Bob and Mike were watching YouTube videos on the big screen when the proximity alarm went off. They pushed the curtains aside and looked out the window just in time to see an attractive girl's little dog finish doing his duty in the yard, then do the doggy prance. The girl grinned, gave a flirty wave, and continued on her walk.
"That bitch!" grumbled Bob. "She does that every day!"
"Turn your security footage over to the cops," Mike suggested.
"I already did. They don't give a shit. They suggested that I talk to a lawyer, but he wanted too much to do anything."
Bob grabbed the pooper scooper, collected the turd, and dropped it into a miniature plastic trash bin. After grumbling about having to buy a pooper scooper and bin, but not even having a dog, he put the lid back on. "Almost enough," he mused with a smirk.
"What?" asked Mike. "I know that look. What are you up to?"
Bob deflected the question. "What does that bitch have against me, anyhow?"
"It probably has something to do with you asking her out. She did shoot you down quite loudly. It must be tough being beautiful -- Having to deflect all those horny men."
"It's not like I was rude," grumbled Bob. "I mean, I asked her out exactly like that girl I asked out yesterday."
"Who also shot you down," chuckled Mike.
"I didn't get a date, but she didn't shoot me down. She just pointed out that I don't know her, and would probably not like the real her. When I told her that I was willing to take the chance, she just said 'No Thanks' and walked away with a smile."
"She was probably a venned guy," Mike pointed out.
Bob nodded. "Yeah, I considered that. But that still doesn't explain why so many women feel the need to reject an advance so vehemently."
"Maybe they are tired of men only looking at their appearance, and figuring that the ones that do are only looking for a one night stand," Mike said.
"That could be. But I think that bitch hates the fact that she is no longer the cream of the crop. Any girl... Shoot, any guy can look as good as her. She's probably grouchy because she's used to getting special attention."
"Have you ever seen her go near a Venn Machine?" asked Mike. "Maybe she's one of those anti-venn people."
"That might be it," Bob mused. "Strike one for the Venn Machines would have been her losing her special pretty pretty princess status. After that, it wouldn't be hard for those nitwits to get her to swallow all of their propaganda."
~~~~~~
Outside the Venn Machine, Bob poured his mini trash can full of doggy doo into a cheap dog food dish and stuck a little "Have a shitty day!" sign in it. He was careful not to get any on his work clothes or his freshly showered self.
"You expect me to get into the machine with that smelly crap?" Mike asked.
"I'll make it worth your while," Bob replied. He dropped a coin into the slot and set the time for sixteen hours.
Holding his nose, Mike carried the malodorous object into the machine and set it down. Bob said, "Bouquet of flowers," quickly chose the image of Mike next to a bouquet of flowers, and pressed the green circle. While the timer was counting down, Mike changed Bob into a flower delivery man, complete with a uniform.
Once he got home, Bob ironed a "Bobbi's Flower Botique" patch on his hat. Then, he created a small sign wishing his nemesis a beautiful day. He signed it with the name of a guy that he had seen her hanging out with.
~~~~~~
When Mike got home, he stripped and dropped his clothes into a clean garbage bag. He didn't think that part of his original clothes became part of the bouquet, or that part of the dog poop became part of his clothes, but he wasn't going to take a chance.
~~~~~~
The next morning, before Bob went to work, he delivered the flowers to the front desk of her work place. He then went to a Venn Machine, hopped in, and pressed the red circle. The patch that he had ironed on to the hat fell, bounced off his face, and hit the floor. He walked out, as clean and fresh as he was the night before.
~~~~~~
Bob's nemesis received a lot of good-natured teasing at work. Some of the girls were happy for her, and others were jealous that she had managed to bag such a romantic man.
She set the bouquet on her desk and enjoyed it. At lunch time, she and the girls went to a local coffee house.
They all came back to the sight of their boss, hands on her hips, glowering at them. "Whatever it is creating all that stink in your office, you need to get rid of it right now!"
Right on her desk was a dog food bowl full of recycled dog food. Laying in said crap was the original "Have a nice day" sign. Standing up for all to see was a "Have a shitty day" sign.