Venned Grandparents

A Trust Machines story

Here's another soppy Trust Machines bit o fluff.  Try not to get any cavities.

~~~~~~~~

The doctor tried to hide it, but his face gave him away.

Mark and Martha cox were sitting on the treatment table, holding hands.  "You might as well give it to us straight, doc," Mark said.

Doc Nichols gave a wan smile.  "I could never lie to you, anyhow."

"Not that you didn't try when I was your baby sitter," Martha chuckled, then coughed violently.

Mark held her until her coughing settled down.  "Cancer?" he asked.

"Cancer," Doctor Nichols affirmed.

"How long?"

"Unless we go with aggressive chemo..."

"No way!" Mark and Martha said together.

"About a month," Doc Nichols finished.

"Well, we have done everything else together.  We might as well check out together," Mark said.

Martha sighed.  "I just wish we could stick around long enough to give Zach his special birthday."

The doc looked at her quizzically.

"We always took our grandkids and great grandkids out on the boat overnight for their birthdays.  Even if they had school the next day, they got their special camping trip with Grandma and Grandpa."

"How old is Zach?"

"He's about to turn two," Mark said.  "He won't even remember us.  He won't have the memory of that special fifth birthday that all of his siblings and cousins had."

Doctor Nichols knew that he might get in trouble with his colleagues, but he couldn't let the couple that had been almost a second set of parents fade away.  Not when he could give them a new life.  Not when he had been diligently researching the Venn Machines.

"There might be a way..."

"No chemo!" they said together.

"No, no chemo," he agreed.  "Have you heard of Venn Machines?  They can turn you into anything.  They haven't been around for long enough to be sure, but people who have been turned into inanimate objects end up getting healed even from chronic problems.  The few older people who have tried it started losing the aches and pains that they have been living with for years.  Is it worth a try to you?  For Zach?  What do you have to lose?"

The two octogenarians looked at each other.  "For Zach?"

"How about you two get dressed?  Then meet me in my office with John.

~~~~~~~~

John, their oldest son, met them outside of the treatment room.  He walked with them, ready to assist them should they stumble.  But he knew that they were too proud and independent to accept help if they didn't really need it.

John sat off to the side, and Mark and Martha settled gingerly into the love seat.  "If we had come to you when we first got that stomach bug..."

"You would have gotten the same result, except that you would have had longer to think about it," the doctor said gently.  Rather than sitting behind his desk, he settled in an overstuffed chair and steepled his fingers.

"About three months ago, I noticed that my grandson Barney wasn't suffering from that eczema that had plagued him since he was little.  He was reticent to talk about it, but his little sister piped up,  'Maybe it's because him and his girlfriend have been playing with those Venn machines!'"

The doc chuckled and continued.  "Barney stuck his tongue out at her and said, 'you're just jealous because you can't use them.'"

"Anyhow," he continued, "I finally got him to admit that he and his girlfriend had been venning and wearing each other.  That got me thinking, so I did some web research.  I ended up joining a group of health care professionals, researchers, and amateur scientists who were compiling data about those ummm... interesting machines."

He got up and spun around the monitor that was on his desk.  "I could venn you into a body that is in perfect health.  It would almost surely work, but there were a couple cases where the common cold came back after just a few hours."

Mark and Martha nodded.  "Go on."

"People who are venned into inanimate objects tend to emerge in better health.  Barney's girlfriend's allergies aren't bothering her as much.  There are some diabetics who are controlling their sugar more easily.  Cystic Fibrosis patients are breathing easier.  Sickle Cell Anemia patients are doing better.  The sore joints that have been bothering me for the past couple of decades are feeling better."

Doctor Nichols clicked over to another screen.  "Jeffery Mandelshire, a mathematician, collected the data and did some analysis."  The doc pointed at a graph.  "According to his calculations, a year as an inanimate object should cure anything.  Furthermore, being inanimate is quite relaxing.  You have no responsibilities, save being what you are.  If you are a broom, you yearn to be used to sweep the floor.  If you are clothing, you yearn to be worn."

"We are really tired of constantly being in pain.  We need a rest," Mark commented

The doctor steepled his fingers again.  "The most basic solution is to simply venn you both to perfect health, then run tests periodically to make sure that you don't regress.  The safer option is to let you spend a couple months inanimate.  The nuclear option is to go a full year.  The thermonuclear option is to go a full three years."

"We'll take the thermonuclear option," they said together.

John just nodded.  "My kids and grandkids have been goofing with those machines, too.  If the doc hadn't suggested it, I would have.

"No sense putting it off," Martha said.  "We're both really sick and tired of being sick and tired.  Three years without any worries or pain sounds really wonderful."

It didn't take John long to drive the three of them to the nearest machine.  Doctor Nichols set the machine to three years and got into one side.  Mark and Martha got into the other.

While they were in the Venn Machine, John ruminated about how those machines are much more useful than he had initially thought.  He made a commitment to himself to have his kids and grandkids teach him how to use the machines.  No doubt, some of them would have a blast turning him into something strange.

After a few minutes, the doc emerged, went to the other side, and picked up a small statue.  Mark and Martha were sitting on a love seat that the doc had remembered them using when he was growing up.  They were in each other's arms, and had an indeterminate age appearance -- anywhere from their mid fifties to their mid seventies.  Their eyes were the same crystalline sapphire blue that they were in life.

John took care of all of the details.  Since he was the executor of their will and already had power of attorney, he had no problem dealing with their bank accounts, properties, vehicles, and the like.  Their youngest granddaughter, Cindy, had already moved in so that she could attend the local college.  They had already sold their lake house to their children, in return for a life time lease.  It was just a matter of partially activating their will.

~~~~~~~~

The entire family was gathered at the not-funeral.

John, their oldest son, reverently carried the statue up to his parents' study.  He placed it on a small ornate wooden table that Mark had made to display objects of art.  Little did Mark know that it would eventually display him and the love of his life.  And little did they know that their study was destined to become a family shrine -- at least, it would be a shrine for the next three years.

~~~~~~~~

Cindy bounced in the room.  "Hi Grandma!  Hi Grandpa!"

She sat on the couch facing the statue, quivering with excitement.  "I start class tomorrow!  I just can't wait!  And just think; I'll be ready to start my senior year when you wake up.  I just can't wait to give you both a big hug!"

She walked over, kissed the tip of her finger, and touched it to the statue.

~~~~~~~~

"Hi Grandma, hi Grandpa," Mary, Zach's mother, said to the statue.  She told her grandparents all of the family gossip, and how Zach has been growing like a weed.  She placed a vase of flowers in view of the statue, and reminded Cindy to take care of it because Grandma wouldn't want to be stuck looking at a bunch of dead flowers.

Doc Nichols had assured them that their grandparents could see and hear them, and could probably talk to each other.  They weren't just visiting a gravestone.  They were keeping their loved ones company.

So, at least once a week, some of their dozens of children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren would visit and regale them with news of the family.

~~~~~~~~

Cindy bounced into the room.  "School is awesome!  I'm learning so much, and I'm making lots of friends.  I'll introduce them to you when they come over to study."

~~~~~~~~

Jenn walked into the room.  "Hi Mom and Dad.  I just finished neatening up the gardens.  Angie will do it next week."

She picked up the statue and walked down the stairs.  "See how neat the house is?  We're all taking good care of it so that you can enjoy it when you wake up."

She carried them around the grounds, showing them every tree, shrub, and flower.  She set them on the dock and sat down next to them.  She chatted for a long time while they all looked out over the glistening waters.

~~~~~~~~

"Grandma!  Grandpa!  These are my friends from school.  We're going to go study now, but I'll be back soon.  We're all gonna make you proud, I promise!"

~~~~~~~~

"Hi Grandma and Grandpa!  We just finished our mid terms, and we all think that we did great!"

Cindy picked up her grandma and grandpa and carried them around the house, then around the grounds.  She set them on the dock, stripped off the tee shirt that was covering her bikini, and dove into the water.  She splashed around, dove under the water, then came up right in front of the statue.

"Swimming is so much more fun with the Venn Machines.  I can hold my breath for, like, forever!  And I'm strong and never get tired.  And I can see underwater.  I'll tell you about all the things we did with the Venn Machines later."

Cindy picked up her grandparents, carried them back to their study, and gave them a kiss.

~~~~~~~~

Jenn walked into the room and sat on the couch.  "Hi Mom and Dad.  It'll be easier to take care of your yard and come see you from now on.  The sale went through and we now own the house where the Wilsons used to live.  The neighbors on the other side... You remember them?  The Harrisons?  Of course you do!  Anyhow, they decided that they are tired of taking care of their place, so they are moving into a condo.  Stan and Julie are talking about moving down here because they're tired of the weather up there.  I think they're going to buy that house.  It'll be so awesome!"

Jenn gave the statue a kiss.  "I wish you could talk to me, too.  But I'm sure that the three years will be up before we know it,"

~~~~~~~~

Cindy bounced into the room.  "Remember how I told you about some of the things that the other engineering students are doing with the Venn Machines?  I mean, it's soooo much fun getting turned into a living motorcycle.  I pull the wheels off of my back, hop on to them, and take off like greased lightning!  I'm so glad that those students up in that Canadian university thought it up.  We're constantly using those Venn Machines."

~~~~~~~~

"Remember those people that call themselves 'Girls Who Venn?' They just keep getting crazier and crazier.  Some of them are actually guys, you know.  At least, they are guys some of the time.  But I swear that some of them are still girls even when they're not.  And it turns out that they weren't exactly original with some of their shenanigans.  They picked it up from a FaceBook group.  My friends and I signed up on that group just so that we could some other ideas.  College is a time for learning and exploration, right?"

~~~~~~~~

"Grandma! Grandpa!  I did it!  I got a four point oh!  So now I'm done with Analytical Geometry, English Composition, Physics One, and Intro to Psychology.  I'm on my way to being an engineer like you guys!"

She was practically quivering with excitement, but took a couple deep breaths and sat down.

"I don't know if I could have done it without the Venn Machines.  Actually, I could have done it, but I wouldn't have been able to do all of that other fun stuff.  Remember when I told you about how my friends and we started venning each other into robots?  Well, not like real robots, but more like androids.  Or gynoids.  You have to really look to tell the difference from a regular human.  It's great!  It's, like, impossible to sleep for more than two hours, we don't sweat, and it's really easy to keep clean.  And I feel good all the time.  And that monthly visitor doesn't come anymore.  And mosquitoes break their little beaks if they try.  And I never itch or feel to hot or cold.  And if I stub my toe or bump my elbow, it doesn't hurt.  And I swear I'm smarter now and have a better memory.  That gives us so much more time for other stuff -- like Venn shenanigans.  We do so many awesome things!  I love flying around like a little pixie!  And a bunch of us are working on a Transformer or Buzz Lightyear type flying form.  That'll be awesome!"

~~~~~~~~

Cindy collapsed into the chair and sighed.

"The school caught a few people cheating using the Venn Machines.  They recorded all of our iris prints and want to use a scanner on every test -- even the pop quizzes! They had already ordered a boatload of little clip on lenses for the tablets they're going to use.  They got it all set up before even talking to us.  Sneaky sh... uh, gits!"

She smirked.  "You wouldn't believe how fast the student council organized a protest.  And luckily, this is a technical college full of smart people."

Cindy rolled her eyes.  "Well, mostly.  Some of the administration... I swear!"  She sighed.  "With all of the Venn Machines all over campus, do they really expect us to not use them?   Well, not all over all over, but you know what I mean.  You don't have to walk far to get to one.  Anyhow, the old struldbrugs!  Something new and wonderful comes up, and they can only see the disadvantages."

Her face lit up.  "I'm so glad the Venn Machines started showing up!  I'm glad you venned!  It's gonna be such a party when you come back to us!  I can't wait!"

Then she became thoughtful again.  "They're still doing the whole iris scan thing, but we get to get a new ID card for every form.  They cost thirty bucks, though, so I only use my gynoid form for school right now.  But if I get bored with that, it's really easy to get more.  All I gotta do is give the secretary my original unvenned card and thirty bucks.  I get into the machine and touch the red circle.  She scans my normie form to make sure I'm me.  She venns me from history and scans my irises and fingerprints with this special tablet that she has.  Then, I just go into the office and pick up my new card.  Easy peasy.  Some people are kinda having a contest to see who can get the most cards, but I've got better things to do with my money."

She got up and bounced around.  "I got so many kewl Venns, now.  We keep coming up with new ideas for each other.  I got my bike girl form, and my pixie form so I can fly around,  my super hawt form, and the slightly venned form that I use so I can't die, but still look normal.  I have a mermaid form, but it's a real pain to get to the water unless I get help.  And my kitty girl is lots of fun.  Nya!"

~~~~~~~~

Tim, one of their young teenage grandkids, walked in.  He was kinda subdued.

"Dad told me to come in and tell you what a dumb sh... I mean dumb stupid idiot that I am."

"Remember how I used to always fall and skin my knees, and fall out of trees, and all that stuff?  People started calling me 'Jonah.'  But it's not like I do it on purpose!  Remember when I was in second grade and tripped over the cord when we were making candles?  I never asked to get all those burn scars!  And that time I ran a nail through my knuckle when I was making a birdhouse?  Dad never let me use the power nailer again!"

He rolled his eyes.

"I swear Mom wanted to wrap me in cotton and hide me away.  But it's Dad that kinda succeeded.  As soon as you got venned and he heard all about the Venn Machines, he marched me over and made me get in.  But the door wouldn't close.  So he kept trying every week or so until it worked.  Then he venned me!  He didn't even ask what I wanted!"

He sounded like he was complaining, but he was grinning.

"Dad put these kewl green scales on the top of my hands and my forearms.  And he put almost invisible scales all over my body.  And sub... subd... sub - der - mal - armor.  Yeah, that's what it is.  And he thickened my skull, but said that it was already thick enough."

Tim showed Grandma and Grandpa his hands and arms.

"So, when we were out camping at the slickrock area, I took my BMX and ran the trails.  It was a blast!  But then I got too close to the edge of the cliff.  Dad says to make sure I tell you that he warned me not to get too close to the cliff.  But anyways, I hit a rock and slipped.  I missed the cliff, but I hit this really steep part."

He grinned.

"I tried to stay up, but I hit another bump and slipped and bounced.  I was bouncing and rolling down the cliff.  It was a blast!  I was laughing all the way down!"

Tim shrugged.

"But when I finally got to the bottom, I couldn't get up.  Mom wanted to get a helicopter to carry me out, which would have been uber kewl.  But dad said that I couldn't die, so he and Mark picked me up and carried me.  You should have heard them cuss!  But once they got me out, they tossed me into the nearest Ven Machine.  And they weren't gentle, either!  Dad gave me the same venn, but ramped up my... umm... I think he called them pain receptors.  Now, it really hurts if I just stub my toe!  Dad says that that's to teach me to be more careful.  But I don't think it's fair!"

~~~~~~~~

Susie walked in, looking a little tired, but happy.  "Guess what!  You're going to be great great grandparents!"

She rubbed her belly and smiled.

"We'll be taking the family's first five generation picture in six months.  Then, we'll do it again once you guys wake up.  And you'll be able to give your great great grandchild a special boat ride in five and a half years!"

~~~~~~~~

"Hi Grandma, hi Grandpa," Zach said to the statue.  "I'm almost five years old now!"  He held up his hand, showing five fingers.  "Mom says that you will wake up soon and take me out on your boat!  I can't wait!"

Zach told them all about school, his friends, his toys, and everything he has been doing, glowing with the enthusiasm of a bright and cheerful child.

~~~~~~~~

Just before the third anniversary of the not-funeral, the people attending the family reunion crowded into the living room and in the study turned shrine.  At just the time predicted, the statue disappeared and Grandma and Grandpa appeared in the small cleared space in front of the statue.  They kinda still looked like octogenarians, but they were in perfect health and had lost the inevitable extra weight that so often comes with age.

John immediately drove them to the Venn Machine that had appeared at the local strip mall and safety venned them into attractive middle aged people.  When they got back, the party was on.

~~~~~~~~

Zach waved at all of his fifth birthday party guests as he stood in the back of Grandma and Grandpa's house boat.  Grandma was behind him, also waving at the crowd.  Grandpa was at the helm.