(BBW = Big, Beautiful Woman)
Ryan and Raven have lived next door to each other their entire lives and were best friends as children, but when they reached adolescence, their lives went in different directions and they drifted apart. Now in their early 20s, Raven, once a chubby girl and now a BBW (big, beautiful woman), has had her life come crashing down around her, but Ryan's there to see her through it.
Mature themes in Part 4 include mention of pre-marital sex.
Author's note: All three chapters of Part 4 have a strong Christian emphasis, including lengthy discussions of prayer, theology, and the plan of salvation. I hope you'll take the time to read it, but if you prefer not to, I understand. You can skip Part 4 and pick up again in Part 5 and not feel like you missed much.
Part 4 includes the following chapters:
Chapter 13: Prayers
The next time Raven and Ryan were alone together, she asked him, “Do you go to church much any more?” This seemed like it came from out of the blue to Ryan. “Not really,” he said. “I go occasionally. I know my parents wish I went more often. Why do you ask?”
“I don’t even know,” Raven replied. “I’m just trying to get my head around something Mrs. Harper said the other day. Remember when she said she and her husband pray for me every day?” Ryan nodded. Raven then repeated the follow-up conversation she had had with Mrs. Harper. “I wonder if there’s anything to that. Could two people praying like that really change someone’s life for the better?”
“I’m pretty sure it would be God doing the changing, not the Harpers,” Ryan observed. “Fair point,” Raven acknowledged. “But you know what I meant. Could they have persuaded God to change my life for the better?” “I don’t see why not,” Ryan replied.
Raven wasn’t done with her questions, though. “Then why do lots of prayers – heck, probably most prayers, not get answered? I know lots of people who’ve prayed for someone very sick or injured to be healed, and then that person dies anyway. So call me a skeptic. But what’s different about the Harpers, or about their prayers, that theirs do get answered? Or is it just my imagination getting carried away, thinking that their prayers made any difference?”
Ryan knew when he was out of his league. “I really don’t know, Rave,” he replied. “I remember one thing that might help, though. I remember learning that it’s wrong – incorrect, I mean – to think that God only answers prayers when the person praying gets what they asked for. He always answers, but sometimes the answer is ‘No’, and sometimes it’s ‘Not yet’.”
“Why would God say no to someone praying for their loved one to be healed?” Raven asked. “Beats me,” Ryan responded. “I suppose he has his reasons. But I’m not the right person to ask. I’m no expert on prayer. I can’t even remember the last time I prayed. Well, not since you were in the hospital after your attack, anyway. You probably should ask my parents this kind of stuff. Or maybe the Harpers, or my pastor.” I probably should, thought Raven.
That night before she turned in for bed, Raven got down on knees at her bedside, folded her hands, closed her eyes, and bowed her head. She really didn’t know how to pray, but she remembered seeing it depicted that way on TV and in movies. She didn’t know what she should say or how she should say it, either, so she just spoke from the heart. “God? It’s me, Raven Parrish. I need to tell you something. If that was you answering the Harpers’ prayers for me and making my life so amazing, I just want to thank you. I mean really, really thank you. It’s better than I could have possibly imagined. I don’t know what I did to deserve it, because I never even gave you a thought all those years.” She paused, and then added, “I guess maybe it’s time I started, right?” She didn’t know what else to say, so she just said, “Amen.” Raven couldn’t tell whether God heard her, but she felt better saying it anyway.
Over the following days, Raven kept thinking about the Harpers, and prayer, and God, and how her life had changed. She was more and more convinced that it wasn’t coincidence; they were all connected somehow, but she couldn’t make sense of how or why. She decided to talk to Ryan’s mom – her future mother-in-law! – about it. Raven asked her if they could meet privately sometime. Mrs. Andersen invited her to come over for coffee on her next day off. Raven usually worked Saturdays and had a weekday off work.
That morning, Mrs. Andersen welcomed her. She had prepared a coffee cake to go along with the coffee. They started with small talk about inconsequential things. Then Raven got to the point. She reminded her about Mrs. Harper’s comment about praying for her daily and told her about the additional things Mrs. Harper had said to her privately. She shared her conversation with Ryan about prayer, her own prayer at her bedside, and all the questions that had been swirling around in her head ever since. Then Raven concluded by saying, “I’m trying to make sense of it all, and I just can’t seem to put the pieces together. I don’t even know what questions to ask, but I’m wondering if you can help me understand how prayer works.”
“That’s quite a tall order, Raven,” Mrs. Andersen replied. “I don’t think anyone, not even the most brilliant theologians, really understands how it works. But I’ll try to help you understand it better.”
“The first thing to know, which very few people seem to realize, is that prayer is not just asking God for things. It can include that, but it’s much more than just that. Prayer is talking to God. Now this isn’t a perfect analogy, but imagine that you had a very wealthy grandfather who lived far away. This grandfather loves you deeply and would love nothing more than to give you everything want, but he knows better than that. He knows what a spoiled, entitled brat you’d become if he did that. He also knows that a lot of what you think you want would actually be bad for you, and so he’s not going to give you those things no matter how much you ask. He also has a reputation to protect, so he won’t do anything that would make him look bad. He’s much more likely to give you what you ask if it builds your character or is selfless or is consistent with what he’s trying to accomplish in the world.
“Anyway, how do you think he’d feel if the only time you contacted him was when you wanted something? He might feel that you’re just trying to manipulate him; that you don’t really love him or want a relationship with him. He’d probably be less inclined to grant your requests. But if you regularly kept him updated about all kinds of things – what’s going on in your life, what’s on your mind, what you’re struggling with, and so on, and showed your sincere appreciation when he did do something for you, or even for all the things he’s ever done for you, he’d probably be more inclined to give you what you asked for on the occasions when you did ask.”
Raven thought about that, and it certainly made sense. “When I prayed to God that time, I didn’t even ask him for anything. I just thanked him. So maybe I kind of already knew that without realizing it.”
“I think you got started on the right foot,” Mrs. Andersen replied. Then she continued. “Also, this grandfather doesn’t say much to you directly; he mostly just listens. Not because he doesn’t love you, but that’s just his way. But he’s very famous, has written an extensive autobiography, and has had countless other people write about him. Now, the more that you learn by reading about him, and the better you get to know him through your own interactions with him, the better you can anticipate what requests he would or wouldn’t approve of. You learn to not even ask for selfish things. He likes to be unpredictable, though, and so he often gives you exactly what you need or want in completely different ways that you specified or expected. You learn to not dictate to him how exactly you want him to grant your request. Many times he gives you exactly what you need in exactly the way you need it, even though you weren’t smart enough to ask for it. So you learn to just ask him for whatever’s best, and leave the details to him.”
Raven nodded her head indicating that she understood. The way Mrs. Andersen explained it, it was all pretty logical and reasonable. Her question to Ryan was still nagging at her, though, so she repeated it to Mrs. Andersen, taking into account what she had just learned. “Please help me understand why God so often says no to someone praying for their suffering loved one to be healed. It seems like that’s a pretty selfless request.”
“It may seem selfless on the surface, but think about it more deeply. Why do they want their loved one to be healed? It’s likely for selfish reasons – because they’d miss their loved one if they died, for example. But God sees the big picture, and it’s so big that we can’t even fathom most of it. It may be that the loved one would be better off dying; they’d no longer be in pain, for example. It might be that person surviving would be better off to have their loved one die, because the experience would strengthen them or help them become a better person, or would enable them to help others going through similar experiences.
“So rather than praying for a suffering loved one to live, it might be better to pray for God’s will to be done, whatever that might be. But that means accepting that what happens is God’s will, and trusting that he always does what’s best, even when we don’t understand. Especially when we don’t understand, and that’s going to happen a lot. But even when life seems unbearably hard, we can take great comfort in knowing that he’s always with us to help us through it.
“Now, it’s okay to tell God what our preference would be, as long as we don’t demand or make ultimatums, and we leave room for God to do what he wants, because his way is always best. Even Jesus did this. When he prayed to his Father the night before he was tortured and executed on the cross, he knew what was coming. He prayed that he be spared from having to go through that if there was any other way to accomplish what God sought to accomplish. But then he said to God, ‘Yet not my will, but Your will be done.’”
Raven said, “Everything makes so much sense the way you explain it, Mrs. Andersen.”
“I’m just giving you the tip of the iceberg,” Mrs. Andersen replied. “There is so much to learn. I’m still learning after all these years. Oh, and please, I think it’s time you started calling me Janice. We’re family now.”
Janice was well aware that Raven wasn’t saved, meaning that she hadn’t accepted Jesus Christ as her lord and savior. She had been praying for her salvation on and off Raven’s entire life, but especially since Ryan became romantically involved with her. As much as Janice loved Raven and was happy to see Ryan and Raven together, it nagged at her that Ryan was now engaged to be married to someone who didn’t share his faith. Since then, Janice had been specifically praying for an opportunity to lead Raven to Christ. Now here she was, asking questions about prayer and God. Janice could see that God had started the wheels in motion to grant her request. But today was not that day. It was too soon. If Raven continued down the path she was already on, she would get there in her own time.
So Janice said to Raven, “If you’re willing, we could start meeting regularly where I could try to answer your questions and teach you what I know about God. We could either do it on a schedule, say weekly for instance, or as needed when you have questions.” Raven considered the offer. “I think I’ll go with the as-needed option for now, Janice, but thank you,” she said with a smile.
Chapter 14: Damage control
That evening, Ryan was over at Raven’s as usual. Raven told him, “I took your suggestion and talked to your mother about prayer today. She explained it in a way that made a lot of sense and cleared things up for me.” Good, said Ryan. Raven continued, “It was good. But then at the end, it got weird. She wanted to meet weekly with me to teach me about God. I politely declined her offer.”
Raven stopped talking, apparently wanting Ryan to say something in response. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say. “My mom can be like that sometimes. She meant well,” he said after a bit.
Raven asked, “Do you think it bothers her that I wasn’t a good churchgoing girl?” “I don’t know,” said Ryan, “But to be completely honest with you, it probably does bother her that you aren’t one now, with us being engaged and all. So when you wanted to ask her about prayer, I’m sure she saw her opportunity.”
Raven realized he was right, but it still hurt to hear him say that. “Does it bother you?” Raven asked in response. “No, of course not,” said Ryan. “If it bothered me, you wouldn’t be wearing that diamond ring right now. Besides, I’m not exactly a saint, either.”
“Compared to me, you’re Mother Teresa, Ryan. Well, maybe she wasn’t the best analogy. You’re Billy Graham.”
“Well, I know it bothers her that I don’t go to church that much anymore. And we are having pre-marital sex. I don’t know if she knows that, but she probably has her suspicions. But to your credit, you’re not the person you used to be. You’ve really cleaned up your act, and I see that, and I’m sure she sees it, too.”
“Thanks for noticing,” Raven replied. “But what are we going to do about your mother?”
“I don’t think we need to do anything,” said Ryan. “She offered to meet with you again, and in context, that wasn’t an unreasonable thing. For all she knew, you might’ve been open to doing that. But you weren’t, and you declined, and that’s probably the end of it.”
“Maybe you’re right,” said Raven, but the way she said made it clear she wasn’t convinced. Ryan decided to probe deeper. “What is it that has you so weirded out, Rave?” he asked.
“I don’t know, really. Maybe that she’s going to change me into the daughter-in-law she wants. I’ve known people who found religion and became completely different overnight. They were suddenly no fun anymore, and worse, they went around trying to convert all of their old friends, including me. I don’t want to change who I am. For the first time in a long time, I like myself the way I am.”
“I promise you, it doesn’t work that way,“ Ryan replied. “My mother has no power to change anyone, nor does anyone else. People change from within, either because they want to, or they mature, or because of their life experiences. Look at yourself, for example. You’ve changed dramatically in the past couple of years. I’m sure the old Raven wouldn’t find the new Raven much fun, either, and that’s without religion being involved. Sometimes people change suddenly and sometimes it’s gradual. Sometimes God gives people the motivation to change, but even he doesn’t make anyone change.”
“I just worry that God doesn’t like me working in a lingerie store. I really like my job and I don’t want to have to quit, said Raven.
“Well first of all, God isn’t the prude that people make him out to be, Ryan said in response. “He created sex, and made it pleasurable. He made us so that we’re attracted to and aroused by each other. I honestly don’t believe God has a problem with lingerie. There’s nothing sinful about wearing something slinky in your own home or under your clothes when you’re out. Now, certainly some Christians can be prudes, but I think many times they’re offended by things that God has no problem with. Now if you were following God’s leading, the time may come where you sense he wants you to leave your job. But that would only be because he had something better for you.”
Raven had another concern. “Sex; that’s another thing,” she said. “I would think God doesn’t approve of us having sex. I don’t want to have to quit that, either.”
Ryan conceded her point. “You’re probably right about that. God made sex for us to enjoy, but he did put a lot of restrictions on it. He only approves of sex between straight married partners, or at least that’s what I’ve been taught. Maybe it’s not as bad since we’re engaged, but that might be only wishful thinking on my part.”
“Do you think God even approves of us being engaged?” Raven asked, “Considering that you’re saved or born again or whatever, and I’m not? I don’t want to have to give you up, either!” She looked like she was about to cry.
“I think you’re worrying far too much, Rave,” Ryan replied. “Remember when you said you figured out that your life became amazing once the Harpers started praying for you? Well, think about in what ways it became amazing. We fell in love and began a relationship. You got your job at the lingerie store. We realized we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and got engaged. Do you really think if God was orchestrating all of that as an answer to prayer, he’d then tell you you’d have to give it all up to please him? I certainly don’t.
“I don’t believe for a minute that God intends for us to break up because you’re not saved. I do think he wants you to be saved. God wants everyone to be saved. I think maybe in your case, he’s put you on a path that leads to your being saved, ever since he arranged for you to hear Mrs. Harper say she prays for you. Because all of a sudden, you’ve become interested in spiritual matters. That makes you a seeker. A seeker is someone who’s not saved but feels drawn to God and is trying to learn more about him. Now, you can stay on that path and see where it leads, or you can jump off and run away from God and all of the ways he’s blessed you.”
“Wow,” said Raven. “That’s a lot to digest. I’m going to have to think about what you’ve said. But I think you may be onto something. And I certainly don’t want to run away from the ways God’s blessed me. Thanks for listening to me and helping me sort this out.”
Chapter 15: Turnaround
Raven decided she needed to talk to God again. As she prepared for bed, she got down on her knees as she had done before. Then she prayed. “God, it’s me, Raven again. My fiancé Ryan helped me to see that if all of these blessings in my life are coming from you, and I know they are, then I’d be a fool to run away from you. He said that I’m a seeker on the path to being saved. I don’t know exactly what that means, and so it’s kind of scary. I don’t want to be brainwashed. I don’t want to stop being me. I don’t want to have to give up the blessings you’ve given me. Ryan thinks none of that is going to happen. I hope he’s right. So, uh, I guess, help me go down the seeker path toward you without being too afraid. Uh, that’s all for now. Amen.”
Later that night, Raven woke up from a sound sleep with a strong, inexplicable feeling that she needed to tell Ryan’s mom that she would meet weekly with her. Was that God putting that thought in her head? It seemed likely to Raven. And so, the next day, she did just that.
And so Raven and Janice began meeting weekly to discuss God. Janice was well-prepared; this was not the first time she had done this with a seeker or new believer. Janice always give Raven the opportunity to ask any questions she had first, and one those were answered, she went on to her prepared materials. Over the course of many weeks, Janice first covered God’s divine qualities – his omniscience, omnipotence, and omnipresence, as well as his eternal nature and him being the personification of love. She then did her best to explain the Three Persons of the Trinity – the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit – who are each fully God and yet comprise the One True God, and the distinct roles of each of the three. Janice then covered the fall of mankind, where Adam and Eve committed the first sin and were banished from the Garden of Eden and the resulting consequences, including all of mankind ever since being born with a sin nature, Satan being given free rein on Earth, and the curses placed on mankind to have to toil in order to eat, and to experience pain, sickness, suffering, and death. They discussed what sin was and God’s penalty for sin, and how the Israelites had to atone for their sins through blood sacrifices.
Eventually, they got to Jesus Christ. Janice explained how, while on this earth, he was fully human and simultaneously fully God, was unique in that he was born without a sin nature and lived a sinless life, and was the only person in human history qualified to take the penalty for another’s sins, how he willingly laid down his own life in order to do just that, and how those who place their trust in Christ as Lord and Savior have their sins taken away and placed on Christ, and so are declared not guilty by God and are welcomed into eternity in heaven. Janice spelled out how one obtains forgiveness of one’s sins once and for all through Christ by confessing their guilt and hopelessness apart from God’s mercy, repenting of one’s sins and asking for forgiveness, and accepting Christ as Lord of their life and their only means of salvation.
Raven needed no convincing that she was a sinner destined for hell apart from salvation through Christ. She was also keenly aware that God loved her unconditionally and had gone to great lengths to demonstrate this love, get her attention, and enable her to avoid this outcome. She prayed the sinner’s prayer and accepted Christ as her Lord and Savior right there in the Andersen’s living room, and right then and there, God forgave all her sins, past, present, and future. It was an emotional moment for both Raven and Janice, and Janice was honored to be the first to welcome Raven into the Kingdom of God.
Meanwhile, Raven had begun attending church with the Andersens, including Ryan. Ryan knew it wouldn’t do to have her go without him, and so he got back into the habit of going to church as well. And so on the Sunday morning following her becoming a Christian, she walked down the aisle during the pastor’s altar call, and made it known that she had accepted Christ as Lord and Savior, and sought believers’ baptism and church membership.
A few weeks later, as an act of obedience to Christ, Raven was baptized during the Sunday worship service. Raven’s parents and a few of her other family members were in attendance. However, they viewed it more as a requirement for church membership than as a response to a life-changing experience with eternal consequences. They considered Raven’s joining the Andersen’s church as an expectation on their part to her joining their family. But Ryan, his mother, and the Harpers all had tears running down their faces as they witnessed this former bad girl declare publicly that she had surrendered her life to Christ.
Raven’s life seemed no less amazing to her as a Christian than it had as secular person being prayed for and blessed by God in response to those prayers. She continued to meet weekly with Janice as the lessons shifted to being more about how to live life as a Christian.
The one significant change in Raven’s life was the realization that God would have her and Ryan abstain from sex until they were married. Ryan had known this all along, of course, but had chosen otherwise. But now Raven knew it too, and she was determined to live a life as pleasing to God as possible out of gratitude for all he had done for her. So Raven broke the news to Ryan. He knew it was coming, and could hardly object when he knew he was the one who should not have given in to temptation in the first place.
Eventually, Raven and Mrs. Harper met, and the subjects of Raven’s salvation and the Harpers’ prayers for her came up. Raven asked her what they had specifically prayed for on her behalf. Had they prayed for her to have an amazing life, or for specific things to happen in her life, or just to be saved, or what? Mrs. Harper replied that they had simply prayed for God to bless Raven and to lead her to salvation. God honored both requests, but it was he who chose the specific ways to bless her. Mrs. Harper opined that perhaps God had blessed Raven so abundantly because she had spared the life of her unborn child and had blessed the Harpers with that child. She also suggested that since God had not gotten Raven’s attention when she’d had a difficult life, perhaps he knew he could do so by subsequently giving her an amazing life. Whether that was God’s strategy or not, it certainly had worked.