"Oh shit."

Wah. . .? Who's there? The fog of sleep was slow to clear. My room was dark. I glanced over at my clock, it read 2:46 AM. Did I just hear 'oh shit?'

"Hello?" I asked. Nothing but silence was the reply.

I reached over to my nightstand and fumbled with the light switch. With a click, the light exploded in my eyes, making them throb. I pinched my eyes closed, then opened one just sliver.

There was something floating in the air above me. My heart nearly stopped. It felt like I couldn't move. This is a nightmare!

I screamed.

The little floating thing screamed back.

I was able to open my eyes just a little bit more in the light. The little floating thing was. . . A miniature lady, with little wings. A fairy?

"What are you!?" I demanded.

"You can see me?" She responded.

"Yeah! Now tell me what you are!" I tried to swat her away, but for some reason I couldn't move. This didn't feel like a sleep paralysis nightmare, it felt too real!

"Uh, I just need to confirm something, I guess. Are you Sam Dawson? Born September 7th? Green eyes, blonde hair?"

"What? Yeah?" I looked at her incredulously.

"Hmm. . ." She tapped her chin. "You don't seem to look like my usual client. You're a little old. And male. Hmm. . ."

"What's your usual client?"

"Pubescent girls anywhere from age 9 to 14."

"What the hell does that mean? What are you?"

"I am a boob fairy!"

"A what, now?"

"A boob fairy! Haven't you always wondered where boobs come from?"

"I mean, once, but then I found out it was just hormones."

"Hormones? You think my beautiful art is because of some little protein matrices? How dare you! And you think hormones can grow boobies just overnight?"

"What? Don't they grow slowly as the girls age?"

"Nuh-uh! Think about it. When you were in middle school, didn't the girls just one day have boobs that you were suddenly interested in? That's me!"

"That's. . . I, uh. . ." Thinking about it, maybe she was right? Or, wait. Maybe I only noticed boobs after my own hormones kicked in and made me notice them. But why can't I remember the in-between stages, if it really was just hormones?

Sarah Nelly, she had huge boobs in high school. But she was flat chested in middle school! I can't remember her having normal sized boobs. . . Holy shit, she's right!

"Okay, so what are you doing here?" I asked.

"I guess I'm here to give you some boobs!"

"No, I am a guy. And 25 years old, at that. You said you only give boobs to pubescent girls. Clearly, I am not that."

"True! But you are on my list, and I've got a lot of girls to get to tonight."

"I'm obviously not the right Sam Dawson, clearly there is someone else, some girl sleeping somewhere else that is named Sam Dawson. I'm young adult Sam Dawson, not pubescent girl Sam Dawson!"

"Hmm. . . I don't know." She pulled a little notebook out of nowhere. A magic portal? "Nope, this is the right place, and you're the right person. Relax, it'll just take a moment."

"What? No, there has to be mistake!"

"Nuh-uh! We don't make mistakes. Everyone gets the boobs they are meant to have."

"Who says I am meant to have boobs?"

"Management. And they never make mistakes. It's all a part of the plan." And then she winked at me. The gall.

"I don't want boobs."

"Yer gettin' boobs."

"Ugh, how big are they gonna be, anyway?"

"According to my notebook, 37 titters each."

"And how big is that, like as a bra size?"

"Umm. . . American cup sizes are. . . Eh. . . About a C cup, with a band size of 40. Since you are a man."

"I don't think I have the context to make any sense of that."

"Then why ask?"

"I dunno! I'm trying to wrap my head around this! Can't you just say you gave me boobs?"

"What, and lie? To Management!?"

". . . Yeah?"

"No. Impossible. Illegal, even."

"Fairies have laws?"

"Of course we do. Now you are just being rude."

"Well, you're the one that's about to make my life miserable!"

"What? How? Everyone likes boobs! And a lot of people have 'em! Even me! You've seen my handiwork all over that internet of yours. I am considered one of the best!"

The fairy tucked away her notebook then pulled out a little wand. She swirled it around in the air, and a little sprinkle of glimmering pink dust fell onto my chest. My chest started to tingle.

Then, my chest started to swell. Even under the blanket and my shirt, I could feel the extra weight on my chest, a little bit more and more. After a few moments the tingling and swelling of my chest subsided.

"Done!" She said with a little sing-song voice.

I realized I could move, so I sat up in bed. I could feel the weight on my chest shift and jiggle and droop. I pulled my shirt up and revealed perfectly shaped breasts, actual tits! I gave one a tentative squeeze. It felt lovely. But so, so wrong. I was a dude!

"Turn me back!" I yelled.

"Nope! Toodles!" And the fairy girl flew out my open window, leaving me sitting there like an idiot. With boobs.