The Pet Directive

“Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Government Speaking. This message is for all those living in District 1.”

“Regrettably, due to the exponential rise in shoplifting, as well as the youth obesity problem, which is also out of control, your government has found it necessary to implement The Pet Directive immediately.”

“This means that any family members between the ages of 5 and 18 are now classified as pets. This means that they are not allowed out of the home unattended and must be kept on a lead with a responsible adult when they are. All must be registered as pets; comparisons will be made with registrations and electoral rolls and school/college registers, with heavy fines being issued to those that do not register.”

“All out of class activities are cancelled, except for the pet-friendly get togethers that are allowed at registered centres for pets to be able to continue to socialise. Pets attending these events will be locked in once the event starts and only allowed out again when their registered owners are there to collect them.”

“I am really sorry that it has come to this; as usual, things have been spoilt for everyone by the dishonest and inconsiderate actions of a small group.”

“This policy will be reviewed regularly. Once again, The Pet Directive is implemented immediately.”

“Thank you for your co-operation.”

This has been a Government Public Broadcast.