none of these are real spoilers...this is just a joke, so instead of accusing me of ruining the book/movie for you, lighten up and laugh

Harry kills Dumbledore
Zombie Sirius guards the horcrux
First years blow up part of the castle in potions
Ron gets drunk and makes out with Harry
Filch and Madame Pince (the librarian) hook up
Harry makes out with Luna Lovegood
Hermione beats up Malfoy...again
Hagrid gets mauled and killed by one of his creatures

I'm out of ideas. if you have other amusing things to add, feel free to do so