A Brief History of AKEA


PREPARING


Davis sat down in the chair and shuffled through his papers. His job, for today, was to interview four of the people high up in the ladder of the supergiant corporate chain AKEA. He browsed through the folders, reading the names and wondering how the hell these four people managed to come together.


Daniel Suinade – Physicist

Marco Deanes – Engineer

Anna Mendez – Witch

Franceis Herde – Novelist


Davis snorted. A genius, a techie, a cultist, and a science fiction writer. AKEA had to be shitting him, there was no way he could believe that these four people had somehow came together to help form the biggest chain in the history of man.

Davis looked around the room. He hadn't chosen the location, they had. He had no idea where he was; they had blindfolded him and taken him to a "secure location" to do the interviews. Currently, he was in a decrepit room with poor lighting. Another marketing ploy? Spice u your life by using feng-shui in your interrogation rooms! Davis joked in his head. He didn't say it out loud; he had a pretty good idea that he was being watched.

The door opened and a man in his mid thirties entered. He wore a plain white shirt and blue jeans. He sat down.

"Hello, Davis Scott," The man said. "I'm Francis Herde."

"I know who you are," Davis said. "I've read a few of your books."

"Oh? And how did you like them?"

"Your first one was great, the rest of 'em are shit," Davis said. He was just guessing, he'd never read a word that Francis had written in his life. Francis shrugged.

"Always good to hear feedback," He said.

"All right, can we get started?" Davis asked.

"Where do you want to begin?" He asked.

"Start with how you met these three," Davis said, pointing to the other three profiles.

"Oh, well, I didn't meet Anna and Daniel until later," Francis said. "Marco came
to me first…"


THE WRITER TELLS HIS STORY


I sat in my chair, typing feverishly at my computer when I heard a knock at the door. Cursing the fact that I lived alone, and so had no one to answer it for me, I saved my work and went to the door. Opening it was the man who called himself Marco Deanes. He told me he was sent to offer me an interesting business proposition. Intrigued, I let him in.

"Tell me, what do you know about genetics?" He had asked me.

"Enough," I told him. "I've done some extensive research into cloning and regenerative medicines." I stopped as Marco waved his hand at me.

"I meant changing genetics," Marco said. "Transformation."

"Oh," I breathed. "Well… not too much, actually." Marco nodded, as if expecting this.

"Then I won't be spending so much time talking about that to you," He said. "No, I've read some of your books, and quite a few of them apply the many-worlds interpretation," Marco told me. "Have you ever, in your research, ever come across any reports of being able to apply this to real life?"

"You mean, like… what, off tour buses to alternate dimension?" I asked, laughing. You can't be serious."

But Marco was. In fact, he was dead serious. Pulling out a briefcase I didn't realize he had, he opened it, showing me something that looked like a cross between an egg beater and an automatic screwdriver, mixed with a blender of some sort.

"May I have a glass of water, please?" He asked, and I quickly complied. After I had done so, Marco pointed the device at the glass of water and turned it on. It rotated slowly, not making a noise, but two moments later, the water began to boil. I stared in shock. Putting the device down, he explained.

"What you just witnessed was the energy harness from all universes beginning and ending as we speak," Mario said. "The infinite amount of energy was used to power the intense heater, in turn used to boil the water; and that's only on the scales we can measure!" I asked him on what he was planning to use it for. He told me it was a prototype part for a new clothes dryer. I asked him if he was serious.

"Have you heard of AKEA?"

"You mean IKEA?"

"No, I mean AKEA," Marco explained. "It's going to replace all the IKEAs, and it's going to be the world's fastest growing chain. In three years, it will beat Microsoft."

"Are you serious?" I asked. He told me that the info had come from a reliable source. I asked him where he got the prototype heater, and he told me he had built it himself, the physics of the device drawn up by Daniel Suinade.

"Do you want in?" Marco asked. "Do you want to help us start AKEA?"


WHAT THE WRITER DOES


"You said yes?" Davis asked. Francis nodded.

"And there's never a day that I've regretted the decision," Francis added.

"So, what do you do?"

"Officially, I'm the head of Human Resources and Public Relations for the whole company. Unofficially, I'm the one who thinks of various purposes for our products, as well as to prepare for any consequences our product may create."

"Consequences?" Francis laughed at the question.

"What, you think most people like having their reality or bodies changed? Since last quarter, 87% of our customers have complained. That number has gone down, of course, but I'm the one who has to prepare for that 87%."

"Can't you just… affect reality so that no one complains?" Davis suggested.

"We can change an individual's reality fairly easily, even a large group of people we can do. But the entire planet?" He shook his head. "If no one complained, no one would buy it."

"Well… can you elaborate on a certain circumstance, or…"

"Hmm…" Francis began. "Well, I can definitely think of one item."

"Continue?"

"We called it the 'One-Legged Pant'," Francis said. "Basically, a skirt for men." Davis gave him a weird look, like "What are you talking about?" Francis continued. "What it did was fairly simple in terms of any changes; the 'pant' would actually change reality in a fifty foot radius around the wearer. What this did was really clever; everyone inside the radius would believe the new reality brought on by the pant, and eventually, so would the wearer. This was done through subtle mental manipulations, so subtle that even I wouldn't be aware of them, if it weren't for… precautions that we've taken." Francis paused. "It's really hard for someone to complain if they don't know what they're complaining about, you know. Even harder if they don't have a reason to complain to begin with. That's why, surprisingly, the One-Legged Pant has been such a bestseller, because no one's ever complained."


THE ENGINEER


Marco Deanes sat down.

"Hello, I'm Davis,"

"I know who you are," Marco said. "We watched you interview Francis." Davis laughed.

"So, you are watching me then?"

"You could say that," He replied.

"Well, let's start, then," Davis said. "How did you meet the others?"


THE ENGINEER'S STORY


I had been at my office working on a few projects, when she walked in. At first, I thought it was a well made costume, but as she got closer, I realized it was completely real.

The squirrel woman walked up to my desk and asked who I was. I told her my
name and she nodded, sitting down.

"My name is Daniel Suinade," She told me. Of course, I had heard of Dr. Suinade and the revolutionary theories he had made in particle and theoretical physics, but this squirrel anthro was supposed to make me believe this was the same person? It was only after she showed me proof of her identity did I start believing what she was telling me. Looking at some papers she gave me, I read equation after equation, each theorem and each variable.

"Is this… what is this?" I asked Daniel, or rather, Danielle.

"It's magic," She said. Danielle told me she had recently met up with a "reliable source" who was adept at such things, and was able to manipulate the laws of physics by reforming reality in small "pockets", as she told me. The papers she handed me were proofs of something more advanced than anyone had ever seen.

"We're looking for someone to help build items to use these equations, these proofs," Danielle told me. "And everyone we've asked pointed to you."

And that's how I ended up building things for AKEA.


THE ENGINEER'S JOB


"I've designed almost all of the mechanical devices you can find in AKEA," Marco continued. "Blenders, dryers, the aPod…"

"Tell me about the aPod, actually," Davis interrupted. "It's such a blatant rip-off of the iPod, how did you get away with it?"

"Oh, that," Marco laughed. "the aPod is actually a collaborative work. Both AKEA and Apple computers worked on it, we're splitting the profit."

"And AKEA? The rip-off of IKEA?" Marco shook his head again.

"What most people don't know, or rather, haven't heard about yet, is that IKEA is AKEA. TranzGen, our parent company, actually bought IKEA weeks ago. We're slowly replacing all the IKEAs with AKEAs. This way, when IKEA completely disappears, there won't be such a big 'culture shock', as some put it."


THE PHYSICIST


Danielle Suinade sat down.

"So… uh, why are you…" Davis motioned to Danielle's body. She shrugged.

"I've always been partial to squirrels," She explained.

"Evidently," Davis commented. Danielle shook her head, her ears pulled back in annoyance.

"I didn't do this to myself," Danielle said, bitter.


THE PHYSICIST'S STORY


I had been focusing on reading a colleague's paper when this woman walked in. She wore a black cloak, but underneath wore regular clothes. At the time, it was a white t-shirt, blue jeans. I thought this must've been a joke, and I told her to leave.

"You don't want to do that," She said. "Not until you hear what I have to say."

"I don't have time for practical jokes," I said, dismissing her.

"All right, but just so you know, your friend's theory is wrong," She said, turning and leaving. "Energy is not proportional to the mass affected." I was startled. How had she had known? I looked up and she had disappeared. Looking back down, I noticed a business card. I still remember what it said.


ANNA MENDEZ

HIGH SORCERESS

555-3642


After reading through my friend's thesis, I discovered that she was right. I checked with my friend to see if the mail had been tampered with, if he had shown anyone his thesis, and he said no. What I mean is, it wasn't shocking that she knew my friend was wrong, any physicist could say that, what I couldn't understand was how she seemed to know exactly what it was about, without (presumably) ever seeing it before!

So I called her and accused her of… malicious actions. And, suddenly, she appeared right in front of me. I mean, blink, and she was there.

"I don't take kindly to accusations," She told me. "Especially false ones."

"How about breaking and entering?" I demanded. "You obviously have been"

"I have not been hiding, or hiding in plain sight, no camouflage, no secret passages, and no, I did not hypnotize you."

"Then how did you do it?"

"Magic,"

I scoffed.

"Please, don't bother me with fairy-tales, I"

"I teleported directly to your house," Anne said. "Every molecule in my body had to travel 19 city blocks to be reassembled instantaneously here. Because of that, I need a huge, high-calorie diet, because I am famished."

I still didn't believe her, and I said so.

"What would you believe, then?"

"I don't know, turn me into a toad," I said sarcastically.

"…no, that's too unoriginal," Anne said. "Let's go with something new."

Have you ever felt your body being changed, from on cell structure to the next? It's not a good feeling; in fact ,done wrong, it's quite painful. For me, I felt numb, like Novocain had gone through my system. I didn't feel anything as my frame shrunk, I grew breasts, and my manhood disappeared, nor when I started growing a bushy tail and thick brown fur. Even when I had finished turning into the squirrel girl you see, I couldn't believe it was magi.

"Magic is a science," Anne continued to explain. "It's just a science you can't, or won't, comprehend. I can control anyone's appearance, or location, and unlike what your friend thought, the energy used is proportional to the matter affected." She turned, as if to leave, and I cried, "Wait!"

She turned.

"Are you going to turn me back?" I asked, not really used to my new voice.

"No," Anne replied. "Perhaps a month or two in your new form will teach you
some respect."


WHAT THE PHYSICIST DOES NOW


"How long ago was that?" Davis asked.

"Two and a half years," Danielle told him. "And I've been waiting for Anne to turn me back since then."

"What's her reasoning?"

"She says I still haven't learned any manners," Danielle said. "That bitch thinks she can control my life…"

"So, what is it that you do at AKEA?" Davis asked.

"I take the MWI theory of the multiverse and apply it to all of our mechanical products," Danielle said.

"In layman's terms?"

"When something happens," She explained. "We see only one outcome. But really, there might be two or three outcomes, so the universe branches out to accommodate for this, creating three universes in response to the action, one for each outcome. Following that logic," She continued, "Anything that could have, would have, and may happen all exist on some level of the multiverse. My job is to make sure that our equipment have enough energy to create a portal, of sorts, where a small part of at least two universes mix for a small amount of time. The aPod is a great example."

"How so?"

"It's a mix of physics and magic," Danielle said. "The aPod battery is more like a medium; it powers the aPod, but the energy used for the reality changing songs doesn't come from there, it's drawn from the endless energy that exists between universes. That energy powers the spell, the spell triggers the changes in the listener. But while the spell is going, the aPod is also searching through the endless number of worlds to find one suitable for the listener to exist in his or her new form. Once found, the two realities merge, but only for a moment, before reality folds back and the listener ends up in the more suitable world."

"I thought you didn't believe in magic?" Davis asked. Danielle crossed her arms.

"A lot has changed in two years," She simply said.


THE SORCERESS


When Anne Mendez finally walked in, she almost exactly matched the description set forth by Danielle. She wore a black cloak over her white blouse and her faded blue jeans seemed worn in a few places. She sat down at the table.

"So, you're the witch?" Davis asked.

"I prefer the term 'sorceress'," Anna explained.

"All right, you're the sorceress," Davis corrected himself. "Now tell me, how did you first get… recruited… into AKEA?"


THE SORCERESS' STORY


I was the first one he came to.

He tried breaking into my house, that was what got my attention. I had a twenty-five foot ward around my house, and I knew immediately what he was doing. I set up the necessary traps and simply waited.

He came in through the window, and as soon as he touched the floor, a leg-numbing spell hit him and he fell. I walked into the room and summoned him towards me, and he was dragged forward. I leaned down, and said,

"Give me one reason I shouldn't turn you into my bitch."

"Because I have a proposition for you," He said calmly. He said it with such conviction, such confidence, and I looked into his eyes, into his mind. He was ruthless, cunning, and he knew who I was, what I could do. Yet he was willing to risk my wrath just to ask me this question, and he knew he would get what he wanted. What I did to him afterwards was moot. It was probably because of all of that, that I listened to him. Anyone else would've been turned into my pet and used for experimenting.

"I'm listening," I told him. He replied, telling me who he worked for, and that they planned on expanding their franchise into a larger market. I asked what that had to do to me, and he explained that they needed someone with my connections, and with my expertise. In short, they wanted me.

"Sounds interesting," I said. "What's in it for me?"

"You get to be one of four CEO's of the new company," He told me. "As well as Head of Materials Handling and Marketing."

"When do I start?"

"Right now," He said, and gave me the names of three people I had to contact in order to get the business going.


THE SORCERESS' JOB


"Let me guess," Davis said. "The names were Marco Deanes, Daniel Suinade, and Francis Herde?"

"Right, right, and right again," Anne said, taking out a cigarette. She lit it using her thumb like a lighter. Davis was about to ask her to not smoke, but stopped as he considered who he was talking to.

"So, give me an example of what you do?" He asked instead. Anne gave him a "good choice" look and leaned forward.

"The Perfect Mirror is a great example," She said. "The design was almost all me, and the magic was definitely so. First, the glass layer had to be enchanted so that it could interpret what was being said by the looker. The reflection had to be enchanted to react to the glass' interpretation, finding a suitable, matching companion, 'connecting' (for lack of a better term), with another mirror in another world."

"It sounds more like a computer program than magic to me," Davis commented. Anne nodded in agreement.

"Most enchanters are computer programmers in their spare time," Anne agreed. "I even worked for Apple for a few years."

"Really?"

"Yes. Enchanters know the subtleties of code, they know that a misspelled word of bug in a piece of code results in an error. Programming is great practice, their inanimate chunks of info; we treat spells and magic like a living thing; any mistake we make can result in… well, bad things."

"You seem to have been doing fine so far," Davis said. Anne shrugged.

"I've been careful."

"One last thing," Davis said. "The man who broke into your house, what happened to him? Did you really… did you turn him into your pet?" Anne smiled at that, putting out the cigarette.

"I ended up working for him," Anne said, standing up and leaving the room.


THANKS


"All right, I just want to thank the four of you for coming to me," Davis said to the four of them. "I only asked the four of you to come back because there's just one more question I want to ask."

"Oh?" Danielle asked.

"What would that be?" Marco said.

"Who's behind all of this?" Davis exclaimed. "There had to be a person,
someone, who pushed all of this forward and set these events in motion." He explained. "Someone in control. The man behind the curtain." Davis smiled at the four of them in turn. "I want to talk to him."

There was a moment of silence.

"Uh, sorry, but he's…" Francis began.

"He's out, on a business…" Anne continued.

"Appointment," Marco finished.

"Shut up," Said a voice from behind them. "If he wants to talk to me, so be it. I want to talk to him too."


THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN


"Leave us, please," The man said, opening the door for them. The four left, leaving the man and Davis alone in the room. He sat down. The man was fairly young, maybe mid-thirties, dark haired, and wore glasses.

"So, you're the man behind the curtain?" Davis asked with a smile.

"If you want, yes," Said the man, wiping his glasses. After a moment, he said, "Oh, you want a name, don't you?"

"A name would be nice," Davis said. The man put his glasses back on.

"My name is Doctor Knowles, Head Scientist of the Research Department, Head Recruitment Officer, and CEO and Founder of TranzGen." He held out a hand to Davis. "But you can call me Ted."

"Nice to meet you Ted," Davis said, shaking his hand. "So, I suppose that answers the question of what you do. How did you come up with AKEA in the first
place?"


WHAT THE DOCTOR DID


"I'm thinking we should branch out," I said to the others. We were in a meeting, discussing funding issues. "We're already a multi-billion dollar industry, we can afford to try it."

"Yes, but we can only afford to try it once," One of the shareholders said. "The clothing line was a success, yeah, but how long will that last? There's only so much TranzGen can do, Ted!" I stared at him. He was my greatest adversary in this room, complaining about funding, costs, etcetera. He seemed happiest when he was stressed.

"That's a good point," I agreed. "that's why I'm sure it will work," I stood up and went to the window overlooking the city. "Imagine a department store," I began. "Where absolutely everything, and I mean everything does some sort of change. From the mind, the body, reality itself… and not one product will do the exact same thing, with the exact same outcome. And in said department store is everything anyone could want." I turned, facing the members of the board. "What do you think?"

"It sounds good and all," My adversary said. "But how would we ever put it together?"

"Open your files to page nineteen," I instructed. "I've created a team of people more than capable to organize such a feat." There was a moment of silence.

"Are you serious?" Someone asked.

"Ted, this is insanity!" My enemy exclaimed. "A cultist, a physicist, some handyman, and a writer? No one's ever done this before!" I smiled.

"That's why it'll work," I told them.


WHAT THE DOCTOR WILL DO


"The rest, they say, is history," Ted finished.

"Well, thank you for your time," Davis said. "You've given me more than what I was hoping for." He started to gather up his notes.

"Oh, I'm afraid we're not done here," Ted said, slowly. Davis paused.

"We're not?"

"No. In exchange for information, I need something from you."

"What is it," Davis asked, suddenly uneasy. He didn't like the look on Ted's face.

"You see, all of this," He motioned around him. "Is simply a side project of ours. This doesn't count as TranzGen, and so we need to get back to what I am paid to do." He pulled out a small canister. "Do you know what this is?" Ted asked Davis. He shook his head. "This is the gas version of what we call Anthro Series 3," Ted explained. "We've had multiple failures of the serum version, so we're experimenting with a vapor form," Ted pulled out a gas mask and hesitated. "Have a good day, Davis," He said, and put the mask on. Before Davis could react, Ted popped the top of the canister. Pink smoke billowed out, and Davis began coughing.

He was unconscious in seconds.


Ted, once he was sure the smoke had dissipated, took off the gas mask and walked out of the room.

"What the hell did you do?" Anne almost shouted. "You said we could handle
him!" The others nodded. It seemed they had elected Anne to be a leader.

"Relax," Ted said. "It was knockout gas. I just wanted to mess with him, he's
fine. Just asleep." He smiled. "Like I promised, he's all yours."


EPILOUGE


Davis woke with a start. He had the wildest dream… sitting up, he looked around and saw a folder lying on the floor next to his bed. Picking it up, his eyes widened. It was the interviews he had conducted earlier! It wasn't a dream! Panicked, he checked himself over, relieved to find that he was still himself. A piece of paper fell out of the envelope, and he read it.


Davis,

We apologize for Dr. Knowles behavior, the gas you had inhaled was simply knockout gas, nothing more.


Thank God for small favors, at least, Davis asked.


While you were unconscious, for our gratitude we replaced all your furnishings with AKEA products.

Have a good day.

The AKEA team.


Davis' eyes widened. Everything? He thought. But then… he didn't look any different. Then again, how would he know that he hadn't been altered if his mind had been changed? He quickly ran to the phone, planning to call his family to see if they remembered him or not.


Outside, Francis and Anne watched Davis' progress.

"How long do you think it'll take for him to realize that all we replaced was his toaster?" Francis asked.

"Tomorrow morning," Anne answered. "When he has breakfast." Another moment of silence. "Do you think he'll sue?"

"Nah," Francis said. "Ted made sure of that. If he tries, we'll show him a contract saying he agreed to test it out."

"Did he really?"

"Well, yes and no. It was a sub-clause hidden in the non-disclosure agreement he agreed to sign."

"Wait, what? You mean…"

"No, he'll still publish what we told him. It was for where we took him." Francis
smiled. "How do you think he'd react if he found out we took him to the factory floor?"

"He'd flip," Anne laughed. "Good thinking."

"That's my job," Francis laughed.