Story 1: Submissive

Prelude:

Wait!

Don't leave... Please!

It's me, subGrrl.

I know there is something wrong with me. Something dangerous. Something that might infect your wife, your daughter, maybe even you. I don’t fit into society. I’m neurodivergent. I am an example of a failure of the species. Somehow uninterested in relationships with men. Likely unable to even reproduce and continue the chain of generations. Unnecessary.

I know that I don't deserve your attention. 

But, now, I'm so alone. Naked. Collared. Locked away. All that I have is a tablet computer to tap out my words through the bars of this small cage. I can only hope that you will read this story. That you will hear my voice. That you don't hate me so much.

I know about hate. It can be assuaged. I promise!

Lisianski commanded me to write this story and I have promised to do so. I have promised to depict the events as accurately as possible though the details make my skin burn with humiliation and the truth of the things described herein fill me with an icy fear which makes my fingers shake and err as I tap, tap, tap. These are things that would kill me were my mother alive to read, things I would never tell my best friend, things I would only tell a lover in the most vulnerable of moments. I can only tell them now, enshrouded in anonymity as I am and even so... My tale is complicated, weird, and stained with sadness, but please...

I am subGrrl. I've been a sad, lonely woman for a long time, cursing whatever foul gods or goddesses created me and subjected me to this hell that is Life on Earth. I am a misfit. I'm broken. I'm a fraud - a traitor to my identifying movement - feminism. I'm filled with dark, unhealthy, desires, unacceptable to the general population. A. deviant. I have unwomanly visions. I'm infused with a certain kind of vile evil.

I've held this evil too close to my heart for far too long until it has corrupted my soul and filled me with hate. I hate the leaders of the land foremost, particularly those who espouse some form of religion which condemn me as weak or even possessed. I hate secular leaders as well who wage wars and slaughter millions of innocents all based around lies. Indeed, though, I have hated the general populace as well. I have hated men. I thought of them as vile creatures, barely more than common animals, arrogant, only interested in their prick-measuring practices. Perhaps surprisingly, I have hated women, too. I am afraid of them. Afraid of an unnatural desire that I feel for them. How they would skin me with their words and lies if they ever knew of my weakness for the beauty I see in their ways.

This hate. These fears. They leave me isolated. Now I have only you, dear readers. You and, of course... the voice in my head.

Chapter 1:

"You don't need to get your medication."

That's what the voice said.

It was a Friday evening and I was on the bus on my way home from work when I heard the voice whisper to me. I was tired and a cold winter rain splattered from the windshields of passing cars reflecting the red and green lights which feebly directed humanity through their miserable mayhem. My medicine bottle was empty. I had a refill waiting for me at the pharmacy, but to get it would mean I'd get cold and wet. I'd have to wait for another bus to complete my journey. It would be another hour or more before I'd be warm inside my small apartment. I decided that I could skip my medication one night and get the refill the next day.

I continued home and made a bag of ramen noodles, I watched some lame show on TV and went to sleep early. I awoke with a start. I thought that I had heard a bump somewhere in my apartment. I reached under my pillow and pulled out a heavy clawed hammer that I keep there. My toes were chilled by the cold linoleum as I crept down the stairs and through the kitchen straining my eyes to see by the dim light sent forth by the digital clock on the microwave.

I raised my hammer high, prepared to desiccate any living organism and flipped on the light switch. No sign of movement, my eyes slowly adjusted to the fluorescents. It was a full two minutes before I saw it, and when I did I dropped the hammer and almost peed myself. There was a large boxlike object sitting on my dinner table. It looked like a kennel for a medium sized dog, but made of heavy metal. The sides and top were solid and the door, which hung open on a hinge, was barred with fairly thick interwoven steel.

I crept towards it nervously and looked within. The bottom seemed padded with black vinyl or leather. At the far end of the cage was a small oval window with a single vertical bar down the middle. I touched the door briefly to confirm whether the cage was real or not. The steel was cold and quite solid.

"Get in the cage," a woman's voice said.

"Who's there?" I asked, looking around.

"Come now, subGrrl. You know my voice. It is me. Lisianski. Your lover, your guardian, your mistress, your friend."

"Okay." I stooped down slowly, picked up the hammer, and walked to the front door to make sure that it was still locked. "Lisianski, what do you want? Where have you been?"

"Mine is a busy existence, and you, my love, have been neglected for far too long. But, I've come back to take care of you. Put down the hammer. Get in the cage. It's warm and safe."

I looked at the cage sitting, waiting for me. Inviting me to submerge myself within it. "It's far too small for me, Lisianski. Too small."

"I don't make mistakes," the voice said. "It's perfect. Get in. You know how to."

I set the hammer on the seat of a chair and climbed up on the table. I positioned myself before the cage door on my hands and knees and eased myself backwards, feet first into the tight dark enclosure.

Once I was fully inside, Lisianski said, "Close the door."

I pulled the hatch towards me until a latch caught and held the cage shut.

The space inside the cage was so small, I could barely move from my balled up position. I would never be able to, for instance, turn around and look out the back opening. I leaned to one side and pulled my knees up tight against my chest. I slowly slid down onto my side. Lisianski was right. It felt so warm and safe inside. I closed my eyes and smiled.

"Welcome home, my love," she whispered and I drifted off to a deep satisfying sleep.

Chapter 2:

I awoke with a jolt the next morning, momentarily disoriented, flopping against the sides of the cage. After a moment, I unlatched the door of the cage and slowly extracted my sore limbs from my small, tight, secure bed.

"Where are you going?" Lisianski asked in my head.

"I really have to pee!" I said.

"Okay, of course!" she responded. "Go to the bathroom. Get something to eat. Then get back into the cage. We need to discuss the mission."

"Okay..." I padded down the hall to the bathroom.

Ten minutes later, armed with a pop tart, I was shimmying my way back into the cage.

"Lisianski? Are you there?" I asked. "I really need to go to the pharmacy today to pick up my refills."

"Of course I'm here, my love," she comforted. "You can go to the pharmacy later. We must maintain our focus. We have lots of work to do."

After I was inside the cage and had latched the door closed, I lay waiting for a while. I opened the foil on the pop tart and took a few bites. I used my moistened finger to dab at the crumbs that dropped to the pad underneath me. After I had finished the pop tart, I flicked the foil between the bars and watched it skip across the surface of the table until it disappeared over the side. I lay my head down and let my finger play along the sturdy construction of my cage.

"Lisianski? I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing," I admitted after about five minutes.

"Patience, my love. I'm busy preparing things - getting everything in order. Lie still!"

A half hour or more went by. I spent my time exploring the dim space inside my cage. Little light filtered through the door and the rear window. And, I took up much of the space inside. I ran my fingers and toes along the smooth cold seams of the cage where plates came together - such sturdy, quality construction. I could hear a bird whistling outside my apartment, but only barely, in my safe, muffled little womb.

"Lisianski? Can you tell me what the mission is about?" I asked. "Then I can start thinking about it."

"The mission is very important, subGrrl. It's about love. It's about saving the earth. It's about saving all the people on the earth from certain pain and suffering... death."

I suddenly became very nervous. There is a lot of pressure when you are put on a mission where failure will cost the lives of an entire planet full of people.

"Why did you choose me for this mission, Lisianski? I don't know much about love. In fact, I'm kind of in a serious period of hate right now."

"Oh, no dear," Lisianski said. "You're perfect, because, most importantly, it's about saving you, too. It's about you and love. Take off your clothes."

"But, I've been so lonely lately," I said as I pulled my t-shirt over my head. "And my psychiatrist has me on some medication. I think that she is worried about me."

It is difficult to pull off panties when you are all folded up in a cage, but I managed with a bit of thumping around.

"I know, subGrrl. And I'm so sorry that I have neglected you for so long, but I'm back now," Lisianski said. "We'll call your psychiatrist later and tell her you won't be visiting any more."

I pushed the clothes between the bars of the cage, watched them slide over the edge of the table, and heard them fall softly to the floor.

"...I think," Lisianski continued, "that I can help you remember love. I know that you have a lot in you. In fact, that is why you feel so much hate right now. Hate is just love unfed. You would be indifferent if love were absent. You just need to be fed."

"Why am I naked?" I asked suddenly.

"Shhh... subGrrl. Remember that song that we used to sing together?" Lisianski began to hum a soft melody. And then she sang.

She comes with the icy rain.

Knocking on your gutters' drain.

Fingertips down your window pane.

She delivers you from your pain.

I joined Lisianski, meekly.

Until outside your door she stands.

A blade set lightly in her hands.

The evils for which you'd been planned.

To sever from this unhappy land.

I was feeling a little sleepy again so I closed my eyes and let the tune cover me like a soft blanket.

Turn the key, love, unlock the door.

She's here for your tears, cry no more.

Turn the key, love, unlock the door.

Lisianski's voice was almost a whisper now.

Turn the key, unlock the door...

Chapter 3:

I awoke sometime later. I lifted my head and bumped it on some kind of tube that was attached to the bars of the cage door. When I pushed myself back to examine the tube there was a rattle of a cold steel pan in the back of the cage by my feet.

"Oh, good," Lisianski said. "You're waking up."

"What is this tube?" I asked sleepily, trying to stretch as best as I could.

"An afternoon snack, of course, my love. I didn't want to waste critical mission time and you've been sleeping so much. You must have been very tired, you poor girl. So, a bottle with a delicious protein shake and a bedpan for your necessities."

I pushed up onto my hands and knees, arched my back until it grazed the roof of the cage, and looked back underneath my naked breasts and spread legs at the bedpan invading my space. I groaned. "You're not going to let me out even when I need to pee?" I asked.

"subGrrl! We have a lot of work to do. Toughen up! Now, look outside your cage on the table."

I looked through the bars to find a sleek tablet computer laying on the table before me. "Ooo! Nice!" I said. I reached up to undo the latch in order to retrieve the device. When I pulled on the latch though it did not open. A combination padlock had been threaded through a hole and locked preventing me from opening the cage.

"Press the button on the tablet," Lisianski said.

I snaked my fingers between the bars of the door and turned the tablet on. The screen flickered for a moment then became filled from top to bottom and side to side with an endless chain of one’s and zero’s.

"What is this?" I asked.

"This is a site that contains important information about the meaning of life," Lisianski explained. “Or, perhaps, for you, the meaning of YOUR life.”

"Okay…” I said slowly. “It looks like just numbers. Uh… but, I can’t read this. What am I supposed to do?"

"On this mission, we need for you to read through these lists of numbers looking for some important codes that will help save you, your sisters, your people, the entire earth," Lisianski continued. "Right now the information is only described using two symbols. We need you to minimize the length of the document by creating new symbols that represent small patterns of one’s and zero’s."

I lightly touched my finger on the screen and dragged up to scroll. The list of numbers seemed to go on forever.

"Find the pattern of two numbers that is repeated most often and replace it with a new symbol," Lisianski said. "For example, you could use a whip emoji, or a rope emoji, or handcuffs…"

"...or a cage emoji and a padlock, perhaps?" I suggested.

"Exactly!" Lisianski responded. "Once you have replaced the simple pattern, do the exact same thing again. Search for the most frequent pair of symbols - zero’s, one’s or whips. Choose a new symbol and replace."

"Got it," I responded. "Um… why?"

“Good question! By compacting the files of data, we can see a larger swath of information on a single screen which means we can find patterns. These patterns can reveal anything we want to reveal. But, most specifically, they will reveal everything you need to understand your life.”

“Like... why I like women, handcuffs, and small cages?” I asked.

"subGrrl! You are so smart! This is why we have chosen you! Yes! But, we can learn so much more. We can learn the meaning of your universe."

"Oh, good!" I said, relieved. "So, how will I know when I have found important symbol patterns?" I asked.

"If I knew that, subGrrl, I wouldn't need you to read these, now would I?" Lisianski responded with a hint of annoyance in her voice.

“Well… how will I know?” I asked, confused.

"You will need to feel them."

"Feel them..." I said. "Feel the codes? The whip emojis and cage emojis?"

Lisianski was silent.

“This sounds like bullshit!” I said.

"Whatever, subGrrl, just start working."

Chapter 4:

I spent several hours that afternoon scrolling through screen after screen of one’s and zero’s, trying to find patterns and replacing pairs with my favorite emojis. Soon, my eyes started to cross and I was nowhere closer to finding answers to anything. The screen still looked like an endless stream of one’s, zero’s, whips, pillories, and nipple clamp emojis.

I started to scroll down again searching for the bottom of the file.

“How big is this file?” I asked the voice in my head.

“It’s really big,” Lisianski said. “That’s why it’s important that you stay focused and diligent, and in your cage.”

“How big?” I asked, still scrolling.

“It’s as big as the entire internet,” Lisianski said.

I pushed the tablet away from my cage and sighed as loudly as possible.

"Come on, subGrrl! You're not helping the cause," Lisianski said in my head.

"You know what, Lisianski? Fuck the cause! I've been cramped up in this fucking cage all day long. I want to get out. I've got to pee!"

"Oh!" Lisianski said, though she did not sound particularly shocked. "Well, I'm not letting you out of the cage and if you need to pee, then pee! You've got a bedpan."

"Okay, Lisianski, please unlock the cage. I'm in pain!"

"Nope!"

"Open the fucking cage!" I screamed, grasping the bars of the door and trying to shake them. It was about this time that I began to regret having not retrieved my medication the previous evening. Perhaps if I hadn’t skipped a dosage, none of this would be happening.

I flopped over on my side and looked through the bars into the fading afternoon light filtering around my dining room curtains. "Please, Lisianski!!"

Tears began to drop from my eyes. I pulled my knees close to my chest. I pulled my mess of hair tightly around my face to scrape the tears from my cheeks and cover my ears to assuage the screaming sound emitting from my bladder.

Arguing is useless. Lisianski never yields to my pleas.

I held out for about an hour. The room was pitch dark when the bedpan began to ring with the sound of my urine stream. Its pitch descended as the bedpan filled. I collapsed to my side and cried, trying my best not to gag on the stench.

"It's the sugar tart treats that stink so bad," Lisianski commented. "After a steady diet of my energy drinks, it won't be so bad."

I squeezed my eyes tightly shut until I slowly drifted off to sleep.

That night as I dreamt, was the first night that I ever saw her. In the dream, I was an unhatched chicken in a semitransparent egg. She came and sat on top of my shell. I tried to signal for her to help me get out by knocking, but she simply smiled down on me with warm, sympathetic, brown eyes. Her hair was full and dark and covered her and the egg in a smooth undulating blanket. She was naked and unashamedly so. She wore a steel collar with chains and cuffs of some sort on her wrists. She was beautiful.

I could do nothing but stare up into her beauty, resigned by my isolation and immobility.

Chapter 5:

The next morning when I awoke, the bedpan had been cleaned out and my protein shake had been replenished. The combination lock, unfortunately, remained. I actually felt a lot better than I would suspect after having been locked in a small cage for over twenty four hours.

Once again, I half-heartedly tried to plead with Lisianski to let me out, but she seemed pretty humourless and commanded me to work on the symbols.

"Why did you use a cowboy frog emoji?" Lisianski told me.

"I don’t know. Does it matter?" I asked.

“Of course it matters, subGrrl!”

I was a little frightened by the sudden anger in Lisianski’s voice.

“The emojis need to mean something to you. You don’t like cowboys or frogs, so why use that? Use that iron mask emoji instead.”

I spent all that Sunday tucked tightly in my cage. When I wasn't replacing symbols I would hum softly to myself or twist my hair around my finger. Certainly, Lisianski couldn't keep me in my cage forever. I had work the next day. I would be missed. I would be found and saved.

"I have to go to work tomorrow," I declared hours later as darkness set in Sunday night.

"I know," Lisianski sighed. "An unfortunate necessity..."

"So, you should let me out of the cage now. After all, I will only be sleeping."

"No." And Lisianski spoke to me no more that night.

Chapter 6:

"subGrrl! Wake up!" Lisianski shouted.

I pushed out through the door of the cage and fell to the floor writhing in agony. My limbs did not want to straighten out again.

"Hurry up! You'll miss your bus and be late for work!"

I crawled as fast as I could to the shower.

I was surprised I was able to run fast enough to catch the bus and I flopped down in a seat next to an older woman, sighing, a boxed protein shake in my hand.

"Mondays!" the woman smiled.

"Hmm," I responded and looked out a window on the other side of the bus.

"Wow! You are rude, subGrrl," Lisianski said.

I ignored her and began to pick at a fingernail.

"Hellooo! subGrrl! Aren't you going to talk to me?"

I tried my hardest to scream "Go away!" to Lisianski in my mind.

"I can't hear you, subGrrl!" Lisianski taunted. "You need to use your voice! Hey! Hey!"

"Shut up!" I whispered as quietly as I could.

"Hey! subGrrl! Louder! I can't heeeaar you!"

"Shut up!" I said a little louder.

"Well..." the older woman sitting next to me huffed and sat up straighter. She obviously thought I was talking to her.

I glanced up to see her glaring down at me. Embarrassed, I tried to fold myself more deeply within my coat like a turtle. Lisianski was laughing.