By Prender

TF (various of a Yule flavour)


Paul was slightly nervous, to tell the truth. It was the first time Iris had invited him back to her apartment, and after a drink she’d gone to her bedroom, saying she had a surprise to get ready for him. She’d been in there for 15 minutes and he was getting more nervous by the minute.

He’d started out as a client, nothing more, but damn, he was falling hard for this woman. This lovely, intelligent woman. Who liked to turn invisible. What more could a guy want?

When he’d called saying he was in town and suggesting Christmas drinks, she’d been enthusiastic, and he’d certainly been hoping it would lead to something … but what?

Just then Iris called out “okay Paul, you can come in now”. He pushed the door open and went inside.

Where he saw something that made him stop in his tracks.

Iris, beautiful Iris, done up in bandages like a mummy, completely covering her shapely body, wearing nothing otherwise except sunglasses.

“Well,” she said, with a coquettish lilt, “isn’t this how every invisible woman should dress?”

“Iris!” Paul croaked out. “Are you …”

“Invisible? Why yes, I am, under here. Completely gone. I thought we might have some Christmas fun together.”

The bandaged body got up from the bed and walked to him, pressing her body against his, tilting her head to his lips.

“Just below my nose,” she whispered.

“Uh … sorry?”

“That’s where the bandages end.”

He got it.

“Well, Paul … aren’t you going to unwrap your present?”

It turned out to be a brilliant gift indeed.

*

“How do I look?”

Oliver gazed lovingly down on Milly, his girlfriend.

“Beautiful as always, my sweet,” he said. “You make quite a lovely puddle.”

“I’ll say!” Milly said happily. After taking the goo serum she’d melted into a pink pool, in which her eyes and mouth were swimming … and not necessarily in that order. “Well, lover, are you coming in? My body’s fine!”

“An excellent suggestion,” Oliver grinned. He’d spotted the other bottle of goo serum on the coffee table as soon as he’d entered, and he began to take off his clothes. Merging as goo with his gorgeous Milly was as good as sex. Better.

“I wonder if Emily’s doing the same thing?” he wondered. Milly’s best friend was her source for goo serums, and quite an adventurous soul.

Milly giggled. “No, I think she’s got something else in mind for Christmas Eve.”

“No doubt. Well, down the hatches!” And Oliver brought the bottle of serum to his lips …

*

“An envelope?” Dan looked at Emily, who’d just handed him a long white one.

“Well, open it, silly!” Emily giggled at her long-suffering boyfriend.

Inside was a piece of white card that read in Emily’s messy scrawl:

“I hereby promise not to melt, evaporate, reduce myself to atoms, dehydrate or liquify myself from December 24 to January 1, but instead make sweet, sweet lovin’ with my man Dan and be (mostly) normal for him. Signed, Emily.”

“Aw, honey,” Dan said, sweeping her up into his arms, “thanks for that. It’s not that I object to you using goo serums - you know it even turns me on - but having you around as your beautiful self is gonna be amazing!”

“I know!” Emily giggled, kissing Dan. “I’m gonna keep you in bed so much, you should probably just stay naked the entire week.”

“Mmm, that sounds great,” Dan grinned. “Wait … reduce yourself to atoms???”

“Which is something I’m not gonna do.”

“But …”

“I was thinking we might get started on the sweet, sweet lovin’ bit.”

“Yeah, that does sound good.”

And the kissing got more heavy by the second.

Emily grinned. This was going to be a great week.

And when Dan went back to work … well, she could wait to explore the big parcel that had arrived that morning.

The one from Goo Labs.

*

“Sean! Over here!”

Evie grinned as her co-worker made her way across the floor. The bookstore’s Christmas party was in full swing, and the local bar was packed.

“Wow, you look a knockout,” Evie said. “I can’t understand why you’re not a girl more often.”

“Be the gender you feel, that’s my motto,” Sean laughed. “And you’ll have to thank Mel for the body. She’s the one who got to change me into a woman tonight.”

“She’s done a good job,” Evie said admiringly. Sean’s hair was raven black, her lipstick a slash of red, her body lithe like a fitness model, and she wore a form-fitting black dress cut just low enough to be interesting.

“Well, I say she, but …” And Sean grinned as she was grabbed from behind by a buff, handsome blond guy. It took Evie a second to catch on.

“Melanie? That’s you?!”

“Uh-huh,” Mel smiled. “Merry Christmas, Evie!”

“You too, Mel, although I think I know who’s getting all the presents.”

Sean blushed happily.

“But what about your roommate, Ava? She couldn’t make it tonight?”

“Oh, she made it,” Melanie said with a grin. A grin matched by Evie.

“I get it. So what is she, Sean? Your dress? Your underwear? Your stockings?”

“Not quite.” And Sean flipped her hair from her ears, showing off the large silver hoops she wore. “She’s been into being jewellery lately.”

Mel put an arm around his girlfriend. “Well, I see a tray of champagne glasses coming this way. Anyone want one? Evie?”

“Absolutely,” Evie said. “And I know what the first toast should be to.”

And the trip chorused: “Trust machines!”

*

At first she’d dismissed the sound. But there it was again, and it wasn’t going away. In fact, it was getting louder.

Sophie stopped with the scissors in her hand. She frowned at the wrapping paper sitting on the table.

“Louise, is that you?”

The giggling stopped abruptly and Sophie sighed. “I heard you, you know. Have you imprinted yourself on my wrapping paper?”

The wrapping paper said in a small voice, “uh-huh.”

“I don’t believe you! Get out of there. I told you before, no clues as to what you’re getting for Christmas!”

“But being flat is so much fun!”

“Louise,” Sophie said warningly. “I do have scissors in my hand …”

“Ah, I’m paper now. Paper doesn’t feel pain.”

“Shall we test that theory?”

“Spoilsport.” And suddenly Louise was standing next to Sophie. “You can’t blame me for trying.”

“No, I don’t,” Sophie said, kissing her girlfriend’s nose. “But be good now, okay? Why don’t you go wrap your present to me?”

“Good idea.” And Louise made her way to the bedroom.

She’d bought Sophie a bottle of Chanel No 5.

And man, if being flat was fun, being a perfume - first liquid, then a spray - was even better.

*

We send out a lot of Christmas cards each year. Why, I don’t know. Partly because a lot of people send us Christmas cards. But we still send out cards to plenty of people who haven’t responded in kind for years, if at all.

Those people get our standard Christmas cards. You know, Santa, reindeer, snow, the whole works. But some of our friends - a select group - get special ones. These Cynthia and I pose for. A few years ago we sent out some naughty ones where we were both dressed in bowties and aprons - nothing else.

This year, our cards were extra special.

Unless you knew us really, really well, you’d probably wonder what all the fuss was about. Of course, if you didn’t know us really, really well, you wouldn’t get one of these cards in the first place.

Cynthia’s sister, though, she caught on right away. She was the first one to call.

“I see you got my early Christmas present, Frank,” she said.

“That we did, Barbara,” I said. “You liked the card?”

“Loved it! When I saw that vacuum cleaner, I said, that has to be Cynthia. My sister makes a lovely appliance.”

“Agreed.”

“But the other one, the other one was a shock. Didn’t realise you’d get into it.”

“Yeah, it was a surprise to me too. But you liked?”

“A jackhammer? I should have guessed you’d want to be the biggest power tool of all.”

“Hey, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it, Babs. For Christmas this year Cyn’s promised to use me to jack up the concrete at the back.”

“Let me guess, so long as you use her to do the carpets?”

“Spot on. Oh, but hey, we don’t have your card yet.”

“It’ll probably be there tomorrow. I’ll tell ya, we had real fun posing for this one.”

It was there the next day. Two reindeers on the front, doing what reindeers do best. And it wasn’t pulling a sleigh.

Oh, Barbara.

*

“Have you ever wanted to be mistletoe?”

Given the fun Meg had had being a sunflower, and being water, and flying, she’d smiled when she’d heard Jen’s question. And when she heard the rest of Jen’s proposal, she smiled ever wider.

Although, holding her friend’s potion in her hand, she couldn’t hold back a shiver. Not only was she going to transform again, this time she’d be flying solo. Jen was holding a party for her family.

“It’ll be okay,” Jen told her soothingly. “I’ll be here when you change, and I won’t let anything happen to you. It’ll be fun, I guarantee it.”

And what Jen had in mind did sound like fun. With a shy smile, Meg downed the potion quickly.

She shivered again, but this time it was like a ripple down her body.

“Oh God!” she gasped. “I’m changing already!”

And she was, shrinking down. She could feel her body transform, her arms getting thinner and sprouting leaves, her legs fusing together. She felt her head divide in half, and grow thin and green too.

I must look bizarre, she thought.

“Oh, you look so cute!” Jen said, almost as if she’d heard her. Jen picked her up. “And I know just where to put you.”

The mistletoe was in a prominent place in the living room. As Jen’s family members passed under, many kisses were made.

“Great party,” said Jen’s mother as she smooched Jen’s father.

“Thanks, mom,” Jen said happily. “More egg nog?”

“Please. Oh, but where’s your friend? The one you were telling me about from your yoga class?”

“Meg? Oh, she’s hanging around somewhere around the house.”

Ouch, thought Meg. Such a bad pun, Jen.

Some other couple began smooching under her. Jen was right, Meg thought, this is fun!

It was, in fact, heavenly.

*

“This is hell.”

Karen sighed, laden under a dozen bags of shopping, making her way down the street.

“It’s not that bad,” her wife Tori said, carrying another dozen bags.

“Please explain your reasoning and provide written examples.”

“Well, it’s better than at the mall.”

“That’s like saying death by drowning isn’t as bad as death by fire. The end result is the same.”

“C’mon, lover, get into the Christmas spirit.”

“Bah humbug.”

“Oh, like that, is it? Need a break?”

“What I need,” Karen said as she spied the bar on the corner, “is a drink.”

Half an hour later …

Karen and Tori were on their second daiquiris when the door to the bar opened. In the doorway stood two women, one dark-haired, one blonde. Karen and the blonde immediately locked eyes. Their eyes narrowed.

But what the hell, it was Christmas. Season of forgiving and all that. Plus, Karen was two daiquiris down. Plastering the nicest smile she could summon on her dial, she gave what she hoped was a magnanimous wave to the pair.

“Caroline! Lexi! Happy holidays! Won’t you join us?”

After a moment’s hesitation, the blonde woman smiled. “Of course, Karen! Hi, Tori. How have you guys been? Merry Christmas!”

And she made for the table, Lexi trailing nervously behind.

An hour later …

“Another daiquiri?”

“I shouldn’t. Oh, what the hell. Sure.”

“I probably shouldn’t. Julian’s at home by himself. He’ll be missing me.”

“Oh, come on, Lexi! The way that guy’s attached to you, you’d think you made him out of you. Ha ha!”

“Ha ha,” Lexi said drily.

“I’ll get the next round, guys.”

“Thanks, Tori, my beautiful wife.”

Two hours later …

“You’re kidding me.”

“No, I swear!”

“You were an exhibit at a sex museum???”

“In Amsterdam! I swear, Ryan and I looked so good, they kept the exhibition open an extra week!”

“That calls for a drink!”

Three hours later …

“Tentacles?!”

“I was surprised too!”

“I bet you were, Tori.”

“So what happened next?”

“Well, let’s just say, it would have been a big hit in Japan.”

Four hours later …

“I knew this was going to happen,” Tori said.

“Bound to,” Lexi nodded in agreement.

The bartender came over. “Sorry ladies, the bar’s about to close. You’re going to have to take your appliances and go home.”

“Sure,” Tori said. She poked Karen and Caroline with her foot. “I think they’ve passed out,” she whispered to Lexi.

“You take Karen, I’ll take Caroline. The taxis should be outside.”

“Okay. See you at Mr Wintergreen’s party next week?”

“Looking forward to it!”

The bartender watched them go. Out into the winter night. And yeah, it was damned cold.

Still, he didn’t know why those girls needed space heaters quite that large.