “There’s still a lot of syrup and crumbs out there. Want a hand?”
Vernon smiled at her. “I’d never say no to an offer of assistance.”
As they worked, the girl kept talking, and Vernon listened. She’d moved from a larger city due to her parents getting divorced, but was largely happy about the move because it meant she was closer to her grandparents, and got to see them lots more. Her description of city life made Vernon glad he lived in a smaller, friendlier sort of place.
Once they were done Vernon thanked her for the help.
“You’re welcome, Mr...”
“Vernon. Most folks just call me Vern.”
“Vernon it is. I’m Genvieve. Maybe I’ll see you around.”
“Try not to make such a mess next time, please?” he asked with a smile.
“Something less sticky, I hope.”
Vernon chuckled. “Yeah. No swarms of birds, either. They poop all over the place.”
“Right. Oh dear...” Genvieve pointed at the Venn Machine, where a colorful flock of birds was emerging.
“Figures,” said Vernon with a long-suffering sigh.
*** *** ***
Vernon’s shift ended an hour after the mall closed. He’d heard rumours that mall management was “looking into” leaving the Venn Machine section open all hours, as Security regularly had to chase teens out of the area after hours anyway. He figured it wasn’t his problem, as long as the area was clean at the end of the day.
Part of Vernon’s routine for cleaning out section 6 was to open the Venn Machine, use his cart to block the door, and give it a good sweeping out. It never seemed to actually need the sweeping, but all of the mall was to be swept every night, and section 6 was his area for final cleanup. So he swept.
The cart creaked slightly as it moved. The closing of the door didn’t make any noise, other than cutting off some of the background hum from the mall. Vernon glanced up in annoyance, then grinned. “What’d you do that for, Fern?”
The janitor that leaned into the other door just grinned. She looked to be in her twenties, with long curly hair tied back into a ponytail. “You know it doesn’t need to be swept, right?”
Vernon shrugged. “It’s the principle of the thing.”
Fernie stepped fully inside, and the door on her side closed too. “Why didn’t you bail?”
Vernon shrugged again. “Didn’t figure you’d want to make a mess.”
“Lots of things I could turn you into that aren’t going to mess up the mall,” replied Fernie with a broad grin. “Are you done?”
“Yep.”
“Would you mind if I took you home?”
Vernon considered that for a time. “Long as I get back here on time for tomorrow’s shift.”
A moment later, he was unable to move. Fernie scooped him up in her arms, and showed him in the mirror what a cute little plush bear he’d become. He even had something close to his work uniform on. She carried him back to her apartment as promised, and sat with him on the couch to watch TV. She gave a running narration through the first episode, explaining the story so far and who all these characters were. Vernon found it fascinating, but without the commentary he’d have been utterly lost.
When it was time for bed, Fernie lay her new plushie down on the couch, and covered him with a cute little knitted blanket. “There you go. All cozy.”
Vernon slept better than he had in years.
In the morning, Fernie took Vernon back to work as promised, and changed him back just in time for their shifts. “Hey stranger. Do you hate me now?”
Vernon shook his head. “Nah. Better bed than the one at my place. Nicer scenery, too.”
Fernie giggled as a hint of blush pinkened her cheeks. She leaned in closer to whisper conspiratorially, “Can I do that again sometime?”
Vernon took a step back, bumping into the Venn Machine. “Uh... Do you always watch such complicated shows?”
Fernie edged a little closer. “Yeah. I like shows with lots of interesting people in them. Didn’t my explanation help?”
“Loads! I think I followed it, but without your help... not a hope.”
Fernie grinned then. “Cool! It’s one of my favourites, and nobody else will watch it with me. Will you?”
“I guess?”
She started rattling off about various characters and subplots that she loved in the show and as she kept talking Vernon’s expression grew more and more puzzled. “Vern? You okay?”
Vernon shook his head. “Sorry. Got lost there. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Fernie’s expression fell. “Oh no. I thought you said you’d followed...”
Vernon nodded eagerly. “I did at the time. It’s all gone fuzzy again.” He smacked the side of his head, producing an oddly metallic sound. “Stupid IED.”
“Again? IED? What happened, Vern?”
Vernon sighed, and headed toward his duty station. Fernie followed along, hoping for some kind of explanation, but none was forthcoming. Then it was time to clock in, and she had to let it go.
*** *** ***
“Cleanup in section 6.”
“Again? I just took care of the feathers from that big pillowfight,” groused Vernon.
“I know. Sorry, but...”
“Yeah. On it.”
Vernon trundled his cart up to the Venn Machine and shook his head. A familiar teenage girl was waving a bubblemaker around, sending out reams of bubbles. They were quickly filling up the section. He watched as a bubble popped on the floor by his feet, then leaned down to test the floor with a fingertip. Soapy and slick, as he’d feared.
“See? This time she just disappears.”
Vernon rubbed fingertip and thumb together. “And leaves a slippery residue.” He pulled the stack of wet floor warning cones off of his cart and started laying them out.
“What? Aw, poop. Really? Do I have to help clean up again? We started early enough that she can go home in time... Plus there should be lots of her left in the bubble machine”
“Eh, it’s just soap. Quick pass with the mop and it’ll be good as new. Once it dries, anyway.” Vern still set out a second mop bucket in hopes of help. Genvieve appeared from the Venn Machine after a short span, and did indeed help out.
“Shouldn’t be you helping, but thanks.”
“Well, I did ask for this one. So... yeah, sorry. I really thought it wouldn’t make a mess.”
“It’d be fine outside in the parking lot, or a park,” noted Vern.
Genvieve gave him a thoughtful look, then grinned. “Don’t go too far, Amy. I want another shot at this, it was fun.”
Vernon rolled his eyes. “Being soap bubbles is fun?”
“All shimmery and wiggly. It’s like being inside a bounce house that’s also a kaleidoscope. And I only got a few minutes, I didn’t really get time to experience it properly.”
“Huh. How long would that be?”
“Dunno. A few hours. Likely about eight, I doubt Amy will bring me back here.”
He chuckled at that. “Yeah, she’ll wander off soon enough. Hopefully there are some kids at the park to pick up where she leaves off.”
“Oooh, I hope so.”
*** *** ***
“Hey, you want to watch TV with me tonight?” Fernie asked Vernon as they were putting away their carts.
“Depends. That show with all the people?”
“Yeah, I’d like to share more of it with you. But you might need to be a plushie again.”
Vernon’s gaze went far beyond Fernie. He was silent long enough that she began to wiggle. “Why?”
“Being inanimate helps with health issues. I thought... maybe that’s why it helped you understand the show?”
“Huh. Sure, it was nice enough. Planning to keep me until morning again?”
“If you don’t mind...”
Vernon laughed. “The scenery was nice last time. No objection.”
Fernie grinned at him cutely. “One teddy bear, coming up. Do you work tomorrow?”
“Nah, you?”
That got another grin, more mysterious this time. “Nope.” She set the Venn Machine for two days. “Ready?”
Vernon shrugged. “Hadn’t planned anything for my day off, so... why not.”
This time Fernie took some time to define the change, muttering as she went. “There. And... can you talk?”
Vernon flopped to the floor of the Venn Machine. He growled softly, surprised he could do that much. At Fernie’s suggestion, he tried moving his limbs. That worked, but the best he could manage was to lever himself to a sitting position, his plush legs were too stubby and weak to even begin to stand. He growled in annoyance.
Fernie scooped him up in her arms and the growling stopped. “Hey, are you going to be okay?”
That got an interrogative growf in reply.
“Um, can you talk?”
Vernon grumbled and growled experimentally, producing a wide variety of sounds but nothing resembling words. He shook his head. “Growr.”
“I am so sorry about that. I tried to get it so you could move and talk, but still inanimate enough to count. Do you remember the show?”
The fuzzy bear tilted its head to the side for a moment, then nodded, almost eagerly.
“So... stay like this? I don’t know how to do better.”
Vernon managed a shrug, and a vaguely positive sounding growf.
“Eee, this’ll be fun.” Fernie hugged the bear tight, and giggled when it cuddled in against her. “Aww, you’re such a cutie like this. Can I keep you?”
“Growf?”
“No, I didn’t mean like this... well, maybe I did. I... we’ll talk about it later, okay? C’mon, let’s watch some complicated TV.”
“Growf!”
Fernie had made Vernon significantly larger this time, he was perhaps three feet tall. He was a little heavier than a typical plushie, so by the time they’d made it to the far edge of the parking lot she was winded. “Woof. Is there any hope you can figure out walking? I don’t think I can carry you the rest of the way.”
Vernon did try his best, but his best was a totter that moved him barely faster than crawling could. Fernie sighed and shook her head. “This won’t do either. I don’t use it much, but I do have a car-share app. Hopefully there’s one nearby.”
A little tapping on her phone got them into a car halfway across the lot in the other direction, and soon they were at Fernie’s place once more. Fernie carried Vernon up the three flights of stairs piggy-back style, and set him down with a thump at her door. “Next time, you need to be able to walk under your own power.”
“Growf?”
Fernie grinned down at the teddy bear. “I’m game for a next time if you are.”
Vernon nodded, and slowly tottered his way toward the couch.
The first night worked out pretty well. They watched Fernie’s show for hours. Vernon would make the occasional interrogative growl when something puzzled him, and Fernie was always ready with an explanation. As the evening wore on, the questions got fewer and further between.
Afterward, Fernie patted Vernon on his fuzzy head, and bade him goodnight.
It was the next night that Fernie slipped up. She’d decided to do some late-night TV watching in her nightie, and without even thinking about it dragged the cute, quiet plushie off to bed with her, to cuddle it along with the half-dozen others.
When Fernie woke to her alarm, she sighed and hugged the teddy bear that was cuddled against her chest. Then she noticed it moving, squeaked, and squirmed away from it.
“Growf?”
“Oh God, I totally forgot. I’m so sorry.”
Vernon growled apologetically, and shook his head.
“We... uh, we probably need to talk. Let me get ready for work, and I’ll restore you there, okay?”
“Growf.”
After a quick shower, Fernie put Vernon in her camping backpack. Carrying him to work that way worked well enough, other than the grumbling and growling from inside the pack...
The line for the Venn Machine was short, since the mall wasn’t open yet. Several shop clerks were talking about how they were going to pretty themselves up. All of them needed to be at work soon, so the line went quickly.
Fernie was a little surprised to see one of the women in front of her tuck a small object into one side of the machine. Two women emerged a little later, giggling about some shared secret.
Fernie realized a moment later that she was doing the same thing. She set her teddy bear in one side, then entered the other. “Aren’t you just going to cancel?”
Vernon growfed uncertainly, and tottered toward the interface. Fernie saved him the effort and hit the red button herself. Vern didn't look much more stable as he tottered out of the machine, one hand pressed to the side of his head. He stumbled to the nearby seating, and slumped there, groaning.
“What’s wrong?” asked Fernie, crouching in front of Vernon. “Do you need a doctor?”
Vernon shook his head, wincing. “Just... damn plate always hurts, got used to it... not hurting.”
“You didn’t react like this last time you were plushed. Is it worse than usual?”
Vernon shrugged. “Some days are worse than others. This feels like a bad one.”
“Can I get you anything? Do you need to see a doctor?”
“Nah. I’ll manage.”
Fernie glared at Vernon. “You need to take better care of yourself. When’s the last time you saw a doctor about this?”
“Couple months ago,” Vernon replied with a shrug. “They did what they could when they patched me up, not much to do about it now.”
Fernie grumbled but let it go at that. She kept an eye on Vernon when she could over the next few days, and other than moving a little slower than usual, he seemed to be okay. She wished he would talk about it, but every attempt to engage him on the subject got a shrug and a grunt.
*** *** ***
“Cleanup in section 6.”
Vernon grumbled his way to the Venn Machine and just... stood there in shock at the carnage. It looked like someone had been venned into thousands of butterflies that had then been used as target practice. There were drifts of butterfly wings, and spatters of ichor everywhere. As he watched, another of the remaining butterflies flew up toward the skylights, then suddenly burst with a loud pop.
Vernon made an inarticulate noise of surprise at the sound.
Genvieve winced when she noticed Vernon. “Oh, God, I am so, so sorry about this mess. She was just supposed to be butterflies, I don’t know why they keep exploding!” She looked like she was ready to cry, so Vern patted her softly on the shoulder. That led to her slumping against him and crying all over his uniform. He endured stoically, then when she wound down he pulled out two sets of brushes from his cart, and offered one up to Genvieve.
She helped him sweep up the remains, and once they had the bulk of it done, helped to shovel them into the Venn Machine. Amy emerged, looking frazzled. “Holy, crap, Gen. What the hell did you do?”
“I just wanted pretty butterflies that didn’t need to eat or poop, so it wouldn’t make a mess. I don’t know what happened!”
“You were muttering as you worked. Did you say anything odd?”
Genvieve’s eyes went very wide. “It heard that? Oh shit. I am so, so, so sorry.”
“Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be venning with you again any time soon. You’re dangerous.”
Genvieve sighed mournfully. “I know.”
Vernon patted her shoulder once more, then started with the mopping. He looked up at the spatters of ichor on the skylight, then tapped his wrist. Genvieve noticed the gesture. “Just eight hours. All the mess will go away before closing.”
Vernon gave her a thumbs up and went on his way.
Genvieve watched him go, a worried frown on her face. Another janitor approached her after a little while. “Did he say anything to you?”
Genvieve jumped. “No. Is that bad?”
“He hasn’t said a word in a few days now.” Fernie explained her concerns, and when Genvieve asked about what Vernon had been venned into, she got the story about the teddy bear changes.
“One, it is possible to do much better at the talking and moving while being inanimate. Just takes practice. Two, if the Venn Machines are trying to heal around the plate... that might make things worse at first? He really needs to see a doctor.”
“I’ve tried to make him go see one. He won’t.”
Genvieve sighed. “Typical. Can you talk him into the Venn Machine?”
“He always goes inside to clean it at the end of the night. If you’re back here at closing...”
“Good. I have some research to do.”
*** *** ***
Vernon looked up from his sweeping when the door of the Venn Machine closed. His eyes widened when he saw Genvieve walk into the other side, and his mouth gaped in surprise but no words came out.
“You need help. Let me help you, please?” asked Genvieve.
Vernon hesitated, then slowly nodded.
“Be patient. This will take a little while.”
Vernon shrugged, and leaned against the wall of the machine. His gaze went to the door, as if he knew that Fernie was waiting there.
Eventually, Genvieve finished her masterpiece. “Ready?”
Vernon shrugged again. A moment later he gasped. “What did you do?” He stared down at his silvery body. His upper half looked somewhat familiar, other than the two extra arms and the metal skin, though the visibly mechanical joints were new. Below the waist, he appeared to have been merged with a high-tech janitor’s cart that barely fit within the machine’s confines. He twisted to look at it, squawking in surprise as his waist pivoted in a full circle before he could catch himself and orient correctly. “What am I?”
“That plate in your head, it’s not healing right. So you, uh... kind of need to stay mostly inanimate for the next few years. This way I figured you could work while inanimate, best of both worlds, kind of. I tried to give you lots of cleaning and other utility attachments, they should be in the storage compartments.”
Before Vernon could figure out how to open the compartments in his lower body, the door opened. He looked up and saw Fernie’s concerned face. “Hey. This was your idea, wasn’t it?”
“You wouldn’t see a doctor. I had to do something, and Genvieve offered her help. Do you hate it?”
Vernon rolled toward her, then glanced down at his ... not feet. He had four wheels made of something silvery that still yielded like rubber. They appeared to be attached to articulated legs, and he experimented with those, lifting and tilting his body. “Uh, what the heck?”
“I wanted something that could go up stairs?” Genvieve said uncertainly. “That bit was tricky.”
“Huh.” Vernon lowered himself so his cart-body was flush with the floor, putting his head only a little above Fernie’s. “I could probably get used to this. Years, you said? I didn’t set the Venn Machine for years.”
“You’ll need to refresh the change. Do you trust me?” asked Genvieve.
Vernon looked over at Fernie. “I think I trust her more, sorry.” He rolled to the front of the machine, and set it up for three years. As he tried to feel around for pockets, a compartment at his hip popped open, revealing his wallet and keys. “Handy.” He pulled a brightly coloured slip of paper out of his wallet, wondered briefly if it was cash or a receipt, shrugged, and fed it to the machine.
Fernie hopped into her side without hesitation, and Vernon rolled into the other. It took a little backing and filling to get fully inside, his cart-body only just fit inside when arranged diagonally. “I just press green,” she said, as she did so, “and you’re good for three years.”
“Ah. Why’s the door closed, still?”
“Because you’ve got half a minute to decide if you want to turn me into something.”
“Should turn you into a teddy, or at least something fuzzy... Oh, that’s kind of pretty.” He tapped the interface a few times, fascinated.
“Time’s almost up.”
Vernon tapped the green button just before it expired. Fernie skittered out of the machine and started to giggle. “A maid’s uniform? You turned me into a catgirl maid?”
“Do you hate it?”
“No! It’s cute. Might not spend all three years this way...” She turned this way and that to examine her body. “Damn. Then again... I look sexy. Thanks.”
“You’re... welcome? Wait, three years?”
“You set the duration, remember?”
Vernon nodded slowly. “Sorry. Got caught up in all this, and being able to think clearly.” He opened his arms to offer a hug, and closed them carefully around Fernie when she eagerly closed with him to accept it.
“Awww,” said Genvieve. “You two look cute together. And as a bonus, Vernon can vacuum up all your shed fur with ease.”
Vernon thought about vacuuming as result of the comment, and something whirred to life underneath his cart-body. He trundled backward experimentally, leaving clean and polished floor behind him. “That’ll be handy.” Another thought shut the cleaning system down.
“So if I want a window-cleaning...” A compartment opened, and a tentacle emerged with a squeegee on the end. “Huh. I may have to mind what I think.”
Genvieve giggled. “Maybe. I hope the bonus attachments worked.”
Vernon wheeled around to glare at her, lifting up on his articulated leg-wheels to tower over her. “What did you do?”
Genvieve held up her hands defensively. “Nothing bad. Just... you two seemed like a cute couple, it’d suck if you couldn’t... you know.”
Fernie blushed, and Vernon felt the metal of his cheeks warming. “We’re not... that,” he said.
“Yet,” added Fernie with a particularly mischievous grin. “Want to watch some TV with me? This time you can get there under your own power.”
“It would be a good test of Genvieve’s stair-climbing design...” mused Vernon, smiling.
“It’s a date.”
Genvieve squeed excitedly as the two janitors headed toward the door. “Have fun you two!”
Vernon found that rolling along the sidewalk required him to lift up a little bit to improve his clearance, and that handling curbs was easy, almost reflexive. The stairs at Fernie’s place proved a little more challenging as he struggled to figure out how to move each wheel appropriately. He grumbled in frustration.
Fernie skipped up the stairs to the next landing. “Don’t think about it. Just follow me!”
Vernon zipped up the stairs so quickly that Fernie’s tail bottled in surprise as she darted out of his way. “Careful!”
Vernon smiled at her. “Around you, always.”
The next challenge was figuring out how to sit and watch TV. Vernon couldn’t fit on the couch, so he sat on the floor in front of it, with his cart-body running parallel to the couch and his torso twisted to face forward. They tried that for a while, but Fernie found it disappointing that he couldn’t sit beside her. Halfway through the first episode, she moved one of the couch cushions onto the back of Vernon’s cart-body, and perched herself there. It proved comfortable enough, especially with Vernon’s two right arms around her back to support her.
Fernie purred happily as she snuggled up against Vernon. “This is nice. I didn’t think you’d be so warm.”
Vernon petted the fur on her shoulder softly. “You’re the one who’s warm. I’m just... reflecting it? This feels odd.”
“Bad odd?”
Vernon shook his head. “Comfortable. I’m... not used to that. Body’s been a mess for years, just getting rid of the aches and pains is amazing. That I can move and talk and feel while doing so... This is inanimate?”
“Well, you are made of metal and some kind of weird rubber stuff. Your eyes look like cameras, though the rest of your face seems normal.”
“I could get used to this. Guess I’ll have to, stuck like this for years.”
Fernie snuggled up again. “Worse ways to be stuck.”
“Oh hell yeah.”
Vernon resumed petting Fernie as the show continued. Once they’d run through two episodes, Fernie reluctantly slipped out of Vernon’s embrace to make dinner. “Do you need to eat?” she asked as she started working.
Vernon shrugged. “I’m not hungry. Didn’t get hungry as a bear, either.”
“Aww, that means I can’t feed you. But it also saves money on food bills...”
Vernon trundled over to help in the kitchen, but there wasn’t enough space for two, especially when one had a six foot long cart attached to their waist. He watched as Fernie worked, and asked interesting questions about the processes and spices. She smiled as she answered.
Vernon sniffed the air once Fernie’s dinner was nearing completion. “Smells lovely. I can appreciate that part.”
“Oh good. C’mon, I’ll eat while we watch the next episode. Can I use your backside as a TV tray?”
Vernon chuckled warmly. “How romantic, eating off another person.”
Fernie’s blush showed through the fur on her cheeks, and pinkened the inside of her ears. “I didn’t mean... aw hell, why not. You look pretty sterile.”
They didn’t end up watching the next show that night, as Vernon’s repartee while Fernie ate led to more conversation. Some about the show, mostly a random wandering about topics of interest to one, the other, or both. Eventually, Fernie started to yawn. “Do you need to sleep?”
“Probably?”
“C’mon.” She headed to the bedroom with a sway in her hips.
Vernon followed along, familiar with the destination thanks to the incident as a bear, and curious as to what she had in mind. His curiosity was well rewarded by the sight of a naked catgirl stretching in front of the bed. “Scenery just got even better.”
Fernie grinned. “I don’t suppose you’ve got a fur-grooming attach... oooh!”
Two tentacles emerged, one with what looked like a large brush, the other provided gentle suction to remove loose hair. Fernie purred up a storm at Vernon’s ministrations, turning in a slow circle to give him access to every side. It didn’t take long, but her legs were trembling by the end. “Oh, Vern... can I keep you? That was amazing.”
“Glad it worked. I do have to wonder where all the fur and other stuff will go, though.” There was a soft thump from his rear end, and a small grey cube landed on the floor. “Huh. Sorry about that. I’ll have to work on my timing.” He picked up the very tidy little cube, gave it a sniff, shrugged, and lobbed it into Fernie’s wastebasket.
“You are going to be fun to work with,” said Fernie with a grin. “But that can wait. Do you think you can figure out any of Genvieve’s special attachments?”
“I... you mean...”
“I mean, show me what you’ve got.”
The translucent blue tentacle that emerged from Vernon’s hips surprised both of them.
“Woah! Can you feel this?” Fernie reached out with a fingertip to stroke the wriggling appendage.
Vernon’s happy groan was answer enough.
“How long can you grow it, and do you have any others? I haven’t shown you any yet, but I’m a big fan of certain kinds of anime...”
*** *** ***
“Kaiju-class cleanup in section 6.”
Vernon paused before replying. He’d heard that word from Fernie a few times, but it took a moment to place it. “Giant monster attack? Seriously? Isn’t that more of a Security thing?”
“Security has backed off, says they don’t want to get eaten. You’re a tank.”
“Not a tank, just a robot janitor... Right. Venned and thus safe. Okay, fine, I’ll see what I can do.”
Vernon trundled toward the Venn Machine, against a stronger than usual flow of people. They weren’t quite panicking, but there was definitely a “fleeing” vibe. He saw why shortly afterward, a ten foot tall green dinosaur was dominating the court. It looked like someone had pasted the head of a TRex onto the body of a Triceratops, and stretched the neck a bit. It also was oddly translucent, as if the entire thing was made of jelly.
As he watched, the creature’s head lashed out to one of the watching crowd, and swallowed half of the person in one go. Vernon also noticed that the person in question also looked like they were made of purple jelly, so they were obviously venned.
“Hey, has it eaten anyone who wasn’t already venned?” asked Vernon.
A red jelly-girl turned and waved to him. “Nope. I got half the school into this look, she’s had plenty of safe ‘victims’.”
Vernon recognized the face of the girl despite the recolour. “Amy? Is that Genvieve?”
“Yep. Getting revenge on a bunch of bullies. Though... I think most of her victims right now are willing. They could have run.”
Vernon heard another slurping gulp, and turned back to see that the green dinosaur had a blue figure in its maw. He could see several other coloured jelly-blobs inside the dinosaur, though the last in line was quickly fading away. “Holy crap, is she dissolving them?”
“Yep. Every one she eats she gets bigger. No way she’ll fit back inside...” giggled Amy.
“You planned all of this?”
“Oh yeah. But look! No spatter, no mess. You won’t have to clean up.”
“I just have to calm the shoppers and talk Security down. How long did you change her for?”
Amy’s eyes grew bright and wicked. “All weekend.”
“What the hell did you do that for?”
“So my finest creation doesn’t...” Amy’s explanation was cut off by Genvieve’s maw slurping her up. Her legs kicked twice, then vanished into the dinosaur’s gullet.
Vernon extended his legs as far as he could to put his head close to Genvieve’s level. “This is quite the mess you’ve created.”
The beast shook its head, then swallowed again to send the red blob into the bulk of her body, where it started to lose shape and fade like the others. She burped once, and in a growly bass voice said, “No mess. See?”
Vernon looked around. “Do you see any shoppers, other than the jelly ones waiting to be eaten?”
“Um...”
“Yeah. We need to either get you out of here, or back into the Venn Machine.”
Genvieve looked down at herself, then back to Vernon. Despite standing at full extension, he barely came to her shoulder. “I don’t think I’m going to fit either way. Damn it, Amy.”
The dissolving red blob inside her wriggled with amusement.
“There... is another way. But you probably won’t like it.”
“Hit me.”
“That... kind of is the idea. You won’t fit in one piece, so we need to break you up.” Vernon shrugged. “You’re mostly goo, maybe it won’t hurt?”
The goo dinosaur poked its belly. “The only one who would know is lunch. Can it wait? I’ll behave. Call me an art installation?”
Vernon called in the idea. Management was dubious, but agreed to set up a cordon around the “sculpture”, as long as Vernon stuck around to “keep it under control”.
As the day progressed without further incident, people gradually grew braver about approaching Genvieve. By evening, some of the more daring children were climbing on her, and using her tail as a slide.
Management still insisted she had to go when the mall closed, as they weren’t willing to pay overtime to have someone watch her.
Once most of the shoppers had gone, they tried getting her out by the main door. Laying on her belly she could get low enough to clear the top of the doorway, but she ended up far too wide to fit the width of the double doors. Trying to stretch her didn’t help.
“Stop! Enough,” she called at last.
Vernon let go of her foreleg. “Did it hurt?”
“No. It just felt like my skin was about to tear.” Genvieve wriggled out of the door frame and looked her body over. She poked at her shoulder. “About here. But.. no, it didn’t feel hurty, just... overstressed.”
She turned and lumbered toward the Venn Machine, and Vernon followed her. “So... back to the restore you in parts plan?”
“It doesn’t sound so bad when you put it that way,” sighed Genvieve. “Can we start small?”
“I could just start with your tailtip,” offered Vernon.
“Sure. I’m not used to having a tail anyway.”
Vernon pulled a thin piece of cord from one of his storage panels and wrapped it around Genvieve’s tail. At her urging he moved it up to about the halfway point. He tightened it up and was about to warn her to brace herself when the cord suddenly went slack, slicing through the gel of her tail with almost no resistance after the first tug. “Um... sorry?”
Genvieve turned around to look at the tail on the ground. “Huh. That only hurt a tiny bit. Aww, but it made a mess...”
Vernon sighed at the trail of goo from the tail to Genvieve’s backside. “You’re still leaking a little. Don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll sponge up fine. I’ll take care of that once we’ve changed you back.”
Lopping off the rest of Genvieve’s tail was just as easy as the first bit. Both parts fit into the Venn Machine easily, where they vanished. Next was her hind legs, one at a time. Genvieve sighed softly as she looked over her shoulder at her truncated body. “All of Amy’s good work is vanishing.”
“Was going to happen one way or another anyway. Maybe you can get her to turn you into a little one, next time?”
Genvieve giggled. “Snack sized.”
“It would only be fair, after you gobbled up... how many people, was it?”
“I kinda lost count. Over a dozen. The first few were hilarious, after that it was mostly the ‘ooh, that looks fun’ crowd. Which was fun, don’t get me wrong, but... not the same.”
Vernon chuckled softly as he lined up the cord around Genvieve’s rear hips. “You liked being an apex predator, hm?”
“When it’s goo and gel, anyway. Blood and guts would gross me out.”
“Luckily you’ve got goo inside you instead. Ready for a bigger cut?”
Genvieve braced herself. “Ready.”
Vernon tugged, and the cord slipped easily through the goo-dinosaur flesh, just like before. Unlike before, there was a gush of jelly from Genvieve’s torso flooding out onto the floor. “Shit! Are you okay?”
Genvieve moaned softly. “Feels so weeeeird. I’m melting!” She giggled as the flood continued and her forequarters dwindled. Once the gushing finally stopped, she stood about as tall as a human, though with stumpy dinosaur legs and no arms.
Vernon pulled out something between a broom and a shovel, and started scooping loads of goop into the Venn Machine, where it would vanish. Fernie pitched in as well, while Genvieve looked on apologetically. “I’d help but... no arms.”
“It’s okay. We’ll have this cleaned up in no time. Your robojanitor design makes this so much easier...”
“Nice for you, chrome dome,” groused Fernie. “Stupid management and their stupid ‘no venning’ rule. At least you got a medical exemption. Figures the only time you’d go to a doctor was when you no longer needed one.”
Vernon shrugged and kept trundling away, rounding up the broad spill of jelly. He ran low to the floor, and his undercarriage cleaners were working overtime, leaving a clean trail behind him that vanished as the jelly on either side slumped toward the open space.
For a while the pool just kept getting larger as the larger lumps in the goo melted down and spread. Eventually their shovelling and the greedy maw of the Venn Machine caught up, and the pool started to dwindle. A few minutes later, the only sign of the cascade was the source itself. Genvieve sighed. “Back to human?”
“Yeah, you should hop in so you can go... home?” Vernon stared at the empty machine, it hadn’t even closed on Genvieve before she vanished. “What just happened?”
Fernie looked around. “None of the other people came back, either. We were shovelling only a little at a time, so... huh. There must be more.” She turned to look at her sweetie. “How much did you scoop up?”
“Scoop up?”
Fernie nudged the bottom edge of Vernon’s lower body with her foot. “The cleaner. There’s probably a compressed cube of goo inside you. Hah! You ate them all!”
“I didn’t eat them, I sort of... slurped them up? That doesn’t sound any better.”
“Sounds fun to me. Maybe I should go home as a goo-girl, and you can...”
Vernon held all four of his hands up. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“So get that cube out already and we can find out how the kids fared.”
Before he could think about it twice, Vernon’s lower body split wide open and deposited a huge translucent green cube on the ground. It was over two feet on a side. “Wow. I didn’t know I could store that much. Give me a hand?”
The cube was hard and unyielding, but it slid across the floor and into the Venn machine like an ice cube on a linoleum floor. The machine closed, and a few moments later it started spitting out dazed looking teens. Over a dozen stumbled out of the Venn Machine, looking like clowns emerging from a trick car.
“You guys okay?” Vernon asked, worriedly.
Most of them just shrugged, and started talking among themselves as they headed for the entrance. Genvieve flashed him a thumbs-up. “That was wicked! I didn’t expect to disappear like that, I want to do that again.”
“Being cubed didn’t hurt?”
“Nah. Super squeezy, like a hug from your stupidly strong linebacker cousin, except it didn’t hurt, and got kind of... bendy. I’d do it again.”
“Can I get you to turn me into a goo girl?” Fernie asked Genvieve. “Please?”
Genvieve looked the two of them over. “Oooh, I see. Sure.”
They emerged from the machine a minute later with Genvieve wearing cat ears and fur, and Fernie looking like translucent gold. She danced in front of the mirror. “You didn’t say it felt so nice...”
Genvieve giggled. “One of the bonus features. You two have fun nyow.”
“Bonus features?” asked Vernon. “What bonus features?”
Genvieve’s only answer was a saucy swish of her fluffy tail. Vernon turned to his sweetie instead. She just shrugged.
Back at Fernie’s place she shed her clothes and danced on the linoleum of her dining area. Vernon chuckled. “On the table again?”
“Help me move it out of the way. I did ask for one feature... orgasming makes me melt.”
Vernon’s camera eyes zoomed in and out a few times. “You want to melt... on your floor?”
“You eagerly slurped up other women’s juices. My turn.”
Vernon blushed and sputtered as Fernie snuggled up close to him. “I want me inside you, big boy. Think you can handle me?”
Vernon flashed her his best grin. “Going to hug you sooooo tight.” He wrapped his four arms tight about her, for once squeezing with something close to his full strength. Fernie squeaked like a deflating balloon as he emptied her lungs. Her body flattened against his, but her squirming and her grin made it clear she was having fun.
Vernon’s grin grew even more wicked as he kept her pinned against hia chest. Tentacles snaked out from various compartments in his lower torso. Two pinned her legs while the “fun” ones found their mark. Fernie’s thrashing grew ever wilder, and her grin became the round O of an orgasmic yell... muffled by the lack of any air to yell with.
Victor let out his own squeak of alarm when his goo girl sweetie melted in his arms in the most literal of ways. What once was a quivering golden woman flowed down his front and became a swiftly spreading puddle of fluid. His janitorial reflexes took over from his poor stunned brain, and he advanced over the puddle with his undercarriage cleaner whirring. Within moments every speck of his lover had vanished.
Victor came back to his senses when the whirring of his floor cleaner wound down. He looked around frantically as his memory replayed what he’d done. Finally, he patted his flanks with a wry chuckle. “I hope you got what you wanted. But what am i supposed to do with you now? The mall is closed, and you set it for a day.”
Vernon wondered if she expected him to keep her inside all night or... Comtemlplating the alternative led to a compact golden cube tumbling from his backside. “Oops. Um... sweetie?”
The cube did nothing. Vernon prodded it a few times. He hadn’t paid much attention to them before, just tossed them in the bin. It was hard, but gave very slightly if he squeezed it. Lifting it, he found that it was dense, heavy for its size but lighter than Fernie had been. He wondered where the extra mass had gone. A quick check of his internal water tank showed it as nearly full. “Dehydrated? Maybe a little water...”
Vernon looked around. He didn’t want her to melt all over the floor again, as they’d just end up back in the same state. He glanced at the washroom, but Fernie’s apartment was too small for a bathtub. With a sigh he carried the cube to the bedroom and set it on the bed. He piled blankets around it, making it look like some kind of absurd bird’s nest.
“Sleep well, sweetie. Not exactly what you imagined, I expect. Better luck tomorrow?”
The cube was still there in the morning. Vernon sighed, he needed to pay better attention to the durations set on the Venn Machine.
Hauling his sweetie back to the mall was an exercise in frustration. He’d had to wrap the cube up in a garbage bag to keep it from getting wet, and the rain made it slippery, so he was apologizing for all the tumbles when he finally set the block into the Venn Machine.
Fernie sighed mournfully as she dragged out of the Venn Machine. “That wasn’t sexy. At. All.”
“I could have drilled a hole in you and had my way with an immobile block of plastic. Still wouldn’t be sexy.”
Fernie snickered and a hint of a smile emerged. “Would you really?”
“You might have been water-soluble enough to carve with the shower head...” mused Vernon. “I’d worry about what ends up in the sewer. Too much loss and...”
Fernie stuck out her tongue and scrunched up her face. “Ewww.”
“Exactly. Easier to just venn you into the right shape to start with. Something a little more shapely?”
“Would you actually use me as a helpless sex toy?”
Vernon shrugged. “If you asked nicely. Not my thing.”
“Hmm. What do you want?”
Vernon shrugged and grunted.
“No going nonverbal on me again, mister.”
“Naked and willing.”
Fernie laughed. “That’s it?”
“What, you figured I wanted some kind of love goddess?”
“I figured there has to be something more interesting than ‘naked’.”
“I think you do not understand the appeal of a naked boob.”
Fernie rolled her eyes, looked around to see that the mall hadn’t yet opened and they were still alone. She pulled up her shirt to flash Vernon, and laughed at his pole-axed expression. “Holy crap, that works?” She pulled her shirt down and straightened her uniform. “Time to get back to work.”
*** *** ***
“Kaiju-class cleanup in section 6.”
“Another one? I’m on my way.”
To Vernon’s surprise he heard Fernie’s voice over the radio. “I’ll help, too.”
Vernon hustled to the Venn Machine, hoping to defuse the problem quickly. He nimbly dodged around shoppers who mostly did not seem to be fleeing in panic. When he got to the Venn Machine he stopped and stared. Enormous vines were climbing over the Venn Machine, and reaching up toward the skylights. They didn’t appear especially menacing, but the vines reached well above the highest he could reach, even with his wheel-legs at full extension.
One of the flowers turned to look at him, and a familiar face was in the middle of the petals. “Amy? Taking turns being the art installation?”
Amy grinned and bobbed her head. Her lips moved, but no words came out. She frowned, and glanced around. Genvieve grinned up at her creation. “Sorry. Plants don’t have lungs.”
Amy pouted, then wriggled some nearby vines in an approximation of a shrug.
“Is she actually a threat?”
“Nah. C’mon, try to entangle Vernon here.”
Amy’s tentacles reached for him, but moved so slowly he could dodge easily. “I see. Art installation it is.”
As he was calling it in to management and arguing the point, he heard some heavy footsteps behind him. Vernon turned, ready for anything... or so he thought.
Fernie waved to him. “Hey. Management rethought the whole ‘no venning on the job’ policy after you saved their bacon from the last kaiju.”
Vernon looked her over, a grin growing on his face. Fernie was taller than he was except at full leg-extension, and appeared to be carved out of some golden metal. “Damn, you look good like that.”
“Genvieve’s work.”
Vernon saluted Genvieve crisply. “Thank you!”
Fernie giggled. “So you like it?”
“I do. You look awesome.”
Fernie blew Genvieve a kiss. “Once we’re off shift you are taking me out on a date. Dancing.”
“Like this?” asked Vernon, surprised.
“Like this.” Fernie posed proudly, showing off her giant golden body. “I like this body. I like your body. To hell with what anyone else thinks.”
Genvieve cheered. “I think it’s awesome!”
“Well then. Dancing it is. Thank you, Genvieve.”
She grinned up at him. “Just call me Gen.”
“Only if you agree to call me Vern.”
“I thought you didn’t like people changing your name on you,” noted Fernie.
“I’ve been getting used to change.”
“Can I call you Vern?”
“Only if I can call you Fern.”
Fern stuck out her hand. “Deal.”