Someone Else's Problem


"I call it the SEP Field," Keegan said.

"SEP?" Kelly asked.

"Someone Else's Problem Field," he explained. "Douglas Adams created it, I'm just testing my interpretation of it."

"What does it do?" Kelly asked.

"When turned on, it emits signals that disrupt brain wave patterns, particularly those in the attention and concern areas of the brain. In short, other people around you will ignore you, no matter what happens, because they'll subconsciously think that you're someone else's problem," Keegan grinned.

"So… what are you going to do with it?" Kelly asked.

___ ___       ___


Keegan watched the university's women's volleyball team practice, smirking. The plan was to use the SEP Field Emitter (a modified Bluetooth device over Keegan's ear) to enter the women's change room after practice was over.

Once the coach signalled it was time, Keegan simply walked into the common area and turned the SEP field on. The effects were instantaneous, and people's eyes turned away from him as if he were the least interesting person there. Keegan grinned, entering the women's change room and sitting on one of the benches.

He only had to wait about five minutes before the ladies started coming in. he sat there in broad daylight, the girls talking amongst themselves as they began undressing.

"This is perfect," Keegan said quietly. That's when he stopped thinking with his brain.

He reached out to steal one of the girl's bras, just to see how she would react to discovering her bra being missing, or if she would see it floating in mid-air as if suspended from strings. However, the girl reached to take the bra, and their fingers touched. The girl froze and stared at him, horrified.

"Who the fuck are you?" She shouted.

"Carol, who are you talking to?" A girl asked.

"There's a man sitting here, trying to steal my bra!" she shouted while Keegan was frozen in fear and pale. As soon as carol had turned their attention to him and began shouting at him, Keegan realized his flaw. Because Carol had made physical contact with him, she had entered the field, allowing her to see him. The other girls could see him now because when she ahd pointed him out, he had ceased being someone else's problem and had become theirs.

The girls pulled him down, pinning him, demanding explanations. After minutes of shouting, Keegan finally managed to explain how he had gotten there and why, as well as the SEP field. The girls remained silent for quite some time.

"well, girls," Carol (who appeared to be the team captain) said. "What should we do with Mister Mad Scientist here?"

"We could report him to the Dean," One girl said. "That could get him expelled."

"No!" Keegan exclaimed. "Please, I apologize. I'll never do this again, I'll do anything!"

"Shut up, perv," Carol said, thinking. After a few minutes, she smiled. "You know… it is better if we keep this between all of us… no authorities…" Carol grinned evilly. "Tell you what. We'll forget this ever happened, but only on two conditions."

"Name them," Keegan said quickly, relieved.

"First, we take this," She said, plucking the SEP Field Emitter off of his ear. "Second… well, you did say you'd do anything…"


ONE WEEK LATER


"Oh God…" Keegan panted. It was a week later, and the women's volleyball team were playing a match against a rival university. The second condition to the squad's demands was that Keegan would be present at the game… as the school's mascot, the eagle. It was thirty degrees Celsius, and Keegan was sweltering inside the giant mascot costume. He was positive that the girls had made adjustments for him, the "wings" forced his hands into fists, the beak on the eagle's head had been sewn shut, forcing Keegan to be all but blind, looking through the eagle's narrow "nostrils" instead. It was most definitely overstuffed, magnifying the temperature inside the costume to unbearable levels, as well as making it increasingly difficult to move, hear, and speak. Keegan had to deal with all of this while running, jumping, and raising the morale of the spectators, playing the part of the mascot.

Time crawled by, but eventually the game ended with a very close score, Keegan's school taking the lead by five points. He felt relieved; the girls seemed to be in a good mood. Carol seemed especially happy as she walked up to Keegan.

"Well, you kept up your end of the deal, now we'll keep hours, "She said, patting Keegan on the back. "You're free to go."

"Really?" He had to shout to be heard through the costume.

"Really," Carol said. "Just leave the costume in the locker you took it out of when you're finished," She said, leaving him there.


Keegan went into the men's change room and bent to pull the zipper that would free him, when he froze.

He couldn't find the zipper. He knew it was there, but it had somehow disappeared…

His eyes widened as he figured it out. When Carol patted him on the back, she must have clipped the SEP Field Emitter to the zipper! He couldn't find it, and nobody else would be able to either, not until the power ran out… and Keegan made sure that it would have a very long battery life, even though it could be charged on conventional cell phone and Bluetooth charging devices.

So, until Keegan managed to find a way to turn off the SEP Field remotely, he was stuck inside a big, handless, overstuffed eagle, all but blind and overheating. He had no way of knowing how far the field would go, if it only affected him and the zipper, or if no one would notice the giant eagle walking through the city. He had to hope that someone would see him… otherwise he could be stuck in the costume indefinitely.


"Fuck my life," Keegan muttered.