A Potion Place Story

by grapehyacinth

There it was, the tell-tale rub against his genie bottle. Carleton tried to ignore it, but there was no resisting the magical force that drew him forth...

“Damn it, I was watching 'Wild Nature: Outback Adventures'!” he spat angrily.

Dave, his very first 'master', studied him, unimpressed. “You get cable in there?”

“I get universal cable in there, my friend!” Carleton cried triumphantly.

Dave gaped at him in silence.

“Well, you know, that' s kind of a joke...” the genie explained in annoyance. Figures the first person that got hold of his bottle was kind of slow on the uptake.

“It's not that funny, dude.”

The two sat gazing at each other in silence.

“Why are you wearing that?” Dave finally asked.

Carleton looked down at the white undershirt and sweatpants he had donned. He had started out in shorts, but it got a bit airy in the bottle. Then again, he could probably heat it up in there if he wanted to. He was already creating rooms and making a home for himself inside. After all, he was going to be in there for at least twenty-five years.

He frowned at his undershirt. It did actually have a gravy stain on it. Not that this guy would care...“What's wrong with what I'm wearing? What's so bad about being comfortable?”

“Aren't genies supposed to wear all...flowy...Arabian Nights...stuff?”

“Why? I'm American.”

“Wow! An American genie?”

This seemed to floor the young man, and Carleton rolled his eyes. “Yes. And don't ask. I do not know Aladdin.”

“This is really your first time as a genie? What were you before?”

Now Carleton grew angry. How could anyone show him such disrespect? “What do you mean 'what were you'? Didn't Wintergreen tell you who I am?”

“Who's Wintergreen?”

“Shit,” Carleton sputtered. “The bastard who sold me to you? The stupid 'Potion Place' idiot guy?”

Dave looked blank. “No one said...”

“Oh, holy...God damn... I'm a great wizard! People listen to me! I'm Carleton!”

Dave took a moment. “Oh.” He nodded very slowly. “That's...um...good.”

The genie shook his head in disgust. “You have no idea who I am. Okay. Great.”

Carleton could already tell that dealing with this man was going to be quite an experience. He wanted to twist his three wishes into some horrible nightmare, but he knew full well that if he didn't follow the proper genie etiquette, he'd only be in more trouble. He might be stuck in the damned bottle for fifty years – or more.

He sighed, surrendering to his fate. “Okay, you know how this genie crap works. Three wishes, no wishing for more wishes–”

“Damn, I was going to do that!”

Carleton gave him a nasty glance for his interruption. “No harming anyone, no bringing back from the dead...”

“Hey, can you create zombies?”

“Zombies?” Carleton exclaimed, flabbergasted. “Dave, how old are you?”

“Twenty-eight.”

“Right.”

“Well, my birthday's in a month.”

“Ah, so after that, you'll become even more mature?”

There was a pause.

“Yes,” was Dave's completely serious reply.

Carleton coughed.

“Okay, if you haven't thought about what you want, let me know when you're ready. I'm missing my show.” Carleton began to turn to blue mist but Dave grabbed at his bottle, covering the open top with his hand.

“No, wait!”

Carleton re-formed, nominally interested in what Dave was about to say.

“So, you're kinda ugly...”

Now where was this going? “You're not so gorgeous yourself.”

“...And what man wants a male genie...”

Carleton blanched, realizing what might come next. “You can't...”

“So, remember 'I Dream of Jeannie', that show with Barbara Eden?”

“No...I...no...it's not...”

“I wish you looked and acted like her!”

Carleton couldn't protest or respond. The burden of being a genie overcame any resistance he had to granting his owner's wish, and he was swallowed up in his transformation. He was no stranger to transforming, nor was this the first time he had been female, but he had always preferred his natural gender. Being a woman was too sensual for him. And there was way too much upkeep involved.

Breasts were sprouting from his chest, his beer-belly had flattened to perfection – and for the first time in ages, he could see his belly button again. Only this time it was... Barbara Eden's.

He groaned as his body shrank and took on female proportions. A long blonde ponytail sprung from his head, weighing it down.

And the pink harem outfit... was truly...embarrassing.

“You...son of a bitch...” he seethed, only it came out as a chirpy soprano.

“Look...at her...” Dave whispered in awe. “She's perfect...” he spoke as if telling someone else of the amazing metamorphosis he had just brought on.

“Watch the pronouns! I am NOT a her!”

“You're a woman, aren't you?”

Carleton himself was confused. “No! I'm a man! I just LOOK like a woman!”

“Women are 'she's'. If a man changes gender, he prefers people to call him 'she' and treat him as the woman he wants to be!”

“You mean the woman SHE wants to be, then!”

“I turned you into a woman! You're a she!”

“I did the turning-into! And I'm a MAN!”

“Could have fooled me. Now make me dinner, Jeannie!”

Carleton bowed his head in defeat. The magic was forcing him to obey. “Yes, Master,” he murmured, and slunk away.

Carleton was no cook. “F these eggs,” he said, trying to add milk to the burned mess in the pan.

When this didn't work, he bobbed his head at the meal, his bouncy ponytail whacking him in the face.

“Damned hair,” he growled. Thankfully, the eggs magically became fluffy and perfect, and he dumped them into a plate.

“I'm a man,” he said out loud. “It's like I'm dressed up as woman for Halloween. I'm still a 'he'...But I sound like a woman...Oh, God, I'm wearing pink shoes...”

“Are you doing wizard spells?”

Dave's sudden appearance jarred him. “Wizard? I'm a genie now!”

“You just got all huffy about being a great wizard, now you're saying a genie.”

“Well, yeah,” Carleton grumbled, handing him the plate. “I'm kinda both.”

Dave glanced at the plate of eggs. “Who has eggs for dinner? Jeannie, I want turkey with stuffing and gravy and cranberry sauce...”

“I'll make you a turkey,” Carleton spat, slamming the plate to the counter and changing the eggs to a large, cooked bird. He only wished that Dave had phrased his demand as, 'make me a turkey'. Then he had every reason to turn the idiot into fowl. He'd probably be smarter that way...

“You can carve it yourself.”

“Uh, Jeannie, that's what you're supposed to do for me. I'm your master.”

“You didn't wish for your turkey to be carved!”

“No, but I did wish you to act like Jeannie. And she did everything for her master.”

“I'll be damned if I –” Whacking himself again in the head with his ponytail, he changed the bird to be cut and ready for eating. Which was good. He had no idea how to do it manually anyway.

“Dude, you want some food?”

Carleton heard Dave's bellowing from outside his bottle, and was tempted to ignore him, but genies had to answer their master...

“I have plenty in here.” Actually, he wasn't eating anything. The thought of being a sexy female genie was sickening him. He grimaced at his perfect heart-shaped face in a mirror he'd put up before. He hated that a sixties movie star was now his reflection, and he didn't need to be reminded of it.

The mirror quickly disappeared.

“Oh, come on out and eat. I could use a beautiful woman at my dinner table.”

“I'm a man and I'm not going anywhere –”

But the blue mist formed and pulled Carleton into one of the ratty chairs at Dave's table.

“Shit,” he uttered. “Hell.”

“Have a slice, dude.”

Carleton looked at the oily triangle in front of him in disgust. “Where'd you get this from? It's all...coagulated.”

“It's leftover from Luigi's. I buy a whole pie and freeze the leftovers. Then I microwave them for dinner. Every night,” he added, slightly embarrassed.

Carleton flipped his ponytail, smacking himself in the eye and cursing, but a steaming pizza now graced the table.

“At least have something decent,” he helped himself to a slice.

“Dude, I didn't wish for that!” Dave exclaimed in alarm.

“No,” Carleton cringed as the pizza singed his palate, “I did. And damn, that hurts!”

“Pizza burns suck.”

“Sure do.”

Dave gazed at him for a time.

“Are you sad that you're stuck in that bottle?”

Carleton chewed mechanically, pondering his question. “As a matter of fact, yes. It pisses me off, actually. What I was trying to do was noble, and instead, I was punished for it.”

“What were you trying to do?”

What was he trying to do? He thought back to the whole horrible experience of how he tried to show the magical community that Lance Wintergreen should not be selling potions to the non-magical masses. Especially transformation serums. It was asking for disaster.

“I was trying to stop Wintergreen from letting clueless people like you dabble in magic. I mean, look at what you've done to me! You made me look like a complete...floozy!” Carleton shook his gauzy pink pants angrily.

“I think you're gorgeous!” Dave ogled the genie longingly. “If I didn't know you're really a man, I mean...I wouldn't be able to keep myself off of you!” He jumped up, spilling a can of Diet Coke on the floor. “Hey, can you clean that?”

“Yes, Master,” Carleton was so quick to obey his master's request that he didn't have time to protest.

“Damn, look at what I've been reduced to,” he managed, dabbing at the mess. “Do you really need me to wear this horrible pink outfit? The top makes me cold, and–”

“You're Jeannie. That's what she wears.”

“The bright pink is obnoxious. Can't I at least make it blue?”

“No.”

Carleton continued to mutter under his breath as he finished cleaning the spill. Most of his comments were about what he wanted to do to Lance Wintergreen and how much of an asshole this Dave character was.

“Dave, you eat like crap but at you drink diet sodas.” Carleton placed the empty can back on the table. “You know that stuff is a crapload of chemicals that will probably give you cancer, right?” He threw the soda-soaked rag on the chair and took another slice of pizza.

“Tastes good, though.”

Carleton sat back down in a chair and dipped it slightly backwards. “Yes, I eat all crappy stuff too. Thank God I can keep my health up with magic or I'd probably have had ten strokes and five heart attacks.”

“Yeah, you had a hell of a beer belly when you were a man.”

“Yeah, true.”

“That sucks.”

“Yup.”

Silence.

“I need wine.”

“Me too.”

A decanter appeared before them, and they set to drink.

“Damn, that's the best stuff I've ever had!” Dave gasped, taking a second glass.

“Magically aged. Makes all the difference.”

Already half-drunk, Dave grinned lasciviously at him. “Thanks, Jeannie. You're the best. Good night.” He slumped over in his chair and promptly fell asleep.

“Good night, you stupid ass,” Carleton murmured. Being a genie sucked. The alcohol was having absolutely no effect on him, and he knew it wouldn't. Drunken genies could undoubtedly be dangerous.

He picked Dave up and roughly tossed him in his disheveled, smelly bed.

“Damn, change your sheets some time in the next century,” he muttered. Magically, they grew bright and clean. And he had done this himself without thinking about it.

“Oh, shit, I hate this garbage,” he growled. It was what Jeannie would have done for her master, thus he had instinctively done it for his own.

“I hate everyone,” Carleton said, and went back to his bottle to mope.

The phone was ringing. It was eleven-thirty in the morning and Dave was not up.

Carleton came out and picked up the phone. “Uh...Dave residence?”

There was a pause, then an angered gasp on the other side of the line. “That...shit! Who is this? That bastard's been done with me for what? A month? And he's already got a new whore at his house? You go tell Dave he can have you and all the other little whores he's been cheating with, and I want the crystal wine glasses back from Aunt Aurora!”

There had been so much information shouted at him in that small amount of time that it took Carleton a moment to realize the caller had hung up on him.

“I'm hardly a whore...” he said, placing down the phone. With great amusement, he took a moment to ponder the caller's demands, then crept towards Dave's bedroom. “Master, are you awake?” he called in his sweet womanly voice. “Goddamn, I hate this master crap. I can't–”

“Who called?” came Dave's hung-over voice from somewhere under the covers.

“Some lady called and cursed me out. She wants her wine glasses back?”

“Oh, that's Jen.”

“Jen?”

“Yeah. Ex-wife.” Dave pulled the blanket from his face. He looked as if someone had steamrolled and slapped him, then left him to die.

“You look like hell,” Carleton pointed out helpfully.

“You know, you sound like Jeannie, but she'd never tell her master he looked like hell.”

The guy was right, Carleton realized in surprise. It was rather nice that the stupid genie magic wasn't holding back his speech too much. That would have been all the more frustrating.

He tried to come up with an acceptable explanation. “That show was in the 1960s. She couldn't say stuff like that on the air.”

“So why can you?”

“Because it's a whole new century!”

“What?”

“Forget it.” He couldn't explain to this simpleton the inner workings of genie magic. He honestly didn't understand them completely himself. If Dave had wished him to look and act like Jeannie, why was so much of his own personality bleeding through?

Maybe it was because he was such a powerful wizard!

Of course. No ridiculous genie magic could hold him back completely. One day soon, he'd find his way out of this stupid mess, and he'd have a few things to say to Lance Wintergreen...

Carleton focused back on Dave. He was about to press the young man to use up his wishes so he would be finished with him, but Dave looked so forlorn that he held himself back. “So... you're already married and divorced at the tender age of twenty-eight?” he asked instead.

Dave groaned. “I still love her.”

“You were probably an ass to her.”

“I was.”

“You act like an ass. Do you even have a job?”

“Just got fired. Damn, I feel like hell.”

Carleton couldn't believe what he was being compelled to say, but he couldn't fight it... “Master, how can I make you feel better?” Oh, God, his eyes were batting... As this woman, he had the worst long, curly eyelashes. How could women actually want these things?

Dave studied the genie a moment. “Well, Jeannie...” He looked as if he were about to salivate, and Carleton cringed, expecting the worst.

But Dave rolled over, covering himself back up with the blanket. “Just let me sleep all day, okay?”

“Thank God,” Carleton said under his breath, quickly escaping the room and shutting the door behind it. He collapsed on the couch, his frilly pink harem pants snagging and ripping on the corner of the coffee table.

“Wintergreen, you've won. This is hell.”

Carleton settled back in a comfy chair he had conjured for the TV room in his bottle. He was watching a program on pottery wheels when Dave's doorbell rang.

“Damn,” he muttered, “I can't have two minutes of peace. Dave? You up? You going to get that?”

There was no answer, and Carleton found himself being pulled from his bottle. Materializing in the living room, he was in time to see the front door explode open, and an enraged brunette enter.

“You didn't even bother to change the locks, Dave? Such an ass!” She slammed the door shut behind her and turned around to view Carleton.

“Welcome to Dave's house!” he chirped gleefully.

Her mouth fell open. “What the...who the hell are you?” She looked the genie up and down. “Where the hell did he find you...You're in a genie outfit? He's a freaking pervert...Dave! I want Aunt Aurora's glasses! Now!”

There was no answer.

“Dave! Fine, I'll get them myself!”

She began to pull things from the kitchen cabinets. She showered the floor in Dave's paltry silverware, then began smashing plates to the tiles.

“Please, you can't do that to Dave's stuff,” Carleton said, yet he secretly cheered her on. Why couldn't this girl have picked up his bottle? She would have probably made some great wishes.

“Oh, my God, I can't believe you have, like, I Dream of Jeannie in your living room, you sicko!”

“I'm a wizard,” Carleton said under his breath. “A male wizard.”

But the woman swept past him, uttering, “Out of my way, whore bitch.” Then she raised her voice, screaming, “Where the hell are you, you son of a bitch? Dave? Did you even wake up today? Where the hell did you put the glasses?” She threw open the bedroom door, and Carleton watched with interest. This visit was proving to be quite entertaining.

“Get the hell out of bed! You're so worthless! Mel says they fired you? It's about time!”

“Mel's an ass,” mumbled Dave from under the covers.

Jen yanked the blanket off and tossed it to the floor.

“He treats me much better than you! And we're getting married!”

She folded her hands proudly across her chest and watched as Dave sat up. There was pain in his face, and Carleton actually felt sorry for him.

“To Mel? How could you possibly want to spend your life with him?”

“How could I ever have thought that about you, is my question. Now where the hell are–”

Dave rubbed his bloodshot eyes. “The glasses are in the hall pantry.”

“Great place for them.” Jen stamped out of the room, and Carleton followed behind. She pulled open the pantry door, threw several objects to the floor, and then extracted a box from the mess. “Good,” she said, and walked towards the front door. “They better not be broken! Have a good time with your genie, you freak!” she yelled, and stalked out.

Dave staggered from his room, looking after her forlornly.

“Want me to turn her into a toad?” Carleton offered.

“No, don't...” he threw his head back in dismay. “She's really...getting married...”

“Well, what did you think? That she'd come back begging you to re-think your being an asshole to her?”

“I can't handle this, I...Oh, God, I wish I had a tubful of that wine!”

The request caught Carleton completely by surprise, and he let out a gasp of delight. What a great way to squander a wish! Instantly, an oversized clawfoot tub dominated the living room. It was full to the brim with wine.

Dave groaned, realizing his mistake, then dove in nonetheless.

Impressed, Carleton pulled over a chair and watched Dave drink his own 'bathwater'. It was a comical sight, and he considered doing it himself some day. Being immersed in a sea of wine definitely looked enjoyable.

“I bet you're thinking this is a waste of a wish,” Dave said, the alcohol obviously beginning to get to him. “And I guess you're counting it as a second wish...You know, I didn't mean you to do that, but now I'm glad you did...This wine is so delicious I can't stop drinking it...”

Carleton noted the wine that had overflowed onto the floor. That would be a bitch to clean up, but a good genie would do that for her master...

His master...

“That girl really hit you hard, huh, Dave?”

“Yes,” Dave sighed, licking at his shoulder and smiling, as if what he was doing was particularly clever. Then his face quickly fell into a pained frown. “I just...well, she deserves better than me, but...well, she's getting married, and it's to that asshole Mel! Who the hell would marry such an asshole as Mel?”

“Is he really that big of an ass?”

“Mel? Damn, I'd say he's worse than me!”

“Wow! You're a tough act to follow, too!”

“I sure am!”

“Well, she'll find out the hard way then.”

“Poor Jen.” Dave's speech was beginning to slur. “Yeah...She'll...find out the hard way...Oh, God, I suck...”

“You don't suck, Dave.”

“Oh...God...” He gazed at Carleton, his eyes glazing over. They crossed a few times, and he had to shake his head to focus. “You're so beautiful.”

Carleton shifted uncomfortably. “Well, I like to consider myself mildly handsome.”

“You're a woman, and you're beautiful...Jeannie...”

“I'm a man–”

“I loved you so much when I watched you on TV when I was little and you were so pretty I wanted to marry you.”

Rolling his eyes, Carleton conjured up a fluffy oversized bathtowel and held it up. “You're speaking in run-ons, Dave. How about we get you out of the tub and dry you off?”

“Oh, you're so good to me...” Dave reached his hand around the towel, trying to touch the genie.

Carleton stepped back in alarm. “Uh...”

Dave threw his head back, smashing it into the tub's porcelain, but he didn't flinch. “Jeannie, Jeannie, come to me...I love you so much!”

Now the genie was truly growing worried. “Please, remember I'm a man. I just look like a woman!”

“I need you...”

“No! My punishment doesn't include sexual harrassment...”

“I WISH you'd have sex with me!”

“Nooooo!!” Carleton was so horrified he didn't have time to think of a safe way out of the situation. The blue mist had formed around them both, depositing them onto Dave's creaky bed. “Jeannie, let's get these clothes off you,” Dave was uttering, and Carleton was powerless to resist. His female body was now on display, and Dave tossed his own wine-soaked clothes to the floor.

“Dave, you don't have to do this. Remember what I really am...”

“You are mine, Jeannie. Say hello to my little friend! He's not so little now, is he?”

Then something shifted in Carleton. The closeness of a male turned on his female body in a way he had not felt since experimenting with gender switching in his early years.  He was embarrassed to realize that he wanted this, but, he had to admit, 'he' really was a 'she'.  For now.

And 'she' enjoyed herself.  Immensely.