By Keytee-chan and Prender

TF (merging, muscles)

“Ladies and gentlemen!” The announcer’s voice burst over the excited crowd like an air raid siren. “Tonight’s wrestling champion is … the Man Mountain!”

The wrestling fans burst into cheers as Man Mountain — standing eight feet tall and looking, as someone once said of Arnold Schwarzenegger, like a condom filled with walnuts — waved. He felt extremely satisfied. He’d been declared champion 10 weeks in a row — nine times he’d pummelled his opponents into submission, and once his opponent had simply run away.

He grinned. He was enjoying all the acclaim. And somewhere in his head, so were the four people inside him.

Simon. Tiffany, his girlfriend. Mercedes, her sister. And Paris, her other sister.

*

The fangirls shrieked as the Man Mountain left his dressing room. “Okay, okay, one at a time!” he yelled. They thrust autograph books at him. He could barely fit a pen in his enormous mitts, but he did his best.

“I love your chin, Man Muscle!” one yelled. There were many shouts of agreement.

Finally he left and made his way home. He walked. He didn’t mind — there was no way he would fit into a car. He made his way up to his apartment … or rather, Simon’s apartment.

Once inside, he turned to the big mirror that hung on the wall. He shuddered a second. And suddenly he was two people — a muscle-bound baldie with a big chin, Big Boy Pete, and a stacked woman with an updo, Big Bertha.

“Aw, Pete! Didn’t it feel good to kick some ass tonight?” Bertha said, giving a little wiggle.

“Damn straight,” Pete grinned. Something tweaked in his head. “Okay, guys, I hear ya. I think some people wanna come out.”

“Yeah, I got my pair wriggling around too. One, two …”

And each of them split into two. Three attractive girls and one geek.

“Woo-hoo!” Mercedes grinned. “I love, love, love being muscley!”

“Mmmm, the crowd was really nice,” Paris nodded. She was kind of shy but also enjoying the attention.

“We’re winners!” Tiffany announced proudly.

“Oh man, it’s so good to be the Man Mountain.”

“Isn’t it amazing to have such an enormous …”

“Chin?”

“Yeah, chin.”

The girls beamed.

“I don’t like big chins,” Simon mumbled.

Tiffany turned and hugged Simon, followed in turn by Mercedes and Paris. “Thanks for merging with us, baby. We love being one with you.”

“Yeah!” said Paris. “Apart, we’re weak women.”

“Well, not so weak,” Mercedes interjected.

“But, you know, we have to spend all our time taking care of our looks, putting on makeup, doing our hair, wearing good clothes,” Paris said.

“I loved putting on makeup and clothes since I was a little girl!” Tiffany added.

“But when all four of us combine, and all our minds and bodies merge into one, we don’t have to worry about makeup. We’re big and strong and don’t have to wear dresses. We have big muscles, a bald head so we don’t have to worry about our hair, and we have a really big chin that makes us feel really manly!”

All three looked expectantly at Simon. He sighed. “So, you guys just want to become Pete for the night?”

“Pretty please?”

“Okay.”

“Yay!”

“So … champagne?” Tiffany suggested.

“You bet!” As Tiffany went to fetch a bottle and glasses, Mercedes went to sit down. She picked up a stack of comics from the chair — Simon’s weekly haul. Idly she began to flip through them, then with growing interest.

“Hey, watch it! Those are mint condition!” Simon protested.

Mercedes jumped up. “I’ve got such a good idea.”

“What is it?” Tiffany asked, handing her a glass.

“Wouldn’t it be amazing if the Man Mountain was a superhero?” Mercedes said excitedly.

“Oh yeah.” Tiffany grinned. “Oh yeaaahhh!”

“Sounds good,” Paris said shyly.

Simon looked at them. “As the resident comic book expert here, can I remind you that to he a superhero, you need a superpower? Pete doesn’t have any! He’s just a usual, but very buff and strong, human.”

“Batman doesn’t have any powers,” Tiffany pointed out.

Ooh, some of the geek was rubbing off on her! “Okay, Batman doesn’t have powers,” Simon acknowledged, “but he’s the world’s greatest detective. Pete … isn’t.”

They all looked at him like he was an idiot. Then Paris yawned. “Wow, being part of a huge buff guy is tiring. How about we become Pete now?”

So they did.

*

They were still arguing when the four of them were returning from breakfast at a nearby cafe.

“Pete still doesn’t have superpowers!”

“Captain America doesn’t either and he’s a superhero.”

“Captain America has the Super Soldier Serum! He’s as physically perfect as you can be!”

“Well, what about Nightwing?”

“He’s been trained by Batman!”

Where on earth was Tiffany picking up all this comics knowledge, Simon wondered.

Mercedes slowed. “Hey, what’s that up ahead?”

A crowd had gathered on the corner. Curious, the four strolled up to see what was going on.

In the middle of the crowd were three Japanese girls. One, with a black pompadour and wearing a leather jacket, had a street delinquent look about her. Another looked very sophisticated and traditional Japanese. The third was very glam, with big blonde hair, a deep tan and colourful makeup, with a big cheerful smile on her face.

The trio were doing a stage show. They were singing a song about how different from each other they were, but how they wanted to be together forever. The crowd was smiling and applauding them. Well, except for our heroes.

Tiffany rolled her eyes. “These foreigners are crazy,” she said. They turned to go home.

Which is when the Japanese girls launched into their song’s chorus. “Then we must merge into one!” they trilled.

Shocked, Mercedes swivelled around. “What did they say?” she shrieked.

The Japanese girls did a little dance, then jumped at each other.

Simon couldn’t believe it. The girls hit each other … their bodies seemed to melt into each other …

And suddenly there was one girl standing there.  A very pretty Magical Girl Gattai-Chan. She looked like she’d just popped out of an anime.

She wore a very frilly dress, was very young and innocent-looking, with her hair in pigtails. Half of her hair was pink and the other yellow.

Tiffany, Simon, Mercedes and Paris all looked at each other.

“She’s merged!” Tiffany said.

“She’s three in one!” Mercedes added.

“She’s … really pretty!” Paris opined.

“She’s … singing?” Simon cocked an eyebrow.

She was. Gattai-Chan had launched into song, with lots of hand motions, ending with as big cheesy smile. Then she began to spin around, faster and faster …

And the three Japanese girls popped back into existence.

The crowd roared with delight, applauding.

“Thank you! Thank you!” Sophisticated Girl said with a bow.

“We are happy to sign autographs!” Glam Girl said.

Delinquent Girl blew a gum bubble.

Tiffany and Mercedes looked at each other in excitement. “They can merge like us!”

“We should definitely speak to them,” Paris said. She pulled out a notebook and began to scrawl something.

“Um … why?” Simon asked.

“Didn’t you hear them?” Tiffany said with a scowl. “They can merge! Like us!”

The girls pushed their way into a crowd as Simon hung back. Ever since the night he and Tiffany had created Big Boy Pete, his life had gone crazy.

The Japanese girls were smiling happily when Paris walked up to Glam Girl. She passed her the note she’d written. It read: “We can fuse too, and probably because of the same reason as you.”

Glam Girl read the note and her eyes grew wide. She barked something in Japanese at her companions. There was some excited chatter between them, before she turned back to Paris. “We would like to meet you at our Pretty House.” She wrote the address and a time — 2pm — on the back of the note and passed it back to Paris.

“Look!” Paris said triumphantly, waving the note.

“Great!” grinned Tiffany.

“Our Pretty House???” Simon read.

*

“Okay, so I guess it is a Pretty House,” Simon said.

It looked like something from a children’s TV show that had been designed by someone on an acid trip.

“It looks like the Banana Splits’ headquarters,” he said.

“The what?” Tiffany rolled her eyes rapidly. “I swear, Simon, sometimes I don’t understand anything you say.”

“So, um, are we going to knock?” Paris said nervously. It reminded her a little too much of a gingerbread cottage. And we all know what happens in gingerbread cottages …

“We sure are,” Mercedes said, marching down the path. She picked up the knocker and gave a sharp rap.

Almost instantly the door flew open and the three Japanese girls tumbled out. “Honoured guests, COME IN!” they chorused.

The inside of the house matched the exterior.

“So, you can all merge together like us?” Glam Girl asked.

“Uh-huh.”

“Could you show us, please? We would very much like to see!”

Tiffany, Mercedes and Paris exchanged looks.

“I guess we could,” Mercedes said. “Tiff, you want to merge with us?”

“I’ve never done that before,” she said. “Well, let’s try.”

Simon said nothing.

“So, this is what we usually do …”

The three sisters squished up against each other. For a second it looked like nothing was going to happen. But then they all seemed to fuse together, bulging upwards, looking like a melting marshmallow.

And suddenly Big Bertha was standing there. No, not Big Bertha, Simon thought. Bigger Bertha!

Shorter, shinier, tighter dress. Heavier makeup. Bigger hips. Bigger boobs. And bigger, bigger bigger updo.

At this fusion of loveliness, the three Japanese girls laughed and applauded. A gleam came into Bertha’s eye and she grinned.

Uh-oh, Simon thought. He knew that look. It was Bertha’s cocky look. And if Big Bertha was cocky … Bigger Bertha was really, really cocky.

“Yeah, girls!” she yelled. “Get a load of me!” She thrust out her breasts, and almost took someone’s eye out.  “Face it, you little girls can’t win over this beauty.

The three Japanese girls looked at each other. They then shouted “Baka!” and in a flash merged together. Gattai-Chan reappeared with a big smile on her face.

“Who is most beautiful now, lady?” she said.

Bertha snorted. “Face it, I’m twice the woman you’ll ever be … if you ever grow up, that is!”

Then the arguing began. Who was the most feminine. Who would guys love the most.

“Simon!” Gattai-Chan yelled, turning to him. Simon jumped. He thought they’d forgotten all about him.

“Come, see my many talents! You will admire them!”

Before he could stop himself, Simon asked: “What talents?”

“I can fly!” She rose into the air.

“I can shoot lasers from my fingernails!” The wall behind Simon was suddenly scored with burns.

“I am invulnerable! See!” She picked up a nearby tea tray and broke it over her head, then gave a big thumbs up.

Bertha snorted. Then something dawned in her eyes. She turned to Simon. “Hey lover boy, gimme a hug.”

“A hug? But that will …”

“Ah, just do it, you big galoot!”

Simon sighed. He enveloped Bertha in a hug (well, as much as he could envelope someone at least a foot taller than him). Bertha clamped her lips onto his. For a second he fought her, but wow, she was a good kisser. He leaned in, and suddenly he found himself vanishing into Bertha …

Who wasn’t Bertha. Who wasn’t even a woman.

And Bigger Boy Pete, the Man Mountain, stood before Gattai-Chan.

She gasped.

“Wow, WOW! Sugo! You’re so … biiiiig! And that chin … is so … you’re man of men!!”

“Babe, you’re not so bad yourself,” Bigger Boy grinned.

Then something whispered in his head. Something that sounded like Mercedes …

Superpowers, huh?

Bigger Boy gave his best smile to Gattai-Chan. “Listen, babe, I like yer powers. The flying, and the invulnerability, and the shooting lasers bit. How about you come in with me? I think together we’d be a perfect match!”

Gattai-Chan clapped her hands with glee. “Yes! I will gladly become one with that chin! Uh … I mean man! Yay!”

She literally flew straight at him, and when she hit …

The explosion of flesh bloated out, growing and growing, until it became a formless blob. Inside the blob minds were merging. Weirdly, despite six of the seven people inside being women, the mind was becoming manlier. Very, very manly indeed.

The blob grew larger and larger, then solidified.

The thing that resulted was huge, a really huge mountain of muscles. He had a jaw that must have gone on for half a metre. His head was still bald, of course.

But even more distinctive was his clothing. He was dressed in a superhero costume, with an eye mask, a cape and tights, tights that bulged out in a way to make your eyes water.

He took a good look at himself (although it was kind of hard with that chin).

“Well!” he said in a voice that sounded like a Harley Davidson backfiring. “I guess that plan worked, huh, Bertha? Or it was probably Mercedes’ idea, at that.” He flexed a muscle and jerked back as his bicep shot out.

“So … superpowers?” He pointed his finger and a laser shot out, cutting the sofa in half. “Okay, so … flying?” He shot up in the air. “Invulnerability?” His head bashed through the ceiling and didn’t hurt a bit. “Heh. I guess a hero is born!”

*

Everyone was talking about the new hero in town, Musclemountain! He stopped robberies! He punched monsters! He rescued cats from trees!

As he flew, fangirls swooned below him. “His chin is so amazing!”

Inside he could feel the seven people who made him. Tiffany, basking in the adoration of the masses. Mercedes, exulting at how powerful she was. Paris, proud to be helping others. Simon, wondering what was for lunch. And the three Japanese girls, who mostly just liked the chin.

Musclemountain flew into the Pretty House, which he was using as his secret hideout. Furtively, he looked around. No one else there.

He took a seat on a (new) sofa and flicked on the TV. He turned it to the sexy time channel. He grinned at the sight of women in bikinis having a pillow fight.

“Okay, I’ve fought crime all day. Time to get the boys out!” He removed his pants. “Heh, I feel sorry for those cute Japanese girls, cleaning up all this mess every day!”