TF (xenomorph)

Professor Peter Plummer, former child genius turned ageing wunderkind, let out a cackle. He’d done it! He’d cracked the DNA coding problem! The project he’d been working on for so long was finally a go. “Eureka!” he screamed. It was an oldie but goodie.

He sat back with a pleased smile. He glared at the wall of the lab, where letters from more than a dozen countries and military leaders had been pinned. Each one a turndown, often with putdowns attached. He could quote them all. “Dear Professor Plummer, regarding your super soldier proposal, let me say it sounds both dangerous and crazy …”

Crazy? Ha! They’d called Newton crazy. They’d called Einstein crazy. They’d called Steve Martin crazy. Wait, that was “a wild and crazy guy”.

At the end of his long lab lay the chamber. A few minor adjustments to the DNA coding aligners, and hey presto! He would unleash his creation on the world. He’d show them all. Particularly those snotty scientists at the university. They’d laughed at his idea! Actually laughed in his face! Well, they’d laughed at Newton! They’d laughed at Einstein! They’d laughed at Steve Martin!

Heck, Three Amigos had been pretty funny.

But soon, soon, all would be ready.

All he needed was a guinea pig.

*

As it turned out, that was much easier than he thought. Standing outside the nearest Hot Topic, approaching the freakiest girl who’d exited and saying “Excuse me, miss, but have you ever wanted to be a monster?” had proven surprisingly effective.

“So, nice place you got here, doc,” the woman said. She was wearing a ripped T-shirt for some band Plummer had never heard of, black leggings and about five studded belts. Her hair had been haphazardly shaved in various spots and dyed blue, while her face sported what Plummer assumed was half the contents of a cutlery drawer.

“Hey, what’s that?” she said, pointing.

“That’s the chamber.”

“Oh, I get it! You’re a regular Seth Brundle, ain’t ya?”

“A what?”

“Seth Brundle … you know, Jeff Goldblum in The Fly?”

“Is that a horror film? I don’t watch scary movies. I have a nervous disposition.” Plummer cleared his throat. “Now, Miss …”

“Stacie. Stacie Slom.” She blew a bubble gum bubble, which promptly burst on her face.

“Miss Slom, yes. Now, let me tell you what this little experiment of mine is all about …”

“Hey, you said you’d turn me into a monster! That’s all I need to hear!”

Plummer continued as if she hadn’t spoken. He’d wanted to make this speech for so long, and nothing was going to stop him. “Now, modern warfare, as you may have noted, is growing ever more brutal. Weaponry is increasing in leaps and bounds, yet we continue to fight with the same weak base material: men and women. Vulnerable, all too human men and women.

“But what if we could enhance the soldier? What if we could make them more than human? What if we could make them invulnerable? What if we could make them … terrifying?

“Behold the super soldier of the future!” Plummer announced with a flourish, spinning around a board to show an illustration of his creation. Huge, seven feet tall, with a hideous extended head, eyeless but with exceptional vision, no need to breathe, acid-spewing, monstrously strong, spiked claws …

“It’s a xenomorph,” Stacie said flatly.

“What?”

“It’s a xenomorph, like the ones in Alien.”

Plummer blinked. “Well, I suppose there is a slight resemblance, yes. Obviously when one’s creating a terrifying warrior creature impervious to harm, there’s going to be some crossover …”

“Hey, I thought you said you didn’t watch scary movies!”

“Only for research.” Plummer blushed. When that damned creature had burst out of John Hurt, he’d actually peed his pants. Thank heavens he’d been watching it alone.

Stacie peered at the picture. “And you’re gonna turn me into … this?”

“Uh, well, yes. Is that a problem?”

“A problem? Hell no!” Stacie grinned. “That’s perfect!” She began to pull her T-shirt over her head.

“Well, before we begin, I’ll just require you to sign this form that says you’re over 18 and not being coerced … wait, what are you doing?!”

Stacie unhooked her bra. “What does it look like I’m doing? I’n stripping!” She actually winked at him, damn her. “I mean, I’m supposing that machine of yours doesn’t change clothes too, right?”

“Uh, uh, uh … no.” Damn it, he really hadn’t thought this part out too well. He wanted to avert his eyes but …  what was going on was so interesting …

Well, that’s where the rest of the cutlery drawer went.

“So, here I am, ready to go,” Stacie said with a grin.

Plummer began to grin as well. “Well … alright then! Into the chamber with you!” He opened the door with a bow. Stacie stepped in, and Plummer sealed the chamber before taking his place behind the console. Behind him a van der graaf generator spun into action. It did nothing  but hell, every lab had to have one.

“Now, you might feel a slight tickling sensation,” he said, beginning the sequence. “I’m enhancing your DNA helix and rewriting your molecular structure.”

In the chamber, Stacie gasped as power flooded into her. This ain’t no tickling! she thought. God, this is … this is …

This is really getting me off!

She felt better than she’d ever felt. And this is even before I change! she thought.

And then she changed.

She grew. Her body erupted in armour. Her skin turned sleek black. Things were growing in places things shouldn’t grow.

And her face …

Her face grew long, and her mouth erupted with fangs.

*

Plummer shielded his eyes. The chamber was filled with lights, glowing blue, then yellow. He thought he could see a growing form in the midst of it, but could he?

The glow faded at last. And there, in the middle of the chamber, stood his creation.

He laughed in triumph. At last! At last! Plus there had been a 15 per cent chance the guinea pig would have simply evaporated, so he was glad that hadn’t happened.

Plummer stepped forward. He pressed a button and the chamber door slid open. “Ah, Miss Slom, I believe the experiment was a success. Perhaps we could discuss your own perceptions …”

The creature stood there blankly.

“Er, Miss Slom?”

The creature stared at its body, its hands, its feet.

It swivelled its horrific head up.

And it shouted: “I … am … freaking … AWESOME!!!”

It - or rather, Plummer realised, she - bounded out of the chamber with glee. “Quick!  Is there a mirror here? I need a mirror!”

“Over by the door there.”

“Yay!” Stacie leapt to the mirror, chortling. Actually chortling, Plummer noted.

“Hey, where are my boobs?!”

“You don’t need breasts. You’re a warrior. You have armour instead,” he explained.

“Huh. Well, whatever turns you on, I suppose.” Stacie pointed to her throat. “What’s this?”

“That’s your acid sacs.”

“And what’s this?”

“That’s your spikes.”

“And what are these?”

“Those are your genitals.”

“And what are these?”

“Those are your other genitals.”

“I get two sets? Cool!” And Stacie did a little twirl.

Plummer cleared his throat. “Well, now we’ve had a good look at ourselves, there are a few little tests I’d like to run. Take your temperature, take some bone marrow, run a geiger counter over you, those sorts of things. So if you’ll come with me …?”

“Huh? Sure. But later.” The creature turned and headed for the exit. “I’ve got a few people to scare. Like that bitch Heather, for a start!”

“Going? But wait … you can’t!”

“Oh?” The creature put her hands on her hips. “And who’s going to stop me? You? I don’t think so.” She opened her mouth in a grin, showing row after row of fangs.

Plummer gulped. He really hadn’t worked this out.

Stacie flung open the door. “Ha ha! Look out, bitches! Look out, people! Hear my name and tremble - Stacie Slom, destroyer of worlds!”

*

She was back five minutes later.

“You didn’t tell me it was going to wear off!” an indignant Stacie cried.

“Well, of course it wears off. This was just a brief test, just to see if it actually worked … Miss Slom, would you like a bathrobe or something?”

She waved his concerns away. “But you can make the transformation last longer, right?”

“Well of course I can!”

“How about this … could you make it so I will the transformation? I can just think change, and I’ll change into monster me? And then change back to non-monster me when I want?”

Plummer was about to say no when he was hit by the realisation that yes, he could. “Well … I’d have to remodel the DNA transformers, and … yes, the equations should line up …”

He hurried to his desk, subsumed in thought.

Stacie grinned. Ah, science. “Oh, and while you’re at it, could you figure out a way to give me my boobs?”

“What? Yes, yes … Now, carry the three, take away the number you first thought of …”

*

It was just before dawn when Plummer made the final adjustment. He shook Stacie awake from a sofa. “Miss Slom? I think I’m ready for you now.”

She stirred, knocking a pizza box off the sofa. They’d ordered in. “Sure, doc. I’m ready!” She climbed back in the chamber.

“Now, there will be a slight tickling …”

Once more the power.

“Yeahhhhhh!”

And Stacie changed once more.

The creature stood, horrific, deadly, terrifying.

With size DD breasts.

“I take it they’re big enough for you?”

“These will do fine, doc,” Stacie chuckled as she stared at herself in the mirror with glee. God, the power surge, this new form, her tits … she was really getting turned on!

“Doc, do you have a bathroom in this joint?”

“Out to the hall, second door on the left. And please, be careful. The toilet is new.”

*

“I can’t do anything with these hands.”

“What do you mean? Of course you can! You can kill, maim, destroy …”

“Well, yeah, but I can’t do anything … down there.”

“Down there?”

“Yeah, I tried and almost disembowelled myself.”

“Oh.”

“Couldn’t you give me, like, normal hands, but with retractable claws? I mean, I’m not saying claws don’t come in handy, but for everyday stuff you can’t beat fingers.”

“Hmmm … a pretty problem … maybe if I slightly redesign your arm bones …”

“Knew you could do it, doc! I’ll just be over here ordering more pizza.”

“Yes, yes …”

“Oh, and sorry about the toilet.”

*

The chamber.

The power.

“YES!”

*

Stacie stood before the mirror again, popping her new set of claws, then retracting them.

“Woo-hoo!” she cried. “Look at me! I’m a regular Wolverine!”

“Actually,” Plummer corrected her, “Wolverine only has three claws on each hand. You have four, so you’re one better.”

“Ohhhh!” the creature grinned. “So you’re a comics fan?”

“Well, yes, I grew up on Spider-Man and the X-Men. I missed the Claremont era, though - I was a bit young for that.”

“Who?”

“Claremont? Chris Claremont? … Good God, what do they teach children these days? You’ve got a lot of reading to do!” he chided. “I’ll lend you my reprints.”

“Thanks, doc! Oh, but that reminds me … this infra-red sensing thing is fun and all, but wouldn’t regular eyes be better?”

“Not for hunting enemy soldiers!”

“Well, yeah, but how much of that am I doing on a daily basis?” Stacie argued. “I’m not saying I need human eyes. But big black shiny eyes … that would be cool, right?”

“Yes, well, it could be done … albeit you’d need a smaller head …”

“And that’s another thing. Do I really need to be seven feet tall? I keep bashing my forehead on doors.”

“No, that should be a simple thing to change … any other suggestions?”

“Yeah, I might have a few …”

*

Chamber.

ZAP!

“!”

*
Plummer was staring.

He couldn’t help it.

Stacie was parading around, enjoying her newest form. She still looked like something from a nightmare, but now it was the nightmare of a latex fetishist.

Six feet tall, lithe, well-muscled. Skin shiny and black. Size EE breasts. A rounded, bald head, with a slightly extended mouth. Insectoid, glassy eyes. Long fingers.

She could still strike fear into hearts, but she was … well …

“Why, Miss Slom,” Plummer said. “You’re beautiful!”

“And I feel beautiful,” the creature giggled, catching Plummer up in her arms. “And powerful, and wonderful and … this is all my dreams come true! And hey, you’re not so bad-looking yourself! Doc, I want to thank you.”

“No, I should be thanking you! You’ve made my dreams come true too.”

“No, no, doc, I mean I want to thank you.” And the creature ran her fingers over a most private spot.

Plummer rose to the occasion.

“So why don’t we thank each other?”

As Stacie bent down for a kiss, Plummer thanked God he’d got rid of the fangs.

*

“Well, that was … intense.”

“Bet you’ve never done it with a monster before, right?”

“Actually, I’ve never done it before, full stop.”

“Doc! You mean …”

“Well, in between all the science stuff, I never had much time for girls.”

“Aw, poor you. Although I gotta say, for a first-timer that wasn’t bad!”

“Thank you.”

“We’ll practise a lot, OK?”

“That gives me an idea. Miss Slom, would you do me the honour of moving in here with me?”

“Can we do more science stuff?”

“Absolutely.”

“Yeah! Fantastic! And, uh, I have an idea too.”

“I thought you might.”

“And doc? Call me Stacie.”

*

Plummer was standing nervously in the chamber. “Now remember what I told you, Stacie! When the level reaches 50, press the green button and pull up the yellow lever.”

“Got it, doc!” the creature behind the console said cheerfully. This was going to be great! she thought. One monster good, two monsters better …

“OK, now! Hey, here comes that tickling …”

Plummer reared back in the chamber.

This wasn’t tickling! This felt more like …

Of all the times to get an erection …

Oh well, the things you do for science.