Shift at the Mall
a
Trust Machines story
by
clancy688
Dennis put his belt on and checked if everything was on its correct place. Radio, pepper spray, baton and taser, everything there. He was ready for duty. Sighing, he closed his locker's door and then went into the small office which acted as the mall security's base.
His junior partner Julian, a young, trim Afro-American was already there, chatting with the previous shift's team. As soon as the two saw Dennis entering the room, they leaped up, wished their relief a calm shift and left as fast as possible.
That was actually kind of understandable. It was Friday evening, after all. Since there where several night clubs in the mall, it stayed open until 5 a.m. and a security guard was needed during the whole night. But the other guard's hasty disappearance hadn't had anything to do with their desire to start into the weekend ASAP.
No, Dennis thought, not in the slightest. Several months before, a Venn Machine had appeared in the mall right in front of an old bookstore. The owner had pitched a fit of course, but since nobody had any clue on how to remove the things, it had stayed. And had complicated Dennis' formerly peaceful guard shifts in the mall enormously.
Now suddenly people were using the Machine for all kinds of strange transformations. Transform someone into clothing? Pffffft! No problem for the security officer. One human less to watch over. But what do you do when frightened people come running up to your desk, asking you to do something about the strange half-human half-wasp thing buzzing around under the roof and apparently building some kind of nest? And how in God's name do you convince the bug-brained maniac from coming down before an alerted SWAT team storms the mall and blasts his chitinous guts all over the skylights?
When he normally told friends this particular story (one of many crazy ones he could chose from), they laughed, thinking that he was obviously joking. Only that he wasn't. Sadly.
And at Friday evenings, those occurrences were regularly at an all-week high. Everybody finished his work, drove home, prepared for the weekend. Only to get an 'interesting' idea about how a Venn Machine could spice up the free time even more.
Therefore the Friday evening shift was, under normal conditions, a crazy hell. And when there was some kind of celebration like a stag party, it tended to get worse. Much, much worse.
"I'll take the first round." he said now, putting on his cap and leaving the office, walking out into the mall. It was placed at a very inconvenient spot - that is, on the mall's section opposite to the Venn Machine. He could still see the booth when he went out of his door, but not from inside and he couldn't see clearly what was happening either.
Which meant that, if he stayed in his office, he could only react to changes after other mall customers informed him about them, not immediately. And patrolling the Venn Machine was no solution either. The guards had done this for a short amount of time, then customer's had complained about 'unnecessary surveillance' and started insisting on their given right on a private sphere. Which was when the management's support had crumbled and the guards had found themselves prohibited from observing it.
Of course they were still expected to keep customers from, for example, etching the floor because they'd seen too many old horror movies and decided to become some acid blob creature just for the fun of it.
How in hell they should be able to manage this when they could only react a couple of minutes after the blobs had exited the machine was beyond Dennis. Not that this little detail had kept the management from giving the whole security department a severe tongue-lashing over the several dozen feet of ruined marble this specific episode had cost the mall.
But at least they were still allowed regular tours over the compound. A tour which, for some strange reason no guard was inclined to tell those brainless superminds in management, let the guard pass the Venn Machines at least a dozen times.
It didn't take long and Dennis saw the first couple of people exiting the Venn Machines who would make his intervention necessary.
***********************************************
Nervously, Jim walked through the mall, trying to shut out all those odd feelings his body was giving him. There were, for example, the high heeled leather boots click-clacking on the floor. Or the ultra-short PVC-mini-skirt barely covering his ass. Compared to that, the fishnet stockings were only an afterthought. But the tube top he was wearing, plus the massive breasts it was struggling to keep in check, was another matter entirely. The heavy make-up he was feeling on his face didn't make it any better.
Tom on the other hand, who was walking besides him, dressed similarly, didn't seem to have any qualms. He was striding through the mall confidently and Jim wondered if he'd perhaps done this before?
This had sounded like a great idea to his 16-year old birdbrain half an hour ago. Have some fun the weekend, do some discovering, learn about what the ladies want, even earn some money - why the hell not?
He wasn't so sure now anymore as he saw how the people were reacting to him and Tom. The women were treating them with contempt, giving them disparaging stares. The men, on the other hand, were worse. They were openly leering and Jim felt like a walking piece of meat.
"Hey, girls, what do you think you're doing here?" a loud voice suddenly said and Jim and Tom turned.
***********************************************
Dennis looked at the two... well, hookers, what else would they be with those bodies? Both were absolute bombshells with curvy bodies, large tits and asses, their figures screaming for sex. And the way they were dressed, in cheap, ultra-short skirts and tops, fishnets and fuck-me boots, they were actively promoting their bodies' assets.
One looked at him, licking her lips sexily. "Yes, officer?" she cooed seductively. "Can I help you with something?". The other seemed to be a inhibited, though.
Dennis sighed. "Look, girls. Or guys. I know you came out of the Venn Machines. I've seen you entering before. And prostitution is not allowed in this mall. And don't tell me-" he said as the other girl opened her mouth, "-that this isn't exactly what you wanted to do, is it? You've designed yourself a pair of slutty hooker bodies and you want to earn money tonight by selling your goods. Well, not on my watch. So either you go back and change back or into something else, or I'll have you arrested on charges of prostitution. So what's it gonna be?"
The feisty one glowered, but the other hooker-turned-guy seemed to be rather relieved and now started to persuade her friend in accepting the officers terms.
And a couple of minutes later, Dennis saw a pair of pimply looking teenagers emerging from the booths.
"Go home playing, kids." he scowled to himself. "What would your parents think?"
Although it didn't take long for him to spot the next offence.
"Excuse me, Ma'am." he said politely and a young, blonde woman in a long summer dress turned towards him.
"Yes?" she asked, mustering him.
"I have only one question." Dennis said and then pointed behind her where a leopard was sitting on the floor, attentively looking at both of them. "Does he belong to you?"
The woman frowned. "Why, yes. That's my husband Peter. I sometimes like it when he's all furry and cuddly, you know..." she blushed a little bit. "Are there no animals allowed in this mall? I checked beforehand, and there was nothing about 'no animals'!"
"Don't worry, Ma'am." Dennis calmed her down. "That's right. Animal-turned humans are allowed, but only if they are either leashed or properly tagged. Therefore you have to put signs on your husband marking him as sentient and harmless. You'll find those in the locker rooms."
Thanking, the woman collected her husband and together they entered the locker room. A minute later, the leopard came out of the door again, this time with large, white signs sticking on his flanks: 'Venned Human - No Danger'.
Thankfully, on this tour there were only these two incidents and Dennis entered his office again to dive in an apparently unending litter of paperwork. Relieved from being saved from the papery hell, Julian left the office to start his tour.
***********************************************
Aaron was standing in front of the shoe store his wife had entered, unsure what he should do now. Bored, he scratched on the floor with his hooves, then scurrying forth and back. There wasn't anything else to do, since his wife had tethered him on a fire hydrant. Actually, he was a little miffed about this. She was treating him like he was a dumb animal!
Though she had a point, he had to concede. Everyone who looked at him now would only see a small, brown Shetland Pony. Their young daughter Penny had always wished for a horse, but they simply hadn't enough money to fulfill her the wish. Therefore she and his wife had decided to use the Venn Machine to at least give her a pony of her own over the weekend. Aaron was looking forward to the moment when his wife would lead Penny to the garden where he'd wait for her, with a large ribbon around his head.
While he was thinking about this, a young mother with two young children passed him and both little girls became totally enthralled by the Pony. They started petting him and Aaron snorted amused. Well, why not? he thought. I've changed into a horse to make a little girl happy, so why not making three little girls happy?
After some time the mother even put them on his back and Aaron started walking around with the squealing bunch as far as his tether allowed. He was so completely taken in by the kids that he didn't notice the mall security officer slipping a ticket on the end of his leash.
***********************************************
"What the hell's this bullshit about?" an angry, female voice demanded and startled Dennis looked up.
"Excuse me?" he asked towards the woman who was standing in his office's doorway, fuming and holding a leash with a... pony in her hands? "What appears to be the problem, Ma'am."
"This!" she hissed, banging a ticket on his desk. Interested, Dennis studied it.
"You tethered your pony to a fire hydrant, Ma'am?"
Her eyes flashed. "This is my husband! And yes, I did. So why did we get written up?"
"Sorry. And according to state law, it's forbidden to tether horses to fire hydrants. Pony's are horses as well, therefore you committed a delinquency and got written up. Yes, yes, I know!" Dennis took his hands up soothingly as the woman prepared to throw back an angry response.
"This law is outdated and should be abolished. But still, it hasn't been and it's still the law. Therefore I can't do anything for you, I'm sorry."
It took him nearly ten minutes to convince the furious woman that this was going nowhere and still fuming she left the office with her pony, err, husband, in tow.
"Wow!" Julian said, watching the fury leaving. He'd come just in time to see her pissed departure. "That Miss was mad as hell. Was she complaining about the ticket I gave her?"
Dully Dennis nodded. "Yeah... thanks for that, by the way. Why the hell are you enforcing bullshit laws?"
"Because it's the law." Julian said simply. "Sorry for that."
"Never mind." Dennis said grumpily. "You're right, of course. Although I prefer to give the people the possibility to correct their mistake before I write them up. So, anything out of the ordinary out there?"
Julian shrugged his shoulders. "Only the normal madness. There was another woman I had to give a ticket. She was having a goat with her, apparently her son, don't ask me why now, I don't know either. Anyway, he was not leashed and eating the floral displays. And then there was a born comedian he thought that it would be funny letting himself being changed into me and impersonate me, giving all kinds of people tickets. And some guy's girlfriend scared me to death when I was standing in front of the bushes next to the Venn Machine and she suddenly stuck her snout through my legs. He'd transformed her into a python!" He through his hands up in the air. "I swear you, I'm getting to old for this shit."
"You not saying." Dennis replied. "You're not even 25. What should I say? I'm nearly twice as old, dammit!"
Julian opened to reply, but then, he saw something out in the mall.
"Um, Dennis, say..." he pondered. "We do have a gun store in the mall, don't we?"
"Yes, why?"
"Do you know if they are also selling assault rifles? I mean, we're not in Georgia after all..."
Immediately, Dennis darted up. "Oh Jeez, not again." he cursed, sprinting out of the office.
***********************************************
Happily, Lyle strolled over the mall, cradling Beverly in his arms. His girlfriend's shape was sleek and metallic, exhaling professional lethality and he was already looking forward to shooting her on the range. Although he'd never ever seen the type of assault rifle she had become. Or the caliber she now needed.
But that would be no problem, he was sure. He'd simply go in the gun shop in the mall and show them his transformed girlfriend, and the professionals would probably know which ammunition she needed.
He was still in thought when someone tapped him on the shoulder.
"Excuse me, Sir." the security officer said, eyeing him. "But I have to ask you if you're having a permit for openly carrying a gun. Especially an assault rifle."
"What?" Lyle said startled. "I don't have one for assault rifles. But this is no gun! Well, okay, it is a gun, but it's actually my girlfriend! I transformed her into a gun. Do I still need a license for carrying my girlfriend?" he chuckled at the question.
The officer sighed. "Look, at the moment she's an assault rifle, therefore you need a permit. But even more - you intend to shoot her, don't you?"
Lyle nodded. "Of course I do. That's why I was on my way to the gun shop, to look for the right kind of ammo-"
"Forget it!"
The sharp retort interrupted his reply and questioningly, Lyle looked at the officer.
"Why?"
"Because you won't find any ammunition which will fit. That's an oddity of the Venn Machines. If you transform someone into an electronic gadget, it won't be able to work together with our technology. And if you transform someone into a weapon, it will have a caliber different from anything we have."
Lyle ogled, then looked at his girlfriend's sleek, metallic shape. "What? But that's... damn, I was so looking forward to shooting her!"
"Well..." the officer said, stroking his chin. "That I understand. But you're still not allowed to carry such a dangerous weapon. So I have a compromise for you: You change her back so that I don't have to arrest you. And instead you turn her into..."
The gun-maniac's face lightened up. "Well, that sounds cool. Not as cool as an assault rifle, but still... thanks!"
And grinning, he went back to the Venn Machine.
***********************************************
"What'll he be doing now?" Julian asked Dennis after he'd come back from his little talk.
"Just wait and you'll be seeing." Dennis said mysteriously and seated himself. Julian didn't have to wait long. Two minutes later, the man was coming back. This time clutching an arbalest, a quiver and bolts.
Julian giggled. "Some people are just totally crazy."
"You not saying."
***********************************************
Half an hour later, Dennis was doing his next tour. And it didn't take long when he spotted another offense.
"Excuse me, Sir, Ma'am." he said politely to the couple which had just passed him. "May I talk to you? It will only take a short moment."
Both turned and looked at him, with the man nodding. He hadn't expected a reply anyway. That was not possible with their current... equipment. Instead of a mouth, the woman had a large pussy in her face, complete with vagina, clitoris... the real deal. But since female reproduction organs can't speak... The man had a similar change as well. He'd apparently traded his tongue for a cock, and the sight of his partner's face-pussy had obviously stirred it, so that it was now pushing out of mouth for at least ten inches.
"You're publicly showing your sexual organs. That's indecency and I could write you up for it. As it is, I think I'm going to let it pass, but only if you're covering your, uh, faces. Is that alright?"
The woman nodded, adjusting her scarf so that her lower face was covered, her friend doing the same.
"Thank you, officer." the woman said as the couple turned to go and Dennis looked down startled. Had the woman just talked from her... crotch? Did that mean that behind the skirt in the place of her original pussy was...?
Dennis shook his head. Crazy people all around, that's Friday evening for you.
***********************************************
Half an hour later he was sitting behind his desk again. There hadn't been any more madness, although this unusual absence made him wary. He somehow had the feeling that the worst was still coming.
Or, Dennis assumed, I've simply ditched the bullet before and prevented the typical Friday evening madness climax when I accidentally overheard what this guy wanted his friend to change him into! And thank God I did! After the last time someone had tried such a stunt I had to take a one week vacation!
What had nearly happened was that a guy had wanted his friend to change him into an army of cockroaches. Not one, not two, no, an army. As many as fit into a Venn Machine. Of course it's possible. What's not possible is controlling all those tens of thousands of bodies.
Two months before a girl had tried the same thing only with wasps. And the moment she'd become approximately a bazillion different little flying bugs, she'd simply lost control. Puff. Gone. And most of her bodies had acted on instinct, like normal wasps do.
First the management had pondered if they should simply engage an exterminator and hunt all the wasps which bothered the other guests down. Of course the transformed girl couldn't die, therefore there was no danger in killing her. But they'd scrapped the idea. Someone had feared that the girl would sue them later for 'torture' and 'assault'. Therefore they'd taken the easy way out. For them. Use the security guards to catch as many wasps as possible. They'd barely managed to catch 5% when the girl had changed back on default after the weekend.
A second occurrence of this catastrophe had now been prevented, thanks to Dennis. Although he didn't know what the guy had let himself transformed into by his friend later. He'd only shot a short glance, and it seemed to have been small, white, wriggly and at least several dozen of whatever that was. He rather didn't want to ponder about the actual nature of the transformation.
Anyway, at the moment, everything seemed to be just peachy. It would be very nice if that condition wouldn't ch-
*RIIIINNNNG*
Startled, Julian looked at the phone. A call? Now? At 11 p.m.? But dutifully he picked up receiver. "Mall Security, what can I do for you?"
Dennis looked sharply at his colleague whose brows were furrowing further and further.
"Um, wait a moment." Julian said, putting the receiver to the side, making a funny face. "It's the police. They ask if we need assistance. Apparently, there are calls coming in on the emergency line reporting some kind of 'monster' in our mall. What should I-?"
But Dennis didn't listen anymore. He'd jumped from his chair like a starting ICBM and crossed the distance to the door in record time. Then he looked towards the Venn Machine. Gaping. Which made Julian quite uneasy. He'd never seen the older guard gaping. Ever.
Cursing heavily, Dennis whirled around. "Tell them to hold their horses. I'll check the situation out. They shall NOT react unless I tell them so OR I get eaten. You understand me?!" and with this, Dennis darted out of the door, leaving Julian behind stupified.
"GET EATEN...?" he asked the empty door wide-eyed, still holding the receiver in his hand.
***********************************************
Tanya was feeling strange. Not uncomfortable, but strange. That should be expected when one becomes some kind of human-sized caterpillar. she snorted inwardly. Her friends, of course, didn't pick up this snort. Since there was currently no way for her to express it. She had a giant, worm-like body with an armored back and ten, little clawed stubby feet giving her the appearance of a giant caterpillar. Only that caterpillars didn't have a flexible barbed tail. Or a giant maw where a head should be, as large as her main body and spiked with several rows of sharp, inclined teeth and two large fangs.
The absence of a head was actually a problem - she had to do without her normal senses thanks to her missing eyes and ears. She could neither see nor hear, the world was black and silent for her at the moment. Still she didn't felt like panicking. She was still picking up vibrations over the floor she was crawling over and she had some kind of very powerful smell sense. She could smell each and every of her friends around her, where they were, the exact steps they'd taken since they'd entered the mall, their overall state...
No, she concluded. For this body, there are no sounds and sights needed. I think the weekend may become interesting after all. Perhaps they will let me roam the woods while we're not filming...?
Tanya and her friends were currently in the process of shooting a movie, a little hobby project they'd started several weeks ago. They'd decided to go for a horror movie and nearly finished it by now - with only several good shots of a monster missing. Therefore they'd drawn straws to decide which one would change into a monster of the weekend to let himself being filmed. And Tanya had taken the short straw.
Well, it doesn't look like bad luck to me now. she thought now amused. Who'd have thought that I'd find it interesting being such a nightmarish creature? But it's true... and I can still smell fear radiating from my friends... despite their knowledge that it's me in this body. Not that I don't understand them of course...
Tanya had entered the Venn Machine ten minutes before, Joshua had taken the other side, looking for a suitable breed of monster to transform her into. He'd apparently tried by telling the Machine to go for a "hideous, terrifying creature" and it had excavated this.
First Tanya had been startled as she'd shoved her worm-body out the machine, surprised by her lack of familiar senses and limbs and the sensations especially her body-maw was providing.
But then she'd become intrigued. This was strange yet interesting. Therefore she'd signaled her friends that she was okay with this (tapping a limb, in her case she had only her tail to choose, two times on the ground, Joshua had thankfully anticipated that she could emerge blind or deaf) and then started following them to the waiting transporter.
So now I'm a terrible worm-monster over the next 48 hours. Tanya giggled. I hope my mother doesn't see me.
Still there was one problem to be solved. How do they tell me what I should do at the set when I can neither see nor hear them? she wondered. Well, they'll figure out something sometimes...
She was still thinking about this when she noticed a new smell trace closing in on them in a fast pace. Curiously, she pointed her maw in direction of the newcomer.
***********************************************
Dennis gulped as he looked at the group of teenagers in front of him. Well, it was not actually the teenagers who had instilled this gulp. But rather the... thing they had in tow. It was some kind of large, hideous worm, easily 16 feet long over all. The monster probably had materialized in a crouched position in the Venn Machine, otherwise it wouldn't have fit in.
But now it reared up, the last three sets of short, stubby claws perched on the floor, the front two sets in the air, positioning its maw well above the teenagers' heads.
He gulped again as he looked into this gaping hole, vicious inclined teeth glistering with saliva, both horizontal fangs jerking as if they were only waiting for a puny human to come close enough to be grasped. Being captured by this monster wouldn't be a pleasant encounter, Dennis contemplated. The fangs would pin him while the rings of teeth in its maw would strip his flesh of his bone - slowly.
Now it was even looking at him - well, pointing its maw at him at least. After all, he couldn't identify anything which passed for an eye.
Dennis gulped a third time and then gathered all his boldness.
"Does this... fellow here-" he pointed at the drooling worm "-belong to your group?" he asked the teenagers and they looked at each other. Then a boy answered.
"Um, yes..." he said. "That's Tanya, she's a friend of us."
A girl??? Dennis thought taken aback. That thing is actually a girl? Oh, wow...
"Hmph." he made, for lack of a better answer. "And what do you suppose you're doing here? You're scaring half the mall, you know?"
Now a girl piped in. "We're currently filming a monster film and Tanya here volunteered to become our monster for the weekend."
"Okay, but you can't just waltz through my mall with such a monster in tow." he said in a hard voice. "You either need to leash her or mark her as a venned human."
Ha, leashing... he snorted inwardly. That's a nice joke. The thing doesn't even have a frigging neck!
But the response he got to this surprised him.
"But we marked her!" the boy who'd spoken before protested and pointed at the monster's side. "There it is, look!"
"Er, what?" Dennis narrowed his eyes and looked at the worm. Indeed, there were the needed signs. Only...
Dennis laughed strained. "Well, all right. But I doubt that any sane human's coming close enough to your friend here to actually read the things. No, what they are doing as soon as they see her is running away as fast as they can and then phone the police. You're scaring my customers and I can't have that." he tried his uttermost best to direct a stern glower at the monster. "So could you please change back?"
No reaction. Dennis furrowed his brows. "Hello, Tanya? That was your name, wasn't it? Could you please change back?"
Still no reaction.
"Um..." another girl intervened shyly. "I think... her body is deaf and blind. I'm studying zoology and much of her body is in accordance with normal worms, and those have neither eyes nor ears, they only feel vibrations and have a powerful sense of smell. Therefore-" she shrugged helplessly "-you can't communicate with her. Right now she's probably wondering who you are, what you want and why we have stopped."
Dennis stared incredulous at the group. This was getting better and better. He was thinking furiously on how to resolve this situation when the boy cleared his throat.
"Um, officer...?" he asked and Dennis cocked an eyebrow at him. "How about this? We have a transporter parked directly in front of the mall to transport Tanya. And it's actually a shorter way to the transporter than back to the Venn Machine. How about you escort us to the transporter? Then we're gone, Tanya is gone and the customers won't be scared. All right...?"
Dennis considered this proposal. Actually... it did appear to be sound. He sighed. Why not?
"Okay, let's do it this way." he said gruffly and relieved the teenagers started walking again, the worm monster following.
It was a hilarious procession. First came the group of teenagers. Behind them, security guard Dennis, trying to radiate a sufficiently relaxed aura. Everything's all right. Here's nothing to be seen. Keep walking. The giant, scary worm monster behind me belongs here.
Of course this wasn't even remotely what he was actually feeling. In reality, he was scared shitless, hearing the monster's claws scraping over the floor and knowing that there was a giant, teethed maw dangling over his head.
But five minutes later, Tanya had been stored in the waiting transporter and Dennis watched it driving away, breathing easily again.
***********************************************
"I think I wouldn't have been able to come closer than ten yards to this thing!" Julian told him admiringly as Dennis let his body, worn out by apprehension, flop into his office seat.
"And that's why I'm the chief guard and you're not." he responded weakly, looking at his junior guard. "Did you tell the police that everything's all right again?"
Julian nodded. "Yeah. They didn't even want to know what exactly was going on. As soon as I'd said 'Venn Machine' they waived me off, so to say, and simply told me 'good luck' with resolving the situation."
"Damn sissies." Dennis muttered and closed his eyes. To protect and to serve, all right. But who protected him?
***********************************************
"Sleeping at work, I see?" a pleasant-sounding, familiar voice said and Dennis opened his eyes to look into the grinning face of his wife. Then his view darted to the clock. 4:57 a.m.? The shift was nearly over, damn!
"Don't worry, boss." Julian said grinning from his own desk. "I decided to let you nap. Not that much activity this Friday, besides the worm monster from before there were only harmless transformations. The worst was probably a group of teenagers which transformed one of them into a heap of snow and started a snowball fight in the mall. I'll finish the rest and close the mall. You can leave into the weekend with your wife."
Dennis murmured a thanks and vanished into the guards' locker room. Five minutes later he emerged in civil, his wife already waiting outside the office.
"So, was the shift hard?" she asked, giving him a quick peck on the lips.
"Oh, no. Only the usual madness, Iris." he laughed. "Teenagers running amok with the Venn Machine, you know."
"Hmm..." his wife contemplated, grinning. "Teenagers doing usual madness? Well... how about we do some of our usual madness this weekend? The kids are out of house, you know. Therefore we'd be alone."
Dennis grinned. "Of course. Then lead the way, Iris."
And smiling, she obeyed, sauntering off in direction of the Venn Machine, Dennis following.
***********************************************
Julian was just closing the curtains of the guard office as a young, teenage couple strode by. The boy was tall and well muscled, wearing a muscle shirt, denim shorts and flip-flops. He had his left hand snuggled around his petite girlfriend's waist who was a strawberry blonde wearing a light summer dress and relying on high heeled sandals for additional height, but even so her head barely topped his shoulders.
As the couple passed Julian, the girl waived at him. "Have a nice weekend, Julian!" she called and giggled as Julian waived back.
"And you too, Denise!"
Grinning, he finished his work.
Well... he thought. ...if your job is tidying up teenager's madness, there's a high probability that some of this madness will get to you as well. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing...
And whistling, he wandered off into his own weekend.