She was born without legs in a time when such people were institutionalized or worse, but she avoided that fate. They said she’d never walk; instead, she soared.
A fictional account of a girl born over a century ago who, with love and support from her family and friends, defies a culture where disability is considered shameful and disabled people are marginalized, openly discriminated against, and even treated as less than human.
Part 6 includes the following chapters:
Chapter 13 – Appeasing Millie
Fannie did what she said and went home for the weekend on Friday afternoon after her last class. Alice heard her come in, and the first thing she said to her was, “Did you hear about Millie and Dickie?”
“I sure did,” replied Fannie. “That’s why I came home. Dickie told me the whole story. He’s completely beside himself over this. It’s all just a huge misunderstanding. So, how’s Millie taking it?”
“She just hides in her bedroom and cries, day and night” replied Alice. “I can hear her through the door. She’s missed work this entire week, she’s barely eaten, and she won’t let anyone talk to her about it. I’m really worried about her.”
“How much do you know?” Fannie asked Alice.
“Only that she broke up with Dickie. I can’t get any more out of her than that. She’s clearly devastated about it.”
“Come on, then. We’re going to fix this, and we don’t have a minute to waste,” Fannie told her youngest sister as she headed for the stairs. Alice assumed she wanted her to come along, and she followed.
“Millie?” said Fannie tentatively as she simultaneously knocked on and opened the unlocked door.
“Go away!” Millie said loudly, clearly distressed.
Fannie entered the room anyway. “This is still my room, too, and I’m home for the weekend, so I have every right to be in here.”
Millie saw Alice following Fannie into the room. “She doesn’t,” Millie said to Fannie, referring to Alice. “Get out, Alice.”
“She’s with me,” Fannie replied. “She stays.”
“Why can’t everyone just leave me alone?” Millie asked rhetorically and to no one in particular.
“Because we’re very worried about you, Millie,” Fannie responded. “We’re worried about your mental and emotional state, but we’re even more worried that you’ve made the biggest mistake of your life and you can’t even see it.”
“It was no mistake! My mistake was believing that anyone could really fall in love with a crippled girl,” Millie said in response.
“Shut up and listen to me, Millie,” Fannie told her. “I had a long talk with Dickie about what happened. He’s devastated by you breaking up with him, but he’s even more upset that you did so because you jumped to a bunch of wild conclusions, and won’t even let him explain. He was trying to tell you a story, and you’d only heard the introduction when you thought you figured out the entire plot and made up your own ending.”
“I don’t want to hear his lies from you, either, Fannie,” Millie said through tears. “I know you’ve been in cahoots with him all along, trying to fix us up together. It was you who conned me into going out with him in the first place.”
“You think you’re so smart, Millie, but you have no clue what the real story is, and you’re not letting him tell it. The truth is, he’s very much in love with you. He didn’t plan on that happening, but it did. Frankly, I’m having a hard time seeing why right now. You’ve thrown away the best thing you’ve ever had and probably ever will have because of a silly misunderstanding!”
Fannie then began to tell Millie what Dickie had told her, adding in her own perspective and commentary as well.
“How dare they think I need to be looked after, like a child or a pet or something!” Millie interrupted, incensed.
“Remember, when they left for the war you were still a teenager. You weren’t even allowed to go to school because of your missing legs. Nobody really thought you’d ever have a job, not because you weren’t capable and deserving, but because no one would want to hire a cripple. Same thing with finding a husband.
“So they were allowing for the possibility that Mom and Dad would support you as long as they could, but that someday someone else would have to take over. If for some reason either of us or Henry couldn’t or wouldn’t do it, then Dickie was going to make sure you weren’t homeless and destitute. That’s all he promised Jackie he’d do.
“He never told Jackie or anyone else that he’d marry you; the thought had never occurred to either of them. Then he started hanging around here and got to know you better, and he started falling in love with you, but not because of any promise he made. Not because he felt sorry for you. It was natural and real.
“Don’t you remember he went out with me first, and we saw no point in continuing because neither of us felt any spark towards each other? He was already attracted to you then, and he knew he should’ve asked you out instead of me. That’s why I encouraged you to go out with him. When he did, he did feel the spark towards you and was sure you also felt it toward him. Do you remember that, Millie? None of that was fake!
“I challenge you to tell me one thing he’s ever done to make you doubt that he loves you deeply, from your first date all the way up until he proposed to you. Or, just tell me one lie he told you during that time. Either way, I’ll bet money that you can’t.
“The man bought a diamond ring for you; he got on his knee and proposed to you and he was thrilled that you said yes, and minutes later you’re convinced he doesn’t really love you at all and you dump him? Are you really that stupid, Millie? You’re extremely lucky he still very much wants you back after you treated him that way, enough so that he asked me to speak to you on his behalf since you won’t let him talk to you directly. A lesser man would have taken his lumps and never looked back.”
Tears had been streaming down Millie’s cheeks as she listened to all of this. “I am that stupid!” she exclaimed. “I’m just a big, fat yuck! I’m the yuckiest yuck in the entire history of yucks! God must have been giving out good sense in the same line as he did legs, because I didn’t get either!
“Oh, Fannie, how could I be such a birdbrain? How could I not see how much Dick really loves me? How could I so easily believe that he didn’t? What am I going to do?” she wailed. Then suddenly she stopped, and her expression completely changed. Millie got down from her bed and headed out of the bedroom walking on her hands, still crying but with a look of determination on her face.
Fannie called out to her, “Where are you going?”
“I’m going to go fix this before Dickie changes his mind,” Millie said over her shoulder. She took the chair lift down the stairs to her wheelchair at the bottom, as Fannie and Alice watched her from the top of the steps. Millie then got into the wheelchair and headed for the back door, where the ramp was, as the two sisters came down the steps and followed her.
“No, I meant where exactly are you going?” Fannie asked Millie.
“I’m going to Dickie’s house, where else?” she replied.
“In your wheelchair? Looking like that?” Alice asked incredulously.
“Why not? It’s only a couple of blocks away, and I’m decent.”
Millie exited the back door, wheeled herself down the ramp, down the driveway, and on the sidewalk toward Dick’s parents’ house, where he still lived. Still crying, she looked an absolute mess. She hadn’t brushed her hair or bathed in days. She had no makeup on and was still wearing pajamas.
“Do you think we should follow her?” Alice asked her oldest sister.
“Probably so, yeah,” Fannie replied, and the two went out the front door and followed behind at a distance.
Millie got to Dickie’s parents’ house, which wasn’t wheelchair accessible. She wheeled up to the bottom of the steps going up to the front porch, then climbed them and walked on her hands to the front door. She knocked on the door, and when she didn’t get an immediate answer, she started yelling his name. “Dickie! Dickie! Answer the door! I need to talk to you right now!” Millie then began banging on the door and repeatedly calling his name like it was a matter of life and death.
Dickie’s mother answered the door. “Millie! What on earth is going on?” she asked, shocked at Millie’s appearance and lack of decorum.
“Mrs. Gardner, I need to see Dickie right away!” she exclaimed as she started pushing her way into the house.
“Millie! Get ahold of yourself and please tell me what’s going on!” Mrs. Gardner said emphatically. “What’s the emergency, and why are you so disheveled?”
“Please tell me where he is!” Millie pleaded as she started climbing the stairs, assuming he was in his bedroom.
“He’s not up there, Millie! He’s not even home! Please calm down and tell me what’s going on! Have you been hurt?”
Millie forced herself to take deep breaths and calm down. There was nothing more she could do until Dickie returned home. “No, I’m not hurt,” she replied, and climbed up onto the sofa and took several more deep breaths, trying to gain her composure. “You know what happened last weekend, right? Dickie proposed marriage to me and instead I broke up with him?”
“Yes…” Mrs. Gardner allowed cautiously.
“Well, I’ve been lying in bed and crying about it ever since; that’s why I look so awful. My sister just got it through my thick skull what a complete fool I’ve been and what a terrible mistake I’ve made. I immediately came to plead for Dickie’s forgiveness and beg that he take me back.”
“You know you really broke his heart when you ditched him,” Mrs. Gardner told Millie. “I’ve never seen him so sad and mopey before. Don’t ever tell him this, because I’ll deny it if you do, but late at night when the house was quiet, I could hear him crying on several occasions. You made my big, tough soldier boy cry, Millie.”
“I’m so sorry for the mess I’ve caused,” Millie replied. “I broke up with him because I thought he didn’t really love me and was only pursuing me because of a promise he made to Jackie. I realize now how completely wrong I was. Dickie was the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I love him with all my heart, but I threw him out like yesterday’s garbage without even giving him a chance to explain himself. I don’t deserve any forgiveness on his part. I can only pray that he still wants me half as much as I want… him.”
Millie paused as she heard footsteps on the front porch, and said ‘him’ just as Dick walked in the door with his father right behind him. Dick had seen Millie’s wheelchair at the bottom of the porch steps and he’d also heard a few words before ‘him’. He just stood there looking at Millie, an absolutely disheveled mess wearing pajamas in the late afternoon, eyes red from crying, sitting on his parents’ sofa. “Hi, Millie,” was all he could think to say to her.
“Hi,” she said back to him.
“Come on Lou, let’s give these two some privacy,” Mrs. Gardner said to her husband, and they went to another part of the house.
Millie started crying again. “I’m so sorry Dickie! I went and ruined everything! I was so wrong to think you didn’t love me, and I was even more wrong to not give you a chance to defend yourself. I haven’t been able to stop crying all week. Fannie finally set me straight a short time ago, and I immediately came here to beg for your forgiveness.” As she said this, she got down from the sofa and hand-walked over to where Dickie was standing and hugged his legs tightly with the side of her face also pressed against them. “I didn’t even take the time to get cleaned up; it was so important to me that you know this as soon as possible.
“I know I deserve nothing but contempt from you, but please find it in your heart to take me back, Dickie!” she said as she continued to cry and hold onto his legs for dear life. “I swear to you, I’ll never do that again as long as I live. I’ll never again deny you the chance to explain yourself. It was so unfair of me to do that to you.”
Dick was at a loss as to what to do or say in response. He was so utterly conflicted. He was still deeply hurt that she’d rejected him so readily and completely. He was glad that she’d seen the error of her ways and had come to her senses. He was thrilled that she wanted him to take her back. But he realized they weren’t going to work this out with him standing there and her tightly hugging his legs.
“How about unwrapping yourself from my legs and let’s go sit down and talk about this,” he said to her. She complied and he sat on the sofa while she climbed back up onto it. She immediately took his closest hand in her own and looked at him expectantly.
By now, Dick had composed himself. “I appreciate that, Millie, but I need you to do more than just let me explain myself. I need…”
Millie interrupted him. “Anything, just tell me what it is!” she said.
Dick started over. “It felt like I’d been stabbed in the heart when you accused me of repeatedly lying to you and said that you couldn’t believe anything I said. Those were the most hurtful words I’ve ever heard in my life, and I have no idea what I did to deserve them. I’ve never lied to you Millie, and I never will. You can take that to the bank.” Millie again began tearing up as she heard him say this to her.
“If you’re ever trying to figure something out and one of the possible explanations is ‘Dickie lied to you’, I need you to always dismiss that out of hand. It simply will never be the case. I might inadvertently give you wrong information, but I will never intentionally lie to you or keep any secrets from you. I need you to completely trust me and believe me from here on out.”
He paused, and then said, “If you can’t do that, then I don’t see how we can go forward from here.” Despite his best efforts to remain stoic, Dick also began choking up and tearing up as he said that sentence.
Millie again wrapped her arms around Dick and began openly weeping. “Oh, Dickie, I’m so sorry for saying that to you and not believing you! You didn’t do anything to deserve that! I was so wrong to jump to that conclusion! I’ll never doubt you again! I promise I’ll always believe you, now and forever!”
Millie realized that Dickie wasn’t hugging her back. She looked up at him to see his reaction to what she just said. His expression remained neutral, which wasn’t a good sign. Then he asked her, “I have to ask, why did that one thing that I said, which you didn’t give me a chance to explain or provide context, make you think everything else I’d ever told you was lie? How was it that your trust in me was so fragile in the first place?”
Millie thought about that before answering. “Good question. I don’t know, really.” She thought some more. “I suppose it’s because all my life, people have always said no employer or suitor would ever want a crippled girl, and so I’d always be a burden to my parents. Usually they wouldn’t say it to my face, but they would when they thought I was out of earshot, and I heard it over and over. I guess it’s made me very insecure.
“I have a job, but I work for my father, so it almost doesn’t count. I have you, or at least I did, but in the back of my mind I guess I’ve always thought I was nowhere near good enough for you; you were just too good to be true, there must be some catch for you to have shown any interest in me, and someday I’d discover it and it would all be over, just like that.
“When you started talking about your promise to Jackie, it sounded just like the catch I’d always dreaded, and so it was very easy to think you couldn’t possibly really love me, because I’m defective and not worthy of anyone’s love, and that you were only pretending to for Jackie’s sake. My worst fears seemed to be coming true, and I hated you for leading me on and getting my hopes up only to heartlessly stomp all over them. All of this was only happening in my own head, but I reacted as if it were real. Does that make any sense at all?”
“It makes a lot of sense, actually,” replied Dick. “I only wish I’d known; that you’d told me about your insecurities and fears long before now. We could’ve kept this from happening.”
“So what do we do now?” Millie asked him.
“I don’t know,” Dick replied honestly. “I think I finally now understand why you reacted the way that you did, but knowing the reason doesn’t change the fact that it was deeply hurtful to me. It was soul-crushingly hurtful to hear you say that you couldn’t believe a word I said.” He paused and thought some more. “Honestly, I can’t just pretend it never happened and go back to the way things were, at least not yet. Maybe with enough time I’ll get there.”
Upon hearing this, Millie stopped hugging him, met his eyes and started bawling. She knew he was right to feel that way, and there was nothing she could say or do to make him stop. She’d had a genuine fairy tale romance, and she’d flushed it all down the toilet because of her own insecurities. Dickie was completely innocent in all of this; it was entirely her fault, and now the damage was done, perhaps irreparably. The emotions she was feeling were utterly overwhelming.
“I understand,” Millie finally said after she’d cried herself out. “Take all the time you need. I’ll be waiting for you, Dickie.” She started to get down from the sofa. “I guess I’ll be going now,” she said as she did.
“Wait,” Dick said to her. She looked at him expectantly. “You’ve been clinging onto me and I haven’t reciprocated,” he said. “I want you to know that I still love you, Millie. I haven’t stopped doing that. I just need time to work through this.” He stretched out his arms. “Hug?” he offered. This time the hug was mutual. Neither of them said anything; they just held each other close for several minutes. Finally, Dick released his grip, and Millie did the same.
“I’ll walk you home,” he then said to her. “You shouldn’t be out by yourself, especially like this.”
Chapter 14 – Forgiving Millie
Six weeks went by with no contact between Dick and Millie. However, Millie’s attitude completely changed after going to Dick’s house and talking things through with him. She was still sad, since she hadn’t been able to fix things, but was also now optimistic that given sufficient time, he would come around and be ready to resume their relationship. In the meantime, she considered no news to be good news; it meant that he hadn’t given up on her yet. She couldn’t explain why, but Millie had a calm assurance that everything would work out.
Meanwhile, Dick struggled with figuring out what needed to happen for him to be ready to see Millie again. When she wouldn’t let him explain himself, he wanted to be reconciled with her and his focus had been on getting her to listen to him in order to do that. Now that she’d heard him out and had apologized and begged for forgiveness, she wanted to be reconciled to him and he was the one balking.
It’s not that he didn’t want to be reconciled, too. He still loved Millie deeply and had no desire to end things with her. Somehow, though, he knew he couldn’t make this too easy for her, either. He needed her to truly understand how devastating this had been for him. But he wasn’t holding out on her out of spite; he wasn’t trying to punish her. That’s what he was wrestling with – something needed to happen for him to be ready, but he didn’t have a clue what that something was.
Dick’s birthday was coming up in a few days, and Millie wanted to acknowledge it while respecting his desire for space. She called his workplace during business hours, knowing that they had a receptionist who answered the phone and greeted visitors.
“Gardner Insurance Agency,” the woman said when Millie called.
“Hi,” Millie said. “You’re Doris, right?”
“Yes…” Doris replied. “What can I do for you?” She wasn’t used to people wanting to talk to her.
“This is Millie Duncan, Dickie’s girl, or former girl; I’m not really sure. I know his birthday is this Thursday, and I want to bring him something. I just want to do it when I know he won’t be there. I figure his father is going to take him out to lunch that day. Could I impose on you to call me as soon as they leave the office? I’ll come right over then, put it on his desk, and be gone.”
“Hi, Millie; I’ve heard a lot about you,” replied Doris in a friendly way. “I’m really sorry that you and he have been having problems. He was always in such a good mood when you two were together. Now, he’s so serious all the time. He never smiles anymore. So anything I can do to help you get back together, I’d be more than happy to do. What number can I reach you at?”
Millie gave her the phone number and name of the metal fabrication company. “I’m the switchboard operator there, so you don’t have to ask for me; I’ll be the one answering the phone. Maybe my little gift will put a smile on his face again. I appreciate your help, Doris. See you on Thursday.”
Wednesday evening, Millie made a batch of oatmeal raisin cookies, Dick’s favorite kind. Once they’d cooled down, she lined a basket with a tea towel, filled the basket with the cookies, and covered them with another tea towel. She wrapped a ribbon around the basket and tied it in a bow on top. She then signed a birthday card, put his name on the envelope, and tucked it under the bow.
She’d enlisted her father to drive her to the insurance agency, and asked him and his secretary to be ready on a moment’s notice as the lunch hour neared. The secretary always covered the switchboard for Millie when she took her lunch break and other breaks.
Just about noon, Doris called Millie and told her the coast was clear. Millie then immediately called the secretary and put the plan in motion. When she and her father arrived at the insurance agency, she saw that there were two steps in front of the entrance, so she left her wheelchair in the car and walked in on her hands, with John following behind with the basket of cookies.
Doris was expecting Millie, but when she heard the door open, she glanced up and saw a man and what she thought was the top of a child’s head. “May I help you, sir?” she asked John.
“Actually, I think you were going to help my daughter,” John replied, glancing down at Millie.
Doris was confused, but before she could ask, she heard a woman’s voice coming from right in front of her desk. “Hi, Doris, it’s Millie. Down here.” In front of her was clearly a young woman’s face, but at the height of a small child. Doris stood to get a better look at why Millie was down so low. By then, Millie was sitting on the floor and wiping off her hands with a handkerchief. She extended her right hand toward Doris. “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Millie said cheerfully. “This is my father, John Duncan.”
Doris reflexively shook Millie’s hand, but otherwise didn’t know what to say or do. No one had ever mentioned that Millie had no legs. Millie anticipated what was going through Doris’ mind, and added, “I would have come in in my wheelchair, but I knew I couldn’t get it up the steps.” Then she asked, “Would you mind showing us to Dickie’s office? I want to put this on his desk personally.”
“No one told me,” Doris managed to blurt out, before leading Millie and John to Dick’s office. She looked back to see Millie walking on her hands, acting like it was the most normal thing to do. Once there, Millie took the basket from her father and placed it on Dick’s desk. She arranged the envelope so his name was visible.
Then Millie looked up at Doris and smiled. “Thank you, Doris. One more favor, if you don’t mind. Would you give me a call and let me know how he reacts when he sees this? Good, bad, or indifferent, I’d really like to know.”
“No one told me you didn’t have legs,” Doris repeated, still stuck on that thought.
“I suppose that’s because it really doesn’t matter,” Millie replied, still smiling, trying to put Doris at ease. It then occurred to her that if Dickie had never mentioned her lack of legs, then it truly must not have mattered to him. The thought of that made her smile even more.
It took a few seconds for Doris to process what Millie just said, but then she replied, “You’re right. It doesn’t matter at all. I apologize for my rude behavior. I’m sorry; you said something before that, but I didn’t catch it.”
“I asked if you would call me and let me know how Dickie reacts when he sees my gift.”
“Oh, yeah, right. Yes, I’ll be happy to do that. If you don’t mind, Millie, I want to ask you a personal question.” Millie figured it had something to do with her missing legs, like it almost always did when someone said that to her, but instead Doris asked, “If I understand correctly, you broke up with Dick. My question is why? He’s a wonderful man and a great catch.”
“I know he is. I plead temporary insanity,” Millie replied. “Breaking up with Dickie is the biggest regret of my life, and I’ve made that clear to him. There’s nothing I want more than to get back together with him, but the ball is in his court now.”
“Well, that’s good to know,” Doris replied. “I’ll try to put in a good word for you with him.”
“Thank you, Doris. I guess we better be getting on our way before they come back. Thanks again for your help.”
Later that afternoon, Doris called Millie. “You asked me to let you know how Dick reacted to your gift. It’s unbelievable. You completely changed his mood. He’s been grinning ear-to-ear like a fool all afternoon. I don’t know what you wrote in that card, but it must have been amazing. By the way, the cookies were delicious. He shared them with the entire office.”
“That’s wonderful news, Doris! Did he say anything about where the cookies came from?” Millie asked.
“Actually, he did. He came right out and told everyone that you made them for his birthday. He also asked me lots of questions about how they got on his desk.”
“What did you tell him?”
“The truth. That you came in with your father while he was at lunch and insisted on personally putting them on his desk. That you intentionally chose a time when he wouldn’t be here. That you couldn’t get up the steps in your wheelchair but you didn’t let that stop you. That you’re a delightful young woman and that he needs to get back together with you.”
“Awwww, thank you for that, Doris,” Millie replied.
“It’s true! I’ve seen how miserable he’s been these past several weeks, and how happy he was that you did this for him today. Hopefully he realizes that as well, but just in case he didn’t, I pointed it out to him. Frankly, based on his reaction today, I think your chances are excellent that he’ll take you back.”
“Well, again, thanks so much for everything, Doris. You’ve been tremendous!”
Millie began grinning like a fool, too. She might have just gotten through to Dickie how much she still cared about him and tipped the scales in her favor.
Late that night, Dick lay awake thinking about the day and especially about Millie. He couldn’t deny that she completely made his day by bringing those cookies to his office. He didn’t anticipate that at all. He’d assumed that, all things considered, she’d just forget or ignore his birthday.
He looked again at what she’d written in the card: Dickie, Thinking of you on your birthday. Hope it’s a good one. Love, Millie. Short and sweet and to the point. Nothing implied between the lines. No pressure. It was perfect; exactly the best thing she could have possibly written. He really appreciated that she’d gone to the effort to show him she still cared without trying to manipulate him.
He thought about what Doris had told him that afternoon. How that, when he and Millie were a couple, he’d always been in a good mood, and since the breakup he never smiled and seemed miserable, but that afternoon the old Dickie had made his reappearance. She told him it was clear to her that he and Millie belonged back together, and the sooner he did something about that, the better.
Thinking of you on your birthday. Hope it’s a good one. It had been a good one, and that was entirely due to Millie’s thoughtful gesture. Clearly, despite what had happened those weeks ago, he was much better off with her in his life than without her. He became choked up and tears began running down his cheeks as the emotions of the day overwhelmed him.
He knew he still couldn’t just pretend that her breakup rant had never happened. It had, and it had wounded him deeply. But avoiding Millie was getting him nowhere, either. Dick realized that he needed to start seeing her again in order to heal. They’d probably have to almost start their relationship from the beginning and take it slow, but at least that would give them a path forward.
And so on Saturday morning, Dick went to the Duncans’ home on the premise of returning the basket, tea towels, and ribbon. He knocked on the front door, and Alice answered it. “Well, hi, Dickie!” she said enthusiastically, clearly surprised and glad to see him.
“Hi, Alice. I just came to return these things that Millie left at my office.” He held them out as if to give them to her.
“Would you like to give them to her in person?” Alice asked.
“Yes, that would be great, if she’s available,” Dick replied.
Alice opened the door wide to let him in. “Have a seat in the parlor, and I’ll let her know you’re here,” she said to him.
A few minutes later, Millie came downstairs in the chair lift and, ignoring the wheelchair at the bottom of the steps, walked on her hands into the parlor. “Hi, Dickie,” she said to him, not showing any emotion one way or the other. She’d clearly been doing chores, as she was wearing old work clothes, had her hair up and in a bandana, and was sweating, not from nerves, but from physical labor.
Dick stood out of respect and replied, “Hi, Millie. I want to thank you for the birthday cookies. That was a sweet, thoughtful gesture, and it made my day. I came to return these to you,” as he motioned toward the items he’d brought.
Millie climbed up into a chair and said, “You’re welcome. I didn’t want you to think I’d forgotten your special day.” By making herself comfortable, it was apparent that she assumed he wasn’t just there to thank her and return the basket and towels.
Dick then sat back down and said to her, “Listen, I’ve been thinking, Millie… I’m still not ready to go back to where we were, but I’d like to start spending time with you again. Being apart from you isn’t helping me get there, so maybe being with you again will. I’d like to at least try it and see.”
“What did you have in mind?” Millie asked him.
“Something light and casual, where we can talk. How about if we recreate our first date, and go to a drive-in movie and then to the drive-in restaurant afterwards?” suggested Dick.
“That sounds lovely,” replied Millie.
“I know it’s short notice, but are you free this evening?” Dick asked.
“I’m free any time you want to take me out, Dickie,” Millie replied. “I’d go out with you right now if you didn’t mind me looking like this,” she said as she smiled.
Neither of them had any idea what movie was showing at the drive-in, nor did they care. When they got there, they didn’t even bother turning on the speaker. They were here to have a private place to talk, and nothing more. They first kept the conversation light, catching each other up on what they’d each been doing in the preceding weeks.
Then Dick suggested, “You know, we got into trouble because you had some deep-rooted insecurities that I simply didn’t know about. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. But having been once bitten, I’m twice shy. We think we know each other well, just because we’ve known each other for so long, but obviously we have room for improvement. So why don’t we work on really getting to know each other a whole lot better than we do. Maybe we can keep something like this from ever happening again.
“I want to know all of your insecurities and fears and hopes and dreams and fantasies and whatever else – especially those that maybe you’ve never told a soul about, or maybe you haven’t even admitted to yourself, and I want you to know all of mine. But to be able to be that open to each other, we have to promise not to judge the other or laugh at each other.
“Just as a completely made up example, and this isn’t true; if I told you that I still sucked my thumb and you laughed, it would make me reluctant to tell you other secrets, defeating the whole purpose of doing this. Are you willing to do this with me?”
“I thought you said this date was going to be light and casual,” Millie replied, laughing. “But I agree; I think this is a worthwhile thing to do, so yes, I’m willing.”
Dick then said, “You told me your first one back when you came to my house in your pajamas, so I’ll go first tonight.
“I saw, heard, and even smelled unspeakable things during the war. I have nightmares about it fairly often – a few times a week. I’ve talked to other combat vets about it, and without fail they’ve all told me they do as well. Even older vets like our fathers say that even though they become less frequent, they never completely go away.
“This is not something most vets are willing to talk about, especially with civilians, and in most cases their wives learn about it the hard way. I mean that literally; some of them have woken up in the middle of brutally attacking their own wives, having mistaken them for an enemy soldier who’s trying to kill them. It’s only fair that you know of that possibility in advance.”
“Wow,” said Millie. “I had no idea. This is definitely not light and casual anymore, but I’m glad you told me this. I guess it’s my turn now.
“As you’ve seen, people seeing me for the first time react in all kinds of different ways, most of them bad. I learned at a young age that I can often overcome this by remaining pleasant and cheerful, but when I have to resort to doing that, it’s just an act. Inside, I’m hurt and frustrated and angry. Over time, it’s taken its toll on me. Often when it happens, I break down and cry as soon as it’s safe to do so. You’ll see that firsthand someday, I’m sure. But I’m afraid that one of these days, I won’t be able to hold it in any longer, and I’ll lash out at someone and make a scene and embarrass myself.
“I’m sure when that happens, and please notice I said ‘when’ and not ‘if’, I’ll be accused of overreacting. If you just consider that one minor offense, it will seem that way, but if you consider the cumulative effect of one minor offense after another, ad infinitum, it’s a miracle I haven’t snapped a long time ago. As you said, it’s only fair that you know of that possibility in advance.”
“I won’t insult you by saying I know what you’re going through,” replied Dick, “but I do have just an inkling. I’ve had people react badly about you when you weren’t even around, and it’s infuriated me for your sake. I can’t imagine having to experience that firsthand every day of your life. When the time comes that you do snap, I’ll be the first to defend you.”
“Thanks for that,” Millie responded. “You know, as hard as this is, I’m glad we’re doing this. I feel like we already know each other a lot better, and we’ve just barely started.”
Dick and Millie spent the rest of the movie baring their souls to each other, and in fact were so engrossed that they were the last to leave the parking lot when the movie ended.
When they got back to Millie’s house, and Dick pushed her up the ramp to the back door, things got awkward for a moment. Millie wasn’t sure if Dick was going to kiss her, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to. Well, he did want to, but he wasn’t sure if he should. But it had been a good evening together, and he felt that they’d made some good progress toward reconciling. He realized he should tell her that, and he did. She agreed. Then he decided to bend down and give her a quick closed-mouth kiss on the lips. That seemed to be the right amount of affection, he thought; less than before, but more than nothing. Millie thought that was a reasonable amount, too; less than she wanted but more than she expected.
Over the course of the next few months, Dick and Millie continued to progress in their relationship, and made a point of doing things like the ‘sharing their fears’ exercise to really get to know each other more completely. Dick insisted that they try to think of ways where they could practice and demonstrate deep trust for each other as well, and then of course, actually do them. Before long, they both felt that they now had a better relationship, and were more prepared for engagement and marriage, than ever before.