For the next week Anna’s mind was as grey and foggy as Mazzy’s irises. She tried to text Mazzy, but it didn’t go through - Mazzy had blocked her number. In the mornings, sliding on her tights, she’d felt her body in a new way. It was strange, almost alien to her, and yet felt alive in a way it hadn’t been before. At work, she couldn’t focus, and found herself lost in the middle of conversations with clients at the front desk - if she even made it to work without calling out sick or losing track of time and getting reamed out by her boss. Cooking dinner, she’d stare at the meatballs she was kneading and awake minutes later, finding that it was now 7:30 rather than 6:30. In the shower before bed, she’d close her eyes, feel the warm water sliding over her skin, and try to think of anything else besides her. But it didn’t work. Mazzy was on her mind, constantly. Anna could no longer think straight.

This went on for weeks. Her husband seemingly didn’t notice. They hadn’t fucked for some time before that night that Anna came from Mazzy’s, but now, he wanted her every night, or every other night, despite his groans about the amount of work Antifa was making for him and the police department. He was happy as long as he got what he wanted and didn’t seem to care that Anna walked around like a ghost, her mind caught in a different place and different time. “Maybe we can finally conceive,” he said to her after the third time. They had been trying to conceive since their marriage three years ago, but Anna’s womb failed them at every opportunity. Back then, she had cried so hard, thinking she was a failure of a woman. But now, the thought of getting pregnant suddenly terrified her. Everything was new, and strange, and the only thing she was sure of was that she didn’t want a child, not right now, maybe not ever.

She went to her church in her free time and prayed after communion. Kneeling on the floor, clasping her hands together, and closing her eyes, she tried to speak to God and ask him for guidance. She told him she was confused. She said in her mind that she wasn’t sure anymore what she wanted, and she was ashamed of herself. For the first time in her life, God didn’t answer her. She wanted to hear a voice saying something, telling her the way. But that voice didn’t come.

Finally, Anna got fed up. It had been a month. She had to do something. On her way to work, she stopped by the Starbucks again. The one she had met Mazzy in. As she yanked her keys out of the ignition in the car, she stopped and took a deep breath. Why was she so nervous?

Inside, the line was long, as usual, and the scent of coffee beans calmed her nerves a little bit. But when she got to the front of the line, the woman she ran into wasn’t Mazzy. “Hi, um, a caramel macchiato, 2% milk please,” she squeaked out.

“Name?” said the tall, twig-like woman.

“Anna,” she said. “Um, is Mazzy here?”

“Mazzy?” the barista said. “Not anymore. She quit.”

Anna was stunned. She shuffled to the waiting area and pulled out her phone. She tried to text Mazzy one more time, but the text wouldn’t send, just like before. She got her caramel macchiato, took one sip, and felt her stomach sink. She tossed it into the garbage bin on the way out the door.

***

“I’m sorry, Anna. But this has happened too many times.”

Anna looked at her boss, a 60-something, stubby little man with a balding head the color and texture of curdled milk. His brown, pin-striped suit marked him as the one in control of her fate. They were sitting in his sterile, grey office, decorated with fishing memorabilia and stacks of old reports full of stilted financial jargon.

“I’m not sure I understand,” Anna said.

“You’re fired. Is that more clear?” he said, lacing his fingers together and leaning forward.

“What? Why?”

“You know why, Anna. You’ve been late almost every day for a month. We keep getting complaints from people at the front desk that you aren’t responsive. We don’t need you anymore.”

“But, but . . . but, I’m going through a hard time right now, Frank. I - I’m sorry. But I really need your help. I need everyone’s help. Remember all those times you said this company is like a family? Doesn’t family look out for each other?”

Her boss sighed and leaned back into his chair. “Have you ever heard of the term ‘disowned?’”

***

Anna sat in her car, her hands on the steering wheel, but the car going nowhere. She just stared ahead through the glass of the front window at the trees next to the parking lot. Her heart was beating so fast it was about to leap out of her throat and go rolling down the road.

Her life was slipping through her fingers like water through a sieve. She had no choice left. She couldn’t get her out of her head. So Anna, who always had a good memory for directions, knew where she had to go.

***

She stood in front of Mazzy’s door, trying to stuff her shaky breath back down into her lungs. Mazzy’s car was there, so she was probably home. When - well, if - Mazzy answered the door, Anna wasn’t sure if she’d jump in fear or cry tears of joy.

Anna rang the doorbell and stepped back. Her hands shook like an arthritic patient.

“Hel - Anna?” said Mazzy, surprised, as she swung the door open. She was wearing a dark green flannel and wrinkled cloth shorts that she had clearly just thrown on. But Anna didn’t care.

“Hi. I’m . . . um . . . ugh,” she sighed.

“What are you holding behind your back?” Mazzy asked, taking a step backwards, seemingly afraid.

Anna, who was holding both of her hands behind her back, revealed a sealed quart of ice cream.

“It’s the pumpkin ice cream you shared with me last time. Same exact flavor. I wanted to give you some and say that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what happened.”

Mazzy looked at the ice cream, then at Anna. Tears welled up at the corners of her eyes. “Anna, um, thanks,” she said. “This is so sweet. Literally,” she said, cracking the smallest of grins. Anna smiled, too. “I . . . I’m sorry I blocked you. I shouldn’t - “

“It’s okay,” Anna said. “You had your reasons, and I respect that. But can I talk to you now? I miss you.”

Mazzy set the ice cream down. “Come in,” she beckoned.

In the kitchen, Mazzy brewed warm, rich coffee and clinked mugs with Anna as they both dug into the ice cream. Outside, a thin, wiry drizzle of rain had begun to fall, and the two of them could hear the wind whistle through the window and smell the petrichor.

“Christ, this is so much better than Starbucks,” Anna laughed.

“Thanks,” said Mazzy. “That’s what happens when you care.”

They caught up. At first the conversation moved slowly, with huge gaps and loaded silence after loaded silence, but bit by bit they whittled down the wall until it was like before, where they could talk and laugh freely about their lives. Mazzy said she blocked Anna because she had wanted to move on - but that she had still been thinking of her, and she was glad Anna came. Anna told Mazzy how she hadn’t stopped thinking about her, and how much she missed hearing her voice.

“Can’t believe they fired you. Bastards,” Mazzy said, after hearing about what happened to Anna just an hour earlier that same day.

“I can’t believe it either,” Anna said. “I’ve worked there for five years. I feel so . . . expendable.”

“It’s always like that, no matter where you go,” Mazzy said. “That’s why I quit Starbucks. Well, that, and because I didn’t want you coming around to see me . . . sorry. But the point stands. You’re nothing more to your boss than just a money machine with a heartbeat. Moment you break down, they throw you out.”

“Really? You think so? It’s like that everywhere?” asked Anna, sipping on coffee.

“Always,” Mazzy said. “Believe me. Capitalist bastards, everywhere.”

Anna had heard the word “capitalist” before, and felt she had a vague, high school understanding of what the term meant, but didn’t bother to ask Mazzy about what she was saying because she had more important things on her mind.

They talked more, and laughed, and the more they laughed, the more they inched their chairs closer together, each wanting to share the other’s heat.

“Um . . . Anna, I . . . I need to say something,” Mazzy finally said, breaking the good cheer.

Anna gulped.

“I like you Anna. A lot. And I’m so glad you came here to talk again. But . . . I don’t want to be the other woman. You understand?”

“I do,” Anna said. “I thought you would say that. I don’t even know what I want though, Mazzy. I’ve so never been in love with a girl before . . .” she said, trailing off, and watching Mazzy blush as the word “love” hung in the air. Anna hadn’t intended to say the word, but it just came out.

“When I was a girl,” Anna began, “I dreamed all the time about my wedding. What my husband would be like. How big my house would be. How many kids I would have. But for the first time in my life, I have no idea what I want. I always thought I loved men. That I loved my husband. But I look at him, and there’s nothing. I just, I feel nothing at all, except maybe disgust. I don’t get it, but it’s like, the moment you kissed me, I realized I had always been missing something.”

“Anna . . . I think I misunderstood you. Or maybe you misunderstood yourself. You’re . . . it’s the L-word,” she said, with a wink.

“Lesbian?” said Anna.

“In love,” said Mazzy, taking Anna’s hand. “But yes, with a lesbian,” she smiled.

Anna didn’t want to let go of Mazzy’s hand. It felt so warm, and so right, just to link fingers together like they were doing. She could feel her heart beating, each little pulse, meeting Mazzy’s heartbeat at the fingertips.

“In love? But . . .” Anna trailed off, unsure how to respond. It was absolutely true. She had to accept the truth. But she had no idea what to do with it.

“But what?” Mazzy asked.

“I don’t know what I can do . . .” Anna said. Mazzy answered, reaching in and kissing Anna for the second time. Anna felt sparkles in her toes and fingertips. All the stress built up in her shoulders melted, and she leaned into Mazzy’s kiss, tasting the trace of sweet pumpkin ice cream still on her lips.

Mazzy leaned back from the kiss, but Anna still felt the magnetic draw on her own lips, the heat. “I thought . . . you didn’t want to be the other woman?” Anna said.

“I don’t,” Mazzy said. “You know what that means?”

Anna gulped. “I’m scared.”

“Of me?” Mazzy replied.

“No. You’re the only thing I’m not scared of,” Anna said, bringing her shaky palm to her head. “I don’t know what . . . I  . . .”

“You don’t have to have all the answers right now,” Mazzy said, placing a calming hand on Anna’s thigh. Even just a small touch from Mazzy like that sent her mind reeling. Her heart was racing even faster than her mind. “I remember what it was like when I found out I liked girls. It’s exhilarating. But also terrifying. What would people think? But you know what? It doesn’t matter what they think. It only matters what you want.”

“What I want is you,” Anna said, her voice shaking.

“Can I . . .?”

“God yes,” Anna said, pulling her into another kiss. Anna laid her arms around Mazzy’s shoulders and Mazzy moved her hand up Anna’s thigh and to her hip. The kiss was everything Anna had been confused over for the past weeks, and now, suddenly, it all made sense.

Clarity replaced confusion. She was fucking gay. And it was fucking hot.

As they kissed, they stood up, and Mazzy pinned her to the wall, holding her by the hips as they both kissed. Anna struggled to breathe, but she didn’t care. If she had to take a breath, it would mean not kissing Mazzy for at least a second, and that was the only thing she wanted. Their tongues tangled with each other as Anna felt her whole body fill up with a powerful, energetic heat.

They made their way down the hall and to Mazzy’s small, quaint bedroom, collapsing together on the bed. Anna didn’t even notice the band posters and art and record player and small succulent on the windowsill and the whoosh of rain and wind outside that same windowsill because her eyes were closed, and the only sensation she wanted to feel was Mazzy, Mazzy’s hands crawling up her thigh, Mazzy’s breasts pushing into her chest, Mazzy’s leg wrapping around hers, Mazzy’s lips roving over Anna’s body, the scent of Mazzy’s lilac conditioner in her hair, the hot beat of Mazzy’s breath on her skin, Mazzy, Mazzy, Mazzy.

Anna felt a little lightheaded when Mazzy came up for air, looked her in the eye, and asked her, “What are you comfortable with?” Anna almost didn’t answer because she was lost in the field of bright little freckles on Mazzy’s face, and the goddamn beautiful pools of her eyes.

Finally, Anna sputtered out, “I’m not sure. I haven’t done this before with a girl, but I want to. I just don’t know what exactly I’m supposed to do.”

“We’ll take it slow,” Mazzy said, “Could I maybe . . . touch your boobs?”

Anna was shocked. Her husband had never asked her what she wanted, or what she felt comfortable with, at all - never mind in bed. Even just the fact that Mazzy asked, that Mazzy cared, made her feel . . . different. Special. Respected. She wanted Mazzy to touch her boobs, but the fact that she asked somehow made it even better.

Slowly, Mazzy lifted off Anna’s beige work blouse and tossed it aside. She invited Anna to peel off Mazzy’s flannel, button-by-button. She wasn’t wearing a bra underneath. Anna couldn’t take her eyes off of Mazzy’s perfectly round breasts. Meanwhile, Mazzy reached around and unhooked Anna’s bra with one hand, tearing it off and letting her own pale white tits bounce free.

There was a raw lust in Mazzy’s eyes, Anna saw, as she reached forward and gently cupped Anna’s breasts, beginning to softly knead them, and run her fingers lightly over Anna’s nipples. This was also nothing like how her husband did it. He was always so rough, so unforgiving, so fast, so hard. But Mazzy, Mazzy’s fingers were slow, and smooth, and comfortable. Anna closed her eyes and just let Mazzy go to town.  It was relaxing in a way that she couldn’t articulate, relaxing and hot like a bath in a sauna. Anna’s vagina twitched with need as Mazzy played with her boobs. She could feel her sexuality being reprogrammed in real time - is this what sex was supposed to feel like? - she thought this to herself as her mind imagined all the things she wanted Mazzy to do to her, all the nooks and crannies of her body that she wanted to explore.

“Oh, you like that, don’t you,” Mazzy whispered sensually. Anna could only muster a breathy, affirmative moan. “You wanna touch mine?” Mazzy mouthed.

Anna’s face flushed hot red as she reached her hands up and felt under Mazzy’s breasts. Anna had touched her own boobs before many a time, but it was nothing at all like the feeling of holding, caressing, and rubbing Mazzy’s. Just touching Mazzy’s skin was electrifying, and fingering Mazzy’s fat, hard nipples was driving her crazy.

Mazzy carefully lifted Anna’s hands away after a few minutes, and then lowered her head. “I wanna lick your nipples,” she said. Anna nodded enthusiastically, and Mazzy flicked her tongue over the tip of Anna’s tit. The wet heat of Mazzy’s tongue shot violent paroxysms of pleasure deep into Anna’s brain. Mazzy flicked and licked and sucked Anna’s nips until Anna was begging for release.

In a minute of reprieve, Mazzy let up and flopped onto the bed beside Anna, curling up into the curve of Anna’s neck and tracing circles on Anna’s belly with her fingertips. “How you feel?” she asked.

“Amazing,” said Anna.

“I wanna do things to you,” Mazzy said.

“I want you to do things to me,” Anna echoed.

“I wanna finger you,” Mazzy whispered.

“Please,” Anna said.

Mazzy sat up and began unbuttoning Anna’s jeans. She wiggled them off of Anna’s leg and marveled at Anna’s silky blue panties. She slipped one fingertip beneath the hem and pulled them down and off, all the while Anna’s muscles tightened in anticipation.

Mazzy softly brushed Anna’s thighs with her fingertips, and Anna’s knees buckled in suspense. Then, finally, she slipped one finger in and slowly began to run it up and down the length of Anna’s vagina, which was already so wet that Mazzy’s finger glided with ease.

“Damn girl, did you already come? It’s soaked down here,” Mazzy said with a teasing laugh.

Anna giggled. “No, you’re just too beautiful and I can’t handle it.”

Mazzy blushed. “How’s it feel?”

“Um, I’m not sure . . .” Anna said, hesitant. “It’s weird . . .”

“How about here?” Mazzy said.

“Fuck!” Anna shouted. “Wait, that feels like fire. Fuuuuuuck.”

“In a good way or a bad way?” Mazzy said, pulling her finger out.

“Don’t stop,” Anna said. “In a good way.”

Mazzy smiled and slipped another finger in, running her fingers up and down the length of Anna’s labia, lightly thumbing her clit, and playing around in the folds of Anna’s swelteringly hot sex.

“I’m just nervous,” Anna said at last.

“Why?” Mazzy asked, pulling her fingers out.

“I’m not sure.”

“That’s totally normal,” Mazzy said. “It’s your first time with a girl. You want it to be good. But it’ll be best if you can just relax. Okay? Trust me.”

“Okay,” Anna said. “I’m just going to close my eyes and relax. It feels REALLY fucking good. Just . . .” Anna’s words trailed off into a weak and needy moan as Mazzy began truly working her finger magic.

The feeling of Mazzy’s skilled fingers playing in Anna’s vagina was unreal. It felt to Anna like Mazzy was finding and touching parts of her that she didn’t knew existed. The more and more Mazzy touched, the hotter and hotter Anna got, until she was ready to burst.

“Fffffffuck!” Anna yelled as her back tightened, her hips bucked and her vagina squirted out a hot flood of watery cum. “Fuck!” she shouted again as a second wave of orgasm shook her body immediately after the first, unleashing more cum and causing’s Anna’s whole body to convulse with red-hot pleasure as Mazzy pumped in and out, her fingers twirling and rubbing and reveling in the deluge.

“Stop! Stop!” Anna finally moaned. Mazzy withdrew her hands and watched as Anna flew through a storm of sensations, as she kicked her legs and moaned while her shoulders twisted up and her hands fell limp while her whole soul swam through a crashing wave of pleasure.

“Come here,” Anna grunted, lightly patting the bed beside her. Mazzy crawled up and nestled herself next to Anna again, and Anna, surprising Mazzy, pulled Mazzy into a deep, warm, hard kiss that sent Mazzy spinning.

“What now?” asked Anna as they finally finished locking lips.

“Now you rest,” Mazzy said.

“But what about you?”

“What about me?”

“You’re, um . . . how do you get off? I’m confused.”

Mazzy snickered. “However I want,” she said, running her fingers through Anna’s long black locks.

“Should I . . .?”

“Only if you want to,” Mazzy replied. “And it looks like you’re tuckered out.”

“Yeah,” Anna sighed. “Maybe I should take it slow.”

“Yeah. Despite what all those lesbian films say, you can’t do it all from the get-go. This isn’t Blue is the Warmest Color. So don’t worry. You can get me off one day soon. But baby steps.”

“Does that make me a gay baby?” said Anna.

Mazzy snorted laughing. “Oh course.”

Anna turned and wrapped her arms around Mazzy’s waist. “You’re amazing,” she said.

“You’re amazing,” Mazzy said. “Now, do you wanna watch me masturbate?”

Anna said yes, god yes. As Mazzy slipped her fingers into her snatch and began to rub, Anna felt herself warming up again. Just seeing someone so beautiful who she already loved so much getting off was way too fucking hot.

It’s funny, Anna thought to herself. Only a few hours ago, she had been a straight-and-narrow hetero married woman with an office job. But now she was an unemployed lesbian watching her girlfriend masturbate. And, despite how scary that was, Anna knew that for the first time she had made the right choice.