The Paralysis Shot

   Towards the end of the third month, Sara came into Leah's room grinning.

   “Do you want to stay in another month?” She sounded hopeful.

   “Yes, I think… I do, if you'll keep … caring for me. It's comforting… in here and I like you … taking care of me.” Leah answered.

   “I thought you'd say that,” Sara said. “I have a proposal for you. I've been doing some research online and I've found a doctor who is willing to give you a shot in your spine at the C1 vertebrae to temporarily paralyze you and make you a real ventilator dependent quadriplegic. You would get the full experience for about a month. You would, of course, lose the ability to speak but you’ve gotten so good with your tongue control that using your iPad to speak should be easy. You’d also need to have a feeding tube inserted since your swallowing may be affected. What do you think?”

   Getting to experience being truly being paralyzed as a real quadriplegic? It sounded wonderful, she hadn't done anything herself for the last three months so why not give it a real shot.

   “Yay, let's … do it!” Leah said without hesitation.

   “Great, I already made an appointment for later this week.” Sara said.

   The next few days seemed to drag as Leah got more and more excited about getting to experience being a real quadriplegic. The thought of getting to experience real quadriplegia, needing a feeding tube, not even being able to speak and having to use her iPad to communicate. Not being able to feel her body, Sara changing her diaper, manually evacuating her bowels, nor the warmth of the shower water on her body. It was so exciting.

   The morning before the appointment, Sara came in with two wrapped boxes. “I have two presents for you,” she said, grinning. “I guess I’ll have to open them for you.” Leah smiled. Sara tore off the wrapping paper off the first box and opened it. She pulled out two pairs of molded armrests for Leah’s wheelchairs. “They will secure your arms and hands better. Once you're a true quadriplegic you will need to have them well cradled.” The new armrests had an additional strap so Leah’s arms would now be secured both just below her elbows and at her wrists instead of just across her forearms.

   Setting the armrests aside, Sara reached into the box and pulled out two sets molded leg rests. “These will hold your legs and feet better since you will be unable to feel if they were dragging.” Similar to the new armrests, these new leg rests added a strap. Instead of a single strap just below her knees there would now be a strap at her ankles and one above her knees running across her thighs.

   “And finally, these will help with positioning you in your wheelchairs.” Sara said, reaching into the box again and pulled out several padded posts and two more straps. “One post will fit between your legs against your crotch and one under each armpit to help keep you from slipping down while I am positioning you and strapping you in. We will also add this strap that goes across your waist in addition to the one that goes across you chest below your breasts.” Sara grinned.

   Leah watched in her mirror as Sara installed her new armrests, legrests, posts, and straps on both of her wheelchairs.

   “I want to… try them out,” Leah said, eagerly. Sara removed her from her iron lung and used the lift to maneuver her into her power wheelchair. Sara arranged Leah’s body and strapped her in. Leah rolled herself over in front of the mirrored closet doors.

   “Oh, I love … them,” Leah said. “I look so much… more crippled.” The two posts protruded from under each of Leah’s armpits and her thin, frail arms fit nicely into the molded arm trays. The palms of Leah’s curled hands rested on raised bumps with her fingers fitting into their molded contours. The seat post was visible between her legs firmly against her crotch. Her skinny legs fit nicely into the contours of the new leg rests. She loved the extra straps holding her securely into her wheelchair. She couldn’t wait to be paralyzed. She turned her wheelchair back to Sara.

   “And the … other present?” Leah asked.

   Sara unwrapped the second box. She pulled out a new iPad and a holder to attach it to Leah’s power wheelchair.

   “Since you will need to communicate with me when you are in your wheelchair, this new iPad will allow you to.” Sara said. “But you don’t get to try it until after the shot. I want you to only begin learning how to communicate once you are actually paralyzed.

   The morning of the appointment arrived. Sara came in and did Leah's morning routine. After she finished, she flipped the switch and removed Leah from her iron lung and dressed her. As had become normal, Leah was unable to draw enough breath without a ventilator. Thankfully Sara was fast and quickly finished putting Leah's top on. She attached the cuirass and turned it on. Air rushed into Leah's lungs. Sara used the lift to move Leah to the wheelchair. Sara attached the iPad to its holder but didn’t turn it on. Leah rolled herself out to the van. After securing Leah safely in the back of the van, Sara drove them to a small clinic outside of town.

   When they arrived they were ushered inside and down a hall to an exam room. The doctor came in and introduced himself as Dr. Smith.

   “So Leah, Sara tells me you two are doing a little experiment and want to make it more realistic.” said Dr. Smith.

   “Yes, I've been … living in an iron lung… and pretending to be a … ventilator dependent quadriplegic …. for three months now. I …. have essentially already become… dependent on my ventilators … and Sara says you can … help me experience … actually being paralyzed.” Leah answered.

   “Yes, we can give you a shot in your spinal cord that will temporarily paralyze you to various degrees depending on where we administer it,” he said. “As you’ve said, you have already become dependent on ventilators to breathe for you and it looks like you have already lost a good deal of muscle mass from not moving. I must warn you that the longer you continue this the longer it will take and harder it will be for your body to return to normal when your experiment is over. Sara says she has been regularly exercising you so that should help you when you want to go back to normal. I do recommend that you add a standing frame glider to your exercise routine. In regards to your bladder needs, I know you like wearing diapers but I would recommend we switch you to a suprapubic catheter instead of your current foley catheter since it lowers your risk of bladder infection and lessens the chance of damaging your bladder sphincter permanently. You should keep wearing diapers however since you still might leak from your urethra. You will also need a feeding tube since your ability to swallow may be affected. Most importantly once you are paralyzed, you will need to watch carefully for autonomic dysreflexia, or high blood pressure. I'm willing to give you this shot partly because you have such a devoted caretaker.”

   “Please, I want … the shot as high as… possible. I want to experience … having my body be… completely paralyzed.” Leah said smiling at Sara. Sara smiled back and nodded in agreement.

   “You do realize that you will lose the ability to speak?” the doctor asked.

   “Yes, I am already … set up to use my … iPad to speak.” Leah said.

   “All right then. I see you will be in capable hands. He stood up and called a nurse. She came in carrying a tray with a small bottle and a syringe on it. The nurse helped Sara unstrap Leah's head, arms and chest and lay her forward, exposing her neck to the doctor.

   “We are going to give you the shot at your C1 which is as high as possible. You will be completely paralyzed from the neck down and will require a ventilator and full care. Is that what you want?” The doctor asked.

   “Yes,” Leah and Sara said in unison.

   “Alright then.” said the doctor and Leah felt the sting of the needle entering her spine. She felt a burning sensation in her neck.

   “It'll take a few minutes for you to lose all feeling.” said the doctor. “Once you are paralyzed we can implant your suprapubic catheter and your feeding tube.”

   The nurse and Sara gently unstrapped Leah, moved her to the operating table and strapped her down. Leah realized that she already couldn't feel her lower legs nor could she feel the straps being tightened around her wrists. Slowly but surely the loss of sensation moved up her body. She realized suddenly the feeling of her chest rising and falling with the steady in and out of the ventilator was gone. After fifteen minutes or so the doctor began to probe her body all over, Leah couldn't feel anything below her neck. When a finger was traced down her cheek to her shoulder the feeling just vanished past the point of her paralysis. It was both strange and wonderful, she knew her body was there but it just wasn't. Leah was elated, she was totally paralyzed, a true quadriplegic, no longer pretending. She was utterly helpless; she couldn't breathe without her ventilators and would be totally reliant on Sara to provide all of her care.

   “Alright,” said the doctor. “You are temporarily paralyzed. Let’s get your suprapubic catheter and your feeding tube inserted.” Sara and the nurse quickly stripped Leah naked. While they were working, the doctor kindly positioned the large mirror that hung over the table positioned so Leah could see what was going on. She watched as the nurse clipped the end of her foley catheter and gently pulled it out of her urethra and Leah realized with a start that she hadn’t felt it. Leah watched as the nurse gently sterilized her lower pelvis area. Over the next 30 minutes, she watched as the doctor surgically created her suprapubic catheter introitus an inch or so above her pubic mound. Once finished, he inserted the catheter through it into her bladder and clipped it off. Next, he created her feeding tube introitus on the left side of her stomach. He inserted the tube into her stomach through the hole and plugged it shut.

   “All done,” said the doctor. “Feeling will probably begin to return in three to four weeks. Between now and then you will be totally dependent on a ventilator and your caregiver.”

   Sara and the nurse carefully diapered and dressed Leah and moved her back into her wheelchair. They strapped her arms, chest, and head to her wheelchair. She hadn’t had a lot of, if any, control of her body left but she would really need to be strapped in now. Next Sara attached a urine collection bag to the side of Leah’s wheelchair, connected it to her suprapubic catheter and unclipped it. Leah realized it would always be there in the open for anyone to see. In a weird way, it excited her.
Leah opened her mouth to thank the doctor but nothing came out. Her ability to speak was gone. Seeing her trying to speak, Sara turned on her iPad. Leah opened the speech program and using her tongue control, carefully and slowly typed out what she wanted to say.
“THANK YOU.” Leah said.

   “You’re welcome,” he said.

   With that, they headed home. When they arrived home, Leah rolled back into the bedroom.

   “I WANT TO GET IN MY IRON LUNG,” Leah said.

   “Okay, I'll put you back in and go get your nutrient fluid and then make my lunch. After lunch we need to do you exercises since we didn't do them this morning. It's really important that we do them now since you won't be having any involuntary micro muscle movements and atrophy will really accelerate now. I’ll order a standing frame glider so we can add that to your routine.” Sara said as she pulled the iron lung’s bed out. “Won't be needing these anymore,” Sara continued, removing the restraining straps.

   She removed Leah's shoes from her unfeeling feet and removed her thigh highs. She clipped it off Leah’s suprapubic catheter and disconnected it from the already partly full urine collection bag hanging from her wheelchair. She unstrapped Leah from the wheelchair and using the lift, moved her to the bed. Leah marveled at how her unfeeling body looked just hanging there limply. Once on the bed Sara removed her skirt and put a fresh diaper on her. It was weird, Leah knew Sara was down there, knew she was being touched, but she of course couldn't feel it. Sara removed the cuirass and Leah's shirt and fixed the iron lung’s gasket around her neck. She slid Leah back into her iron lung and flipped the switch and the whoosh of air began. She opened the dresser drawer and removed a new urine collection bag. She hung it from the side of Leah’s iron lung and fed the line through one of the previously unused line ports. She opened the big port and reached through and connected the bag to Leah’s suprapubic catheter.

   Sara left to go get Leah’s nutrient fluid and Leah was left there, her unfeeling body encased in her iron lung. She could just feel the gasket around her neck and then nothing of her paralyzed body. In an odd way, she didn't really feel that she had lost anything or that her body was missing. It felt very comfortable and natural.

   Sara returned with an iv stand and a bag of nutrient fluid. She rolled the stand next to Leah’s iron lung and hung the bag on it. She threaded the tube through another of the line ports and reaching through the big port attached it to Leah’s feeding tube. She unclipped the line and the fluid began to slowly flow into Leah’s stomach. Leah knew this was how she was going to eat while she was actually paralyzed as she could no longer chew and swallow. She decided that missing food was a small price to pay for actually getting to be paralyzed.

   Sara left to go get her lunch and returned to eat it while Leah’s bag emptied. Once Leah’s bag was empty Sara then declared they had to do a manual bowel evacuation before exercising. Sara inserted Leah’s suppository and left to clean up her lunch and allow it to work. When she returned Sara went through the now familiar routine of removing Leah from her iron lung and putting her cuirass on her. Sara donned gloves and began Leah's manual bowel evacuation. Leah of course couldn't feel Sara's finger push against her anus and into her rectum, couldn’t feel the finger begin sweeping nor her body being massaged from the outside to clear her bowels. While she was excited to be experiencing true paralysis, she was startled to realize that in a weird way she would sort of miss the feeling of having her bowels manually evacuated. It had been a reminder of her helplessness.

   Sara finished Leah’s manual bowel evacuation and put a clean diaper on her. She clipped off Leah’s suprapubic catheter and and they were ready for Leah's exercises. Using the lift, Sara maneuvered Leah onto the floor mats. Leah marveled as Sara manipulated her unfeeling body. After thirty minutes of stretching and massaging, Sara transferred Leah onto the leg bicycle and strapped her in. Leah loved how her body looked so limp as the machines worked. After thirty minutes on legs, it was thirty minutes on arms.

   Finished with the exercises, Sara put Leah back into her iron lung after changing her diaper since she had leaked quite a bit from the exercising. Sara left and returned with a nutrient bag and hooked it up to Leah’s feeding tube. Sara left to prepare her own dinner. After dinner Sara did her manual bowel evacuation, read to her, changed her diaper and emptied her urine collection bag. Sara left and Leah fell asleep for her first night as a real ventilator dependent quadriplegic.

   That night, when Sara came in to check on her and go about her usual masturbation routine, Leah realized she wouldn't be feeling the usual buildup of heat between her legs for the next month. As Sara continued, Leah decided she wouldn’t actually miss the feeling and the frustration that it entailed. Sara finished and quietly crept out.

   The next day was a bath day and they went about it in the usual way. Leah had her morning bag of nutrients via her feeding tube while Sara ate her own breakfast. Sara inserted Leah’s suppository into her rectum and left to clean up her breakfast. When she returned she clipped off Leah’s suprapubic catheter, removed her from her iron lung, and lifted Leah in to her transfer wheelchair. They did Leah’s secretion clearance and cough routine and then Sara moved her into her shower chair. She had a good view of her body in her shower chair.

   She loved her crippled body, her frail, thinning arms and legs, her curled hands. She realized she was beginning to get the pudgy belly of a real quadriplegic and loved seeing her feeding tube and her suprapubic catheter coming out of it. Leah watched in fascination as Sara went about her manual bowel evacuation. Leah was really loving watching things happen to her body and not be able to feel it.

   The warm water of the shower felt good on her head and face but it was odd to have the warm feeling just vanish at her neck. She watched as Sara shaved her unfeeling genitals.
Since her standing frame glider was due to arrive later in the day, Sara declared they would do Leah’s exercises after it was delivered. She moved Leah back to her iron lung.
After lunch, the delivery company brought her standing frame glider and set it up. Sara removed Leah from her iron lung and after stretching and massaging her on the floor, she maneuvered Leah over to the new exercise machine.

   “This will simulate walking and improve your chances of being able to return to normal.” Sara said. She laid the bed of the glider down and transferred Leah to it. She securely strapped her in and the whole thing tipped upright. Sara secured Leah’s arms onto the trays in front of her and for the first time in many months, Leah was in a standing position. Sara flipped the switch on the machine and it began moving Leah’s legs back and forth in a walking motion. With the addition of this new machine her time on each machine would be twenty minutes to keep her total exercise routine at an hour and a half. After the glider, she did her time on her other machines and then Sara returned her to her iron lung.

   Leah's world shrank and the days passed happily. When not reminded of her paralyzed body she began to almost forgot it was there. It was exciting to be reminded of it by her secretion clearance and cough routine, her catheterizations and manual bowel evacuations, and exercises or bathes that she couldn't feel. She was even coming to love her feeding tube, since it was such a reminder of her helplessness that she couldn’t even eat like a normal person. The pitying looks she got when they went out excited her even more, little did those people know she had actually voluntarily had herself paralyzed. She loved seeing people glance at her urine collection bag and then quickly look away embarrassed. She knew that Sara was really enjoying being her caregiver by the genuine smile on her face and how she tunelessly hummed to herself while performing Leah's care. Leah’s routines had become so normal that it didn't really faze either of them anymore just how personal and intimate Leah's required care was.