"I want to be your assistant."

"what"

"You heard me."  I did, actually. That was the problem.  I was headed home, and this woman comes up to me with an annoyed look on her face and made her demand.  She was pretty, in her own way. She looked pale, but that could be because of her blue eyes and the fact that it was winter and she was wearing a dark parka.

"At the train station isn't the best place to talk about this, you know." I pointed this out to deflect her question.  "Look, you obviously think you know what you're getting into, so why don't we ride up toward my workshop and we can talk."

That was apparently good enough for her.  "Jody," she introduced herself after we boarded the public transit train and headed north. She already knew who I was, so I didn't introduce myself.

"So," I said to pass the time.  Public transport was cheaper, but did tend to be slower.  "What the hell?"

"Look," she said.  More hissed.  "I said I would, so now I have to."

"You said you would." I invoked the time-honoured tradition of repeating important words or phrases to indicate that I wanted more information about it.

"It's a girl thing," she dismissed my efforts easily.  "Thing is, I got to help you out for a show, and that's that."

"You know what I do, right?" Sometimes you had to ask the obvious questions.

"You're a magician." She said.

I slapped my face.  "Oh great," I moaned.  "I think you've been had."

A more cross look went over her face. My stop was coming up, so I stood and waited for her to do the same. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not the kind of magician who does party favours and balloon animals," I told her as we stepped off. I do different things."

"What, like sawing a woman in half?" She huffed.

"Yeah, but..." I trailed off. "Look, my shop is a couple blocks up.  Come over, and I'll sit you down with a video of one of my performances last year.  That way you'll know what I'm talking about.  If you have the time?"

"Yeah. I do."

*  *  *

"WHAT THE FUCK?" she yelled after the video was done. It was only 30 minutes long.  I had shed my winter gear and was busy sipping my third hot chocolate (and watching her second cool) when she finally made her comment.

"Yep."

"You do that?"

"Yep."

"And they let you?"

"Everyone is an adult, and it's all consensual." I was not too quick to inform her. "Hell, most of them are are planning to come on up even before the show starts."

"And I asked to help with that?"

"Yep."

"Fuck me."

"No thank you." I replied. "Professional policy. Don't stick that in the assistants."

"Fuck you."

"Same problem."

"What the hell did I sign on for?"  She stood and started to pace angrily.

"Nothing, actually. I haven't accepted your offer, and you can walk away. No skin off my nose, or yours."  I tried to mollify her.

"No, I have to do this."

"You don't."  It was easy enough to counter her.

"Yes, I do!"

"Really?"  I had a personal rule. Three times, and that's it. They say something that many times, they're likely to stick to it.  After that..?  Well, them's the breaks.

"I said I would, and I will."  That was that then.  "I mean, how bad could it be?"

I gave her a look.  "You did watch the video, right?"

She nodded.  "Yeah.  But like hell I'm going to go back on my word."

I put down my drink.  "Alright then. We can do this a couple different ways.  First, I could show you a performance piece, have you go through it, like you would a real show.  Pros: You'll know what you're getting into. Cons: You'll be on stage the whole time."  I held up one finger.  "Second, you just go to the next show, and I randomly pick you as an audience volunteer.  Pros: Only one act. Cons: You won't have a clue what's going to happen, and no, I won't tell you ahead of time. I can't, as I won't know until it's too late. Oh, and the one act might not count for your end of whatever bargain you've struck."  A second finger.  "Three... We say you helped me. Out of town. Lie.  Pros: You do nothing. Cons: Lies have a way to be found out, and who knows that that will result in."

Jody thought about it.  "We'll do the first way," she said. "It's the least-bad option."

I gave a non-committal shrug. "Fine by me.  We'll start with something simple. Like a sawing in half. That'll give you a feel for what I - we'll be doing."

"Joy," she sighed.

"Hey, it could be worse." I tried to bring some levity to the conversation.  "And if you want, we can use that as your stage name.  That way people won't make the connection with who you are."

"That works?"

"I don't get accosted everyday, you know," I informed her.  "But yeah, it works well enough.  So, sawing in half."  I sighed, and rolled my neck. This next part was going to be... interesting.  "I'll need you to strip down."

"Fine." She agreed as she began to pull her shirt up.

"You're just agreeing?" I was caught off guard by the change in her attitude.

"Yeah. Fuck it, but I agreed.  And I saw the video." Her shirt was off, showing off another one underneath. It was winter, so dressing in layers was natural. "Anyone who gets on your stage usually ends up in the buff anyways."

"Yeah, that does seem like a common occurrence," I agreed as I turned to pick out the proper set piece. I knew just the thing.  "When you're done, I'll be over there," I pointed at an open, raised area that was surrounded by mirrors.

I grabbed the prop I wanted, and returned to find Jody - no, Joy waiting for me.  Now that I had a good look at her, I could see why someone tried to get her to promise to be in one of my shows. With long black hair, and piercing eyes, she had a certain degree of not-wanting-to-be-here that would serve to attract many people in the audience.  She was there in white underwear, a simple shirt and panties. She kept her socks on, an understandable choice all things considered.

Yet, her nipples were hard. Though if it was from the cold, the excitement, or something else, I couldn't tell.

"Is that it?" she asked. "It doesn't look like much."

"No, it doesn't. And that's the point," I confirm.  The prop was something the volunteer would stand in, a flat board to which he or she would be strapped in at their arms and legs. At the middle, where the waist would be, was a thin gap supported at the back by a certain apparatus.

"So, I just step up to it."  It was not a question, but an observation.  I nodded, and stepped back and let her examine the prop.  She turned around and lined herself up, leaning over to tie her legs in place before returning to an upright position.  She reached across, and tied her left hand into position before looking at me.

I knew what she wanted and quickly slipped her right arm into place.  "Now what do you do?" she asked.

"Well, I'm not going to do something loud," I informed her. "This is a demonstration, and I don't need to impress you with my tools."

"Says the guy who doesn't do anything to his helpless assistants," she barbed at me.  I didn't take the bait.

"Of course not. It's impolite."  Instead I reached into the side of the prop and pulled out a long metal blade.  "This," I said to Joy, "is going to cut you in half."

"Fine," she said.

I went 'behind' the prop, and turned the whole thing around so Joy could see herself in one of the mirrored surfaces. Once I was satisfied with the angle, I took the blade and lined it up halfway mark of the gap, a little notch to help things along.  Without warning, I pushed it through her.  She gasped.  Without saying anything, or checking on her condition, I moved on to the next part of the performance.

The blade wasn't.  What it was, was a thin sheet of metal folded and hinged in a way only magic could do.  I pulled it outwards to each side, cutting Joy in half from the inside out.  I did this until I could attach the ends of the long sheet to the edges of the board she was strapped to.

Then I walked around front.  "How do you feel?"

"Like... weird..?"  Joy was looking down at where her shirt was raised up by the blade. "I mean, I see it, I feel it, but ... what..?"

It was like that for some people. Their minds refused to accept the altered reality.  But there was one nice way to get through that.

I went back behind the prop, and pulled.  The counter-weights moved, and Joy's top half went to the right while her bottom went to the left.  I kept moving the halves until there was enough of a gap for me to lean in between them.

"Well?" I asked as I did exactly that. "What do you think?"

"Holy shit!"

"That too."

Joy looked at me with a glare.  "You know what?  Fine.  But I have a condition."

"Almost anything," I said. There were lines I wouldn't cross. "Name it."

She did.

I agreed.

Now I had to plan a show where I could depend on an assistant the whole time.  That would be different.  What to do..?  What to do..?