A young woman with a most unusual family discovers the joys of bondage, submission, and subspace as she contemplates her future.
As its title implies, Deeply Submissive has a heavy BDSM emphasis, especially focusing on domination and submission, subspace, and bondage.
Part 5 consists of the following chapters:
Chapter 17 – Sub drop
A short time later, Jazmyn came back out of the bedroom and into the living room. She wore only crotchless panties once again. Her legs were bent at the knees as far as possible and secured in that position with straps, with her feet up near her ass. She was again handcuffed behind her back, and she had a ring gag on. Jazmyn walked on her knees and shins to the sofa, took the towel she was holding in her hands and tossed it up onto the cushion. She then arranged it using her chin, hoisted one leg up onto the sofa and kind of rolled up onto it. Then she got into what resembled a sitting position except that she was sitting on her legs. Then she looked expectantly at Victor, who was still in the kitchen cleaning up. With all of the exertion getting into place, there was drool now dripping from her open mouth, but that wasn’t the only part of her that was dripping.
After a while, Victor came over to the sofa and sat next to her. She continued to look expectantly at him, and to drool from both ends. He just said to her, “Well, just what am I going to do with you?” but he already knew the answer to his own question, and Jazmyn couldn’t answer with the gag on. She instead shook her upper body so her boobs jiggled. Victor figured that was a good a place to start as any. He proceeded to lick one of her nipples while manipulating the other with his fingers. Jazmyn moaned in approval.
He then moved his hand down to her wet pussy and began massaging her clit and fingering her. Jazmyn continued to moan and was clearly aroused now, wiggling her hips to enhance the sensation down there. Then he took her chin with his free hand, turned her head to look directly at him, and sternly said, “Do not cum,” as he continued to stimulate her. It became increasingly difficult for her to suppress her imminent orgasm. She found herself having to concentrate on being more and more submissive to him, and she knew where that was likely to take her. The only problem was that it was a weeknight and she had to be at work in the morning. She sensed that she was quickly headed for the edge of reality. She didn’t think she could simultaneously stop herself both from orgasming and from going into subspace, but if she had to choose, she would obey Victor and face whatever consequences there might be at work. The last thing she wanted to do was to ever disobey her Dom unless it were a matter of life and death or serious bodily harm.
Before she got to the edge of reality, however, Victor issued a new command. “All right now, cum!” he ordered. She immediately stopped stifling the orgasm and exploded in ecstasy. It was an incredibly powerful orgasm and her moans were quite loud as she closed her eyes and rode it out, drool running down from her gag the entire time.
“Very good girl!” Victor said approvingly. “Well done, beloved!” This was his first effort to train her to orgasm on command. He knew he had to condition her to associate orgasming with his order to do so, with the idea that eventually she’d be able to do it when told without any foreplay or stimulation, and ideally be unable to prevent herself from doing it when told to.
Next, Victor told Jazmyn to turn 90 degrees on the sofa, facing away from him, and to put her head down on the cushion. This left her with her ass high in the air. He went and got another towel to put under her drooling mouth, and repositioned the one under her wet cunt. He then began to stimulate her pussy lips with the tip of his cock, and she resumed moaning. He then again ordered her to not cum, and he plunged his member into her and began thrusting.
Again, Jazmyn had to will herself to become more and more submissive in order to comply, and again she felt herself heading for subspace, much faster this time. She was powerless to put on the brakes without disobeying Victor and climaxing. Into subspace she went, with Victor still pounding her from behind. He immediately realized what had happened, but it was too late. His intention was to simultaneously cum with her, and about ten seconds later he was ready. He wondered whether to give her the order at this point, but decided he had nothing to lose by trying, and he did. Although Jazmyn was nonverbal, she could still hear him, and in subspace she was especially receptive to anything he suggested; she had no will to do otherwise. And so she orgasmed while in subspace, a first for her. It was a strange but immensely pleasant sensation.
Victor knew he had screwed up; he was sure Jazmyn wasn’t irresponsible enough to willingly go into subspace when she had to work the next day, and with the gag on, she had no way to warn him. But the deed was done, and it was up to him to deal with it. The first order of business was to bring her back, so he pulled out and started undoing her restraints as best as he could without touching her, knowing that the sensation of touch would keep her there longer. Next would be to help her recover, which would require his full attention for the next several hours, and off and on for the next couple of days. He’d have to call her in sick in the morning, and would have to figure out what to do about his own job.
When Jazmyn was coherent enough to hold a conversation, Victor said to her, “Welcome back, Jaz. I assume you didn’t go to subspace willingly since you’re supposed to work in the morning. I’m so sorry; I screwed up and I take full responsibility.” “What a wonderful way to get out of work,” she replied. “It sure beats being sick.” She paused to collect her thoughts; her brain was still pretty scrambled. “That was fun, orgasming while in subspace.” She paused again. “We’re going to have to be more careful. It was a close call the first time, but the second time I couldn’t stop it.” She paused again. “I might have been able to if I’d let myself cum, but there was no way I was going to do that.”
Victor kind of wished she had disobeyed him, but he couldn’t fault his sub for refusing to do that. The blame was entirely his, and he knew it. “I understand,” he told her. “But you’re not to blame here; I will never fault you for doing what I tell you to do. It’s entirely on me; I didn’t give you a way to let me know what was happening.”
Victor called the coffee shop where Jazmyn worked as soon as someone would be there and let them know Jazmyn wasn’t feeling well and wasn’t up to working. He was careful to not lie and say she was sick; in any case, they didn’t make an issue of it since she rarely took a sick day. When he knew Alyssa would be up, he called her and explained what happened and asked her if she could stay with Jazmyn while he went to the office to retrieve his work laptop. Once he had that, he could work from home and keep an eye on her. Alyssa agreed, and told him when she could be there.
Alyssa showed up along with Bryana. Bryana figured she could be of assistance, and was also curious about what it was like to be recovering from subspace. Victor answered the door, ushered them in, and gave them a quick rundown. “She’s in a mental fog and very emotionally fragile. She’s also physically exhausted and will probably stay in bed. I try to cuddle with her and reassure her and that always helps. I shouldn’t be too long – 45 minutes or so, probably. I really appreciate you coming over. This was completely unplanned and unexpected on our part.”
Victor then returned to Jazmyn and told her he was going to the office to retrieve his laptop and would return shortly, and that her two moms would stay with her while he was gone. Jazmyn acknowledged all of that, and Victor took off. Alyssa and Bryana then told Jazmyn they were there and asked if she needed anything. Jazmyn became visibly upset; she wasn’t expecting to hear her moms’ voices.
“Where’s Victor?” she asked through tears. “Why did he leave me? I really messed up, going into subspace on a weeknight. He’s mad at me, isn’t he? That’s why he left!” Jazmyn started sobbing. “What am I going to do without him?” Alyssa and Bryana tried to reassure her. “Victor just left for a few minutes to get his laptop. He’ll be right back, Jazzie!” Alyssa told her. Bryana tried as well. “It’s not your fault, Jazzie, and he’s not mad at you,” she said. “We’ll be right here with you until he gets back.”
Jazmyn was inconsolable, however. “We were going to get married, and now he’s gone! I’m such a useless failure! No wonder he doesn’t want me anymore!” Alyssa looked helpless. Bryana said to her, “Help me onto the bed, Alyssa. She needs to be cuddled.” Alyssa laughed and replied, “How are you going to cuddle her without any arms?” “Okay, I’ll snuggle with her then,” said Bryana. “You get on the other side and do the cuddling.” Alyssa did as told and Jazmyn seemed to calm down some with the physical contact of her two moms. They continued to reassure her that Victor still loved her and hadn’t abandoned her.
Before long, Victor returned and found the three of them in bed together. Jazmyn saw him and exclaimed, “Victor! I’m so sorry! I messed up so bad! Please forgive me! I can’t live without you!” Alyssa got up out of the bed and whispered to him, “I don’t know how much work you’re going to get done today. She’s been thinking you left her for good and she’s blaming herself.”
Victor took Alyssa’s place on the bed and wrapped his arms around his fiancé. “Beloved, you didn’t mess up and you have nothing to apologize for. I’m not leaving you. I’m the one who messed up and needs forgiveness. I love you and I’m here for you now and I’ll take care of you, I promise!” Jazmyn held Victor tight and just cried. He stroked her hair and kissed her face and kept telling her everything would be okay.
Eventually, Jazmyn drifted off to sleep. Victor managed to extricate himself from her arms without waking her. He said to the two moms, “Thanks for covering for me. This is a bad one; the worst one yet.” Bryana asked, “The worst what yet? Trip to subspace?” “No, the trip to subspace was great like always; what she’s experiencing now is called ‘sub drop’, Victor explained. When all of those high levels of pleasure hormones start returning to normal, it can leave the sub feeling depressed and emotional and even despondent. This is by far the worst sub drop she’s had, probably because neither of us intended for her to go to subspace in the first place and it’s messed up our day today, and it certainly didn’t help that I had to leave her this morning.”
Bryana asked him, “Is subspace worth it if this is the result?” Victor replied, “Jazmyn’s always said it’s way worth it. She says one trip to subspace is better than a hundred mind-blowing orgasms. So I can only assume it is. Besides, as I said, normally the sub drop is nothing like this.”
“Anyway,” Victor said to them, “I’ve got it from here. Thanks again for coming over.” Bryana, who was still in the bed next to her daughter, said, “If neither of you mind, I think I’d like to stay here. I can comfort her when she wakes up, and you can get some work done, Victor. I’ll call out if either of us needs you.” Victor shrugged and said, “It’s okay with me.” Alyssa pointed out, “I came in the wheelchair van. If I leave, you won’t have a way home, sis.” Victor suggested, “Alyssa, why don’t you take Jazmyn’s car home? She won’t be going anywhere today. That way, either I can bring Bryana home and we’ll swap cars back, or you can come back later and get her.”
Jazmyn slept the entire morning. When it got to be mid-day, Victor came in and said he was going to make lunch, and asked Bryana if she wanted to join him or needed anything else. Bryana replied, “You know, I didn’t think this through very well, because I need to pee, and I can’t do it by myself. I’m going to either need to wake Jazmyn to help me, or have you do it. But otherwise, yes, I’d love to join you for lunch.”
Victor considered his options and replied, “I think it’s okay to wake Jazmyn now. We can see if she wants something to eat as well. But let me do it, so she doesn’t start wondering where I am again.” He went around to the other side of the bed, sat down, and leaned over and started kissing Jazmyn’s face and softly calling her name and telling her to wake up.
Jazmyn was groggy and disoriented. “Victor… I thought you left me for good,” she said, as she reached up to hug his neck. “I would never do such a thing, Jaz,” he replied as he kept kissing her face. “I need you to wake up now. Mama Bryana is here with us, and she needs your help to use the bathroom.” Jazmyn looked confused and asked, “Why is she here?” Victor knew Jazmyn wouldn’t be able to follow his explanation, so he just said, “Don’t worry about that. But are you up for helping her pee, or do I need to do it?” Jazmyn was clear headed enough to realize how awkward it would be for everyone if Victor had to help Bryana. “I can do it; just give me a few minutes to wake up,” she said.
Then Bryana spoke up. “Good morning, Jazzie,” she said. Jazmyn turned toward the sound of her mother’s voice. “Mama… What are you doing in bed with me? What’s going on?” she said, still groggy and confused. “I came to help you recover from subspace so Victor could work,” Bryana replied. Then Jazmyn began to recall her unintentional visit to subspace on a weeknight. “What day is it?” she asked. “Wednesday” was the reply. “Oh my gosh!” Jazmyn exclaimed. “I need to get to work!” “No you don’t,” said Victor. “I called and told them you weren’t coming in today.”
Jazmyn was silent as she tried to process all of this information and tried to recall what had happened since the previous evening. “Are you awake enough to take me to the bathroom?” Bryana asked her. “Because I really need to go.” Jazmyn got up and took care of that, then put her mother in her motorized wheelchair while she returned to the bathroom to relieve her own bladder.
Bryana wheeled out to the kitchen where Victor was making a sandwich for himself. He took her order and made one for her as well. When he heard Jazmyn coming out of the bathroom, he called out to her and asked her if she wanted lunch. She replied that she could eat a little, so Victor made a half a sandwich for her. Jazmyn sat at the table in a daze and quietly ate. Bryana assessed the situation and asked Victor if he would mind feeding her.
“Not at all,” Victor, realizing this was a far less awkward request than helping her in the bathroom. “Just tell me what to do.” “Cut the sandwich in half so it’s easier to manage. Then just hold it up to my mouth, and I’ll take bites off of it. You can just pop the chips into my mouth. Oh, and if you have a straw, I can manage the drink on my own if you put it where I can reach it.” Victor did as she asked. It seemed surreal as he realized this would be what he’d have to do for Jazmyn if she were limbless.
Jazmyn finished her half sandwich, excused herself, and returned to bed. Victor said to his future mother-in-law, “Bryana, let me ask you something. I understand why you had your limbs removed. I get the whole idea of a helpless sub being completely dependent on her Dom for everything. But in reality, you need, and get, help from lots of people, including me right now. I guess I’m wondering if being limbless turned out like you expected, and whether you have any regrets.”
Bryana replied, “I had this romantic notion that I could just patiently wait for Cody to come home each day, and then when he did, he’d take care of my every need. I was incredibly naïve on both accounts, especially because I also wanted to be pregnant and have children with him. Like all pregnant women, I had to pee frequently, and so I couldn’t be left alone all day. Once the triplets were born, Cody and Alyssa had to take care of them in addition to taking care of me, and I really began to feel like a burden. Also, I realized being completely helpless isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I found that I really did want to help and contribute and not just always be waited on.
“Do I have regrets? No. I love the life I ended up with. It was just a lot different than I had expected.” “Okay, let me ask it slightly differently then,” Victor replied. “If you had the chance to do it over again, knowing what you know now, would you?” “That’s a very good question, and the answer is, I’m not sure. I suppose if I had it to do over, I might only have had some of my limbs removed, rather than all of them.”
“Which ones?” Victor asked. “I would have kept at least one arm, maybe both,” Bryana said as she considered the question. “Part of the reason I wanted my arms removed was so that I could no longer pleasure myself, and would be completely dependent on Cody for that. But there are so many other things I can’t do, like blow my own nose or wipe my own ass, that I wish I could. I’m sure it’s a lot easier to get through life without legs than without arms. Besides, I’m convinced that sex is much better without legs in the way, for me as well as Cody.”
“Interesting,” replied Victor. “I appreciate your insight and your candor.” “Is Jazmyn thinking about getting her limbs removed?” Bryana asked. “We’ve discussed it,” Victor replied, “but not in any serious way. She has mixed feelings about it, and we want kids but don’t have anyone like Alyssa to raise them in her place.” “I think I could have taken care of my own kids just fine if I had both arms, even without legs,” Bryana suggested. “It would’ve been harder than being able-bodied, sure, but it would’ve been doable.” “Good to know,” said Victor. “Thanks.”
By late afternoon, Jazmyn had gotten out of bed and Victor had finished working, so the three of them took Bryana home and retrieved Jazmyn’s car. The following day, Jazmyn insisted on going to work, even though she was very much in recovery mode. She felt very guilty having to miss work due to her sub drop; in her mind, it wasn’t any different than missing work due to a hangover. Her boss and her co-workers could clearly see she wasn’t functioning at 100%. They were concerned that she might be contagious. She didn’t want to tell them the real reason, but she couldn’t let them think she was sick, either. She just told them that she was experiencing a temporary hormonal imbalance, which was in fact true.
Chapter 18 – Decisions
Victor and Jazmyn realized they had a lot of decisions to make as they planned their future together. Whether to have kids for Ian and Julian, whether to have kids of their own, even whether limb amputations were up for consideration. They had kind of danced around that last question without addressing it head on, but it couldn’t be answered in a vacuum. They had to consider in context with the question about having kids.
They arranged a video call with Hector and Natalie to learn how they balanced their Dom/sub lifestyle with having kids. “We only have vanilla sex or with very light bondage that I can quickly be released from when we’re home with the kids,” said Natalie. “And I never go into subspace when they’re around,” she added. Hector said, “We try to get weekends away from them at least once every two months. With the big extended family we have, we can usually find someone willing to watch them for us. Of course we have to reciprocate, but that’s okay. However, it’s become harder to arrange with four kids now. We’ve had to split them up, and that means coordinating between three families instead of only two.” Natalie continued that line of thought. “On our kid-free weekends, sometimes we go away and sometimes we just stay home. But you can be certain that those weekends are filled with lots of bondage, sex, and subspace.”
“You’ll have to decide for yourselves what the balance between kinky sex and family time should be. If you want to go into subspace every weekend, you might want to consider not having kids at all. If you want to have a dozen kids like Jazmyn’s parents did, you might only be able to do it on very rare occasions. We found that something in between those extremes works for us.”
“Thanks,” said Victor. “That’s about what I was expecting to hear. Unfortunately, it doesn’t help much, because we’re wanting it all. We were hoping you had some miracle solution that let you do that.” Hector and Natalie just laughed.
Jazmyn volunteered more details about their situation. “I’m finding it increasingly difficult to stay out of subspace during our sessions. We’ve already had to limit them to weekends only because of that. If we have kids underfoot, we might have to completely abstain, which would really suck. On the other hand, we’ve never had vanilla sex. I’ve never had vanilla sex. We might be able to avoid subspace with vanilla sex, but we might not enjoy it very much. I suppose we’ll just have to try it and see.”
So Jazmyn and Victor tried vanilla sex. They kept that to weekends only, too, because they knew they couldn’t be too careful about inadvertently finding subspace on a weeknight. But without any kind of restraints or pain or commands to suppress urges, neither of them could get very aroused. They tried this multiple times with the same result. It seemed that they just weren’t going to be able to have vanilla sex at all.
On the other hand, since they were only having sessions on weekends now, Jazmyn saw no point in even trying to avoid subspace. Just about every Friday evening she’d end up there and then spend the weekend recovering. All of this led them to the reluctant conclusion that maybe they shouldn’t have kids.
Having made that decision, they returned to consider Ian and Julian’s request. Jazmyn was in favor of it, since it provided a way for her to experience being pregnant without having to raise the resulting kid or kids, not to mention that she would be doing this to help her brother. Victor still took issue with her eggs being fertilized with sperm from another man. In his mind, this was not really much different than her cheating on him. “If you’re not willing to do that, I can think of a couple of other options,” said Jazmyn. “One is that you get me pregnant, and we let them adopt our biological child or children. Another is that we let them use my womb but they have to get the eggs from someone else. The third option, of course, is to just say no.”
“Option three would be the one I’d choose,” replied Victor. “However, I’m trying not to be closed-minded, since he is your brother and they can’t have kids on their own. I’m not sure what I think about giving them our children. I suppose that’s what Bryana did for Alyssa, but it kind of seems wrong in our case. I can’t explain why. I need to mull that one over some more. I think I’d be okay with letting them use your womb but not your eggs, but that only solves half of their problem.”
Jazmyn said, “In any case, if we choose any option besides ‘no’, it would give us the chance to test drive pregnancy and childbirth without the 18 year commitment. We may both enjoy it so much that we change our minds and decide to have a family of our own. Or we might hate it and say ‘never again’, or something in between.” “Yes, I realize that,” replied Victor.
“Changing the subject to a different decision,” Victor continued, “that time Bryana was here after the weekday subspace episode, I was talking to her about her amputations. I asked her if she had any regrets and she said no. But when I asked her if she’d do it differently if she had the chance, she said yes. She said she would have kept at least one arm, maybe both, but she still would have had her legs removed. She said that sex was better without legs in the way. Just something to think about.”
“That’s interesting,” replied Jazmyn. “What was her reason for wishing she had an arm or two?” “She seemed like she felt guilty for being such a burden on everyone. She said that when she had the amputations, she thought that all the work of caring for her would fall on your father, but he was down for that. The reality was that your entire family ended up caring for her, which none of you signed up for. She specifically mentioned wanting to be able to blow her own nose and wipe her own ass. She also said that if she had kept both arms, she would have been able raise her kids – you – herself.”
“Hmmm… I’m going to have to think about that some. Thanks for sharing that with me,” said Jazmyn. “I guess we both have some homework to do.”
A couple of weeks later the two resumed their discussion. “I’ve been giving this whole kids thing a lot of thought,” said Jazmyn. “I don’t think we should be so quick to decide against having kids ourselves. I think I realize that deep down, I want to have your babies and raise them ourselves. Maybe even if that means mostly giving up subspace and sex. I don’t know yet; I’m still working through this.”
“Funny that you say that,” said Victor. “I’ve been thinking the same thing. We both come from large families. I don’t know if either of us would ever be completely happy being childless. But yeah, having kids would probably mean some big sacrifices on our part, and we’d have to be willing to make them.”
“I’ve also been thinking about what you said Mama Bryana told you,” Jazmyn added, “about her amputations. What’s always scared me about what she did is the complete, permanent helplessness and dependency, but I also understand how it was the ultimate act of submission. I guess I never really thought about only having some limbs removed. That would be more like hobbling around the apartment while bound, rather than being bound to the bed so I can’t move at all. I have to admit I’m intrigued by her comment that legless sex is better. She’s told me that before, but now I can’t help but wonder if I’d get turned on by vanilla sex if I were legless.”
“I’ve wondered that, too,” admitted Victor, “whether I could get it up having vanilla sex with you if you were legless. It would be kind of like you being in bondage without actually being bound, so I think my chances may be good. The thing is, there’s no way to test drive that. The only way to find out is to do it, but once you do there’s no going back.”
“I haven’t figured out what I want to do about Ian and Julian,” said Victor. “Me neither,” said Jazmyn, “but I don’t want to turn my back on them. On the other hand, I have three sisters who just turned eighteen, so it’s not like I’m their only option. Maybe we should tell them we want to have our own kid first, and then we’ll consider their request after that. If they figure out another solution before then, great. But otherwise, if I enjoy being pregnant as much as Mama did, and we’re not ready to have another kid of our own, I may very well want to carry theirs in the meantime.”
“That’s not a bad idea,” Victor said approvingly. “We wouldn’t be saying no, we’d just be saying we’re not ready to decide yet, and for a perfectly good reason. That would buy us some time, like a couple of years at least. Why don’t we go with that?” Jazmyn then pointed out, “It sort of implies we’ll be having our own kid sooner rather than later, though. Is that what you want to do?” “I think so, yeah,” Victor replied. “Maybe we should start working on planning our wedding, then,” suggested Jazmyn. “Maybe we should,” Victor agreed. “Go ahead and start looking into our options and thinking about what you want.”
Jazmyn contacted Ian and told him what she and Victor had agreed on, that they would consider it after having a child of their own. Ian thanked her, said that he understood, and told her he was grateful that they hadn’t completely shut the door on the idea.
Jazmyn didn’t have to be told twice to start planning her wedding. She realized the first thing was to nail down approximately when they wanted to have it. Since it was already well into June, it would be a rush to try to have a fall wedding. Winter was a non-starter since Victor’s family lived in snowy New York. A poorly timed blizzard would prevent them from being able to attend. Spring seemed like an awfully long ways off.
Jazmyn also had to take into account when Ian and Julian were planning to marry. She decided she didn’t want a double wedding, and so they’d need to work around each other. She wondered if any of Victor’s siblings were planning to get married in the next year, because she and they would also have to work around each other. She made a mental note to ask Victor to find out.
In the meantime, she could find out what Ian’s plans were. She texted him and asked him if they had a date yet, and if not, roughly when they were thinking to have it. They’d gotten an earlier start planning theirs, and didn’t need to allow time to find a dress and have it made, so they already had a date set in mid-September. Jazmyn knew she couldn’t possibly have her wedding that soon, so there was no apparent conflict. She figured she could maybe have hers in late October if she put a rush on it, or otherwise would probably have to wait until April, ten months away. She needed to discuss this with Victor.
Victor didn’t have a preference or any words of wisdom, but he agreed that they couldn’t have a winter wedding. He called home to see if there were any other family weddings being planned that he didn’t know about. He learned that a first cousin had scheduled her wedding in late October and several of his siblings were in the wedding party. He knew that time wasn’t going to work for his family, so theirs would have to wait until spring. The upside was that with that much notice, they’d have no problem booking the venue, caterer, entertainment, and so on, nor would Jazmyn have any difficulty having a dress custom-made if she so desired.
So Jazmyn began lining things up for an April wedding, clearing everything with Victor, as well as her parents who were footing the bill, before making any commitments.
Chapter 19 – Contemplation
Meanwhile, Jazmyn gave a lot of thought to whether she should get her legs cropped. She had quickly decided that she was definitely keeping her arms, and also that she preferred euphemisms such as “cropped” or “docked” or “pruned” over harsher terms such as “amputated” or “cut off” or even “removed”.
Part of her was mortified that she was even giving it the slightest consideration. But she couldn’t deny that she was her mother’s daughter, and she found the idea of being legless somehow alluring, even a bit arousing. If she did go ahead with it, it would be partly as a less extreme version of permanent bondage than what Mama Bryana had done, partly as a way of being more submissive to and dependent on Victor, and partly based on the report of more satisfying sex. More submissive not because he’d told her to crop her legs, because he hadn’t and wouldn’t, but because it would require a higher degree of effort on her part to continue to meet his wants and needs.
To help her resolve whether she wanted to do it or not, she did online searches using various applicable terms. She found plenty of photoshopped and AI-generated legless porn, which she actually wasn’t repulsed by, and lots of medical articles. It occurred to her that if there was legless porn, that meant there were guys turned on by legless women. But she also saw articles and video clips of real people who were either born without legs or who had lost them to accidents or disease. She was fascinated to see how these real legless people dealt with real life.
She was particularly impressed by a young woman in the Philippines who was born without legs and who was a prolific online content creator. Most of her clips just showed her “dancing” to music, which was really just her moving her body to the beat while remaining stationary. She was very pretty and cute and was always smiling. She seemed genuinely happy.
Some clips, however, showed her in normal, everyday situations. What was most interesting to Jazmyn was that none of the clips ever showed a wheelchair, even in the background. Her leg stumps were too short for prosthetics, and short enough that she could walk on her hands without anything else touching the ground, and that’s how she got around, apparently all the time. When outside, she’d place her hands into a pair of flip-flops while walking in order to not touch the dirty ground. She could go up and down flights of stairs by walking on her hands if the steps weren’t too high, and pull herself up onto chairs or other furniture, and it was all very graceful and natural.
Another young woman born without legs was an accomplished skateboarder, using her hands to push herself along. A third young woman born without legs was a talented gymnast and aerialist. While these women did use wheelchairs, they also didn’t hesitate to walk on their hands and climb in and out of their wheelchairs using their hands. Both women came across as very confident and positive, and both even repeatedly said that they were glad they were born that way.
Jazmyn resolved to be like these women if she did go ahead with the leg croppings. In her opinion, living their lives in a wheelchair would have made them seem disabled and pitiful, but getting around by walking on their hands and being active and athletic made them seem strong and unfazed and unstoppable. Jazmyn realized that there would be many situations where a wheelchair would be necessary or at least the most practical way of getting around, but she decided right then that she’d do without it when she could, especially at home. She knew she‘d do well to work out at the gym to develop her upper body strength ahead of the surgery.
The more Jazmyn watched the videos of these and other brave, differently-abled legless women, the more inspired she was and the more she became comfortable with the idea of being legless herself. However, the more comfortable she became, the more conflicted she was. The women she’d admired online were either born without legs or had lost them due to some tragedy. They had no choice but to play the hand they were dealt. How sick was it that she was considering becoming that way intentionally? How could she be an inspiration to others by overcoming adversity if she had caused the adversity herself?
Jazmyn realized that she really needed to do some serious soul-searching to understand her motives for wanting this. She considered seeing a therapist about it, but she knew the therapist wouldn’t be able to be objective about it and would only try to talk her out of it. A therapist wouldn’t understand what it was like to have a voluntarily limbless mother as a role model, or to face the prospects of a mostly sexless marriage in order to raise a family. No, she was going to have to figure this out on her own, with help from her most trusted loved ones, Victor, her three parents, and also her grandmother.
Over the course of a couple of months, Jazmyn spoke repeatedly and at length with all of them about the subject. She held nothing back in telling them what was going through her mind, knowing that otherwise they couldn’t give her the best advice. Although they all had varying perspectives, they were all consistent and adamant that if she had the slightest shred of uncertainty she should not go through with it.
Unlike Bryana before her, Jazmyn just couldn’t reach that level of confidence about such a life-altering proposition, and realized that she might never be able to. She tried to put the idea out of her head, focus on her upcoming wedding and likely subsequent pregnancy, resign herself to a life of infrequent sex and subspace once the baby arrived, and enjoy sex and subspace as much as she could in the meantime.