TF, TG

“This one?”

“Nope, not that one.”

“And not this one.”

“Definitely not.”

“But - oh! This one, right?”

“Let me see.” Bella craned her neck to check out Anna’s fashion magazine. “Oh yeah, that one would be sweet.”

Anna giggled. “You’re so funny.”

“Oh?” Bella leaned forward from her pillow and coiled a strand of Anna’s hair between her fingers. “Just how am I amusing my girlfriend tonight?”

“You dress and act like such a butch, but when I ask you what kind of dresses you’d like to be, you pick the girliest, flashiest ones I can find.”

“Hey, I don’t want to wear them, I just want to be them.”

“Ooh, here’s one. Leather!”

“Oh man, I would love to be that dress. Imagine you wearing me like that.”

“You don’t think it would be weird to be something made out of a cow?”

“It wouldn’t be made out of a cow, would it? It’d be made out of me.”

“True.”

“And is it any weirder than being a camera?”

“I guess not.”

“We’ll have to arrange another cam session. I liked what I saw.”

“Oh, be quiet, you, or I’ll venn you into a hairdryer.”

“Are you kidding? That sounds hot!”

“Really?”

“Imagine, you holding me in your hand … stroking my prongs … you push my plug into the wall socket and flick the electricity on … a surge of current runs through me …”

“Mmm, keep that up and I won’t make you a hairdryer.”

“No?”

“No, I’ll make you something smaller … more intimate … and battery-powered.”

*

“Damn.”

“What?”

Sean looked up from his laptop, where he’d been reading Comic Book Resources.

“Yvonne Craig died.”

“Oh God. Really?”

This was one of the best things about dating a fellow geek, he thought. No lengthy explanations required.

“I used to love Batgirl.”

“Yeah, that attitude …” Melanie sighed, rolling over on the bed.

“And the costume.”

“Totally. I always wanted to be her.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah. Maybe I could venn myself into her …”

“I don’t think they work like that. They’d probably just turn you into a young female bat.”

“Well, that could be interesting too,” Melanie laughed. Then she turned serious.

“Um, speaking about turning into things, I thought I’d mention our idea to Ava.”

Sean was slightly confused. “Which idea was that?”

“About the condom thing.”

“About turning you into a condom? You were serious about that?”

“Oh hell yeah! Weren’t you?”

“I suppose.”

“Come on, babe. Imagine unrolling me … me covering you …”

“And having sex with Ava.”

“Sure. Why not? She’s hot. She must turn you on a little.”

“Is that a trick question?” Sean said wryly. Time to change the subject.

“Oh, uh, speaking of condoms, I bought some today, and you don’t mind if I leave them here, do you?”

“No, of course not. You can put them in my bedside table’s top drawer, with all the other sex stuff.”

“Great.”

“You’re really sure they’re necessary?”

“Mel, I could get pregnant.”

“Maybe we could put you on the pill.”

“I don’t even know if that would work. Venn machines … I mean, it’s simple. I have a penis and you have a vagina, no condoms. I have a vagina and you have a vagina, no condoms. I have a penis and you have a penis, no condoms. But if I have a vagina and you have a penis, condoms … what?”

Melanie was looking at him like he’d just won a Nobel Prize.

“Did you just say ‘I have a penis and you have a penis’?”

“Uh, I guess so …”

She covered him in a flurry of kisses and then jumped out of bed. “Sean, you’re a genius! Now, where are my jeans?”

“Where are you going?”

“We - and I emphasise we - are going to the mall. Come on!”

*

Ava heard the door slam and rolled over to look at the time. Where were those two going at this time of night, she wondered.

Oh, did she have to ask? They were going to the Venn machines in the mall. Probably going to turn Sean into a girl again.

Well, he did make a very yummy girl. Not a bad guy, either.

Oh, and what was that noise from above?

Having Anna and Bella living above her had a lot of good points. And just one bad one.

They were at it again.

God, Ava, you’re just being jealous because they’re getting it and you’re not. When was the last time you had sex?

A month ago. No, wait, being a strap-on doesn’t count. OK, six months ago.

Her phone vibrated on her bedside table and she picked it up.

“Hello?”

“Ava, sweetie, it’s mom.”

“Hey, mom. How are things?”

“Listen, honey, I’ve got some really big news. Your sister’s getting married!”

“Wow! Really? Fantastic!”

“Yeah, you know how Mae said she wouldn’t get married until marriage equality was the law, and now it is, and Hannah proposed this evening.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful. Tell her congratulations from me.”

“You can tell her yourself, honey. I’m sure she’ll be calling you shortly. I just wanted to get in first.”

She could practically hear her mother’s smile.

“So, Ava, I don’t mean to pry, but how about you? Are you dating?”

Sigh. “No, mom, I’m not dating right now.”

“Oh, what about that big girl you were going around with when I came to visit?”

“Bella? She’s one of my best friends, mom! I have no interest in her at all like that.”

“Oh.”

“Besides, she’s got a girlfriend. But what about you, mom?” Ava said. “Robyn going to make an honest woman of you?”

Her mother chuckled. “Oh, I think I’m a bit too old to think about a wedding dress. No, a couple of old dykes like me and Robyn are happy just like we are.”

“And dad?”

“Him I don’t know about. Whether he and Charlie want to get hitched, who knows? But I’ll ask him. I’m about to call him with the news next.”

“You’re gonna go through your entire phone book, aren’t you? Oh, and hey, mom, my clippers died. Can you recommend a replacement?”

“Oh honey, don’t worry about that. I’ve got a ton of them at the salon. I’ll send you a pair.”

“Would you? That would be great.”

“Well, it’s probably getting late where you are, so I’ll hang up. Love you, Ava!”

“Love you, mom.”

Ava lay back on her pillows. She remembered the “talk”, when her parents had explained to her and her sister they were splitting because they were both in love with other people. Of the same gender. And her older sister had come out a few years later. Ava found she wasn’t particularly fussy about anyone’s genitals, she fell in love with the person. She’d classify herself as fluid.

Who was she kidding? She classified herself right now as frustrated.

Bella and Anna were starting again. Bella’s grunts and Anna’s higher-pitched cries invaded her bedroom.

She had half a mind to storm up and demand they take her to the Venn machines, turn her into a double-header, and have their way with her.

She sighed again, pulled open her bedside table’s drawer, and reached for her rabbit.

And then she heard the door, and Melanie say “how do you walk with this thing?”

*

“How do you walk with this thing?”

Sean shrugged as the pair headed for the bedroom. “I don’t know. You just do.”

“It’s weird. I guess I’m not wearing the right kind of underpants.”

“I guess. Because when I’m a girl, I don’t think ‘how can I walk without one?’”

“Let me look at it.” Melanie grinned and began to strip.

Seeing his girlfriend, all slim and willowy and girly, with that piece of equipment did feel very weird to Sean. Weird, and - he wasn’t ashamed to admit -  exciting.

“Uh, I gave you something that was pretty close to mine,” he told her.

“Really? We’ve got a matching pair? That’s wild!” Melanie began to pull at his T-shirt. “You too, babe.”

Sean began to strip. “This is going to be a whole new experience for me.”

“Me too! Don’t worry, you can do me next. So, any requests?”

“Lube. Lots and lots of lube.”

“I’ve got it covered.” She reached inside her bedside table. “Prepare for ramming speed, Mr Sulu!”

*

“What was that?”

“What was what?”

“I thought I heard something. Sounded like … Sean.”

“He and Mel are probably at it again.”

“Oh. Well, I hope he’s as satisfied as I am.”

“Good night, Anna. Love you, baby.”

“Love you too, Belladonna.”

And Anna drifted off, with one last thought flashing in her mind before she fell asleep.

I wonder what Kat’s doing right now?