By Prender

A DC Comics fanfic. All characters belong to DC Comics, although I wish they’d look after them a bit better.

Zatanna slammed her glass down on the table and shrieked with disbelief. “No!”

“Afraid so,” Black Canary smirked, lifting her own champagne flute.

“The best you ever had was … Ted Kord???”

“You better believe it.”

“But … what about Ollie?”

“Ollie?” Canary reflected. “Well, Ollie’s alright, but in bed he’s just a bit … self-centred. Looks after himself and then says, hey, is there anything I can do for you? But Ted …”

“I know,” Power Girl nodded. “A real gentleman.”

Zatanna looked from Canary to Power Girl. “Karen … you too?”

“Well, what can I say? Monitor duty gets real boring after a while. And Ted … he’s just so …”

“Charming,” Dr Light butted in.

“Funny,” Black Canary added.

“Loveable,” Huntress said, a dreamy look in her eyes.

“C’est magnifique!” Crimson Fox announced.

Zatanna sat back. “Am I the only woman at this brunch who hasn’t had sex with Ted?”

“Hey, your loss.”

Wonder Woman, who had been frowning through the entire exchange, put down her white wine spritzer. “Who are we talking about again?”

“Ted,” Black Canary said. “Ted Kord. You know? Blue Beetle?”

“The latino guy?”

“No, that’s the other Blue Beetle. The guy with the blue costume?”

“Had this flying ship called the Bug?”

“You served with him in the Justice League for two years, Diana.”

“Eh, still not placing him.”

“Bulbous eye mask?” Power Girl made googly eyes with her fingers around her eyes.

A light bulb went off over Wonder Woman’s head. “Oh, him! Yes, right. Only …”

“Only?”

“Only … wasn’t he gay?”

The superheroes stared at her.

“Not from where I was lying,” Dr Light muttered.

“Why on earth would you think Ted was gay, Diana?” Huntress asked.

“Well,” Wonder Woman said reluctantly, “he and Booster Gold were always hanging around together, and I suppose I just assumed …”

“Yeah, well, when you assume you make an ass out of u and me!” Black Canary snapped.

“I mean, that’s a bit patronising, don’t you think?” Power Girl said.

“Yeah, I mean, it’s like assuming that Fire and Ice are gay just because they hang around together,” Zatanna added.

“Uh, actually …” Ice muttered.

“Ice and I are gay,” Fire announced, taking her girlfriend’s hand. “We weren’t going to say anything today, but we’re planning to get married in Hawaii next July.”

“Oops! Sorry, Bea, Tora,” Zatanna said. “Gnihsulf pots skeehc!” (*Read Zatanna’s spells backwards! — Ed.)

“Okay, so what if we said Clark and Bruce were gay?” Black Canary argued. “They hang around together a lot more than Ted and Jon ever did.”

Wonder Woman threw up her hands. “You’re right. Sorry, ladies.”

“Ah, s’okay, Di. But the next round of drinks is yours.”

***

“Someone must be talking about me,” Ted said.

“Huh?”

“My ears are burning. That’s supposed to mean someone’s talking about me.”

“You’re crazy, hon. Come back to bed. We were up until dawn patrolling.”

“Hmm, sounds good.” And Blue Beetle got back into bed and snuggled up against his love.

“Hey, Jon, what do you think they were saying about me?” he murmured as he drifted off to sleep.

“Only good things, babe. Only good things.”