TF (imprinting)

When Sophie opened the door and the first thing she heard was giggling, she sighed. She began to regret giving her best friend - and ex-girlfriend - Louise a set of keys.

When the giggling continued, and she couldn’t find any trace of Lou, she sighed even louder.

She began to regret giving her a bottle of imprinting potion for her birthday even more.

Lou was known for her warped sense of humour. It was one of the things she loved about her. But still …

Was she the wall? The fan? The ceiling? Was she, Sophie, walking on her right now?

Oh well, she’d turn up eventually. Tired from work, Sophie threw herself into an armchair.

And rocketed straight up when the chair shouted “hey!”

There on the chair was a set of eyes and a mouth. Lou’s eyes and mouth.

“Jesus, Lou, you startled me,” she muttered.

“Lou?” The chair’s eyes widened to look as innocent as possible. “Who’s Lou?”

“You are!”

“Oh no, I’m a chair.” The mouth smirked. “Charlotte Chair. And I want to complain, Ms Axmaster! Every night you come and sit on me! Do I ever get the chance to sit on you? No!”

“Of course not, you’re a chair … wait, you’re not even a chair! You’re Lou!”

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” the chair giggled. And then the eyes and mouth vanished.

“Lou? Lou? You still in there?” The chair made no comment, so Sophie sighed and sat back down.

She picked up the TV remote and was about to switch her television on when Lou appeared on its screen.

“I wouldn’t bother,” she said. “There’s nothing interesting on … except me, of course! Hey, want to know who A is on Pretty Little Liars?”

“Ack! Spoiler space!” Sophie clapped her hands over her ears.

“Aw, what’s the matter? Don’t you like TV?”

“You’re not a television! You’re my increasingly annoying ex-girlfriend!”

“Oh, you mean Louise? I always liked her! I remember the way you guys used to snuggle during True Blood, and how she’d always tell you the scary bits were over and you could look again just before the bloodletting started!”

“Yeah, I liked her too!” the armchair said. Sophie leapt to her feet again.

“Screw it! I’m going to have a shower. And you better not be in it.”

“Of course not! What kind of armchair do you think I am?”

“And you’d better not be it either!”

“Who, me?”

“Yeah, you. Or in the bath. Or the sink.”

“OK, OK. Sheesh, talk about bossy … by the way, you realise you’re talking to an armchair, right?”

“Argh!” Sophie marched off to the bathroom. She knew her ex thought all this was funny, but …

In the bathroom, she checked everything. Nope, no Lou in here.

Satisfied, she pulled up the toilet lid.

Oh, crap.

“Louise! This isn’t funny!”

“Hey, you didn’t say anything about the toilet!”

Lou’s voice sounded funny, as it came from under water.

“Because I thought it would have gone without saying! You’re lucky I don’t take a dump in you!”

“Please, Ms Axmaster. This toilet disdains scatology.”

Sophie marched out of the bathroom.

There was an old saying, something she thought Buddha had coined: “If you can’t lick ‘em, join ‘em.”

Her bottles of potion were in her bedside table. Pulling open the drawer, she fished out a bottle of imprinter and guzzled the contents.

Satisfied, she simply walked straight into the walls.

It wasn’t long before she began to hear a voice.

“Sophieeeeee! Sophie Axmaster! Are you there?”

Silence.

“Are you hiding? Aw, I’m sorry, Sophie. I only wanted a little fun.”

More silence.

Stealthily, Louise emerged from the door. For a second she appeared to be made out of wood before she left the door completely.

“Sophie?”

No trace of her.

Sighing, Louise sat down on the bed.

And with a roar, Sophie dropped out of the ceiling on her.

Louise screamed as her friend hit her, and both women vanished into the bed.

The laughing was loud and prolonged.

“Oh my God!” gasped the bottom sheet. Sophie’s face appeared on it. “You should have seen your expression!”

“Talk about revenge!” the top sheet giggled. “I’ll get you for that!”

“Yeah, dream on, buster.”

A brief pause.

“It’s been a long time since we were in this bed together.”

“Maybe. A year? A little less?”

“Remember the things we used to do?”

“How can I forget? And I can’t believe you’re on top again.”

The top sheet laughed. “We can swap if you want.”

“Nah, me and the mattress protector are gonna hang out later.”

“Sophie? I’m sorry if I was annoying. Some times I just get an idea …”

“Eh, it’s OK.”

Another pause.

“You’re planning to get me later, aren’t you?”

“How well you know me.”

“Hey, that’s not fair! I’m all out of imprinting potion!”

“And I’ve got another three bottles.”

Louise gulped. She had it coming, she knew.

Oh well, at least she was on top for now.