TF (multi)

Oh man, what did she DO last night???

Karen woke up to a piledriver … wait. That wasn’t a piledriver. It was the air-conditioner in their hotel room. And it was quite mild, really.

And her head felt … well, fine, actually. Clear-headed and happy. She was in Vegas after all, and she still had two more days to go. She was on top of the world.

Unlike the girl with the tousled blonde hair lying in bed with her.

She stirred and opened one bleary eye.

“Kill me now,” she croaked.

“Water. Drink water,” Karen said, pointing to the carafe and glass on the bedside table.

“That would mean sitting up, and if I do that my head will crack in half. Literally.”

“Well, that’d be a shame. I like your head, Tori. Let me do it for you.” And Karen got out of bed and poured Tori a glass.

Five glasses of water and two cups of coffee later, Tori was if not sitting up, at least on more of an incline.

She looked shame-faced at Karen. “I got drunk, didn’t I?”

“Yep. Blotto.”

“Oh God.”

“Shit-faced.”

“No.”

“Bladdered, blitzed, sloshed, legless, wobbly, tired and emotional, Brahms and Liszt …”

“Feel free to stop at any time.” Tori groaned. “I can’t believe it! Usually you’re the one who gets drunk!”

“I know! I’m surprised too!”

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

“Just a little,” Karen grinned.

“At least I just got drunk and went to bed … what?” Tori said, catching Karen’s look.

“Oh, Tori, Tori, you really don’t remember any of it?”

“I remember being at the bar in the airport.”

“Oh yes, happy hour. Half-price drinks.”

“Yeah.”

“Lasting from four until seven.”

“That’s one long hour.”

“Yeah, and the flight was delayed, and we ended up staying until eight.”

“That I remember.”

“Then we were offered free drinks on the plane to make up for the delay.”

“I remember that too.”

“And do you remember saying ‘who needs brandy slammers when you’ve got Ultimate Potion?’”

“I wouldn’t have happened to drink that Ultimate Potion I had in my bag, would I?”

“Well, let’s just say when I went to the toilet, I discovered you giggling in my pocket.”

“Oh God.” Tori flinched.

“And then you turned into a genie and appeared next to me in a cloud of smoke and said ‘Hey babe, I’ll give you three wishes if you grant mine right now’.”

“And then we had sex?”

“God no! We were in an airplane toilet. I’ve got no desire to join the mile high club, thanks.”

“So what happened?”

“I told you off, and you vanished, and when I got back to my seat you were glaring at me, so I ordered you some coffee.”

“Did it help me to sober up?”

“It did not. I realised you were turning the coffee into scotch.”

“I don’t even like scotch!”

“It showed when you sprayed the person in front of us with it while having a coughing fit.”

“So then what happened?”

“So then the plane landed, and we got off at the airport, and you started singing Viva Las Vegas, and when I came back with the luggage, you’d turned into an Elvis impersonator and  you made $25 in tips before security threw us out.”

“And then we had sex?”

“Outside the airport??? No! So then we were waiting for the airport shuttle, and you got tired of waiting, so you said ‘I’d make a better shuttle than this service’. And you turned yourself into a shuttle bus and said ‘hey hon, get in and I’ll take you places you’ve never been’. So I did, but two dozen other people got on too, and I was too embarrassed to say anything, so we spent the next hour going around town dropping people off at their hotels.”

“And then we had sex?”

“What? No! How could I have sex with a shuttle bus? So we booked into the Bellagio and I went to have a shower, and when I got out you’d raided the minibar, and was complaining there were no transformation potions in there. And I said you’d left nothing for me, so you said ‘hey, I’m even tastier than that crap’, and you turned your body into chocolate.”

“And then we had sex?”

“Again, no. How can you have sex with a human-sized piece of chocolate?”

“Oh.”

“Not that you weren’t smooth and delicious.”

“Thanks babe. So what happened then?”

“Well, you said ‘I want to go out, this is the city that never sleeps’, and I said no, that was New York, and you said ‘whatever, I wanna go play the slot machines’. So we went downstairs and you put five dollars into a slot machine and lost it all, and you said ‘this is a rip-off! I could pay off more than these!’ And you turned yourself into a slot machine and said ‘stick it in me baby’, but I didn’t have any coins, and this little old lady came by, and kept playing you for an hour.”

“I’m pretty sure we didn’t have sex then.”

“You are correct. So when she eventually left, it was really late and I said we should go up to our room, but you said you wanted to go see the Eiffel Tower, so we went outside and when I turned around you’d turned into a comedy Frenchman, wearing a beret and a stripe top and handing out French onions. And then you started singing ‘Thank heavens for little girls’, which was really creepy.”

“And then we had sex?’’

“No! So as we were standing there, who should just happen to walk by but that blonde girl who shops at the Potion Place. And you turned into yourself and started shouting at her, ‘Hey, it’s Space Heater! How’d you get to Vegas, Space Heater?’ And she said ‘I flew here’ and you said ‘I bet your arms are tired’ and she said ‘yes they are, because I was the jet and HOLY HELL I WAS BIG’. And you said ‘oh! You’re the reason our flight was delayed! Big? I’ll give you big!’ And you turned into a seven foot version of yourself, and she turned into a nine foot version, and then you turned into a 20 foot version, and she turned into a 50 foot version, and then you turned into a 100 foot version and climbed the Eiffel Tower.”

“And nobody noticed?!”

“What can I say? This is Vegas, baby! And then Space Heater realised you were stuck up there, so she shrank back to her usual size and left. And you were swinging around up there for a while, and eventually I coaxed you down.”

“And then we had sex?”

“No, there was just one other thing we did last night …”

And Karen reached over to her bedside table for the piece of paper. She handed it to Tori, who squealed.

“We got married?! I can’t believe you let me get married while I was drunk!”

“You insisted,” Karen grinned. “Who wants to turn down a girl with transformation powers? And don’t worry, I’ve already been on the phone to both our parents, and we’re having another ceremony when we get back home. And you can buy a dress, and I can buy a dress, and we’ll live happily ever after, and entirely sober. Mostly.”

Tori grinned, her hangover forgotten. “I love you, Mrs Karen.”

“And I love you, Mrs Tori.”

And they kissed.

“So … can we have sex now?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”