Hey Y’all!! This is kind of a goofy comedy of errors bondage story. Definitely light. I hope it’s funny. I’m not great at comedy but I’m trying. 😉😉

Thanks to @Joschek for the super awesome picture. I just love looking at it. And I’m going to totally rig myself up this way and do a bondage report right after tax season. Swear to God! lol.

Anyway, I hope this is funny. Do me a favor and let me know what you think. Please! Also, do me a HUGE favor and go tell Josech how freaking awesome he is and ask him to keep putting me in his art so I’ll have lots of stuff to write about!! Love you Jo!! XOXOX

Ok. Here’s the story.

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Randal was so excited about his first audit!  He was one of the new hires brought in to enforce the new tax compliance policies enacted in Kentucky.  Randal was given two weeks of training, a laptop, some miscellaneous equipment and a case file.  Randal wanted to impress his supervisors, and he also truly wanted to provide a good and valuable service to the community.  He read the case file a dozen times, at least.  And he even did his own research using IRS databases as well as open-source information.  In spite of his superior preparation, Randal couldn’t help but be nervous.  His heart was pounding against the pocket protector he wore in his starched button-down shirt as he stood on the porch and rang the doorbell.  

“Hi there.  Can I help you?”  Her voice drawled out long and sweet.  The petite blonde before him was very pretty.  Probably pretty enough to talk her way out of a speeding ticket.  Especially in those shorts and that crop top.

“I’m, er….I was looking for.”  Randall coughed.  He was from Boston, and they don’t have this much pollen in New England.  “Are you Tina Josephine?”  

“Yes Sir, I am.”  The pretty taxpayer’s eyes shimmered and her blonde locks seemed to reflect the sun like a solar panel.  “And what did you say your name was Honey?”  Randal grasped the ID card dangling from his lanyard and held it up for Tina’s inspection.

“My name is Randal, Ma’am.  I’m from the IRS, and I’m here to help.”

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It had been nearly two hours since Tina invited Randal and his very large rolling plastic tote into her home.  Since that time, she was generally pleasant and cooperative.  Randal’s IRS training warned him to be suspicious of that sort of thing.  So, he was on his guard.  

“Now Miss Josephine…”  Tina interrupted him.

“Can you please just call me Tina.  We just aren’t that formal out here in the county.”  Randal didn’t even think about it.

“Um.  No.”  Tina sighed what Randal interpreted as a highly disrespectful sigh.  “Now can you show me again where you reported your income from your work on the church bereavement committee?”  Randall was carefully examining Tina’s Schedule A for the missing income, but it was nowhere to be seen.

“Umm, yeah, no.  Mr. Randal.  Like I already said…” That accent was so distracting…  “I only volunteer on the bereavement committee.”

Randall stared blankly at Tina.

“It’s for my church.”

Randal squinted through his thick lenses at her like a near sighted lion would squint at an antelope.

“They don’t pay me.”  Tina crossed her arms, lifting her breasts at higher attention.  Another distraction tactic!!

“So, you’re tell me.”  Randal paused and started over with a deeper, more authoritative voice.  “You’re telling the GOVERNMENT, that you just give away your time on this ‘volunteer’ activity, and you don’t get ANYTHING of value in return?  Is that really your story Ms. Josephine?”  Randal made air quotes with his fingers when he said the word, “volunteer,” as if it was a word from a foreign language.  Tina tried to lighten the mood.

“Well, I don’t know.  I guess I’m hoping to earn my place in heaven, don’t you know.”  Tina crossed her legs and tilted her head back and laughed a sweet, sweet laugh that offended Randal to no end.  Doesn’t she know how serious this is?  

“And what would you say your tax basis is on this unreported property located in heaven?”  Tina finally seemed out of patience.

“Unreported?  You’re not kidding, are you Randal?”  Randal could feel his high blood pressure getting higher.

“An Internal Revenue Agent never kids!”  Randal looked upward to reconsider his statement.  “Unless you have dependents to claim.  You can claim your kids as dependents.”  Randal’s hard work in the two-week training was really shining now.

“Awwwright, Randal.  I’m sorry, but this has just veered right out of the real world and into the Twilight Zone.  I’m going to have to ask you to leave my house now.”  In an “aggressive show of force,” the taxpayer stood up and started walking past Randal to the door.  Randal remembered being trained on confrontational encounters, but he never actually thought he’d have to deal with one.  Especially not on his first audit.  Thank God for muscle memory.  He didn’t have to think.  He only had to let his body respond to the threat.  

Randal reached smoothly into a section of the tote marked “For Non-Compliance” and grabbed a handheld taser.  He grabbed Tina by the wrists as she was passing him and held her mid-stride.  Randal rose and reach out toward Tina’s neck with the non-lethal weapon.

“The IRS doesn’t leave until the IRS decides to leave, Ma’am.”  Randal had been practicing that line since even before he applied for the job.  He wasn’t sure he’d ever get to use it.  Especially not after he was told he was “non-selected,” at the end of the training.  Whatever “non-selected” means…

“What the hell?”  Tina shouted in surprise.  She then proceeded to use her free hand to bring a bladed strike down on Randal’s radial nerve inflicting instant numbness throughout his right arm and causing him to drop the taser.  Tina then immediately grabbed the thumb of the hand Randal grabbed her wrist and wrenched it 180 degrees, so his thumb was now facing straight down, rotating his arm into a nearly hyper-extended position and breaking his grip on her wrist.  Next, Tina wrapped her arm around Randal’s neck trapping him in a front headlock, while still holding his arm up and out by the thumb.  Randal groaned when Tina dropped her hips and brought Randal’s face down onto the table they’d been sitting around moments ago.  Tina kept Randal’s face pinned with her body weight and then used both arms to pull Randal’s non-numbed arm behind his back into a painful arm bar.

“Ouuuchhhh.”  Said Randal.

“Now listen up little bookworm man.  I don’t have a problem with the government, per se.  But you’re completely off your rocker.  You’re lucky I didn’t REALLY hurt you.  Pulling a taser on me.  I’m a defenses tactics instructor you know.”  Tina wrenched his arm a little more.

“Would you say that’s a self-employment or is that just a hobby, Ma’am?”  Randal now suspected Tina had even more unreported income.

“Get the fuck out of my house or I swear to the almighty God and all of the saints in heaven, I will kick your ass across every acre of this farm.”  Randal was now completely sure this taxpayer had chosen the path of non-compliance.  He was going to have to resort of misdirection.

“Sorry.  Sorry.  Ouch.  That hurt.  Sorry.  OK.  I’ll leave.  Can I have my arm back.  Please.  Ahhh.  Thank you.”  Tina carefully released the little man and stepped back in a defensive/ready pose.  Randal took the handle of his roller tote and started toward the door.  Then he paused.  “I can probably just close this case with the explanations you provided.”  Tina seemed incredulous.

“Ya think?”  I didn’t DO anything wrong.”  No.  You did several things wrong.  And here’s hoping you do one more….

“Can you hand me my intermediate force taxpayer compliance device?  It’s over there on the ground somewhere.”  The taxpayer expressed a no willingness to return Randals’ equipment.

“Go.  Fuck yourself.”  Randal had to admit that the taxpayer said “go fuck yourself” as sweetly as he’d ever been told to go fuck himself.

“But Ma’am, it’s government property.  And I’d have to come back to get it.  And I think I’ve bothered you enough already.”  Randal knew that he hadn’t bothered the taxpayer.  After all, voluntary compliance with the Internal Revenue Code is never a bother.

“Alright!  Fine!”  Tina turned and bent down to look for the taser.  Randal’s efforts to disarm her with rapport building and reason seemed to work.  She acted as though Randal was no threat at all.  But the IRS is too effective to only send their non-hired representatives into the field with only one option.  Besides the taser, Randal also had his trusty chloroform-soaked rag.  Randal stepped up on his tote and used his newfound level-height to pound on Tina.  Randal succeeded in securing the pungent cloth over the taxpayer’s mouth and nose.  For her part, Tina succeeded in grabbing Randal’s nuts with a grip like a bear trap.  Randal was certain permanent damage was being done but he couldn’t let go of this non-compliant taxpayer.  Literally, he couldn’t let go.  She had him pinned up against the wall.  

So, he clung to her shrieking the shrill cries of the emasculated and they both slumped to the ground as Tina lost consciousness.  

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Randal inspected his work.  First, he’d searched the taxpayer for any evidence of income or false deductions.  Naturally, this necessitated the removal of all of her clothes.  You can’t conduct a proper cavity search with underwear.  The foul mouth this taxpayer displayed during the cavity search made Randal severely regret his kindness of not applying the ball gag while she was unconscious.  “

“I won’t make that mistake again anytime soon,” Randal bemused.  

The government issued hemp ropes was well-suited for this sort of restraint.  Randal carefully stretched the cords as he made each pass, wrapping her wrists, elbows, ankles and thighs.  This is important to prevent the taxpayer from being able to stretch the ropes with struggling later and achieving any slack that might allow them to escape.  The only thing worse than evading taxes is escaping IRS bondage.  Randal was sure he heard that in training.

“HEttt eeee da huckk, at offf hisshhhh!!!”  She was wiggling and struggling too much.  She wasn’t going to escape.  But she might fall off the table if she kept it up.  That’s a liability the government doesn’t need.

Randal used more of the American-made cordage to form a shoulder harness on Tina.  Next he cinched her wrist ropes with a long piece of rope.  Randal cranked Tina’s ankles all the way back to where her tied wrists rested on her bare ass.  He cinched her ankle ropes a few times and then ran the tether all the way up to the shoulder harness.  There, he pulled it back toward her ankles, causing the taxpayer to bend her back like a compliant citizen should bend to the will of the government.  

“Tooppp it!  Uoo Hucckkker!!  AHhhhh!”  

“This is for your protection citizen,” Randal said in a comforting voice.  Randal secured her head back to her toes.  Now she could barely shift or move at all.

But she COULD still move.  Randal looked in his tote for more supplies.  He came back with two paper clamps and thin metal braided chain.  Randal clamped each of the taxpayers nipples, eliciting a heavy moan each time.  He then covered the webcam on Tina’s computer with a cloth.  Randal attached the clamps to the cloth.

“OK taxpayer, I doubt you can move enough to hurt yourself, but I can’t be TOO careful with your safety.  So, here’s what I did to motivate you.  Your computer is logged into the virtual bible classes at your church.  According to the online schedule, there are three, hour-long, interactive classes.  Your webcam is turned on, but it’s covered up.  I attached your tits to the cloth with the chain and clamps.  If you roll around or struggle almost at all, that cloth will fall right off.

Tina’s eyes bulged with fright.

“That’s not what you want, is it citizen?”  Tina shook her head, being soooo careful not to shake her breasts.

“That’s excellent citizen.  Please just hold that position.  I’ll be back before the classes are finished and we can get back to work on your audit.  I’m going to pick up some energy drinks and pork rinds.  I have a feeling we’re going to be working all night.”  Tina made a pitiful “mewing” sound as Randal walked to the door.  Suddenly, he stopped.

“Thank you for your voluntary compliance, Citizen.”  Randal was well on his way to successfully completing his first audit.  His first of many!