"So, I get general dental and urgent ambulance, plus my choice of two others?"

Jenna was sitting on a chair in a Melbourne clothes store, eagerly waiting for a response on the other end, whilst her housemate Natalie picked out a dress and went to change. The mysterious business card she received yesterday advertised Mitosis Healthcare, a company that she couldn’t find online. It had no return address, just a phone number and instructions to repeat the phrase on the card.

Even comparing and contrasting all the different agencies online, there was nothing in her price range, and most of them had minimum waiting periods of two months. But she couldn’t wait that long - she needed physiotherapy badly after spraining her ankle. Whilst it wasn’t too severe, and she could walk on it, she wanted a professional opinion as soon as possible. What piqued her interest is that the card advertised that the service was only $4.10 a week, and that it had no waiting periods.

However, it didn’t take long for the prerecorded message to come up.

"Thank you for choosing Mitosis Healthcare. Please wait for the division spell to fully take effect."

Before Jenna could question this spell, an icy cold sensation seemed to penetrate her skull, then went two ways simultaneously spreading all the way down along her spine, as well as in a straight line across her cleavage, until the two sensations met between her legs. The hell was that?, she thought.

"Division spell completed. You are now free to make insurance claims. Please hold as we redirect you to reception."

As the hold music started, Jenna wondered if there was any real significance to that sensation. It felt like she was penetrated vertically by a large blade that had been sprayed with liquid nitrogen.

And then suddenly she heard a loud ripping, tearing sound, followed by a familiar voice - "What the hell was that?"

"Who the hell was that?" she thought. Then she realised she had lost all sensation in the left half of her body, including both sight and sound. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw something odd, like a silhouette made of flesh.

"Wait, am I hearing voices?" The voice said again.

Jenna figured there was only one way to test this.

"42!" she thought. But before she could announce that she was thinking of a number between 1 and 50, the voice came back.

"What does the answer to the ultimate question have to do with this?"
"Hello? My name is Jenna Dunn, can you hear me?"
"Wait, you’re Jenna Dunn? I thought I was…"
"Wait a minute…division spell…that cold feeling…the fact that I can’t feel anything in the left side of my body..."
"That’s weird", the voice communicated. "The right side of my body feels rather numb."
"It’s almost as if…"

Jenna turned, and suddenly it hit her. She couldn’t feel the left side of her body because it had moved a few inches left. It wasn’t just a fleshy silhouette, she could see a leg hanging off of it with a bandaged foot in an open-toed sandal, and the face that she recognised as the left side of her own had a distinct pixie cut that somehow wasn’t messed up by the division. She looked down at herself and was shocked that despite her grey T-shirt, brown vest, and denim shorts also being split in half, her clothes didn’t fall off.

"Oh my god" the two halves of Jenna communicated simultaneously.

"Hang on…is this what they meant by joining and claiming at the same time?" right-Jenna thought.
"Of course! I’ll go to the physio, you can stay here and help Natalie with her clothes!" left-Jenna communicated back.
"Um, won’t people stare and ask questions if they see half a woman in public?"
"In Melbourne? Nah, I don’t think anyone’s gonna care."

With that, left-Jenna hopped off the seat and started hopping towards the exit. "Huh, this is easier than I thought." She thought.

"Wait…how?", right-Jenna communicated.
"I guess it’s because I’m only half a woman, I’m not as unbalanced as an amputee."
"Does it hurt, hopping on your sprained ankle?"
"Not too badly, but I'd best take our scooter to minimise the amount of pressure on it. I’ll catch you later."

As right-Jenna watched left-Jenna hop to the exit, she heard footsteps approaching towards her. Right-Jenna turned her head and saw Natalie, in the blue dress she had picked out earlier. Right-Jenna looked Natalie up and down and, unsure if she could even talk in her condition, decided to compliment Natalie regardless.

"That looks really cute on you"

Natalie was dumbstruck by what she saw. She couldn’t help but wonder what happened to her housemate, and didn’t want to say anything. However, hearing the compliment helped her calm down a little, and she smiled. Clearly, Jenna’s personality was still there.

Of course, Jenna was more surprised by her own ability to talk normally being retained, despite having only half a mouth and half a tongue. Must have been really powerful magic, she thought.

As Natalie curtseyed and went to change back, the hold music finally stopped.

"Thank you for joining Mitosis Healthcare, which extras would you like?", replied a pleasant voice.

Despite the fact that she still had a psychic connection with left-Jenna, right-Jenna resumed her phone call, trying her best to concentrate primarily on that.

"Definitely physio. I guess pharmacy, too. And it works out at only $4.10 a week?"

"Yep. Your new ability is an added bonus, I’m sure you’ll get used to it."

"And if I was to go to the physio right now, I could use it?"

"Absolutely. If you’re affected on one side of your body, you only need to send that half."

As right-Jenna made conversation with the receptionist, left-Jenna was trying to get her scooter started. Fastening her helmet with only one hand was a tad difficult, but she managed it with her thumb and middle finger, and was amazed how stable it stayed on, despite it clearly being too big for her head.

Starting her scooter wasn’t quite as hard as she had anticipated. She got into her normal position, and started the ignition but before she could awkwardly move her left hand to the right lever to properly start it, she noticed the start button seemed to press itself. Curiously, she held onto the left hand brake, and looked at the start button. Start, she thought, and the motor started purring. Pleasantly surprised by this, she let go of the brake and puttered off to the nearest physio.