Commercial Vignettes

Decongestant Commercial

A man is in a booth at a diner, clearly waiting for his date. His nose is red, and he’s sniffling. He sees her coming, and tries to clear his nose so that he won’t be sniffling through the whole date. He realizes he has no tissues to blow his nose, so he exhales and gives one great bit snort. At that moment his date walks up and extends her hand for a shake.

“Hi, I’m Donna, you must be—Whoa!”

His epic snort catches her hand and it slurps in one nostril. Her arm follows and, after a brief struggle, her head squelches in after it. Her chest and hips each give only a brief moment of pause before the pop inside, and finally her kicking legs slide in. With a mighty swallow, he sends her from his sinus to his stomach, then glances about.

“Donna?”

Don’t let this happen to you. Buy Brand X Decongestant.

~~~

Candy Bar Commercial

A woman is in a board meeting, glancing at the clock and rubbing her growling stomach. The boss is at the front of the room droning on and tracing things out on a whiteboard. She glances to the man sitting next to her, who is taking notes and not paying attention to her. After a finally, audible gurgle of her belly, she grabs his face and opens wide. With a few quick gulps, she scarfs him down. As she’s slowly sucking down his wriggling feet, she feels a tap on her shoulder. It’s her friend with a Candy Bar.

“Next time, have a Brand X Bar.”

~~~

Tampon Commercial

A woman, after finishing up in the bathroom during a party, fishes through her purse and reveals a Brand X Tampon. The camera cuts to her tossing its wrapper away, and pulling up her panties and pants. She pauses for a moment, then cocks her head. There is a soft hissing sound, then her groin puckers inward. Her clothes become baggier as she begins to recede inwards towards her waist, scrabbling at the door and yelping as her head and arms slid down into her shirt. After a few moments, she's been reduced to a pile of clothes. The door opens and a spokeswoman reached down into the clothes to to pluck up the tampon by its string. It is bulging slightly and releasing muffled grunts of confusion.

"Brand X Tampons. They might be too absorbent."

~~~

BBQ sauce

A man is messily eating a plate of ribs, the bottle prominently sitting on the table. When he is through, he sets about licking his fingers clean. In his quest to get every last speck of sauce, he slurps his hands entirely into his mouth, then swallows them. His shoulders follow them into his mouth, and his body curls together as he gobbles his way along his body until he disappears below the edge of the table.

Brand X BBQ: It’s irresistible.

~~~

Jeans

A woman slips on her jeans and admires her shapely bottom in the mirror. She walks outside and struts down the street. A man walks up to her and looks her up and down, smiling devilishly, then hooks the waist of her jeans with his thumb, tugging them out just enough for him to shove his whole arm in. He works the other arm in, then edges his head inside as well and wriggles and crawls until he slips entirely past her waistband. Beyond a few jiggles and trembles, there is no sign of him.

Brand X Jeans: They’ll want to get in your pants.

~~~

Gum

Two women are in an elevator. One is chewing gum. She blows an enormous bubble, when it pops, it bursts not only over her face, but the face of the other woman, leaving a sticky ribbon of the stuff stretched between them. Stunned at first, the non-gum chewer licks her lips, slurping in a bit of the gum, and seems delighted by the taste. Working her lips and teeth alternately, she nibbles up all of the gum from her face and then the slack on the sagging ribbon. She doesn’t stop nibbling when she runs out, pulling the original gum chewer toward her and nibbling her face, head, and neck right into her mouth as well. Chewing happily, she ends up slurping the rest of the other woman into her mouth, then steps off the elevator with bulging cheeks and a smile.

Brand X Gum: So good, you won’t want to share.

~~~