Sadness…such great, overwhelming sadness… Dr. Adam Fox had never felt such debilitating depression in all his years as a human being. But now, as he watched his glorious red coat falling from him in clumps, his dark eyes watered, simply another indication that the happiest years of his life were coming to a close.
He was changing back.
His beloved mate of two years had sensed the changes long before his body had betrayed him. Sniffing at him suspiciously, she bared her teeth at him and backed away, and Adam knew it was time. Gingerly, he walked toward the beautiful fox, his bushy tail held low. He tried to nuzzle her as he always had, but she retreated several more steps away from him.
He wished he could tell her not to worry, he would not harm her, but their communication was not with words. It was body language, and scent, and fox sounds… And he knew she sensed danger.
He caught his breath as his morphing body lurched, and he was vaguely aware that he had started to grow larger. Slowly his ears were shifting, his back legs lengthening, and his silky fur was falling out quicker and quicker.
Adam made something of a human cry, begging his love to remain with him, but this sound only frightened her more, and she ran off through the underbrush to their kits.
Ah, my kits, my beautiful babies…He thought back to how proud he was when he had finally become a father. After fifty-two lonely human years, he had never married, never had children, and he had never felt a love anywhere near what he felt for his beautiful vixen. And though those four baby foxes would never read books or play ball with him, their shining faces looked into his with adoration, and he was prouder than he had ever been. So many lazy days he spent with his partner and cubs, and so many nights he would run through the woods and fields, playing and roughhousing with his children…
But the serum had run its course. The serum that he had spent much of his adult human life working on had finally been successful; three years ago he had finally tried it on himself. With that injection, his excitement was nearly palpable; if it worked, he finally would be able to run with the foxes that inhabited the nearby woods. And he would run as one of them.
Only his boss and lab aide knew his plans. They cautioned him against experimenting on himself, but he paid them no heed. He was the perfect subject, he had responded. He had no one, and no one would miss him. When he had begun his transformation studies, in honor of his last name, he had focused on foxes. His “fox serum” had succeeded in changing several different animals into foxes, and he was hopeful to try it on himself. “What if you forget who you are? Will your mind be a fox’s mind?” Amy, his lab aide, had queried.
“I’ll let you know,” he had replied.
In awed shock, Amy had recorded his metamorphosis. She had him discuss what he was experiencing until he was unable to make human sounds any longer. Yet he was still able to nod his head and answer questions.
“You’re still you, Adam?” she had asked incredulously, staring at the red fox before her.
Adam had nodded, testing out his tail and elatedly walking around in circles on his new paws.
The lab building was on the edge of a local college campus bordering on a state forest. Gulping, Amy had opened the back door and motioned him out into the deep brush. “Adam, have a lovely, wonderful time. Please be careful. Come by and visit when you can.”
Adam had nodded, and then bounded off into the woods without looking back. Amy realized she was very jealous.
***
Adam had kept his word in the beginning of his days as an animal. When he felt lonely, he would visit Amy and Craig, his boss, and they would test him and question him. His mind had remained intact, but with the added fox instincts and feelings. He had become quite the hunter, and taking down prey and eating raw meat bothered him less and less. He was a fox; he was nature, and this is what nature did to survive.
***
His skin was nearly bare now. It was taking on the hue of his pale human skin, which never saw the light of day after all the hours in his lab. Yet as a fox, he had loved lying in the sun, feeling its warmth on his coat…
The digits of his paws were growing freakishly long, forming back into fingers. There was no pain from the changes; just a pulling, some pressure… This part of the serum had been tough to formulate. He wanted to make sure the changes were not painful, and finding the correct painkillers that would also work on his change back to humanity had been complicated. But he had been victorious all around, and it was time to report his findings.
But he did not have any great urge to go back to Amy and Craig. His visits had gotten less and less frequent to the point that it had been months since he had made human contact. He did not wish to see humans, for they only destroyed his kind. He worried for his mate and their children.
…His beautiful mate…
A year or so into his new life, he had been nosing around in the valley when he noticed an unmistakable scent.
The female was drinking deeply from the brook, and he had to go to her.
She did not run, which surprised him, for the females always seemed wary of him. Perhaps they detected that he was different, or they sensed his hesitation. As appealing as the females were to his fox side, his human mind felt guilty, almost as if he were taking advantage of these lovely animals.
But this particular vixen came to him, smelling him, nuzzling him, and accepting him. And the fox part of him took over. This beautiful girl was his.
But now she was gone, and he would never see her or his children again. Yet he had to join humanity and disclose his findings. Transforming a human to an animal! He would be famous! What an amazing scientific advance! The possibilities were endless with this new technology!
Yet as he became larger and took on the characteristics of a lumbering human, he grew more and more disenchanted with returning to humanity. Who cared if he were famous? He would still be alone. His children could not see him at scientific lectures. His mate would not be there for him if he won a Nobel Peace Prize.
His tail was gone, all that remained of it was a pile of fur on the ground and a slight itchiness at the base of his spine.
His ears were human ears, and he hated that he could not move them.
His super sense of smell, his vision, and his sense of being part of nature were all gone. All that was left was nothingness. He felt unconnected and alone. Mindlessly, he let his body propel him out of the woods that he knew so well. He was crying, but the tears were meaningless.
He stood in front of the lab back door, where he had been liberated from so long ago, but he did not knock.
“I don’t belong here anymore,” he whispered to himself. And he realized he did not like forming words with his lips.
He did not know how long he stood there, for time had had no meaning to him as a fox. The nights and days always blurred together in a mix of seasons and happiness. The falling snow and the crisp winter air meant burrowing together with the warmth of his family at his side, while the heat of the summer meant long naps on the cool rocks under the trees by the brook.
“Dr. Fox! You’re back! And…you’re naked!”
Amy had opened the door. She had almost run to him, but his lack of clothing held her back.
Adam looked down at himself, chuckling. Clothes meant nothing to him now, what fox needed clothes with such a glorious coat as he had possessed? And Amy knew what a human male’s body looked like. It really should not be so shocking to her.
Amy pulled a tarp off a large centrifuge, and she ran to Adam and draped it over him. “Cover up! What’s this, in three years you’ve forgotten that humans wear clothes?”
She pulled him inside and shut the door behind him. He stared at the laboratory that once was as familiar as the palm of his hand. Now it was alien to him. Even the air seemed stale and wrong.
“So, so…Tell me everything! How awesome was it? Want me to get Dr. Welton?”
“No, leave Craig alone. Please.”
Amy looked confused at Adam’s sad tone, and she pulled a chair over and sat down. Adam remained standing, shuffling his uncomfortably large foot restlessly. “Can you tell me what it was like, now that you can talk again?”
Adam sighed, and began to pace around the lab. “It was the best part of my life,” he responded. He was not used to conversing, and he found it irritating to formulate into language what once he had shown by touch, by small mewls and loud growls only…
“Did the serum manage to be painless? What did the changes feel like?” Amy was getting visibly irritated at his lack of discussion.
Picking up a large beaker and placing it back down, he replied, “It doesn’t hurt, but there’s a pulling feeling… I mean, you feel your body shifting and changing, but it’s not horrible like you’d expect. We did a good job with that stuff.” He looked longingly at the refrigerator where his serum samples were kept.
“And now you can present your findings to the world! We’ll show the video of your transformation, and the pictures we took of you over the years…”
Casting his eyes to the floor, he cleared his throat. “That’s so unimportant,” he uttered.
“What? Why?”
“Oh, Amy, life as a fox was so much better than being human. There’s no cares except the most basic ones…eat, sleep, take care of your children…”
“You had babies?” she gasped with delight. “I can’t believe that was possible! Oh, can we see them?”
New tears formed in his eyes, and he turned away in hopes that Amy had not seen. There was one thing he wished now, and it was to be with his family. That was all.
Amy studied him, and her voice fell to a whisper. “I was so jealous of you, Adam.”
He did not look at her.
“I went out a few times to find you, but I never could.”
“We hide well. We know to stay far from the humans. They hurt us.”
The way he spoke was from the viewpoint of a fox, not a man, and Amy was very aware of this.
Suddenly there was a screech and a loud bang outside. Amy ran to the front window. “Oh, that’s just Dr. Welton pulling in. What’s his problem?”
Adam joined her as she walked outside to see what the commotion was about. They found Craig beside his car, bending over something on the ground and cursing. When he straightened up, Adam cried out in agony.
There lay his mate, bloodied and near death.
He ran to her and scooped her frail body up, screaming, “Craig, you bastard! Can’t you drive slower? You hit her! Oh, my love, my only love.” His tears flowed freely now, and he did not care. The fox stared up at him, first growling, then sniffing at him. The growl diminished into a happy sound, and she nuzzled at Adam’s arm.
“Yes, darling, it’s me. You can still tell my scent. Please, stay with me. Please. I’m so sorry I left you. I’ll never leave you again.” He buried his face in her coat.
“Adam, I’m sorry. I had no idea you’re back, and…well, she ran out into the road so fast, like she was looking for something…”
“You were looking for me, weren’t you?” Adam stroked the red fur, and she made a contented purr before growing still.
“Oh, God, no! Please, don’t leave me…oh, why now…” But she was gone, and suddenly Adam’s feeling of aloneness became unbearable. He covered his eyes with his hands and swore, wanting desperately to strike Craig, to rip out his throat…
A mewling sound came from nearby in the bushes, bringing him back to his senses. “My babies!” he gasped. He discovered the fox kits and tried to scoop them up, but they shied away. “No, no, my children. Don’t be afraid. It’s just me. Please, don’t run off…” But the young cubs ran into the underbrush, crying for their mother.
Adam gaped at Amy and Craig. “Who will take care of them? They have no mother.”
Craig gulped, and Amy cast her eyes towards the beautiful female that lay nearby.
Adam followed Amy’s glance, his eyes lingering on the vixen for several long minutes.
“No…no…That’s enough!” he suddenly cried, and darted off.
Craig twisted around and watched his friend. “Where’s he going?” he asked, alarmed.
“Oh, God,” Amy gasped. “The serum!”
They darted after the scientist. When they reached the lab, they knew they were too late. Adam met them at the door, an empty syringe in hand, and a comforted look on his face.
“Oh, Adam! You didn’t!” cried Craig in horrified dismay.
“It’s three years old!” Amy added. “You don’t know if it’ll work, or—”
But Adam did not care. He did not want to be one of the huge killer-animals known as human beings. He wanted to be nature again, to run wild, unimpeded by the silly, meaningless worries that every person possessed.
He smiled happily as he felt the changes begin to wash over his body, slowly bringing him back to his form of choice. “I hope I never change back,” he said, running his hand over his growing fur. “But if I do, I only ask that you always have the serum available to me, Craig. Even if you need to make more.”
Craig nodded distractedly. “But you have to share this with the world. Who will present your findings, and take the honors…”
“You two will. Tell my story, tell of my mate…” He approached the vixen’s body. As he bent down to her, he was forced onto all fours as his body grew more and more vulpine. He stroked her head with something resembling a mixture of a hand and a paw. As he felt his mouth changing, he gasped, “Please bury her for me.” And with that, his ability to form words was lost.
Silently, Amy walked back to the lab, and Craig was left watching the vestiges of his long-time friend disappearing into animal form.
Adam and Craig locked eyes, and Craig tried to smile. “Adam, I don’t understand you, but I guess you’ve made your choice. We’ll share your findings with the world, and if you come by now and then, we’ll tell you how it’s going. Please come by. Don’t forget who you are.”
Adam shook his head back and forth, as if to say “You’ll never understand.”
Then Amy rushed out of the lab, a strange, glowing look on her face. “You’re so beautiful like that, Adam. But,” she pulled up her sleeve and ran her hand over her arm, which was sprouting red fur, “you didn’t say that it tingles,” she giggled.
An empty syringe dropped from her hand, and she rubbed the area where she had driven it into her skin.
The fox rushed up to her, shaking its head in objection.
Craig grabbed at her in disbelief. “Oh, Amy! Why? I can’t lose you too! Who’s going to run the lab? You’ve got a whole life ahead of you!” he yelled in a near-rage.
Amy crouched down and got on her side. “The first time Adam transformed, he said it was easier to lie down when you changed. I don’t know why he didn’t do that this time.” She lay on her side and watched her arms and legs growing to equal size. “I have four legs now,” she grinned. “I’m an official quadruped!”
“Amy, you’re so young!” Craig protested.
“Yes, so I have some time. And if I never do this, I’ll spend the rest of my life wishing I had, wondering what it would feel like…” She looked over at Adam, whose furry features registered concern. “And Dr. Adam Fox raising kids on his own? I don’t think so.”
Adam growled playfully, and both fox and human remained, eyes fixed on the lab aide as her transformation ran its course.
Craig took a deep breath as he beheld the beautiful young animal his assistant had become. He watched her walk experimentally on all fours, testing out her ears and tail, and then pouncing at Adam in delighted excitement.
“You’re lovely, Amy,” Craig whispered. But she heard, and she winked at the man. Adam jumped at her and bounded off, and she followed joyfully. The woods swallowed the couple up, and Craig watched after them for a long while.
Now he was the jealous one.