"Good evening everyone," the single and solitary figure of Miranda stood in center of the stage, her form-fitting tuxedo perfectly presented in the spotlight above her. She held her tophat in one hand, and crossed the other arm in front of her as she bowed. "Now that we have introduced this year's performance group, as well as all the little things that come with the show," she straightened up and grinned at the audience, "it turns out that because the Head took a year off, that makes ME the most senior member of the Club, and thus, I will be your MC for this evening's program."

She strutted around in a circle on the stage, letting everyone see her from all angles. "Now, for those of you who don't know, the first show of the year tends to be a bit of a power-play by the master of the night," she indicated herself with a hand to her chest. "I get to choose the performances, as well as any of the followups," she added. "But, I am nothing if not a gracious host and while I am certain that many of you will enjoy the next show, where I get to be victimized by the other members of the Club for your enjoyment - and mine - I decided to give the first choice of the evening to you, the audience. BEHOLD!"

She raised her voice and hand to the air, and the light shining down on her blinked out, allowing four more to light up. The audience stared in rapture as the other four members of the Club, Vella, Eden, Tracy and the every-mysterious Head, were all on display. They knelt on white platforms, with a white ridge between their legs, rising up and not yet touching them. They were all leaning forward, their arms held behind them by vice-like grips that held them above and below their elbows. "Ladies and Gentlemen of the audience!" Miranda proclaimed, "I shall give to you the vote of which lovely lady will be the first of the year! Will it be the eager and ready Eden?"

"Please!" Eden said with a wide grin as she shuffled back and forth within her restraints.

"Or will it be the timid, but willing Tracy?" Miranda circled behind each member as she spoke.

"Hello?" Tracy asked as she bravely faced the audience for the first time.

"Or perhaps the foreign and aloof Vella?" she ran a hand through the dark woman's white hair.

"Good evening," Vella said calmly.

"Or last, but not least? The Mysterious Club Head herself?"

The Head said nothing, but smiled knowingly.

"Each seat has a control with four buttons," Miranda said. "One, Two, Tree, and Four," she pointed to the women in the same order that they were introduced. "I will give you all a mere sixty seconds, starting now, to vote. At the end, the woman with the highest votes will be the first!" She stood between the four helpless women and waited silently as a clock ticked down on each of the voting controls. Miranda tilted her head back and forth in time with the ticking of the clock. "Five! Four! Three! Two! One!" She bowed as the countdown reached zero, and the lights went out on everyone else. "Now, when the lights come on," she said, the winner of your votes will be up!"

"What if there's a tie?" someone yelled out.

"Then I get creative!" Miranda replied! "And, LIGHTS!"

A brilliant white light poured out of the ceiling, blinding many with its brilliance before fading away. Front and center on the stage was the Club Head, still strapped into her device and facing forward. There were many sounds of appreciation for her predicament as Miranda stepped out of the darkness behind her. "Ah, it seems like they missed you!" she cooed as she leaned over the Head's back and put her hands on the Head's bound arms. "Do you think they really just wanted you back?"

"Well, I am back," the Head said calmly. "And don't worry, I'm sure you'll get yours as well," she promised without worry or concern.

"Oh, I know I will," Miranda confirmed as she pushed herself off the stand that presented the Head for the audience's pleasure and patience. "But first, you!" She stepped back off the small platform, and as soon as she was clear, there was no grand show, no presentation. A white plastic wall snapped upwards, between the Head's legs, and out her hear, vertically bisecting her with no warning and no hesitation. The divider started a good six inches in front of her nose, and ended behind her ass, it raised up from the mount under her, and a full foot over her head.

"YES!" Miranda cried out in joy as she reached forward and put her hands on the two braces that held the Head's arms. "YES!" she encouraged the audience on with her effort and voice and wrenched the two halves of the Head apart! The woman was split down the middle, her eyes and face wide with a grin as Miranda strutted between her two halves, now slightly angled toward each other. "YES!"

The audience applauded rapturously as Miranda pushed the Head first to the left, then to the right, dividing her even further from each other before turning her to face herself. "Tah-dah!" Miranda presented both halves to the audience with a pose between them, crossing her legs and raising her hands above her head. "By your command! Now, we shall take a small break while I get the next performance ready. Of course, feel free to come on up and examine this lovely woman for yourselves. Make sure there's no trick involved!" With that, she bowed, and the light went out over her.

-----

The lights rose on an otherwise empty stage. The Head had been pushed around and about for now, leaving the stage ready for the next performance. And into this void, Miranda and Vella strolled. They were mutually pushing a very large device that looked like a very large spread eagle. There was space for the whole body, and it was a good foot and a half deep. Across the front of it were slots to put sharp objects, from the top to the bottom, left to right. It was, to the audience, a very intimidating and very potentially brutal and sensual Iron Maiden. Perhaps even more.

Vella went to lock it into place as Miranda stepped forward to introduce it. "This is not what you think it is," she informed the audience. "I bet you are all thinking that lovely Vella here would be entrapped inside this cruel box, to be run through with so many swords, right?"

The audience agreed with her.

"Well, that's not the case! This is something that the Head brought back with her from her sabbatical," Miranda explained. "This," she elaborated further, is an auto-stabber!" she stepped back as Vella attached restraints to the front for a waist, for ankles and for wrists to support herself. "We're going to have so much fun with this when it's fully working," Miranda kept talking. "You see, when it's fully operational, we can set the swords," she gestured for Vella to step back, and the dark woman did, "to any sort of patter, or even random!" She reached into her hat and pulled out a remote control, which she clicked on.

Starting from the top, five blades emerged from within the device, and stayed there. Rolling down the whole device, twenty five formed the square for the head, then nine across and four down for the upper body, one high, but a dozen long for each of the arms. Two more rows of nine started on the lower half of the body that narrowed to 8, then 6, then 4, and then three at the corner of the legs. The legs themselves had 'L' shaped trios running down the length for a dozen iterations.

All of it was powered. All of it was automatic.

"Well, what do you think?" Miranda asked the woman who would soon be mounted on that machine.

"I think," Vella replied, "that it would exceedingly embarrassing for you if you missed me."

"For me or for you?" Miranda asked with a cocky grin on her face.

Vella looked back at the Auto-Spiker, then at Miranda. "You could always go first," she suggested. "I'm sure that they," she indicated the audience with a roll of the head, "wouldn't mind a little role reversal." As she spoke, the blades all retracted, leaving behind the grooved and perforated front surface.

"Ah-ah-ah!" Miranda waved the hand with the remote against Vella. "You know better than that, it's the first show!"

Vella shook her head sadly. "Very well, I suppose," she said as she took another look at the device. "Of course, it would be a shame," she offered, "If I was face-first on that."

"Damn straight!" Miranda agreed, as well as encouraging the audience to agree with her. "Face out, missy!"

"Very well," Vella capitulated to her demands and turned to put her back to the spread-eagle spiker. This allowed her to back up to it, pressing her back against the empty holes, some of which, true to her word, would completely avoid her if triggered. Miranda busied herself for a few moments to secure Vella into place, it wasn't hard as Vella was cooperative. Once that was done, Miranda stepped back, and allowed her handiwork to be seen by everyone else, Vella strapped to the machine and waiting patiently for everything to happen.

"Now," Miranda turned to her audience, "I've already given you all a choice to start this portion of the show, so I'm afraid that I'm going to have to take charge here," she held up the remote in the hand without the hat. "Ready!" She held the remote above her head, and pressed the button!

A single sharp blade pierced out of the box, and Vella craned her head to look down at it, then up at Miranda. "You missed," she stated with unimaginable flatness as the audience in their seats chuckled at the single blade that was now piercing out from between her legs. "You missed," she repeated as Miranda checked the remote and at the same time glared at Vella. "Are you sure you don't want to switch?" she asked.

"Oh shut up!" Miranda told her and slapped the remote. In response, a single blade speared out of the device, and out Vella's mouth! "Hah!" she cheered as Vella flexed her jaw around the blade and those with better views could see her tongue split down the middle. "How's that?"

"Eh," Vella replied around the blade, shrugging her shoulders in the process to indicate that she wasn't that impressed by the whole thing. Miranda replied by spinning around to have her back to her co-entertainer, allowing the audience to see her roll her eyes in annoyance.

"Some people," Miranda fiddled with the remote. "This is new," she admitted. "We haven't worked out the kinks yet."

"It is kinky," Vella added as she carefully enunciated her words. "More?"

Miranda groaned and tossed her hat into the air. As it flew up, she tossed the remote into it, causing it to vanish as she caught her hat and then displayed the inside to show it was empty. "Well, I guess this means using the manual controls on the back!" Miranda reached out with both hands and spun the whole contraption around. "Uh, where are the manual controls?" she asked aloud.

"Installed next Tuesday!" Someone yelled out from backstage. Tracy or Eden, people couldn't tell.

"If that's a reference to something, I'm going to change what I'm doing to you both!" Miranda yelled back. "Fine!" she spun Vella back around to face front. "We'll do this the first way!" As she proclaimed this to all, the first line of blades at the very top of the box emerged, each of them missing Vella's head. The next, however, didn't, as the line of five blades snapped outward, this time through her crown, the middle one out of her forehead. The third line went across the middle of her face, centered on her nose, and clipping her eyes. The fourth row already had the center blade outward, now the side four emerged through her cheeks and outside her face. The last row then emerged, crossing across her neck, spearing nothing as well.

Twenty five blades, and that was that.

Miranda threw back her head and screamed in annoyance to the stars above. "WHY?!?" she complained. "OK, screw this," she complained, perhaps falsely, as Vella seemed undisturbed by this turn of events. "I'm going to head back stage to make sure the next two things work properly," she put on bravado for the audience. "And while I'm gone, please enjoy the Head and Vella's presence. However," she started to walk back towards backstage, "touch as your own risk. I don't know if or when more blades will punch out." She bowed, and left the stage with one final word; "INTERMISSION!"