“What was it like?”

Louise rolled her eyes and looked away from her till into the mostly deserted hardware store.  She ran her fingers nervously through her short-cropped blonde hair.  “I don’t want to talk about it, okay?  I was stuck on the seat of that bike for two months.  It seemed like years.  Your mind does weird things when your senses shut down.”

“You must have at least felt something when you were used,” asked Sid eagerly from the next till over.

Louise glared at her friend.  “Yes.  I felt squished every time they rode that damn bike.  Squish-squash back and forth with every pedal.  Drove me mental.  Worse, the two months I lost meant I failed out of University and I’m stuck back here in Nowheresville.”

Mr. Tanner came by and asked Sid to help Nate stock shelves, ending the conversation.  Sid glanced at Louise as she headed off, wondering at the slight flush to her taller friend’s cheeks.  She remembered that blush all through her shift, and on the walk back home she detoured past the town’s excuse for a mall.  Neglected in the corner in place of the old photo booth was a boxy kiosk with a spinning sign.  A Venn Machine.  She’d never used it. Nobody she knew in town did, or at least nobody admitted to it.  She’d seen others dart furtive glances at it, and the occasional couple scurrying away from it, but had never seen it open.

The Venn Machine had seen more activity in the past.  But then one popped up in the city, and all the teens who’d stayed around town because of its Venn Machine decamped en masse to the bright lights of the big city.

Sid fished in her pocket, pulled out a quarter.  Louise had told her how the machines worked, so she felt brave enough to try it.  She dropped the quarter in, and following her friend’s instructions, set it for eight hours and opened it up.

Sid stared into the yawning chasm of the Venn Machine’s open door for a minute before stepping inside.  She touched the invisible barrier that made up the interface, wondering what it would be like to use it.  To be...  She shuddered, and a flailing hand hit the red circle.  She stumbled out of the Venn Machine, and headed home, berating herself for imagining it was possible to escape her town-bound fate.

*** *** ***

Sid kept returning to the Venn Machine, using old bottlecaps and leaves to pay for her forays.  She saw people notice her entering or leaving, but nobody said anything to her about it.  She asked the few of her old high-school friends about them.  They’d all moved elsewhere, but a few kept in touch online.  Few of them were willing to admit how they used the Venn Machines, though Marcy sounded suspiciously evasive about it.

Sid tried asking Louise more questions, but she’d only used it the once.  Sid badgered what information she could out of her, but Louise was not willing to go anywhere near the town’s Venn Machine.

Marcy proved a slightly better source of information, but other than admitting that she’d turned her boyfriend into her bra a few times, she wouldn’t say what she’d been doing with them.  She did blushingly admit to finding them to be fun.  Especially with a friend.

Which wasn’t terribly helpful to Sid, whose only local friend wanted nothing to do with the Venn Machines.

Some weeks after Sid’s obsession had taken hold, someone finally stuck their head in the other side of the Venn Machine.  “Hey Sid.”

Sid startled, she’d been listening to her music and not paying attention.  “Wah!  Oh!  Hi Nate.  W... what are you doing here?”

Nate slipped into the Venn Machine, and the door on his side closed.  “Louise said you’d be here.  What’s all this about?”  He held up the cardboard sign Sid had left outside the Venn Machine.  It said “Something Else - Free”

Sid looked the young man over.  She knew his acne-pocked face well enough, he’d been in the grade ahead of her at school and his gangly form was a familiar sight at work.  As far as she knew, the only thing they had in common was being stuck in the same backwater town.  “What do you want it to mean?”

Nate turned the sign over in his hands so he could read it again.  “Sounds like you want someone to Venn you.  Not picky about who?”

Sid laughed weakly.  “Nobody here uses the damn thing.  Dad came by once to tell me to go home.”

“Did you change him?” asked Nate with an easy grin.  “He wouldn’t have liked that.”

“He knew better than to step inside.  I’d have been grounded for a month if I tried anything.”  Sid fronwed.  “Why did you step inside?  I could change you.”

Nate shrugged.  “Dunno.  Curious, I guess.  ‘Something Else’.  What sort of something else?”

Sid slumped back against the wall of the booth.  “Haven’t a clue.  If I knew, I’d have put ‘Free kitten to a good home’ on it, or whatever.”

“Do you want to be a kitten?” asked Nate.

Sid shrugged.  “Not really.  But anything’s better than this.”

Nate brushed his fingers over the display, then his eyes widened.  “Oh!  Well.  Hopefully this is more to your taste, then.”

“You’re going to do it?” asked Sid, bouncing forward, all her lethargy gone.  “Really?”

Suddenly the booth seemed much roomier.  A moment ago she’d been looking Nate eye to eye, now she had to crane her neck to see his face.  Sid figured she was a little over half his height, instead of down half a head.  “You made me tiny?”

“And...  Well, there’s a mirror outside.  Wait a bit and you can go see.”

As soon as the Venn Machine opened, Sid darted through the entrance and stared into the mirror mounted on a nearby wall.  She’d wondered why it was there, but now the image in it drove away all such thoughts.  The girl in the reflection was cute!  There was an enormous green bow tied in her hair, that almost distracted from the fact that she had two equally enormous cat-ears poking through her sandy hair.  A swishing tail jingled a bell behind her.

“So?” asked Nate after a long silence.  “What do you think?”

“So cute,” whispered Sid.  “Can I stay like this?”

“For eight hours, sure.  After that you’ll be back to... you.  Is this what you wanted to be?”

“I don’t think so.”  Sid turned back and forth, studying the frilly dress she was wearing, so unlike any of the practical clothes her mother insisted on.  “But it’s different, at least.”

“An improvement?” asked Nate.  He handed her the cardboard sign, and Sid accepted it.

“Yeah.  Thanks.  I’d offer a kiss, but I must look like jailbait.”

“Raincheck,” said Nate with a shy smile.  “See you at work.”

Sid skipped down the road on her way back home, acting very much like the twelve-year-old catgirl she appeared to be.  Her father took one look at her and sent her back to the Venn Machine to go back to normal.

*** *** ***

A few days later, Nate approached Sid at the end of his shift.  He seemed even more nervous than usual, and avoided looking at her.  Studying her till carefully, he asked if she was headed to the mall afterward.

“Dad didn’t like what you did,” sighed Sid.

“Why not?”

“Something something ‘under my roof’ blah blah ‘must be yourself’.  Like he’d know what I’m supposed to be,” she grumbled.  “I haven’t a clue myself, I just know this isn’t it!”

“I... um, I had fun changing you.  I’d be game to do it again.  Even if it’s only for a bit.”

Sid’s expression blossomed into a sunny smile.  “You would?  It’s a date.”

“A date?” asked Nate, staring at her with wide-eyed panic.

Sid giggled.  “It doesn’t have to be if you don’t want it to be.  No pressure.  As long as you’re willing to change me, I’m good.”

Nate mopped his brow, sighing with relief.  “Thanks.  I... I’m not good with that kind of stuff.  Ugly duckling, all that.”

“You’re not ugly,” responded Sid immediately.

Nate shook his head, and touched the largest of his acne scars.  “Tell the mirror to stop lying, then.”

“I... could get rid of the scars in the Venn Machine,” offered Sid, suddenly timid.

“Oh.  Um...  That’d be nice, I guess.  So... see you at the mall in a bit?”

“I’d go with you right now if someone could cover for me.”  Sid looked over at Louise pleadingly.

“Mr. Tanner will yell.  C’mon, it’s just two more hours.”

Sid sighed piteously, and turned back to her till.  “Fine.”

“Why are you so keen on this, anyway?” asked Louise.

Sid shrugged.  “Dunno.  But anything’s gotta be better than this, right?”

In front of the Venn Machine a few hours later, Sid was less sure.  “Two days?  That’s my whole weekend.”

“A buddy of mine is moving to the city, and I’m going to help.  I thought maybe you could make me stronger while you’re changing me?” asked Nate, still not quite meeting Sid’s eyes.

“Oh!  Yeah, sure.”  Sid hopped into the machine, and Nate entered the other side.  “I could help too.”

“You want me to make you big and strong?” asked Nate.

Sid poked at the interface a few times, and shook her head.  “It’s a good look on you, but...  Can’t you turn me into a furniture dolly instead?  Something where I don’t have to work,” she said with a grin.

“A furniture dolly?” repeated Nate.  He tapped at the interface.  “Are you sure?”

Sid nodded eagerly.  “Yeah!  Here, I’ll do you first...”

Nate was suddenly six inches taller, and had arms the size his thighs used to be.  “Woah.”  He flexed once.  “I like it.”

“C’mon, before time runs out...”  Sid jittered from foot to foot, then suddenly found she couldn’t do anything at all.  The world went still and dark.

A few seconds later, she could feel parts of herself move, a if her hands and feet were... rotating?  Wheels.  She had wheels.  How peculiar it felt...

*** *** ***

Nate kept the muscles all weekend.  Being able to lift stacks of boxes almost effortlessly was a thrill.  Between his muscles and the sleek furniture dolly with its perfect, smooth-running wheels, the moving was a breeze.  Still, even Herculean muscles tired after enough effort, and by the time Nate was finally driven home, he crashed into bed like a fallen tree.  The bed protested, but held.

The next day, his chores around the house were so easy to handle he wondered if he should ask Sid to keep him this way longer.  It was only then that he remembered where and what Sid was.  Except she wasn’t in the garage as he’d expected.  He found her out on the street – his little brother was using her to race down the hill.

Nate got dragooned into helping his brother back up the hill, and took a few turns himself.  On one of the jogs uphill, suddenly he was holding Sid’s hand instead of her rope handle.  Nate held on for a heartbeat as he got used to being small once more.

Sid looked down at her hand, and Nate followed her gaze.  He let go after another moment.  “I... uh, sorry.”

“For?” asked Sid with a wide smile.  “What were you doing just then?”

“Timmy found you and was using you to race down the hill.  It looked like fun, so I, uh...”

Sid giggled at Nate’s forlorn expression.  “Didn’t say I minded.  I was wondering why my wheels were going so fast.  Felt like someone was having fun, I’m glad that was true.”  She gave her hands a little shake, flicking her fingers as if getting used to having them once more.  “Having wheels was weird.”

“So you didn’t like it?”

Sid shrugged.  “Was I useful?”

Nate immediately brightened.  “Oh yeah!  You made the job so much easier.  Carried loads and loads of boxes as well as all the furniture.”

Sid smiled back at him.  “Cool.  I’m glad.  Being useful is...”  Her eyes went a little wider.  “Really, really good.  Do you need any other tools?”

Nate shook his head.  “I don’t want to turn you into a shovel.”

“Why not?  I think I like being useful, I want to try it again.  When do you need a shovel?”

Nate shook his head.  “I don’t... okay, our shovel’s all rusted and busted, and I need to dig some post holes next weekend.”

Sid smiled at him winningly.  “It’s a date.”

Nate blushed, but didn’t look away.  “If you say so.”

*** *** ***

Sid chattered excitedly with Louise about her weekend as a thing, and about her plans.  Louise did her best to ignore Sid’s exuberance, but it was difficult.

“Why?” she asked at last.  “Why are you so keen?  I hated it.”

“You hated being stuck.  I was only that way for a couple days.  Barely felt like it at all, to be honest.  I think I zonked out when Nate put me away.”

“I guess.  How much trouble were you in for staying out all weekend?”

Sid shook her head.  “I told Dad I spent the weekend with Nate.  Which is true.  He seemed happy enough, though I guess he thinks we’re dating.”

“Are you?”

Sid shrugged.  “He’s turning me into a shovel this weekend.  So... kinda?”

Louise rolled her eyes.  “That doesn’t sound fun at all.”

“Maybe not.  But he’ll have his hands all over me,” she giggled.

*** *** ***

“So how was being a shovel?” asked Louise.

Sid stuck out her tongue.  “I can’t get rid of the taste of dirt in my mouth.  He washed me off before changing me back and everything.”

Louise laughed.  “Must be in your head.  Not the amazing time you’d hoped for?”

Sid nibbled on the ends of her dark brown pigtails as she considered it.  “I could barely feel anything at all.  I mean, I could tell he was holding me, so that wasn’t bad, but...”  She sighed.  “Going to have to think of something better.  Maybe softer?  And definitely smaller.”

“Agh!  You’re still on about this?”

Sid nodded eagerly.  “Being used was great!  And even though I couldn’t really feel it the way I wanted, his hands were all over me...”


Louise covered her ears.  “Don’t want to hear about it, la la la.”  But she was blushing.

Sid spent the rest of her shift speculating out loud about things it might be fun to be, grinning privately to herself whenever she got a rise out of Louise.

She missed the next day of work entirely, making the store’s owner cross.  Mr. Tanner chewed her out when she showed up the next day, but couldn’t wipe the smile off Sid’s face.

Once he’d calmed down and left them to their jobs, Louise asked Sid why she was smiling.

“You know how it was all rainy last night?” asked Sid.  “I offered to be Nate’s umbrella.”

Louise sighed, but didn’t look away.  “I should have known.  Sounds damp and chilly.”

“You’d think so, yeah,” agreed Sid.  “But neither felt unpleasant.  No body to get chilled, so it felt...”  She blushed.  “The rain felt really nice.  So did his hands.  He made the grip all rubbery, and I was so much more sensitive than the shovel.”

“So you’re going to take up a career as an umbrella, then?”

Sid went silent for a while, considering that.  “It was nice.  But... no, it’s not right.  Better.”

“You’d rather be an umbrella than be human?” asked Louise, incredulously.

“If being human means being stuck working here, hell yes.”

“But umbrellas don’t make any money!” protested Louise.

“They don’t need any, either,” countered Sid.  “No rent, no food, nothing.”

Louise was quiet for the rest of the day, and Sid spent most of it daydreaming.  She smiled at Nate when he came in, getting a blushing smile in response.

“So what are you going to turn me into tonight?” asked Sid.  “I’d like to be smaller.”

Nate nodded slowly.  “I can do smaller.”

*** *** ***

When Sid showed up on Friday to another yelling match, she didn’t look quite so pleased.

“What were you this time?” asked Louise.

“Picture frame.  Postcard sized.  Being put up was nice, but...”  Sid shrugged.  “I only got handled a little, and could barely feel it.  And while a picture frame is useful, it’s not...”

“Not what?”

Sid shrugged.  “Dunno.  Not the right direction.”

“What direction do you want it to go?” asked Louise, breathlessly.

Sid grinned.  “Got the whole weekend to figure it out.”

At the end of the day she left arm in arm with Nate.  Louise tagged along as they walked to the mall, curiosity tethering her to her friend.

When she saw what emerged from the Venn Machine, she tried not to drool.  “You look good, Nate.”

“Sid does nice work,” replied Nate with an easy grin as he ambled around to the other side of the machine.  He picked up something tiny and bright.

“What on earth did you make her?” asked Louise.

Nate held out his hand.  Perched in it was a screw, perhaps an inch long.  “She wanted to be tiny, and if I screw her into a decent sized piece of wood I won’t lose her.”

“I don’t think this is what she had in mind.”

Nate shrugged.  “She wants to be something else.  That’s a pretty big range, we’re trying to narrow it down.”

“Gonna change her back in a bit, once she’s figured out she doesn’t like this?”

Nate shrugged.  “Gotta screw her in first.”

Louise snorted, a wicked grin crossing her face.  “I guess you must be past the third date, if you’re screwing her.”

Nate stammered and blushed so beautifully that Louise broke down in gales of laughter.  

*** *** ***

Louise was waiting by the Venn Machine when Nate showed up the next morning.  The piece of wood in his hand had a small screw set into it, and showed evidence of extensive use.  “Screwed her over and over, did you?”

Nate tried and failed to hide his blush.  “I just hope she finds it as amusing as you did.”

Sid’s pensive look on emerging from the Venn Machine brightened when she saw Louise.  “What are you doing here?  I thought you hated these things.”

“Can’t let my girl get screwed by some creepy guy without keeping an eye on her now, can I?”

“Oh!  I hadn’t thought of it that...” stammered Sid.  Her blush grew incandescent.

“Was it everything you’d dreamed of?” giggled Louise.

Sid sighed softly, and shook her head.  “I could feel the torque against my head, and the wood against my threads.  But being stuck in a block of wood... nope.”

“Too small?” asked Nate.

“Yeah.  But not by too much.  Something palm-sized feels right.”

“Palm-sized?” asked Louise.  “You really want to be...”  She held up her cupped hand, imagining something fiting there.

Sid laid her hand over top of Louise’s.  “Yes.”

“Like... an eraser, something like that?”

Sid’s eyes brightened.  “Yeah!  C’mon, Nate.”

Louise watched her friend vanish into the Venn Machine with clouded eyes.  When Nate emerged, she asked if she could hold Sid.  Staring down at the chunk of white rubber sitting in her palm, Louise shook her head.

“I can’t believe this is her.  That she wants this.  Will you use her?”

Nate shrugged.  “I guess I could scribble stuff and erase it with her.”

Louise kneaded the eraser, felt it yield to her fingers.  “She’d be perfect for working with charcoal.”

“You draw?” asked Nate.  “Can I watch you use her?”

Louise looked down at the eraser in her hand.  “I...  This is so bizarre.  But okay.  Better proper use, in the service of something worthwhile.”

Louise popped the eraser back into Nate’s hand.  “Keep her company.  I’ll be back with my stuff in a bit.”

Nate followed Louise around for the day as she set up her easel around town, sketching various buildings.  He hadn’t thought of it before, but the town was old enough that some of the buildings had interesting histories.  Louise talked about the buildings and their architectural styles at length while she sketched and erased and sketched some more.

“How do you know all this stuff?” asked Nate at last.

“Just love old buildings, really.  I was studying architecture when the Venn Machines fucked up my life.”

“What happened?”

Louise sighed.  “Didn’t Sid say?  I got into one on a dare, didn’t realize it was set for months.  My roomie thought it was hilarious to turn me into her bicycle seat.  And I guess it would have been if she’d changed me back as planned.  Then her bike got stolen, and...”

“You were stuck for months?  Aw, man.  That’s rough.”

Louise nodded.  “And here I am.  The prodigal daughter, returned home after failing so horribly that I can’t go back.”

Nate put a comforting arm around her, and Louise leaned into the embrace.  That was how Sid found them as she appeared on Louise’s lap.

There was much blushing and protestation, until Sid declared that she wasn’t mad.  “I was a thing.  Felt nice to be used, really...  Louise, was that your hand?”

Louise nodded, blushing faintly.  “I... you don’t mind?”

“You have nice hands.”  Sid reached for one, squeezed it.  “I like being handled when I’m a thing.”

“That rules out a fair bit of stuff, doesn’t it?” asked Nate.  “I was going to try turning you into a drink coaster next, that’s small.”

Sid wrinkled her nose.  “Yeah, we can skip that.”

“Kitchen timer?” suggested Louise.  “That gets picked up a fair bit.”

“She complained about having wheels,” said Nate, shaking his head.

“Actually...”  Sid had a distant look.  “I said it was weird.  But that was when it was my hands.  Might feel different to be slower, and... inside.  I’m game.”

Louise rolled her eyes.  “You two go have your fun.  I’m going to finish this sketch.”

*** *** ***

On Monday, Sid didn’t show up.  To Louise’s surprise, there wasn’t any yelling over it.  After work, she asked Nate what had happened.

“Sid quit,” said Nate simply.  “Didn’t want to keep working at a job she hated.”

“So what’s she going to do...”  Louise’s eyes widened.  “You didn’t.”

“Didn’t what?” asked Nate.

“You turned her into a thing!” shouted Louise.  “You’re gonna to keep her that way!”

“Oh, that.  Yeah, that’s what she wanted.  Do you want to see her?”

Louise nodded desperately, and followed Nate home.  To her surprise, he took her around back of his parent’s house, to a bachelor suite over the garage.

“Home sweet home,” said Nate as he ushered her inside.

Louise looked around.  There wasn’t much to see - a compact kitchen to one side, a couch and television to the other.  Doors presumably led off to a bathroom and bedroom.  Her eyes gravitated to the tiny table perched between the “kitchen” and “living room”.  On it was a sleek, black figure.  It looked like a pepper-grinder, with its rounded top.  The body was curved in a way that made her think “female” not “tool”.  And two tiny green eyes were staring up at her, canted to show surprise.

“Sid?”

“Yep!” peeped the pepper grinder.

“You can talk?” asked Louise in amazement.

“We refined the design a couple of times,” said Nate proudly.  “She wanted to be able to see, and I wanted to be able to talk with her.”

“Show her the best bit!”

Nate rolled his eyes.  “Try grinding with her.”

“Won’t that...  Right.  But what about grinding up bits of you, you didn’t like that as an eraser.”

Nate shook his head.  “Made her empty, then filled her with peppercorns once I got her home.  Works like a charm.”

At Nate’s gesture to the little black pepper grinder, Louise gently picked Sid up.  “Are you really okay with this?”

“Yep!”

Louise gave the grinder a gentle twist.  It didn’t sound like any grinder she’d heard before, there was no gritting sound.  The top turned smoothly, and a drift of pepper flakes settled out of the bottom of the grinder.  “Wow.  She’s smooth.  And... warm?”

Louise looked down at the eyes, grinning.  “And happy about this.  I can see that now.  Louise set Sid down again.  “So you’re really planning to stay like this?”

A few moments passed.  No response.

“She can only talk when she’s lined up just so,” said Nate.  “Just sort of happened that way.  You need to align her top with little notch that looks like the hollow in her neck.”

Louise turned the top of the grinder carefully, until she thought she had it right.  “You have a mute button?”

“Mhmm.  Makes me feel more like an object when I can’t talk,” said the little grinder, cheerfully.

“That’s not a good thing!” exclaimed Louise.  “Being an object, immobile and helpless...”

“I know you hated it Lou, but this is what I was meant to be.”

“A pepper grinder.  You’re meant to be a pepper grinder.  How does that even make sense?”  Louise banged Sid down on the table.

Sid winced, but didn’t fuss.  “I don’t know, Lou.  But it’s right.  I can feel it.  I get to be useful all the time, Nate even started making eggs for breakfast just so he can use me then.  Being held in someone’s hands is amazing, and the grinding?”  Sid cooed softly.  “I love this.  I truly do.”

“But you’re here all alone when Nate’s working,” protested Louise.

“I can see.  He leaves the TV on for me.”

“That’s not enough, you need company.”  Louise’s eyes went very wide.  “You need a matching salt grinder.”

Sid looked up at Louise, her tiny green eyes alight with need.  “I couldn’t ask you that.  I know how you feel.”

“Tell me true, Sid.  Is it...”

“Yes!” Sid shouted, as loudly as a pepper grinder could.  Which was remarkably loud, given her size.

Louise looked over at Nate.  “I... guess I could.  To keep her company.”

“Now?” asked Nate, as Louised pulled him toward the door.

“Before I lose my nerve.”

A short time later, a smooth white salt-grinder stood beside the pepper-grinder.  “You didn’t say it’d feel so good.  A whole hand wrapped around your body...”  Louise sighed happily.

“Wait for the grinding.  It’s almost dinnertime.”

“I can’t wait.”

They didn't have to.  Nate already had his steak unwrapped, and gave them both a good workout over it.  Soon the sizzling sound of it cooking filled the air.

The grinders were standing together, watching.  They couldn’t talk, and at first Louise found that frustrating.  All she could do was watch.  Then the steak was flipped, and the grinders got another spin.  This time, Nate made sure to set them down with their heads just so.

“Happy?” he asked.

“Deliriously,” agreed Sid.  “That feels soooo good.”

Louise whimpered softly.  “Why?  How?  How can having my insides twisted feel like that?”

“Sid wanted it to feel nicer, so...”

Sid purred happily.  “Best change ever.”

“Please take me home,” said Louise in a strained voice.  “Let me out.”

“Lou, do you have to go?” begged Sid.

Louise didn’t answer except with her eyes.  Nate scooped her up, and kissed Sid on the head.  “Back soon, don’t fret.”

“The steak!” called Sid.  Nate turned back from the door, popped the steak off the grill, and was gone.

Sid waited and fretted, hoping the steak wouldn’t be ruined.  Nate was back as soon as promised, and sighed at his meal.  “Well, best do what I can with it.  It’ll be a bit tougher than planned, that’s all.”

“How’s Louise?” asked Sid as Nate resumed cooking.

Nate shrugged.  “Scared, I think.”

Sid sighed.  “I hoped she could get past that.”

*** *** ***

Louise showed up at Nate’s place a few days later, and had a pleasant dinner chatting with both of them.  They talked of inconsequential things, Louise pointedly avoided noting that Sid was still four inches tall, talking to her as an equal.

Eventually, conversation turned to plans for the future.  Louise had heard back from a couple of local colleges, but neither program excited her.  Nate then revealed that he had been accepted into an apprenticeship program for the fall.

“Plumbing isn’t exactly exciting, but it’s good money,” said Nate.  “And it gets me out of here.”

“Take me with you,” exclaimed Louise, then she covered her mouth.

“Are you sure?” asked Nate softly.

“Oh hell yes.  I want out of here so bad, and...  Oh.”  Louise glanced down at Sid.

“Yeah,” agreed Nate.  “I won’t be able to support other people at first.  Sid would enjoy the company.”

Louise carefully picked up the pepper grinder, and cupped it in her hands.  “This is terrifying.”

“Oh Lou,” whispered Sid.  “You’ll grow to love it too.”

“That’s what’s terrifying.  I’d have to be this for months...”

“At least a year, maybe two,” added Nate.  When Sid glared at him, he shrugged.  “She should know.”

Louise sighed, and set the grinder down.  “I can tell how dangerous this is.  Addictive.  Sid’s already hooked.”

“I started out hooked,” said Sid softly.  “I never wanted all that stuff that comes with being human.”

“What stuff?” asked Louise.

“All the things you’re expected to do to please others...  Everyone wanted me to be things I wasn’t.  Now life is simple.  I grind, and it’s so good...”

“But is that enough?” murmured Louise.  “I wanted to do more with my life.”

“And you will,” reassured Nate.  “I promise.  Two years, tops.  We can change you for that right now.  Both of you, so you change back together.”

“Together?” asked Louise, as much to Sid as herself.

“Together,” agreed Sid.

Louise scooped her friend and held her to her chest.  “Two years.  Okay.  I can do this.”

*** *** ***

A salt grinder and a pepper grinder sat side by side on the table.  Neither said a word.  Neither needed to.  Neither could, at Sid’s request they’d been left with their voices turned off.

Louise tried to convey her annoyance with her eyes, but Sid looked so content she couldn’t keep it up.  Time slid past in silent communion.

Nate’s return shook Louise out of her stupor, and after he’d made light use of both of his new grinders, he set them up so they could speak.  “How was your day?”

“Felt like a real object,” murmured Sid dreamily.

“Same,” agreed Louise.  “Eventually.  Tried to hate it, but it was too much effort.”

“Do you want out?  I can take you back to the Venn Machine,” offered Nate.

“And leave Sid all alone?  Not a chance.”

Nate nodded slowly, smiling down at them.  “So you’re happy?”

“I guess.  Give me a couple more days like that, then ask again.”

“Silent?” asked Nate with raised eyebrows.

“We talked ourselves out last week,” said the salt grinder.

“Treat us as objects,” agreed the pepper grinder.

Nate shook his head.  “I like talking to you.  But if you want quiet days, I can do that.”

As the next week passed, they talked less and less.  Once they stopped, Nate stopped worrying about lining up the grinders so they could talk.  Somewhat after that, he stopped addressing them by name.

A month later, he packed them into a box with his other kitchen supplies.  His new place was a dorm room without its own kitchen, so there they stayed.

*** *** ***

A year later, Nate got his first pay raise and used it to move into a nicer apartment.  The kitchen was big enough to cook in properly, and as he set out his things he came upon a very special set of salt and pepper grinders.  He set them in place of pride, and brushed his hands over them reverently.  “I am sorry it took this long, you two.  I had no idea...  Are you mad?”

There was no answer.  Nate cooked dinner, and set the grinders up properly aligned.  Still nothing.  “Please?  Tell me you’re still there.”

Nate spent the next week cajoling his grinders into talking, but got no response.  It was only when he threatened them with the Venn Machine that a tiny, creaky voice emerged.  “No,” said the salt grinder.

“Why not?”

“Things.”

Nate groused that they were not things, they were people.  “Look, soon I’ll have enough that I could feed the both of you.  You could be human again.  Don’t you want that?”

“Meh.”

And that was all the answer he got.  Once again, due to lack of response he gave up on reminding them of humanity.  He assuaged his guilt by making sure they got regular use.  Their eyes showed their pleasure at being held and used.

Most of another year passed.  Nate brought a few girls home on dates, cooking dinner for them and passing the salt and pepper grinders off as novelties.  Their watchful gaze acted as an effective chaperone, he could never get up the nerve to go further.

And then one day, Nate returned home to find two women waiting there for him.  One looked lost and confused, burrowed into the other’s lap.

“You’ve done a real number on her, Nate.”

Nate sighed, and approached them.  He crouched in front of them.  “Hey.  You’re human now.  Time to talk.”

“Don’ wanna.”

Nate hugged both of them.  “What am I going to do with you two?”

Louise whispered something in his ear that made him blush incandescently.  Sid perked up at what she’d heard.  “Okay.”