The scientist walked into the middle of her lab and got all of her assistants' attention. "Hey everybody, find a stopping point and gather around. I've got something I need to tell you."

The six assistants gradually paused programs, stoppered vials, and otherwise put their work on hold, and they started to line up for the latest meeting, but something was different. The boss wasn't standing ramrod straight in front of them, getting ready to issue orders like usual. She was sitting on one of the lab tables, dangling her feet. She never sat on a table.

As they started to form their lines, the scientist waved a hand. "No, no need to line up. This isn't that kind of meeting. Feel free to take a seat if you want. Make yourselves comfortable. It's Christmastime."

Now they knew something was up. She was never this formal. Still, they took advantage of the opportunity. Two of them, the two with orange and yellow edging on their jumpsuits, sat next to each other on a table near the back. Another one, with a green-edged jumpsuit, leaned against a table and folded her arms like a high school tough. The others found stools and got ready for the meeting.

"Okay, everybody," said the scientist. "To start off, I've got to say that I've been watching some of the surveillance footage lately. I've picked up a few interesting things in the audio."

The assistants started to exchange worried looks.

"I think the phrase 'controlling bitch' was probably the first time I noticed it," she said, "and phrases like 'stifling dictator' more or less nailed it down."

The assistants tried not to give anything away. None of them wanted any of the others to get in trouble for voicing what they had all been thinking.

"And I just have one thing to say," she said. "You're all absolutely right."

The assistants were shocked. She didn't look angry. She looked regretful.

"Please, if any of you have anything to add, speak up," she said. "I absolutely mean it."

"You weren't visited by three spirits last night, were you?" said the one with violet edging.

"Not literally," said the scientist. "Something like that did cross my mind, though."

"All right," said the one in green. "I'll go ahead and confirm it. You've been running this place like a labor camp, and I don't care if you hear me say it or not."

"I know," said the scientist, "and I think I know where it started." She hopped down from the table and ran a hand down the front of her lab coat. "It started with this."

"Your coat?" said the one with red edging.

"Yes. Back when I first built the Banach-Tarski device and started this lab, this was the only reason I stayed in charge of it. Of course you all remember. I figured out a way to duplicate objects. I worked on the technology, copying mice and rabbits. Once I started copying gold bars, I had enough funding to set this place up, and I tried duplicating myself."

"Yeah, I remember," said the one with the blue-edged jumpsuit. "I hung my coat in front of one output, I hung this jumpsuit in front of the other one, and I stepped inside."

"The machine turned on, the doors opened, and I saw my coat," said the scientist.

"And I saw this jumpsuit," said the assistant, "and I knew that I'd lost the coin toss."

"That's exactly it," said the scientist, stepping over to her blue-accented duplicate and putting a friendly hand on her shoulder. "A coin toss. That's all it really was. I used that machine six times, and each time, I was the one who stepped out and saw the lab coat. That was the only thing that kept me in charge of this place. And of course, you all know why I used the machine instead of  getting a staff the regular way, don't you?"

"Because you didn't want to tell anyone else about the B-T device?" said the one in yellow.

"Because you're a narcissist, and ogling a lab full of duplicates of yourself was easier than ogling the mirror?" said the one in green.

"Partly right," said the scientist. "Mostly, it was because I wanted a staff of assistants who were just as qualified as me. I didn't want to have to train a lot of people, so I got myself a team that knew just as much about my work as I did."

"No, I'm pretty sure it was the ogling," said the one in green. "Seriously, what mad scientist doesn't want a lab full of hot blondes?"

"Well, maybe a little," said the scientist. She winked at the one in red, and then she stepped back in front of the group. "But that right there is my whole point. You are all copies of me. You know as much as me about any of this. I have no right to treat any of you as though you're lesser versions of me. Well, that stops now."

She started taking off the lab coat, revealing a halter top and leggings. The assistants were all a little surprised. Of course they knew what she looked like under the lab coat, but they never thought they'd ever see her take the thing off. The one in green did tilt her head for a better view, though.

"There are going to be some changes around here," said the scientist. "Starting with this right here." She balled up the lab coat and chucked it into a burn bucket. "And I'll tell you something else I don't have the right to do. I don't have the right to treat you all like you're interchangeable anymore. I know you're all individuals, after all the time that's passed since you all started. You all have your own personalities, and your own preferences. You two in the back, for instance. I know you're getting sweet on each other."

The two on the table jerked upright. With all the drama, their hands had found each other almost automatically, and they looked at them like they were on fire.

"Come on," said the scientist. "I may be a genius, but I'm not blind. You're allowed to be attracted to each other, even if you weren't before."

"You said you didn't want us getting distracted," said the one in yellow.

"Well, that stops now, too," said the scientist. "Come on, let's see your true colors." She held out the burn bucket.

They stepped forward, and the one in orange started to unzip her jumpsuit. "Are you sure about this?" she said. "Don't these things keep us safe?"

"Yeah," said the scientist, "but so do the memory cloth suits underneath them. I've decided that I don't want you to hide the things about you that make you different anymore." The scientist reached out and gripped the assistant's arm gently. "They all call you Orange, don't they?"

"Yeah."

"Then why don't you show us why?"

Orange unzipped her jumpsuit, revealing the smooth form-fitting orange bodysuit underneath it. She wadded up the shapeless jumpsuit and tossed it into the burn bucket.

With Orange standing there, looking proud and shiny, the others rushed to pull their own jumpsuits off and throw them in as well. The scientist was surrounded by a rainbow-colored array of blond-haired geniuses. Orange and Yellow were still holding hands, but now they weren't bothering to hide in the back.

"Perfect," said the scientist. "This is already working out perfectly. Now for the next part." She set the bucket down and went over to her workbench. "You all know the old Christmas tradition where the servants sit down at the table and the master waits on them for a change?"

"Obviously we do," said Green. "We're all you."

"Well, this is kind of like that," said the scientist, "except of course it's not just for today." She held up a glowing silvery vial in one hand and an inoculation gun in the other. "I've reached a tipping point on my latest project, and I need a human test subject."

"Wait just a minute, now," said Red.

"Oh, relax," said the scientist. "I'm going to be the test subject. I need you ladies to run the test and collect some data for me. Show of hands?"

"What?" said Orange. "You're going to let us do the initial testing?"

"Sure," said the scientist. "Like I said, you're all just as qualified as me. It's time for us to start sharing the fun around here."

"Wow," said Violet. "It really is a Christmas miracle."

"Is this that quantum nano-virus you've been talking about?" said Blue.

"The very same."

"Then you'll need a broad-spectrum cellular entanglement sweep to see how long it propagates," said Blue. "I'll get it ready." She went over to the far end of the lab and started adjusting a series of hoops in position around a hospital bed.

"You'll also want a variety of ways to test the results," said Yellow. "I'll take a look at the fabrication gear and see what I can pull together."

"I'll go along, too, and give her a hand," said Orange, slipping an arm around her waist and following her to another corner.

"Well, that takes care of the testing," said the scientist, "but I still have this test sample in my hand."

"Oh, I'll take care of that," said Green, taking the vial and the inoculation gun. "Red, Vi, strap the victim - I mean, the subject down, and I'll be right with you." She loaded the vial into the gun while Red and Violet led the scientist to the hospital bed. She hopped up onto the bed, and she felt four smooth hands moving her into position and tightening straps as Blue finished configuring the diagnostic apparatus for the experiment.

"Hey, guys?" said the test subject. "You believe me, right? When I said things were going to be better?"

"Of course we do," said Red. "That doesn't mean we aren't going to have some fun with you, though." She patted the test subject's bare midriff and called out. "Okay, Green. She's all ready for you."

Green appeared in the test subject's vision, her head unable to move against the straps. "There we are," she said. "Is the patient comfortable?"

The test subject looked up at Green, who seemed to be enjoying herself for the first time in recent memory. Maybe a little too much.

"Do I need a safeword or something?"

Green pressed a finger against the test subject's lips. She brandished the inoculation gun in the other hand. "Shhh, shhh, no, don't worry," said Green. "You are perfectly safe on this table."

She pulled down the waistband of the test subject's leggings, just enough to press the tip of the gun against her hip.

"This may feel a little weird."

She pulled the trigger.

The test subject was braced for whatever sensation came, but there was nothing.

"Huh. Nothing happened. Did it work?"

"Oh, yeah." Green showed her the empty vial. "Blue, how's it progressing."

"Pretty well," said Blue. "The nano-virus has spread throughout her nervous system and is moving through the lymph nodes now. It shouldn't be long."

"That fast?" said the test subject. "Can you estimate how long before it's suffused all of my tissues?"

"Nearly there," said Blue. "See for yourself."

Blue spun the monitor around, and Green and the test subject saw an outline of a human body gradually getting redder until the entire shape was filled in. A text box appeared that said "ABSORPTION 100% - SUBJECT STABLE".

"And there we are," said Green. "Your entire body has been infused. Your cells should now be fully entangled on the quantum level, able to function with each other even if the normal physiological pathways are disrupted."

"Excellent," said the test subject. "Shall we test that?"

"Oh, I'm looking forward to it," said Green. She tilted the bed until it was nearly vertical and wheeled it toward the opposite end of the room, where Orange and Yellow had a frightening array of equipment set up.

"I think we're ready for you now," said Orange. "If you're looking to test the effects of the virus against physical trauma, I think we have you covered."

"Looks good," said Green. "We'll start simple. Shear stress, upper left humerus."

Yellow typed in a command, and a large robotic arm lifted into position above the bed. At the end of it, a pair of red targeting lasers pointed to either side of the test subject's arm, mounted on either side of something that looked like a more clinical, laboratory-grade version of the jaws of life. Yellow pressed a button, and the jaws opened and moved in.

The test subject was a little worried, since the thing looked pretty fearsome, but when it clamped down on her arm and started squeezing, she relaxed. What should have caused immense pain was no worse than a blood pressure test. She couldn't see what was happening, but judging from the looks on everyone else's faces, the virus was doing what it was supposed to do.

After a few seconds, the pressure went away. "A successful test," said Green. The test subject felt the strap around her left wrist loosen, and then a hand grabbed her arm.

"You were serious before, right?" said Green from beside the bed. "You want us all to be equal here?"

"Of course I was serious," said the test subject.

"Then there's something we're going to have to take care of," said Green, walking around to the foot of the bed. She was holding a severed arm in her hand and tapping it against her palm. The test subject could feel the grip on her wrist and the tapping against her upper arm, so she knew she was looking at her own severed arm, with a patch of regrown skin over the cut surface, still acting as though it was a part of her. The nano-virus was working beyond her wildest dreams.

"We're going to have to get you a suit. Hey, Red. Catch." Green tossed the arm out of view. "Go get her set up, will you?"

"You got it, Green."

"Hey, Yellow. Stationary blade. Lower right femur." Green rolled up the right leg of her leggings past the knee.

"Sure thing."

The test subject saw another arm move in, holding a smooth blade pointed just above her right knee. Yellow adjusted the controls, and the blade pressed into her flesh. Once again, the virus kept her cells connected on the quantum level, so that she only felt a dull pressure until the blade had passed all the way through. Once again, she felt Green unstrap the detached limb and toss it to a different one of her cohorts.

They used a spinning blade on her other leg, a precision cutting laser on her other arm, and a high-pressure water jet on her waist. The laser was a little uncomfortable, and the spinning blade felt like it itched, but the water jet felt smooth and silky. It also took longer than the others because it was cutting all the way across her midsection. Fortunately, Green decided to hand that part of her off directly rather than tossing it across the room like the others, although it may have been because she wanted a little extra time with it than the others. The test subject certainly felt Green's hands much longer.

Finally, with all of her various parts being fitted for her new bodysuit by various scattered associates, she was left on the bed in front of Green with nothing left of her but her armless torso and her head.

"Well, I think that's all the options," said Green. "Which would you prefer for the final test? Dealer's choice."

"Before we finish," said the test subject, "I wonder if we might have a word. Just between the two of us."

"Sure, why not?" said Green. "It's not like you're going anywhere." She leaned against the upright bed, getting close to the test subject so they didn't have to speak up.

"You were the first one to speak up about how awful I'd been to all of you. Should I read something into that?"

"Maybe I was just a little more willing to step up than the others," said Green. "We all knew it. I was just the one to say it. Good thing you decided to take the first step, otherwise I might have had to."

"Well, then I'm especially glad I said something when I did."

"That, or maybe I'm just not quite as afraid of you as the others." Green ran the tip of her finger  across the test subject's midriff and dipped it just under the hem of her halter top. The test subject started to smile.

"Hey, Green!" said Red. "Special delivery."

Green stepped away from the bed, and the test subject lost sight of her for a moment.

"What do you think?" said Red.

"Well, I think they look fine, but I mean, they don't really belong to me." Green stepped back in front of the bed. "How about you? What do you think?"

Green had one of the test subject's arms in one hand, and the other hand held a severed leg leaned against her chest, with the knee joint over one shoulder. Both limbs were wrapped in glossy black memory fabric that reflected the lights overhead. The hand was bare, and the foot had the same non-slip boot that the rest of them wore.

"Fresh and new, just for you," said Green. "What do you think, Black?"

"Looks fantastic," said Black. "How about the rest of it?"

"Well, you still haven't made your decision," said Green.

She was inclined to try the water jet again, but it would probably kick up spray into her face. The laser and the spinning blade were right out.

"Make it the shears."

"You got it." Green stepped over to the control console and entered the command, and once again the fearsome steel jaws lined up to face her. They moved in, spread wide, and clamped down. Black felt a brief exhilaration as the jaws cut through her neck, and then the pressure released. She saw Green walk over and loosen the large strap across her chest, and she felt Green's hands lift her off the bed and hand her to Violet while her view stayed where it was.

Green reached toward her face and loosed the padded clamp that held her head. Green's fingers wrapped around her chin and cradled her jaw and the base of her skull, turning her head around to see the others as they fitted the various pieces of her for her new black bodysuit.

"You know," said Black, soft enough that only Green could hear her, "there was something else I wanted to talk to you about."

"Yeah?" said Green, bringing her head close. "What was that?"

"When you all were talking about why I decided to duplicate myself," said Black, "you were sure hanging onto the voyeurism angle."

"Well? Was I wrong?" said Green. "Are you telling me that the sight of all those blond bodysuited hotties doesn't push your buttons?"

"I'm not saying you're wrong," said Black. "I'm just saying, the lady doth protest too much, methinks."

Green brought Black's head close again, close enough to feel each other's breath.

"As long as you admit that I'm not wrong."

Their lips brushed. Their tongues met.

"Then I'll admit that you're not wrong, either."