by grapehyacinth

“Apprentice? Who takes apprentices anymore? I haven't taken students for decades!”

“Aldous, it's Tommy, the farmer's little nephew! You said he showed great promise!”

“Maybe planting corn.”

Cora frowned at her husband. “You said he has innate magical abilities just waiting to be awakened.”

“Sure, but why do I have to be the one to awaken them?”

His wife locked eyes with him. “Because I asked you to.”

Aldous gulped. No matter how powerful of a wizard he was, his wife reigned supreme. Her word was law.

“Send him by.”

Cora led fifteen-year-old Tommy Burns into her husband's study. “Tommy's here, Aldous!” she sang out.

The wizard stood up from an ancient desk and regarded the boy, clicking his tongue. “Tommy, I'll get right to the point.  Why do you want to study the magical arts?”

The scruffy teen muttered, “Because I need a job?”

Aldous rolled his eyes. “So go over to 7-Eleven or something.”

Then the wizard caught his wife's threatening glare.

“Aldous, Tommy is very interested in learning with you. He'd like to be able to help his family. His Uncle Ross is having trouble with the crops, and they're worried they'll have to sell the farm.”

The wizard's mouth fell open. “We can't let that happen! They'll build another housing development there then! They're always building more and more! It's like, 'If wishes were houses'...”

Cora sighed. “Whatever you're talking about is beyond me, Aldous. You get to work with Tommy. I'll bring you both in some cookies or something.” She walked out, leaving the boy and the wizard to blink at each other.

“Are you going to help clean up around here too, like Mickey Mouse, or am I just teaching you?” grumbled Aldous, sitting back down at the desk.

Tommy, who had started to peruse the books in a nearby bookcase, looked back at him. “Don't know.”

“Hmm.” Aldous immediately rose to see what book Tommy had chosen.

“'An Introduction to Transformation!' Let's do this first!” Tommy cried excitedly. “I want to be a tiger so I can go scare my sister!”

Aldous removed the book from his hand and placed it back on the shelf. “Let's not do this first. Let's discuss the basics of magic, and how we practice it.”

“But that's boring!”

“No it's not!” Aldous said, getting frustrated. “No matter how powerful you are, if you don't focus properly, the results might not be what you planned!”

“You mean, like casting a spell?”

“Well, yes, but a spell really serves to hone your mind in on what you're trying to accomplish. Words have no power. You simply use them to focus your mind.”

“So what's with all the potions and stuff on your shelves?” Tommy recited some of the labels aloud: “'gen. Transform', 'healing', 'objects', 'miscellaneous'? What's a 'miscellaneous'?”

“Some potions can help you focus, others do all the work for you. Take a sip of 'miscellaneous', and you become whatever your subconscious pulls up...or maybe it's just anything at all. I still think it pulls from your subconscious. Last time I used it, I turned into a dishrag, and my wife used me to...” He snapped his mouth shut as Tommy began to laugh.

“Not funny. Now shut up and learn or I'll turn you into a chair.”

After the old wizard rattled off a long history of magic and the rules that every wizard lived by, he glanced out the window. “It's getting late. Don't you have school tomorrow?”

“No, tomorrow's Saturday. I'm kinda thirsty, though. You have anything to drink?”

“Aldous, come here and get some drinks for you two,” Cora called from the kitchen.

“X-ray hearing, that woman has,” the wizard mumbled. “Stay here,” he demanded, and walked out of the room.

Tommy immediately took advantage of being alone in a wizard's private study. “This is crap. Why spend hours of my life listening to this old guy when I can just say one stupid spell and make my uncle rich?” He pulled out the transformation book and flipped through the pages.

“'Learn to hone your innate skills so you will never need another transformation potion',” Tommy read aloud. Quickly, he forced the book back between the others on the shelf. “Who needs to learn anything? I just need to transform the farm into a money-maker, that's all. Then I won't have to deal with the angry old wizard, or learning more stuff.”

He grabbed the dusty “gen. Transform” bottle from the shelf. “I hope it doesn't poison me,” he muttered and took a swig, being careful to place it back where it had been. Then he rubbed his stomach. “Tingly,” he noted.

Aldous came back in. “Here's water. I think we'll call it a night.”

Tommy took the bottle of spring water but did not open it. “I'll be on my way. Thanks.”

Then he went directly to his uncle's farm.

He stood in the unproductive pumpkin field, snippets of the early October sunset still coloring the sky. His body quaked, and he felt incredibly strong. That had to be the magic running all through him, allowing him to work his will. Now was the time.

“I will make this farm lots of money. I'll make it famous, and everyone will come to it from all over the country!”

A feeling came over him, like a million bubbles popping through his body. The water bottle dropped from his grip.

“Damn! That stuff is powerful!” he exclaimed, grabbing at himself in several embarrassing places. “Oo! That's...”

All at once, his body stiffened. Of their own accord, his arms crashed to his sides, and his legs clamped together. He lost his balance and tumbled into the pumpkin patch.

“What the hell is this? I can hardly move! Maybe I was poisoned!”

His limbs began to tingle to the point of numbness. “Why do I feel like my legs are...merging?” he whimpered, getting nervous. “Why would he have poison...oh, God! Am I going to be paralyzed for life?”

Something slithered in the brush beside him, but his neck was too stiff to be able turn and see what it was.

Then the “something” touched his head.

“Hell!” he cried. “Get off! What is that? A snake? It's...trying to bite me...it's...”

The same merging sensation he had experienced in his legs now plagued him in the middle of his scalp. A sudden downward pressure into his head expressed an unexplainable river of good feelings that quickly poured through his body, and he calmed down.

“Ah,” he drooled, “It's...so....nice...”

All around his body, a pressure pushed inward, and he was forced to curl up into a ball. Weakly, he tried to fight the pushing, but no part of him obeyed his wishes.

Now that he was a tight sphere, he could finally view the rest of himself. “Am I...turning orange?” he breathed. “Where did my clothes go? What is going on? I'm trying to change the farm! What's going on with me?”

And then his fate dawned on him. The parallel lines appearing all over him only served to prove it...

“I'm turning into a pumpkin! Oh, no! I can't! They'll eat me! They'll carve me for Halloween and make me pumpkin pie and roast my seeds and–”

The pressure returned on his scalp, and the feel-good molecules came back. And this time, a new connection was established. Suddenly, Tommy was part of something bigger.

“Whoa...” he breathed. “I'm everywhere...I'm becoming a pumpkin, but my stalk connects me to this huge plant...and there's other pumpkins on it... This must be what it's like to be on drugs...wowww...”

He no longer possessed limbs or an abdomen. Every part of him had coalesced into a bright orange ball which was now softening on the insides.

“Holy crap. I'm going to be the best pumpkin ever!” Tommy exclaimed dreamily, and sighed in bliss as the last bits of his body became a gourd.

By now it was completely dark out. Happily ensconced amongst the greenery, Tommy wished he could feel the warmth of the sun on his thick skin. Being essentially a living object was the weirdest thing ever – he couldn't move or breathe in the conventional sense, but it didn't matter. He didn't need to. And who knew pumpkins could see? He didn't have eyes, but he could see all around him as clear as day. Aldous' wizard magic was amazing! Somehow he could hear, he could feel...

And it felt so good to be round, just relaxing here on the soft earth of Uncle Ross's field. His uncle took such good care of his plants.

Uncle Ross! Tommy was suddenly seized with fear. What will he do when he finds a new pumpkin? Do I look any different than the other duds out here?

What will everyone think since I didn't come home last night? Mom and Dad will be hysterical!

Tommy's worry became so great that his pumpkin body began to shudder slightly.

Wizard! Mr. Aldous! Help me! Get me out of here! I accidentally turned myself into a pumpkin! Am I stuck like this forever?

And then the worst possibility... Will someone eat me?

Visions of people slicing him up and boiling him left him cold. Even though the reassuring pressure of his stem was still there, there were no feel-good molecules coming though. In fact, his plant wasn't delivering anything at all. Perhaps because the sun wasn't out?

Yes, that's it. I need the sun because I'm part of a plant. I'll feel better in the morning, and Aldous will find me because he's a wizard.

Somehow, the little pumpkin fell asleep.

“Look at THIS!”

The words plus a tap on his side awoke Tommy. For a moment, he panicked, rocking slightly.

Where am I... He paused, letting his mind wrap itself around the fact that he was now a spherical object. It's real! I'm a pumpkin! Oh, my God! Help me! I don't want to be a jack o'lantern!

Then his parent plant delivered him some nutrients.

Ah, I feel so good. I love my new body...

“Where did it come from? We had all these little cruddy pumpkins! I didn't see it before!” Someone picked him up while carefully securing his stem to his side.

Thank God, I need that stem. It's my lifeline.

“It grew! Overnight! I can't understand it! And it's basically ripe already!”

Uncle Ross was holding him!

Uncle Ross! Didn't I turn out nice? I'm a prize pumpkin for you!

“Could be a winner,” uttered Bates, one of the farmworkers who stood nearby.

“Yeah, in what? The two-pound contest? They're looking for hundred-pounders, not this garbage!”

Tommy, insulted, was placed carefully back on the ground.

“Go to hell, Harley,” Uncle Ross answered back the second worker who stood behind Bates. “It's the best we have.”

“No contests for you, though.”

“Oh, get lost, you bastard,” was his Uncle's response.

Harley walked off. Tommy felt the vibrations of his footsteps in the very earth.

“What's with you, Ross?”

“Oh, my nephew – my brother's son – didn't come back home last night. He's never done that, and no one's heard from him.”

Uncle Ross! Uncle Ross! I'm right here on the ground! I'm a pumpkin! Help me! Get Aldous to...aaahhhhhhh...delicious nutrients...

I love being a pumpkin for you, Uncle Ross...

As the day wore on, Tommy noticed a fluttering sensation within him. All kinds of goodies poured from his stem and now there was a slight outward pressure all around him.

When he felt himself bump up against another tiny pumpkin, it occurred to him what was happening.

I'm growing! he thought with delight. Oh, I hope I get huge!

Being on plant time, the minutes didn't matter. Hour after hour, his girth slowly expanded. It felt very nice.  

When the sun went down, a content, satiated Tommy fell asleep.

“This guy's a grower!! He grew inches over night! He's ripe and he's still growing!”

“Nice, but you don't have much time until the county pumpkin-judging.”

I'll grow for you, Uncle Ross! I'll be the hugest pumpkin ever! I'll make you famous!

And when the men walked off, Tommy realized – maybe his mistake might help the farm after all...

I'm growing...I'm growing...

Over the days, Tommy discovered that he could draw the nutrients from his stem at will. This seemed to sap strength from the rest of the plant, but it wasn't too concerning. The other pumpkins were duds here. He was the star of the show, and his plant should put every last bit of energy into making him incredible!

And each day, the men would come back, exclaiming at his growth and measuring him.

“We've got an entrant! We can compete this year!”

He loved the attention, which he'd never had as a human.

Not to mention the feeling of expanding was exhilarating.

Getting larger became an obsession to Tommy. Uncle Ross clearly grew more excited each day by Tommy's progress, which encouraged Tommy to push his squash-body to greater and greater lengths.

“Thing looks like it'll burst!” Harley pointed out in passing.

“You keep at it, guy! The world record for a pumpkin weight is 2624.6 pounds. If you get even half of that...” Ross whispered prayerfully.

I'll double it, Uncle Ross!

“Nice looking gourd,” Bates commented. He knocked against Tommy's side, resulting in an oddly-satisfying clunk. The vibrations inside him felt so nice that he grew several inches thicker on the spot.

By now, people frequently came by to gawk at him. They exclaimed over his size, and children would often climb on him, only to be pulled off by their parents or Uncle Ross. Secretly, he wished they would allow the children to stay. He liked that they were having fun with him. They had no idea that he was really a silly boy who did stupid, careless things. Now he was a magnificent gourd, and he was loved.

The large crowd parted one day to reveal several strangers carting a scale next to him. Tommy wondered how they would manage to get him on it.  

Uncle Ross hauled a young boy away as the child patted Tommy's smooth side.

“Please, son! You'll bruise it!”

“He feels nice,” the boy mentioned.

Uncle Ross gave him an strange look. “It's a pumpkin, boy! Out of the way!”

The boy winked in Tommy's direction and walked into the crowd.

Tommy beamed with pride. He must be such an attractive pumpkin! And he was so large, it took several men and much groaning to get him onto the scale.

“Don't damage that stem! We still have several days to the contest!” Uncle Ross cried.

The roar of the crowd fell to a hush as they waited for the results.

“2,323.8!” Harley proclaimed. “Hell, yeah!”

“Goddamn!” Uncle Ross yelled, and he stalked off.

2323.8? My God, I weigh over two thousand pounds?! I am the most amazing thing ever!

“What's Ross's problem? Just because he didn't break the world record doesn't mean he hasn't broken the town, county, state, and country records!!” Bates proclaimed, and the crowd cheered.

I'll break that record, Uncle Ross, resolved Tommy.

And as the crowds grew, and the farm became a media circus, Tommy's main purpose in life was to enlarge. There seemed to be no limit as to how big he could get, and the strength and contentment he pulled from his plant was wonderful.

Finally, the scale was hauled back, and it seemed the farm couldn't hold any more people. Many men helped to push him onto the scale. When he rolled slightly sideways, however, a huge jolt ran through him, and the crowd yelped.

“The stem!”

“It broke off!”

Uncle Ross came over and patted Tommy's side. “That's okay. He's nice and ripe. Always has been.”

But Tommy was in shock. He'd been cut off from his plant, and the pleasantness of nutrients suddenly had been ripped away. Oh, no! What should I do? Am I going to die as a pumpkin?

“2,899.1 pounds!! He broke the record!”

“Hooray!”

I broke the record?

“We gotta get the Guinness people here!”

I'm such a good pumpkin, Tommy admitted bashfully to himself.

Tommy was carted all around, and he loved it. After he was certified for the Guinness Book of World Records, he was returned back to Uncle Ross's farm to be on display.

And Aunt Veronica came out with Uncle Ross's saw.

Oh, God! No! Aunt Veronica, it's me! Tommy! Don't cut me up! I'm not a pumpkin! Please get the wizard to try to turn me back...

With a sickening thud, the saw burrowed into his prize-winning front, and Tommy braced for a pain that never arrived. The fact that his aunt had just cut a triangle out of his skin didn't hurt in the least.

The wizard-magic... he marveled. Wow, that's amazing. I would think it would kill me if someone cut me up, no matter what form I'm in.  

As his aunt cut him into an impressive jack-o'-lantern, he pondered Aldous' offer to teach him properly. If he ever could become a person again, maybe he would really study magic. He could even help other people through what he learned! Perhaps, by using whatever magic was keeping him from being killed, he could help sick people get out of pain!

Aunt Veronica placed a light inside of him and he proudly lit the night.

But some sadness remained, for it was Halloween. He did wish he were out with his friends – although they were probably up to no good like usual.

And sometime towards dawn, Tommy's very drunk friends piled into a car. Fish-tailing down the road, Tommy could see the headlights through the field. Soon they were aiming right towards him.

Oh, no, he whimpered to himself. Please, no. Don't...

And the car drew nearer, the boys yelling out the windows.

“Get it! Smash that bastard pumpkin!”

Aldous! Please help me!

The car met Tommy with such impact that he literally exploded. Pieces of him flew everywhere.

“YEAH!!” the driver screamed. “YEAH!”

But part of Tommy remained on the car, and somehow he could see that the other boys – Jed, Bram, and Chuck – had been knocked out. George, the driver, turned around and saw his friends at that moment.

“Damn, gotta get you guys to the hospital!” he cried drunkenly, and drove off.

In the quiet, Tommy lay broken, trying to cope with the oddity of being in several places at once. Damn, I'm everywhere, he thought to himself. Even in the hospital parking lot. Weird.

“So they plowed into you with a car, huh? Yeah, damned kids did that to me when my wife turned me into a snowman once.”

Who's talking to me?

Aldous appeared before him, hands on his hips.

“Boy, what a waste of good pumpkin puree. Cora could make so many pies out of you.”

Oh, Mr. Aldous, if you can hear me, am I going to rot away to nothing and become part of the soil?

“Well, you might make great compost... But why waste a tasty gourd like you on fixing up the dirt? Get yourself together and become a pumpkin pie!”

Tommy couldn't fight the wizard's power. All of him quickly pulled together and solidified into a round, semi-flat shape.  

He remained on the ground, giving a slight shudder as he settled into his new form.

Aldous picked him up and eyed him. “You like?”

Tommy sighed, shaking slightly. I guess it's better than being all over the place.  

“Good. Let's eat you.”

Aldous apparently had teleported them to his house, where the terrified pie sat on the kitchen table.

“Who's that, Aldous?” said his wife.

“That's Tommy! Didn't he come out nice?”

Cora glanced at him. “Nice golden crust. Smells delicious. He asked to be a pie? He's a brave one!”

I didn't ask to be a pie! Please! Don't eat me!

Cora looked up, frowning. “Aldous?”

“Oh, come on. Try it. It's fun! Give a wizard a little treat.” Aldous poked his finger into Tommy's center, making the pie shake.

But...but I'll get all digested and die and...

Cora stepped protectively in front of the table, shielding the pie from her husband. “Aldous, what did you do? Are you taunting the boy? Change him back at once!”

“I wasn't taunting...okay, I was, but... He's got to learn...”

“He's learned! He was a pumpkin, by God!”

Aldous grumbled something, and then suddenly Tommy's very being began to vibrate. He was growing, spreading out, becoming flesh and blood...

And then he lay on the kitchen table, clothed in the same clothes he had been in when he had first transformed.  

“Oh, thank you! Thank you!” he jumped down from the table, first hugging Cora, then Aldous.

“Yeah, yeah...” Aldous replied, swatting him away.

“How do you feel, dear?” Cora inquired. “Are you hungry? I'm often hungry when I change back from being something else for a while.”

Tommy remained silent for a moment, thinking. “Yes, I'm hungry, but,” he turned to Aldous, “you knew what happened to me?”

Aldous snorted. “Let me ask you this. Why would YOU drink a transformation potion if you wanted to change the FARM, you idiot? And honestly, you think I'm stupid enough to leave a punk like you alone with dangerous stuff? I've seen the Disney movies – stupid apprentices and all. I'm not that out of the loop.”

“Yes, Aldous even checked on you several times. In different forms, of course.”

“What?”

“Yeah,” the wizard smirked, “that boy that winked at you – that was me.”

The wizard turned himself into a child? How weird and yet amazing was that?! “So you really did know all along?”

“I knew you'd do something stupid.”

“So why did you let me?”

“It's part of the learning experience! I had to show you that you need to know the ins and outs of magic before you go creating disasters. Now are you ready to learn the right way?”

“Yes,” Tommy said meekly.

“Good. We'll start by turning you into a lawn mower. Mine is broken.”