by Prender and Keytee-chan

TF (merging)

Well, this was nice, Simon thought. Tiffany had her head in his lap as they lay entwined on his sofa watching TV.

Of course, as was usual with Tiffany, the carping soon began.

“What’s this show?” she asked, squinting at the screen.

“Adventure Time.” It was one of his favourite shows.

Tiffany squinted some more. “Who’s that?”

“Princess Bubblegum.”

“And who’s that yellow thing?”

“That’s Jake. He’s a dog.”

“No he’s not.”

“Um, yeah, he is.”

“He doesn’t look like any dog I’ve seen. Who’s the guy with the TV on his head?”

“That’s Jake. And that’s not a TV, that’s a hat.”

Tiffany stirred in his lap. “This is weird.”

By “weird”, Simon knew, she meant “dumb”.

“Besides, cartoons are for kids.”

Simon bit his tongue. Being with Tiff meant doing that a lot. She was such a snob. She drove him crazy.

Of course, there was the mitigating factor that she drove him crazy. In quite a different way.

Like now. What she was doing with her fingers.

“We could do something else,” Tiff whispered.

Simon gulped. “What did you have in mind?”

“Well …” Tiffany grinned. “We could let him out.”

Simon grinned too. He’d seen this episode before, anyway.

A few months ago, on the night Simon and Tiffany had met, they’d fallen down a crack in the middle of the road. Somehow they’d merged together to form a completely different person. A mountain of a man with a bald head and a cleft chin who’d called himself Big Boy Pete.

Pete, yes. Boy, well, okay. Big … definitely. In more ways than one.

Once they’d learned the trick of merging and demerging, Tiffany and Simon had grown very fond of their merged identity … and of each other, despite the fact that Tiffany was a bit of a snob and Simon was a total geek, albeit one who was rather handsome.

Tiffany giggled. Being a guy was fun, particularly one with such a large … talent.

“So how do you want to do this?” Simon asked.

“Let’s stand up and hug.”

They stood and held their arms around each other. For a second Tiffany considered telling Simon to take his clothes off, but she decided against it. If they were nude when they changed, Pete would be nude too, which would be a nuisance if, for example, they all decided to go to the gym to impress the ladies.

Simon enveloped Tiffany in his arms. She tilted her head up for a kiss. They hugged closer. Merging wasn’t quite that simple, of course. They both focused on an image of their alter ego, both trying to conjure up the essence of Pete-ness from deep inside them.

And suddenly Simon felt himself absorbing Tiffany — or was she absorbing him? He felt his body give a lurch, and then …

“Woah!” Pete said, blinking. He took a second to scan himself. Yep, still the same old mountain, same old biceps, same old biceps on biceps, same old … well, he’d get to that in a minute.

Grinning, he ran his hand over his bald head. “Yeah baby, Pete’s back! Look out, world, Mr Hey Good Lookin’ is ready for some fun!”

Something — or rather, two things — tickled in his mind.

“Oh, hey, Tiff, Simon. How ya doin’? Glad to see you guys getting on so well these days. Yeah, I got all your memories, guys, and what you were doing in bed last night … well, I wish I’d been there. Oh, wait, I was there, kinda. Man, this merging thing is so confusing …”

That tickle in his head again. Demanding something. It felt a little more like Tiffany than Simon, if he had to guess. Well, it was something he wanted to do too, so …

“Yeah, yeah, Tiff, I know what you want. To the bedroom!”

Once in Simon’s bedroom, Pete unzipped his pants and let the ol’ hose of horror flop out.

Oh man, it was huge! He grinned.

This was going to be fun.

*

This was not fun.

Simon sighed and kept mopping on the bed. “I think we’re almost out of kitchen paper.”

Tiffany was still trying to gain her bearings after the soul-shattering big O that had caused Pete to explode back into her and Simon. “Can we use a towel?”

“I already used all of those too.” One of the drawbacks of being a big boy was cleaning up afterwards. Okay, it was worth it, but … “I guess I’d better go out and get some more kitchen paper.” And maybe some heavy duty washing powder.

“Sure.” Tiffany jumped up from the chair. “I’ll go too.”

*

Simon waited outside the corner store as Tiffany prowled its aisles. How long could it take one woman to buy kitchen paper? Oh wait, Tiffany was a world class shopper and was no doubt adding a dozen other things to her basket. His mind drifted back to being Pete, to how big and powerful he’d been, and his monster …

“Simey! Yoo-hoo!”

He blinked. Oh no. Oh hell no, with a capital H and a silent Q.

Approaching him were two women. One was dressed in a pair of tight sports leggings and an activewear bra, her hair done up in a ponytail. Her lithe, toned body told of myriad gym hours. The other was in a long flowing boho dress, her hair cut in a fringe that almost covered her eyes.

Tiffany’s sisters, Mercedes and Paris. Or, as he thought of them, Sporty and Shygirl. He’d met them a few times and the way they were so competitive  — with Tiffany, with each other — was freaky.

“Uh, hey?” he said nervously, giving a little wave. “Tiffany’s inside getting some stuff.”

“Oh, we didn’t drop by to see her,” Mercedes grinned wolfishly in a way that made Simon even more nervous. “We dropped by to see you.”

“Oh, uh, really?”

“Really.” Paris batted her eyes bashfully. “Have you been working out, Simon? You look really buff.”

“Uh, uh, uh … no?”

“Oh, you’re looking so good,” Mercedes said, sticking her butt out to show off her six-pack. “How about a workout session with me? I’m sure we could exercise really well together.” She drew one finger over his shoulder.

Simon almost leapt out of his skin.

“Or, you could come over to my place and we could listen to Joni Mitchell together,” Paris said, smiling as provocatively as she knew.

“Or how about coming over and having sex with me?” Mercedes said. Okay, that wasn’t even a single entendre.

“And me too,” Paris added.

“Both of us!” Mercedes grinned. “But not at the same time.”

“Obviously.”

Was this really happening to him?

“Get away, bitches!”

Saved by the Tiff! Tiffany stood there with a couple of plastic bags in her hand and the meanest look Simon had ever seen anyone give on her face.

“Oh, hey, Tiff,” Paris said casually.

“Don’t Tiff me, Paris. I know what you two are up to.” Tiffany scowled. “Ever since we’ve been little girls you guys have always wanted everything I had. Well, this is one thing I won’t share! Simon is mine!”

She grabbed his arm and they marched off in the direction of home. Simon could feel the angry stares of Sporty and Shygirl boring into the back of his head. At the same time a feeling of pleasure ran through him. He was Tiffany’s, and it felt so damned good.

Which was when they heard the crack.

Simon and Tiffany looked back to see the pavement suddenly open and first Mercedes, then Paris, topple in.

They turned and ran back, Tiffany shouting “Guys! Are you okay?”

They went to the edge of the hole and looked in.

Which is when SHE appeared.

Climbing out of the hole in the pavement was a woman. A tall woman. A fabulous, curvy woman with two of the biggest boobs Simon had ever seen. They were showcased in a tight purple dress split at the sides. Somehow this woman had climbed out of the hole wearing kitten heels, too.

The woman stood before them, dusting herself off. Under her brown updo she wore heavy blue eyeshadow, kohl, and a blood red lipstick. Her false eyelashes could have had their own zipcode, they were so big.

After staring for a few seconds, Tiffany found her voice. “Mercedes? Paris?”

“Who are they?” The woman’s voice was quite deep and manly, despite her appearance. “I’m … I’m … Bertha! Yeah! That’s it! I’m Big Bertha!”

Simon and Tiffany looked at each other. A thought flashed through both of their minds at once. It’s happened again!

Behind the woman, the crack in the ground quietly closed.

Tiffany tried again. “You don’t remember? You’re my sisters. You’ve been merged into one. Try to think!”

A cloud passed over the woman’s face. “Something’s going on in the back of my head … what? Uh … hmmm … Wait … I guess I am two people in one! I remember now, I’m Mercedes and Paris too! Oh, and I remember something else … Simon, you’re a hunk!”

Bertha ran forward as all of Simon went on red alert. “Don’t you dare!” screamed Tiffany as she pushed Bertha away. She tottered on her high heels as Simon and Tiffany took off, then followed.

This is crazy! Simon thought. I’ve got three women fighting over me! I’ve got three SISTERS fighting over me!

“Simey!” Bertha trilled. “Yoo-hoo!”

Tiffany and Simon ran around a corner, one thought in both of their minds.

I wish Pete was here.

Tiffany tripped and began to fall. Simon caught her. But she kept falling, hitting his body, falling into his body …

Simon ballooned …

Pete blinked. Now what the freaking freak was happening? Tiff and Simon had been running from something …

That something ran around the corner and stopped cold. She stared. And Pete grinned.

There was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.

“Hotcha mama!” he breathed. “Well, hello there, babe. Allow me to introduce myself. Ahem: Ladies and gentlemen! In the blue corner, weighing in at you really don’t want to know, is Big Boy Pete!”

“Pete?” Bertha stared at something that seemed to be uncoiling in Pete’s pants. Her own nipples were becoming hard as thumbs. “Well, hello there to you! I’m Bertha, and you, dear sir, are gorgeous. Let me ask you — is that an enormous erection or are you just pleased to see me?”

“Both, my dear, both,” Pete grinned. He flexed his biceps just to show off a bit.

Bertha grinned wolfishly. “My dear Pete, I believe we were made for each other.”

Somewhere in his head was an alarm going off saying PETE! THAT’S TIFF’S SISTERS! TWO OF THEM! He ignored it as best he could. Just staring at the way Bertha’s breasts rose and fell with her breathing, with her decadently slash of red lips, made him feel so damned good.

The huge pair moved in together, and their lips touched …

And somehow their lips stuck together. Then their heads. And their bodies were swallowed up together, and …

Someone new stood in the street.

About 10 feet tall, rippling with muscles. If Pete had been buff, this dude was a collection of biceps stuck together with sticky tape. His chin jutted out like the prow of a ship. His shirt popped its buttons one by one, while his pants strained.

“What the heck just happened?” the dude said, his voice rumbling like thunder. He scratched his head. “Hey, I recognise that block of flats over there. That’s where I live! Oh, and me too. But not me and me … huh? What are all these voices in my mind?”

The dude decided he’d wait till he got back to the flat before he figured out what was going on.

Besides, there was a familiar feeling in his abdomen that told him he really, really had to pee.

*

“Flaming crows!”

He stood before the toilet, having unzipped himself — with difficulty, his pants were tight — to find something revealed that impressed even him. And it belonged to him.

Was he a fireman? Because that was one heck of a hose.

He could really put out a fire this way, he thought as he emptied his bladder. He gave it a little shake, and somehow it began to stiffen and grow even more.

A kind of light went off in his head.

“Hey! I’m Big Boy Pete! And Big Bertha! I’m merged, which explains why I’m so big. I guess I’m … Bigger Boy Pete?”

He frowned at the mirror. Something else was stirring in his skull … some memories, all jumbled up …

“Four people?! I’m actually four people? All smushed up together?! Wait, slow down … okay, I’m Tiffany, Mercedes, Paris and Simon.”

Bells rung in his head. Happy bells.

“Okay, okay, guys, I get it. We need to get unsmushed. Now how do I do that?”

Something he recognised as Simon popped into his mind with a really graphic image.

Bigger Boy grinned. Now that sounded like fun.

Thank heavens he’d remembered to pick up the bag of kitchen paper.

He glanced at himself in the mirror. Wow, was he big! In all ways.

And a brilliant idea popped into his skull.

But first things first.

He began to move his hand back and forth.

*

“Ladeez and gennelmen!” the announcer bawled into his microphone. “Welcome to Wrestling Tonight! In the red corner, Phil “The Phantom” Punxatawney!”

Phil looked a little nervous as he faced his opponent.

“And in the blue corner … the Man Mountain!”

Under his mask, Bigger Boy grinned. Fourth match and he expected it to go the same way as the previous three. Quickly.

In the moments before the bell rang, he could feel them all in his head, just as he had when they’d pushed themselves together at Simon’s flat this afternoon.

Mercedes, thrilling in how toned she was and how she was going to beat some ass.

Paris, reeling a little from all those eyes on her, but enjoying being part of something bigger than herself.

Tiffany, preening with pride at what a good wrestler she was, even if she was a littler annoyed at having to share yet another thing with her sisters.

And Simon, geek no more, raring to go, enjoying his double — quadruple? — life.

And, yes, Pete and Bertha in there too somehow.

BONG! went the bell.

Bigger Boy leapt out of his corner as Phil’s nervousness turned to actual fright.

Let’s get this over with. He had something else he wanted to do tonight.

Oh man, had he ever.