Lost knowledge of the past, aka the 1500 year old girlfriend, or The Infinite Pharoah

My name is Professor Glen Dawson, and I am an eminent archaeologist.

I’m in my 50s, and single, but people have been talking… about my new companion, a young woman.

We love going to the local archaeological society talks and take a very active part in the question-and-answer sessions; my friend’s knowledge is phenomenal, and extensive.

Her name; L'kira T'Bei; she’s Egyptian, and speaks English with an unusual accent.

The controversy all started with an argument over a translation of some hieroglyphics...

The person giving the talk put a slide up on the screen and launched into an in-depth explanation of the symbols, with L'kira getting more and more angry.

Finally, she had had enough. Before I could stop her, she had got up and stormed out, throwing her arms in the air, loudly muttering “Amateurs!”.

I found her moodily sitting in the hotel reception, a storm cloud brewing over her head (if you know what I mean).

"She completely translated that scroll wrongly", she said. "I should know; I wrote it, roughly 1500 years ago..."

I said nothing, just held her hand. Finally, she calmed down.

“Ooh… it’s so infuriating!”, she said, eventually. “To know all this, and to know that no-one will believe you if you say anything.”

I just hugged her, gently.

I had ‘found’ L’Kira on an archaeological dig, literally by accident.

I had been investigating a well explored pyramid, the Southern Pyramid of Sneferu. I had put out a hand to support myself, as I had felt dizzy, and I rested my hand straight on a hidden lever.

The passageway opening had been a complete surprise, as had the chamber…

The chamber, however, was completely bare, apart from a small sarcophagus. Unable to restrain my curiosity, I had opened it. I nearly fainted when L’Kira, wrapped up inside it, had sat up…!

I’d quickly unwrapped her, as she was struggling in her bandages. L’Kira had then held onto me and cried her eyes out…

“Someone came back for me”, she said. “I’ve been alone for so long…!”

L’Kira then told her story…

“My name is L’Kira T’Bei”, she said, in ancient Egyptian. “I was built as a protector and assistant for N’Bech, the chief Vizier of the area.”

“What do you mean, built?”, I asked, in the same language. L’Kira said she’d explain, but as part of her story.

“Times were hard, but we persevered”, she continued. “N’Bech and I managed to achieve great things. It was mainly due to us that a lot of the major engineering projects were possible.”

“However, one of N’Bech’s experiments overloaded and blew up. He was killed instantly, and I was knocked offline.”

“I woke up in darkness, and I’ve been there until now.”

“Oh, you poor, poor girl”, I said, hugging her. “They must have assumed you were dead, not being able to find a heartbeat, so they buried you.”

“N’Bech was way ahead of his time”, L’Kira said. “However, he couldn’t give me normal life signs. I am mechanical, after all. I wasn’t even built by him; he found me after a ‘shooting star’ landed.”

I suddenly realised that L’Kira was interpreting events as well as her acquired knowledge went; she was thinking like an ancient Egyptian. She had no idea (and neither had I, then) that she was an alien probe, sent to study mankind, that had crashed on Earth.

I helped L’Kira out of her sarcophagus; she wobbled, then stood firmly.

Then she kissed me.

“Thank you”, she said. “You’ve been so kind. Only thing is, what will I do now…?”

“I’m sure I can think of something”, I said. “I know… seeing as you’re experienced as an assistant, how about staying as one?”

We managed to get back to my jeep and, from there, to Glen’s hotel, without anyone seeing them, how we didn’t know. Anyone seeing L’Kira would think she was in fancy dress, as she had been ‘buried’ in her ancient work clothes which, surprisingly, hadn’t deteriorated at all. She explained that by saying they were made from materials that had been found with her.

After my telling the receptionist that my assistant had arrived but lost all her luggage, she quickly recommended a few places that would sell Egyptian female attire. Leaving L’Kira in the room, telling her not to touch anything for a minute or answer the phone or door, I went to the store and collected a small selection.

Bringing them back, I laid the whole collection out in front of her.

“Fashion hasn’t changed that much, has it?”, she said. “At least I can wear something like you.”

L’Kira had soon dressed in blouse and shorts, as well as socks and flat shoes, making her look like a real tomboy. We then went downstairs and got back in the jeep.

We arrived at the market and immediately started looking for Santas.

Santas was a ‘person’ (read, smuggler) that had helped me move merchandise in the past. I’m not proud of his history at times, but this time it was going to come in really handy.

Santas’ mouth dropped open, however, when he saw L’Kira. He recognised her…!

“It can’t be… nesu?”

L’Kira just smiled. “Yes”, she said. “I am the Infinite Pharoah…”

To my amazement, Santas suddenly bowed.

“Anything you need”, he said. “No charge.”

L’Kira just smiled.

“That’s not good business”, she said.

“Your blessings will be payment enough”, Santas said.

“You have them, my Lord”, said L’Kira. By then, others had gathered, and they heard her say this and also recognised her.

Beyond happy, Santas got all of L’Kira’s paperwork done while they waited, including building a paper trail in the UK to prove she was a British Citizen. Passports were ready in thirty minutes, a real record.

Word got round, quickly. One of the other smuggler leaders came in to see what was going on. He went white as a sheet when he saw L’Kira, however.

L’Kira just pointed at Santas.

The other leader just nodded, then bowed to Santas.

“My men are yours, Lord”, he said.

What sort of power had L’Kira got…?

The rest of the trip, and my return to England with L’Kira, was quite straightforward.

L’Kira picked up things very quickly, unsurprisingly, and I taught her basic English on the plane ride back.

She was almost continuously asking questions, as well; she had never been in an aircraft, so when it left the ground, she let out a squeal and grabbed hold of her seat really tightly…!

It was lucky that when she was initially designed, they had made her blend in with humans as much as possible; if her limbs had used their full strength she would have crushed the arm rests!

The drive from the airport back to Farthington Hall was a pleasant one; L’Kira had never seen so much green.

“It used to be like this, alongside the Nile”, she said. “Egypt wasn’t always all sand, like it is now…”

She went quiet, staring out of the window.

“Do you miss it?”, I asked.

“Of course I do”, L’Kira replied. “But not the Egypt of now. I miss the Egypt of then, the one I can never get back to.”

 Her shoulders shook, and I realised she was crying. He just put an arm on her shoulder.

L’Kira spun round and threw her arms around me.

We stayed like that for a while, saying nothing. To be honest, I was still in shock. A beautiful, immortal woman, and she was quite happy to spend time with me.

“I’ll never understand what you see in me”, I said. “I don’t deserve you…”

L’Kira propped my chin up in her hands and stared straight into my eyes.

“You saved me. I will always be grateful, anyway, but I can see greatness inside of you, too”, she said. “Besides, you’re fun to be around…!”

Kissing me lightly on the cheek, she swatted my backside then walked off, giggling, a wiggle in her step.

Looking back at me, she said, “Also, you do realise that you’re the consort to The Infinite Pharoah now, don’t you…?”

We started going to the archaeology meetings after that. Then, as I previously said, someone had to go and get her annoyed…

“I want to tell them the truth!”, said L’Kira. “That scroll she mistranslated took ages of work. It’s not like they can’t read my writing…!”, the last part was said with a giggle, as the scroll was painted, not written.

We were still joking and bouncing wacky theories between us when the woman who had been giving the talk came out.

“You’re passionate about your work”, she said, staring straight at L’Kira.

“You have no idea…”, she replied.

“Did you know that there was a young Pharoah called L’Kira? She looked really like you, too. Are you a descendant?”

“Hah. I wish…”, said L’Kira. “It was a name my mother liked the sound of…”

“Now tell me what’s really bugging you”, she said, sitting with us.

I just looked at L’Kira and nodded.

Like she was teaching a small child, but not too patronising, L’Kira explained about the mistake that the woman, Grace, had made. As she showed her, Grace changed from relaxed to intense and soon, the two women were having a really animated discussion.

I just left them too it; I could see that L’Kira wasn’t going to strangle Grace, she was just passionate about her studies; I just needed a drink, so I went over to the bar and ordered one.

I was perched there, still, when Grace came over to me.

“I’ve been an idiot”, she said. “There was a tiny, almost insignificant thing on that scroll, and I completely missed it. L’Kira has pointed it out to me. She’s brilliant, isn’t she? She must be really a joy to work with.”

“She is”, I agreed. Then Grace said something strange…

“Isn’t she a bit young for you, though?”, she asked. “I’ve seen the way you look at her, and it’s definitely not a father/daughter way…”

“We’re just good friends”, I said, with a smile. “Also, I make it a rule to only date women older than me…”

“I think Grace was jealous of me”, L’Kira said on the ride back.

“Whatever gave you that idea?”, I asked.

“She asked why someone my age was so involved with the archaeology scene”, she said, “especially as she could see I was as passionate about it as she was. She was just interested, as well, in how close we were to each other. Did she ask you anything?”

“She did say she thought you were a bit young for me.”

“How did you answer that?”

“I said I only dated women older than me, as a rule…”

“Oh”, L’Kira replied, with a smile, “I’m in with a chance then…!”

It still wouldn’t feel right, somehow, sleeping with L’Kira; we both had our own separate bedrooms at the Hall.

That’s why it was such a surprise waking up in the night to find her lying next to me, in her full Ancient Egyptian regalia…!

“Don’t you love me?”, she said, sulkily.

“Where’s this coming from?”, I asked her.

“You rescued me; I don’t feel I’ve thanked you enough. Also, I hate sleeping alone, now; it reminds me of my sarcophagus…!”

I just put my arm round her and kissed her on the cheek.

“You may be 1500 years old, but I still feel like I’d be taking advantage of you.”

“So, it’s not because I’m not human, then…?”

“I’ve never considered myself a racist…!”

L’Kira snuggled up against me, her head resting on my chest. I just stroked her hair until we both fell asleep again…

Next morning, we had a long talk about our ‘relationship’ over breakfast.

As I explained how others may view us being together, using what Grace had said as a partial example, L’Kira’s eyes went wider and wider.

“Your people do have some strange prejudices, don’t they?”, she said.

“No, it’s all about exploitation, and taking advantage of innocence”, I said.

“I understand, now”, she said. “However, I refuse to stop loving you.”

“You’re biased”, I said, with a smile.

People were talking, however.

Finally, after one particularly snide remark when we were out to dinner, L’Kira had had enough.

“You really have no idea who I am, do you?”, she said, indignantly. “Let me show you…!”

Before I could stop her, she ripped off the long dress she was wearing.

Underneath, she was once again dressed in her Egyptian finery.

She gestured with her hands. The other diners watched in amazement as a small cloud began to form, near the ceiling of the restaurant.

“I am L’Kira T’Bei!”, she said. “The Infinite Pharoah. 1500 years old, and infinitely powerful.”

She smiled, wickedly. “I’m also seriously pissed off…!”

The thunder echoed around the restaurant, and rain fell from the cloud, drenching only the man who had made the comment. Some lightning also flashed.

L’Kira clicked her fingers, and everything vanished. The only aftermath of everything was the drenched man.

“Any questions?”, she said, sweetly.

The rest of the customers erupted in applause. They all thought it was a magic trick, put on for their benefit…

L’Kira just smiled…

Afterward, women came over, both to chat and to compliment L’Kira on her outfit. She was now really looking like the absolute goddess that she was…

“Sorry about that…”, she said to me sheepishly, as we put our coats on and left. “I couldn’t help myself. I was always known for having a bit of a temper…!”

“My little Egyptian firebrand”, I said, giving her a cuddle.

“I wish I was back home”, she said. “Can we go home?”

“We are going home”, I said, “back to the hall.”

“No, Egypt”, she said. “Over there I’d get treated much better than I do here…”

“I thought you didn’t like modern Egypt”, I said.

“I was wrong”, she said. “You saw the way Santas treated me, with proper respect. None of this verbal fencing that goes on over here. Also, we could be together properly. Nobody would dream of disrespecting me…”

I went quiet. What L’Kira was saying had a lot of merit. I’d felt more at home in Egypt, lately…

A few weeks later, the paperwork all done, we left.

The Hall was shuttered and sold; I’d never be coming back to it. It turned out L’Kira had more ‘pull’ in Egypt than even she knew. Thanks at least in part to Santas, word had quickly spread…

I had been given a position at the local University, teaching Archaeology and Ancient Egyptian, as well as having the services of my very experienced teaching assistant…

When the University heard that L’Kira T’Bei was joining them, they were overjoyed. They, and we, never ran short of funding again…

All L’Kira had to do was walk down a street.

People gave all sorts of things to her; food, clothing, jewellery, anything, just to get her blessing.

Someone did try to attack her; she never needed to defend herself, however, as one of Santas’ extended ‘gang’ soon took care of the threat. She nodded to the man that had done so, and he smiled radiantly back.

She felt loved again; she was home; she was happy.

Every night, though, she still came home to me…

“You’ve given up everything for me”, she said. “How can I thank you?”

“I’ve not lost anything”, I said. “I’ve gained all this. Also, I’ve got the company of a living, Infinite Pharoah. What could be better than that?”

I smiled as this Infinite Pharoah, with all her power at her disposal, curled up in my arms and went to sleep…