"Hey there."

"Hey yourself."


They embraced and kissed, Jim and Diane, after their respective days at work. He'd put his keys in the tray by the door and found her folding the laundry. In late September it was already dark outside, and he liked the way she was lit by the lamps they'd bought, soft and warm lighting. Their tongues darted around each other. They pulled apart, and she said, "I love you."

"I love you too."

There was the sound of the key turning in their door. Nobody but them had they key. There hadn't been a knock. Diane's eyes darted that direction, in a look of fear that Jim thought wasn't familiar to him, and he followed her gaze, starting to let go of her, a fight or flight response kicking in, and by the time the door started to swing open, he was facing it from a few feet away, ready to confront or punch or tackle whoever the hell was breaking in.

The door opened, and it was Diane. In front of him. He looked behind him, at the other Diane. She was there, too. There were two Dianes.

The one at the door broke the silence. "Oh, what the fuck. Really?" The Diane at the door shut it and shook her head and crossed her arms. "Come on, for fuck's sake. We talked about this."

"Well," the Diane behind him, the one he'd kissed, said. "We sort of did." She was regaining her composure, putting her fists on her hips, trying to act tough.

"Whaaaaat the fuuuuck....?" Jim's wide eyes were just as wide, and he was turning back and forth between the two people who looked and sounded just like his girlfriend.

"I told you not to get physical," the door Diane said. She pushed past Jim to confront her twin. They were wearing basically the same thing, Diane's work clothes, nylons and heels and a skirt and a colored blouse. The Diane he'd kissed was wearing was red, the one who'd come in after was wearing blue.

"You said nothing physical with him. We just kissed!" Red Diane said.

"That's physical! You had your tongue in his mouth!"

"I did not. Did I?" She turned to Jim, a sympathetic look, a look like she was hoping he'd help her out. Blue Diane looked his way too, stern, her no bullshit look. "Did she?"

Jim looked at Diane, then at the other Diane, then back. "Uh, yes. I mean, no. Yes. What the fuck? You have a sister?"

The two women responded at the same time. One said "Yes," one said no. Jim couldn't figure out which had said what.

"I need you to tell me what's happening. Diane, you never said you had a sister."

"I don't have a sister," Blue Diane said.

Red Diane giggled. "Me neither."

"You aren't making this easier."

"Sorry," Red Diane said.

Blue Diane composed herself. "Jim, this was supposed to be a surprise, but 'Diane,' here," she nudged her twin, smacking her hip against the other woman's hip, "decided to let you in a little early. It's our Halloween costume."

"Wait, so you're not sisters?"

Red Diane, the woman Jim had had his tongue in, gave a low saucy look and licked her lips. "We could be."

Blue Diane gave her a twin a playful swat. "No, we're not. This is an old friend of mine. She's wearing a mask. Look."

Jim looked closely at Red Diane. She took a step towards him, biting her lip. She turned her head left a right, let him see every part of her, like she was showing off her makeup. She undid the top few buttons of her red blouse, and pulled the fabric apart, looking mischeivously down at her cleavage and then back at him. Jim thought it was like Diane had a horny younger sister, goading him into oogling her, except she looked exactly like his Diane. She acted like his girlfriend, but was a little naughtier. In a way Jim liked. And anyway,  Jim couldn't tell she was wearing a mask.

"And I'm sure," Blue Diane said, getting impatient with her twin's display. "That my friend here is sorry to have fooled you into kissing her."

With a comical touch, the woman Jim had kissed put a finger to her lips like she was a kid who'd been found out in a lie. "Ooopsie, sorry. But I have to say," the woman said, putting her hand to Jim's chest, and looking up at him, "You're an awful good kisser."

"Come on! Goddamn it," Blue Diane said, pulling her twin away from her boyfriend, "I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

"Uh, I mean, it's all fine. I mean," Jim looked at the floor, awkward and embarassed, actually put a finger under his collar and tugged it, to loosen his tie, "this pretty hot. You both know it. I'm sorry, Diane."

"It's OK," both of the women said, in the same tone. Then they looked at each other, Blue with an angry face and Red with a playful one.

Jim had to laugh, despite his shock. It was a big belly laugh, borne of tension.

"You think this is funny," one of them said. He didn't know which, his eyes were closed.

"I mean, yeah. And hot."

They both looked surprised, staring at him with the same open-mouth looked he liked, when he opened his eyes and smiled. "Come on, you knew I'd react this way. My beautiful, wonderful girlfriend, and there's two of you, and except for a couple little details, I can't tell you apart. You two knew how I'd react."

There was a pause, a very pregnant pause, as the two identical women considered him. Their body language somehow synced, and the differences between them vanished. It really was like it was some machine had made a perfect photocopy of his girlfriend.

"Diane?," one of them said.

"Yeah, Diane?" the one that replied gave  Jim a grin, without her eyes leaving his.

"I think the man needs a drink."

"Why, Diane, I think you're right. I'll pour him one, and a pair for us. You bring him to the couch."  They parted, and one of them took his hand and led him to the couch. He sat down, and the one who'd guided him leaned down and gave him a deep kiss. "Close your eyes," she said. He did as he was told. After a moment, he heard some rustling of fabric, and felt someone land in his lap. Then he heard his girlfriend say, "Okay, now open them."

He opened his eyes, and in front of him, standing, were two copies of Diane. They'd shed their blouses, and had dropped them on his legs. Their bras were identical. There was no way to tell them apart, now. One of them handed him a drink, and he took a sip, and put it on the sidetable.

"Ok, Jim." One of them said. The other said, "Now you have to tell us apart."