A wife and mother with no religious background senses God has been putting her in situations to do his work and is drawing her to herself. When her friend wants to talk to her about God and salvation and eternal life, she’s ready to listen.
But God Pursued Her, Part 5 consists of the following chapters:
Chapter 14 – Baptized
On Sunday morning, the entire family got up and ready for church without incident and even got there a bit earlier than they needed to. They got Valeria to her Sunday School class and the twins to the nursery and found seats near where the Rogers family always sat.
Pastor Jack continued his sermon series on prayer, this time covering the Lord’s Prayer. He noted that in the two places in the Gospels where it’s addressed, the wording is similar but not the same. He made the point that God is not interested in hearing us recite rote or verbose prayers, but rather wants us to pray to him from our hearts, using our own words. He said that not even the Lord’s Prayer was intended to be recited verbatim, though it’s commonly done; Jesus simply meant for it to be a model for our own actual prayers. He cited numerous verses where various people prayed. In each case, the prayers were brief and to the point and were never recitations of previous prayers.
At the end of the service, as always, Pastor Jack issued an altar call, inviting anyone who had or desired to become a believer in Christ, or who wished to join the church, to come forward during the final song. Jazmyn knew this was her cue and started wheeling down the aisle, but as she did, she was overcome with the emotion of it all and tears began streaming down her face. Pastor Jack saw this and reached for the box of tissues he kept on the front row, and handed her the entire box when she reached him.
He squatted down and briefly spoke privately with her, and then she rolled off to the side a bit in case anyone else also wanted to speak to the pastor. Jazmyn quietly blew her nose and wiped away her tears and tried to regain her composure. At the conclusion of the song, the pastor asked everyone to sit back down, and motioned for her to come over to his side and face the congregation. As she did, she saw Victor beaming at her, but also Hope with tears of joy running down her face. Jazmyn had to look away to keep from crying again herself.
“Brothers and sisters, it’s my privilege to introduce Jazmyn Alvarez to you,” Pastor Jack said to the congregation. “Jazmyn’s been attending our services for the past few months, and this past week she put her faith in Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. I’ve had a few opportunities since then to talk to Jazmyn and her husband Victor to hear her testimony and to get to know them both better. Jazmyn knows that God has been drawing her to himself and using her for his purposes over the past several years, and Hope Rogers has been discipling her for the past year or so. Jazmyn is an extraordinary woman, and Victor’s no slouch, either.” He paused while the congregation laughed. “Together they are quite a remarkable couple, and their three young children are blessed to have them as parents.
“Jazmyn is coming forward today to request believer’s baptism and church membership. We’ll get her baptized sometime in the next few weeks. Church, if you’re in favor of welcoming her as a member contingent on that baptism, please say ‘amen’.” The congregation responded in unison with a resounding ‘Amen!’. “Those opposed, please say ‘nay’.” Silence. “It would seem that they approve,” Pastor Jack said to Jazmyn, who smiled. “I’m going to ask Victor to come up and stand beside his wife. Before you leave, please come up and greet them and welcome Jazmyn into our fellowship. Let’s close in prayer.”
They scheduled Jazmyn’s baptism for three weeks after that. Three other people were also being baptized that day, a middle-aged man who was a recovering alcoholic, a fifteen year old girl, and a seven year old boy. Jazmyn had invited her entire huge family to attend that day, but only a few actually did. Present were her three parents, her two grandparents, and her sister Paige. Each person being baptized was given the opportunity to give their personal testimony. The boy declined, but the other three each wanted to do so.
Pastor Jack stepped down into the baptismal pool and addressed the congregation. “Today, it is my privilege to baptize four new believers. Now, what is baptism, and why do we do it? Throughout the New Testament, new believers are baptized right away, and Jesus tells us to baptize new believers. However, baptism is not a requirement for salvation. There is nothing we can do to earn our salvation, and that includes baptism. Rather, it’s an act of obedience in response to salvation. It symbolizes the death and burial of the old, sinful person, and the rebirth of the new, forgiven person.”
First was the middle-aged man. “My name is Mark Chapman, and I was an unrepentant sinner on the fast track to hell. My life was a complete train wreck. For many years I was a functioning alcoholic, but eventually my boss and my wife both had enough of my behavior and excuses and promises to change. My boss fired me, and my wife kicked me out. I was down to my last friend who would let me crash on his sofa. Fortunately, that friend was a Christian and a member of this church.
“He told me that a condition of staying with him was that I had to come to church with him. I didn’t want to come but I was out of options. I had a bad attitude about it and couldn’t wait for the service to end. But then Pastor Jack started saying things that really resonated with me. He said that how much you’d sinned didn’t matter to God. Even one sin was enough to disqualify you from heaven, but the free gift of eternal life was equally available to all. He said that God could free me from the yoke of sin that I was staggering under. In order for my sins to be forgiven, I just had to believe with all of my being that Jesus could and would forgive them. Then the Holy Spirit would dwell in me and help me to resist the urge to sin again. That was an offer that I’d be a fool to refuse, and so I jumped at the opportunity. Now I live for God. I still sin, but not nearly as easily or as often. It utterly disgusts me when I do, and I quickly repent, taking comfort that each new sin I commit is already forgiven.
Then Pastor Jack said, “Mark, is it your testimony that you are trusting Jesus and only Jesus as Lord and Savior for the forgiveness of your sins?”
“It is,” replied Mark.
“Based on that testimony, I baptize you my brother in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, amen.” Pastor Jack leaned Mark back into the water until he was fully submerged and then pulled him back up again. The congregation applauded as Mark left the pool.
Next was Jazmyn’s turn. Without legs to stand on, Jazmyn required assistance in the pool. First, someone passed a tall stool to Pastor Jack, which he set down in the pool. Next, Hope’s sister Faith and Trish got into the tank, and turned back toward Jazmyn, who came down the steps on her own as far as she could. Faith and Trish each took hold of an elbow and a shoulder, and lifted Jazmyn over to the stool and set her on it, and then stepped back. The water was about chest deep on her; she used her hands to steady herself on the stool. Jazmyn then addressed the congregation.
“Hi, everyone, I’m Jazmyn Alvarez. I was raised in a loving but non-religious family, and while I believed in God’s existence, I knew I was a good person, with my good far outweighing my bad in my own mind, so I saw no need to be saved from anything. But God pursued me. I became aware of him orchestrating events in my life and putting me in positions to do his work, but I still really didn’t know anything about him. When my friend Hope Rogers wanted to talk to me about God, I was ready to listen.
“Hope taught me that God’s standard is perfection, and I could never be good enough to earn my way into heaven. He deliberately made it impossible to get in on our own so that we’d have to rely completely on him. He provided a way through his son Jesus living a perfect life but nevertheless allowing himself to be executed as punishment for our sins. God did all the work. All we have to do is submit ourselves to Jesus’ authority and put our complete trust in him, and he exchanges his perfection for our sins. And so I did that, and now my sins are forgiven and I live for him.”
Pastor Jack said, “‘But God pursued me.’ I like that. If you ever write your autobiography, that would make a good title for it.” Then he repeated what he had said to Mark. “Jazmyn, is it your testimony that you are trusting Jesus and only Jesus as Lord and Savior for the forgiveness of your sins?”
“Yes,” she replied.
“Based on that testimony, I baptize you my sister in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, amen.” Jazmyn let go of the stool and held onto Pastor Jack’s arms. He pushed her back into the water until she was all the way under, and then pulled her back up and made sure she was again sitting on the stool. The congregation applauded as Faith and Trish lifted her back to the steps and she climbed up them. Pastor Jack handed the stool back to the man who had given it to him.
After that was the teenaged girl. She was obviously uncomfortable speaking in public. “I’m Emma Radford, and I’m 15. My parents split up about six months ago, and my mom and I moved across the street from the church. I didn’t know anyone on this side of town, and I became really depressed. I began thinking about how I could kill myself, and it scared me so much that I walked over here the next time I saw cars in the parking lot. Someone brought me to the youth room and introduced me to some of the kids. Everyone was really nice. They could see I was really upset, and they all stopped what they were doing and circled around me and prayed for me. They didn’t even know me.” Emma began crying.
“Some of the kids I met that night went to my new school, and the next day they saw me eating lunch by myself and came and sat with me. Things started not seeming so bad. I kept coming back to youth group and I paid attention to the messages. They kept talking about how Jesus knows us personally and loves us so much he would have died for any of us even if we were the only sinner on the planet. I couldn’t imagine that kind of love. I could barely understand the love my new friends were showing me when I did nothing to deserve it. All I knew was that I never wanted to be without that kind of love again.
“And so I prayed to Jesus to forgive my sins and help me to follow him. And I know he did and he is. And you know what? Life is easier when you know Jesus loves you unconditionally and you have fellow believers who love you. Sometimes it can still be hard, but with their help I know I can get through it. Thank you.”
Pastor Jack then repeated the process with Emma, and then with the young boy. He then addressed the congregation. “You just heard three quite different testimonies. Each of them was in a completely different situation and faced different challenges. But did you notice the common thread in each of them? All three of them had a friend, or was befriended by someone, who cared about them and about their eternal destiny, and did something about it. One was given a place to stay and brought to church. One was witnessed to and discipled. One was prayed over and welcomed and loved on.
“You have friends and family members and acquaintances and even strangers you encounter who need Jesus, too. Who’s going to introduce them to him if not you? Romans 10:13 and 14 says this: ‘Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them?’” He paused to let that sink in. Then he said, “Let us pray…”
Chapter 15 – Equally yoked
After that, Jazmyn and Victor attended church every week, and Victor met regularly with Bruce Rogers as Bruce taught him from the Bible. Jazmyn very badly wanted Victor to be saved, too, but he was working on it and she knew she couldn’t rush him, because it wasn’t appropriate for a submissive wife to do that, and more importantly, because she knew it could only happen successfully when he was ready and doing it for the right reasons.
After several months, Victor felt that he was ready to believe/trust in the Greek sense of the word and submit his life to Christ. However, he was unsure if he could reach the necessary level of trust and submission, having never previously done that towards anyone or anything else. He was skeptical whether submitting to God the way Jazmyn had was the right way for him. He just couldn’t personally relate to that kind of submission, despite having been on the receiving end of it almost since he’d first met Jazmyn.
Maybe he could draw from his military experience; perhaps in how he felt when he took the oath to defend the Constitution, or how he would completely trust his superiors and obey orders without having to understand why they were given. He realized his allegiance to Jesus Christ needed to exceed that of any allegiance he’d ever had; he just needed to figure out how he would attain that.
He recalled the words to the oath he had taken upon his enlistment into the Marine Corps:
I, Victor Benjamin Alvarez, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.
He tried to recall where his greatest loyalty was directed when he was a Marine. Was it to the Constitution? The President? The Commandant of the Marine Corps? His commanding officer? His sergeant? His closest buddy? It was hard to say; it depended entirely on the circumstances. In combat, it would probably have been his buddy or his sergeant. Ultimately, though, his highest loyalty would have had to have been to the Constitution. Giving unconditional loyalty to any superior was always dangerous, because humans are flawed.
Victor paused to reflect that he was glad he wasn’t still in the military and subject to that oath; it was no longer nearly as clear who or what could be considered an enemy of the Constitution. Some of them might even be in his chain of command. But back to the matter at hand…
Unlike Jazmyn, Victor felt the need to speak aloud to God as he confessed every sin he could think of, whether he’d previously confessed it to a priest or not. He prostrated himself and cried as he prayed and admitted what a complete and utter failure he was at living up to God’s standard, even when he consciously tried to do so. He agreed with God that he deserved eternal damnation and that God would be just in giving that to him.
He then shifted to an attitude of praise, adoration, and worship. He recalled as many of God’s attributes as he could, and especially focusing on God’s boundless love and his intimate knowledge of each of us, and Victor specifically, even knowing the number of hairs on his head. He expressed his deep gratitude to God for graciously providing a way out of the impossible predicament that every member of the human race finds themselves in, sin that eternally separates us from our creator.
Victor then shifted his gratitude to Jesus Christ, for knowing full well what would be required of him to redeem mankind, or at least as many of them as were willing, and yet going through with it anyway, at incalculable personal cost to himself. Victor told Jesus he could spend the rest of eternity expressing his profound gratitude to him and it still wouldn’t be enough.
He then tried hard to get into the mindset of believing that Jesus was who he said he was, and died so that his sins would be forgiven; believing and trusting with every fiber of his being, submitting himself completely to Jesus’ authority, and pledging his undying loyalty to him as his Supreme Commander in Chief. He recalled Jazmyn saying that she did this for quite a while before she felt her prayer got through and was supernaturally acknowledged with a deep, inexplicable understanding that she was indeed saved.
So Victor kept this up, for an hour, for two hours, for three hours. But he felt no different. He couldn’t say beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was saved, as Jazmyn had been able to do. He finally stopped, frustrated and confused and discouraged. He assumed he must be doing something wrong, or that his faith wasn’t authentic or strong enough, or he didn’t know what.
He shared his experience with Jazmyn, and for the first time in the seven years they’d known each other, he broke down and sobbed in her presence. Jazmyn’s heart was broken for his sake, and she did what she could to console him. Then Victor started saying things like maybe Jesus just didn’t want to save him; that he wasn’t good enough to be worth saving. Jazmyn knew she was far from being an expert on salvation, but she knew enough to know that it doesn’t work that way.
“Victor, you can’t think that way!” she said to him. “That’s your Catholic upbringing coming out. It’s God’s desire that everyone be saved. None of us are good enough, and there’s nothing we can do to be good enough, but yet he saves all who believe anyway.”
“Maybe I just don’t believe enough, then,” he replied through his tears. “I really tried to believe in the Greek sense of the word, with all my heart, with all my soul, but I guess it wasn’t enough.”
“Maybe you were trying too hard,” Jazmyn suggested. She didn’t even feel like she thought those words before she said them; they just came out of her mouth somehow.
“What do you mean?” Victor asked.
Jazmyn paused as she let her brain catch up with what her mouth had spoken. “Maybe you’re still clinging to the notion that you have to do something in order to be saved, that it somehow depends on you and your efforts. But it’s entirely about what God’s doing, and zero about anything you can do. You’re trying too hard to make it happen, rather than just letting it happen. That’s my guess, anyway.”
Victor considered what she said. “You might be right about that,” he replied. “I was trying pretty hard.”
“You know, I don’t think there’s any rule that says you have to be alone to get saved,” Jazmyn suggested. “If you’re willing, I could be there with you when you try again.”
“I think that’s a good idea,” Victor said. “But before we do that, I could probably use some coaching. How exactly one goes about ‘just letting it happen’, as you said.”
“It would be my honor to do that, my Lover”, replied Jazmyn. “But may I point out that it’s late, and you must be quite emotionally drained right now. I suggest that we pick this up tomorrow evening.”
Victor agreed, and the two prepared for bed. They both laid there awake for a while. Knowing that he had to be very close, Jazmyn prayed fervently for her husband’s salvation. She asked God, if he were willing, to allow her to help him get there. She closed her prayer with the phrase “in Jesus’ name”, knowing full well the significance of those words.
Victor recalled what had transpired over the course of the past several hours, trying to figure out where things went wrong. But he was too tired, too emotionally exhausted, to be able to think clearly, and he drifted off to sleep.
The next evening, Jazmyn walked Victor through how she prepared herself mentally and emotionally by meditating on her own depravity and helplessness, God’s boundless love and mercy demonstrated by sacrificing his own Son in order to rescue her, and the unimaginable anguish Jesus endured in order to pay the penalty that was intended for her. Victor told her how he’d gone through pretty much the same process of reflecting on his sin, God’s love, and Jesus’ sacrifice.
“So far, so good, then,” she said. She then patiently explained the process of how she would submit her entire being to Victor in order to get to subspace, and how she applied the same principles in trying to completely submit herself to God. “It starts out with me consciously trying to submit, but I don’t stay there,” she said. “Before too long, I just empty my mind and just mentally relinquish all control to you, or in this case, to God. I give you my absolute and total trust, knowing I’m completely helpless but also completely safe in your arms, and I did the same thing with God. I suppose it’s kind of like pushing yourself to get up to speed on a skateboard, but after that you mostly coast.”
“I think I see my problem,” replied Victor. “I got the skateboard up to speed okay, but I never stopped trying to be in control. When nothing happened, I kept on pushing the skateboard along, thinking I must not be going fast enough, I suppose. I never gave God a chance to take over for me.”
“Yeah, you can’t fully give yourself over to God while remaining in control. The two are incompatible,” Jazmyn agreed. “So what do you want to do?” she asked.
Victor replied, “I want to try again. I wonder, though, if I have to start from scratch or I can pick up where things started going wrong?”
“I’m no authority,” replied Jazmyn, “but my guess is that God doesn’t need you to start from the very beginning. However, you may need to start over just to get into the right frame of mind. Or perhaps a shortened version of what you did before will suffice. You’ll have to be the judge of that.
“I will suggest, however, that if you want me to be here with you, that you talk to God out loud for my benefit. If I hear you struggling or deviating from what we’ve discussed, I can help you if you’re willing to allow that.”
“Yes, I’d appreciate that,” replied Victor. He then tried out a streamlined version of what he did the night before, until he reached the point where it was time to believe in the Greek sense of the word. He didn’t want to rush that. Victor again focused on believing that Jesus was who he said he was, and died so that his sins would be forgiven; believing and trusting with every fiber of his being, and submitting himself completely to Jesus’ authority. He then tried to mentally turn over all control to Jesus, rendering himself completely helpless and vulnerable yet completely safe and secure in Jesus’ care. And then he stopped trying. He just let his mind go blank and imagined coasting so that Jesus could take over.
Victor continued in that mindset for what seemed like quite a while, but he didn’t allow distracting thoughts or doubts to creep in. He just continued to deny himself the opportunity to take back the reins, but instead to fully trust that Jesus had them and had everything under control.
Eventually, he felt like he’d done this long enough and opened his eyes. At that same moment, Jazmyn, with her eyes still closed, became visibly emotional, and then prostrated herself and called out “Oh, thank you Jesus! Thank you Jesus! Thank you for saving Victor! You are so good to me! I’m so grateful that you’ve given me a Christian husband!” This went on for a few minutes, and then Jazmyn settled down some, opened her eyes, and looked at Victor.
“Oh, Victor, it worked this time!” she exclaimed as she reached out to hold him tight and cried her eyes out. Victor didn’t know what to think, because he really didn’t feel any different. His experience was not the same as Jazmyn’s had been when she was saved.
When she calmed down, Victor asked her, “What just happened? From your perspective, I mean.”
“I was praying to God to accept your belief and forgive your sins, and suddenly I knew that he did it. It was just like when I knew he had done that for me. I just knew,” she replied. “What did you experience?” she asked him.
“I was really focused on relinquishing control of my life and not taking it back again. Then, I don’t know; I felt like it was time to stop, I guess. I did, but it was weird, though. I didn’t get the sense that I’d failed, but I didn’t feel any different, either; I didn’t know I was saved like you did. Then you started thanking Jesus for saving me. I still don’t feel any different, though.”
“I have no doubt that you’re saved now,” Jazmyn replied. “God made it very clear to me that you are.”
“I think I need to talk to Bruce or Pastor Jack,” Victor said. He called each of them and explained what had happened. Both men told him the same thing, that in their experiences, many people didn’t feel anything or sense that they‘d been saved. Some would become emotional as they went through the process, but even then, it didn’t seem that God was causing the emotions. Jazmyn had actually been an unusual case. Most people understood that they were saved simply because they’d believed in the Greek sense that Jesus did what he promised and God had forgiven them.
Victor reported this back to Jazmyn. Especially because she could sense that he had been saved, they could only conclude that she was somehow particularly attuned to God, more than Victor was and more than most people were. Jazmyn assured him that that didn’t mean he was any less saved than she was.
Victor understood that his infant baptism counted for nothing, as the Bible clearly showed that baptism was an act of obedience by a new believer. He came forward during the altar call at the next church service, requesting believer’s baptism and church membership.
A few weeks later during the morning worship service, Pastor Jack was again in the baptismal pool. “Next, is a man who should need no introduction, my good friend Victor Alvarez. I had the privilege of baptizing his wife Jazmyn in this same pool several months ago, and it gives me great pleasure to now baptize Victor as well. Before I do, though, Victor would like to give his personal testimony.”
Victor, now also standing in the baptismal pool, addressed the congregation. “Hey, everyone. My heritage is Puerto Rican, and I was raised as a Catholic. I was a good Catholic boy; I was baptized as an infant, went to CCD classes, and was confirmed at the age of 12. But in my teenaged years, I became increasingly disillusioned with the church and once I left home and joined the Marine Corps after high school, I was done and never looked back. I only attended Mass when I was back home to visit my family, just to keep the peace, and more out of tradition than a sense of duty.
“I got into a relationship with Jazmyn, and we eventually married. She had no religious upbringing at all, and so neither of us gave any thought to God or church or anything else religious. We both believed that God existed but that was as far as it went. Then Jazmyn started sensing that God had taken away her legs for his purposes, and that he had things he wanted her to do on his behalf. And then those things just kind of started happening. I could see that as plainly as she could.
“When her friend Hope wanted to talk to Jazmyn about God, she was ready to listen, and even though I wasn’t yet personally interested, I could hardly object. Over time Hope led Jazmyn to the Lord.
“I know that sounds like Jazmyn’s testimony, not mine, but mine is very much dependent on hers. I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for her.
“Jazmyn wanted to get baptized and join a church, but she wanted to do it where I’d be comfortable, in hopes of getting me to join her. And so she suggested that I come here with her one Sunday, where she’d been attending and felt and most comfortable herself. I did, and it was drastically different from what I was used to, but I realized that might be a good thing.
“I was interested in the reasons for the differences between what Protestants and Catholics believe and practice, and I started digging into what the Bible had to say. I started talking to Bruce Rogers and Pastor Jack about this, and ended up agreeing to have Bruce disciple me. Over the course of several months, Bruce led me to understand how I could be assured once and for all of going to heaven and having eternal life. And so that’s what I did; I put my complete and total trust in Jesus Christ and his death, burial, and resurrection so that my sins could be forgiven.”
Then Pastor Jack said, “Victor, is it your testimony that you are trusting Jesus and only Jesus as Lord and Savior for the forgiveness of your sins?”
“Absolutely,” replied Victor.
“Based on that testimony, I baptize you my brother in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, amen.” Pastor Jack leaned Victor back into the water until he was fully submerged and then pulled him back up again. The congregation applauded and tears ran down Jazmyn’s face as Victor left the pool.
THE END