This report is to describe the execution and results of my weekly task. Although these results are not required to be published, doing so has been authorized. I will not always post these reports, as not every task will produce an “entertaining” report for general consumption. This task does…
My task this week had a two-hour duration. It involves bondage, multiple forms of stimulation focusing on discomfort and pain, and mental conditioning. The bondage position is depicted fairly accurately in the images below. The main differences are that I am tied down onto my inflatable air mat instead of a bed, my wrists are locked together in leather cuffs instead of tied with ropes, and I am wearing a harness ball gag that is tethered back from the top of my head down to my waist. I’ll describe a few more particulars about the bondage during the upcoming discussion of the execution of the task.
Continuing with the task description, during my two hours of restraint, I am to perform four, 30-minute cycles of exercises. More accurately, I am to perform and/or endure these cycles. Each cycle begins with me carefully reciting to myself five affirmations for a fifteen-minute period. These affirmations essentially reinforce my place as a piece of property, that I am not allowed to make choices unless specifically permitted, that I will obey, and that I accept consequences for any mistakes that I should make, intentional or otherwise. Next, I am to endure five-minutes of the massage wand set on high. As depicted (you can barely see it in the rear view), the wand is secured against my inner thigh and in constant contact with my vagina. The final portion of each cycle is 10 minutes of the Tens Unit on the number 4 intensity setting. The “shock” pads are applied to my breast and my hamstrings. You will note that with my head pulled back, I will be propped up on my elbows, so my chest is lifted up off of the mat.
These cycles will repeat for two hours.
Other accessories are the application of a butt plug and nipple clamps. Note that the Tens Unit pads are on my breasts just below the clamps. I am wearing a collar, not only as reminder that I am property but also as a component of the bondage. See in the picture how my wrists are tethered both to my collar and out to the front of the bed, or in my case, to the handles on the front of the air mat.
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Setting up the bondage is fairly simple. I have used this position many times for both writing sessions and when I am chatting online. The addition of the head arch required a few test runs to get the lengths of the tether correct.
Tying my elbows is simpler than it might seem. I simply form a figure “8” loop of ropes with one larger opening and one smaller one. The larger opening goes around my chest just above my breasts, so that the smaller opening hangs out in front of me. I slide each arm through the loop in front of me. Then I lock on the cuffs. As my arms are pulled out in front of me by the expanding air mat, my elbows are pulled out away from my body, tightening the loops of rope around them. My elbows are not pulled all the way together but held “close” together and as pictured, with my elbows approximately beneath my shoulders. Between that and my cuffed wrists held in a fixed point between my collar and the mat handles in front of me, I can do nothing with my arms or hands but rock slightly from one elbow to the other and squeeze my hands into little fists or stretch my fingers out grasping at nothing but air.
I failed to mention earlier, the key to the wrist cuffs is attached to my collar so I’ll be able to reach it easily once the mat deflates.
My leg bondage is self-explanatory. Leather straps secure my ankles to the back of my thighs. Rope tethers are attached at my bent knees. The tethers pull my legs back and apart when the mat inflates and extends.
I am using a “mechanical” timer for the air mat. It’s the kind used for outdoor decorative Christmas lights. It is a great method because the only way it can fail is if the power turns off to the house and that would also deflate the mat. My wand and the tends unit use the programmable power outlets that are wifi-fi enabled. Theoretically they could fail if my internet service was interrupted. But I consider that an acceptably low risk. Also, as with any “new” or “risky” bondage session, my best friend, Sarah, has been advised in general terms what I’m doing and when and know to check in on me if I don’t message her at a certain time.
Over the years, I have learned to take prudent safety measures balanced with a little sense of risk to keep a simulated sense of peril.
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The mat is inflated and I feel tightly stretched out between the three points that I am tethered down. However, it is the harness gag’s control over my head that seems to be dominating me and restricting my movement the most. With my legs folded and splayed out, my lower body is all but useless. I have no range of motion. The only movement available is to roll my hips in and out which barely moved my body at all, and certainly is useless in terms of escaping the bondage or alleviating any of the stimulation I’ll be enduring soon. However, I believe I WOULD be able to roll and pull and strain against my upper body bondage with a certain degree of vigor if my head was free. As it is, I cannot use my back, my core or my shoulders at all. I test each muscle group and as my torso tries to move in response to the different muscle contractions, those responses are stopped cold by the fact that my head cannot move from where it is tethered. It’s like the tires of your car spinning in the mud. There is thrust being applied but it simply disperses out into thin air because no movement can be achieved.
There is nothing quite as demoralizing as having your head controlled. It’s a great way to reduce the self-identity of a submissive from a person to an object.
Satisfied now that I am more than adequately spread apart and tied down, I focus on a clock mounted in sight. My first cycle will begin momentarily.
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I recite the words in my head. Even though I am only “thinking” each word, I make an effort to enunciate every single letter. When I think the word “Master,” I visualize a capital “M” and I place an emphasis on the “r” sound at the end of the word. I recite them in a slow cadence. This unnecessarily thoughtful approach is intended to keep my mind disciplined and prevent it from wandering.
The meanings of each phrase are already understood. I’ve recited my rules over and over. I am “aware” that things are this way and will remain as such. However, the fact remains that my “captivity” is imposed upon me, but self-enforced. My submission is only as strong as my commitment to it. And reciting my affirmations are to build up a layer of strength for my commitment to bolster my resolve at times when my loyalty and commitment may be tested.
I have always been a disciplined person when it comes to performing tasks. I have often struggled with being consistently disciplined in terms of emotions and state of mind. I have an ADHD sort of temperament and can be distracted. And when it comes to formalities, which are so important when you’re an owned piece of property, I often slip into a more informal or familiar state of mind. These recitations give me something to fall back on in times of weakness, doubt or distraction.
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I get caught in between words by the hard pulsing of the wand between my legs. I rarely use the High setting and it still catches me by surprise with its force. I reflexively clench everywhere and am held fast by all of the tethers. Most intensely, the tethers around my bent legs give me a painful dig into that softer flesh and my legs try to snap together but go positively nowhere. Equally potent is the jerk of the collar on the back of my neck as my back “wants” to arch but is held down by the tether down to my wrists. My body remains in a stretched out “Y” formation with my bent legs the branches and my upper body the “stem.” I’m very effectively immobilized which is so very apparent when I want to make adjustments, or even just grind with the rhythm the wand has awakened in me.
But I can’t. I’m held down and helpless. I’m how the Dom desires me to be. And that’s all that matters because I am just an object that he owns.
The wand feels more like power than pleasure. That’s not to say that it doesn’t feel good. The pleasure nerve receptors are dense and force feeding my brain with pleasure signals. Strangely, I am also more aware of the clamps. They impose sharp but tolerable bites on my nipples. Perhaps I’m swaying more than before. I was probably holding myself very still while I was methodically reciting my affirmations.
I’m biting down on the gag. I know this is only for five minutes and I can surely resist cumming for that long, knowing that the end is close. But while that brevity provides a degree of a sense of relief, it also causes angst in knowing the next ten minutes will be a blitz by the Tens Unit.
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The abruptness of the wand going silent combined with the immediacy of the electric pads engaging combine to send explosions of input into my brain. I can feel my eyelids fluttering momentarily. The very first emotion I feel is a vacuum around my vagina that had only just been getting rocked by the wand. There is an emptiness that I haven’t noticed in previous sessions that involved bursts with the wand.
My breasts are handling the 4 setting well. That area is mostly fatty tissue that can absorb a lot of current. The Tens Unit is designed to stimulate muscle contractions and breasts don’t have muscle and insulate the muscles around them. I feel my skin trembling and rumbling in an almost soothing fashion interrupted by an occasional disconcerting jolt at the height of one of the rolling pulses of electric output.
My hamstrings, on the other hand, are pure muscle tissue. And they’re muscles that want to be stretched out as opposed to balled up and contracted as they currently are. A one or a two would be flexing them, trying to extend my legs open. The four is truly challenging. I feel involuntary contractions up and down the length of my hamstrings. It feels like someone taking a hard ball and pressing it straight down into the back of my legs and running it up and down it’s length. I feel an intense NEED to open my legs up to relieve the spasms, but my leather straps prevent that. I’d be rocking considerably if not for the rigidity of the air mat. Instead, I feel like I am just “locked up.” I feel like a block of stone. And then a wave passes, and I realize I had been holding my breath, so I gulp in air through my nose. And then the wave returns, and I lock up again. I’m thanking the Lord that the wand is not also on as that would quickly overwhelm me.
Suddenly it’s over. My mind has to focus again because I no longer have any excuses of overload. I’m back on the clock and I need to start my affirmations again.
But shit, that was harder than I thought. And I know I have to do it three more times. See, I know I’m going to fail now. I’m going to fail at the focus part of it. I’m too busy worrying about how I’ll handle the next cycle. I’m not only worrying about the cycle, but I’m worrying that I’m worrying about the cycle. I can’t focus on focusing.
“Fuck Tina, just say the fucking words.”
I get back on task.
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I’m back to reciting my affirmations. I am property. I will obey….How much longer? I will respect? No. That wasn’t one of them. I accept the rules.
My arms are getting a workout! Dang it. Remember to enunciate, Tina. Maybe I should call myself sub instead of Tina. Get back on task.
Was this the second cycle? Shit. Three more to go…
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The physical challenges of the wand and the Tens feel greater than before. Gone is the excitement and expectation of an unknown challenge. Now I’m just dealing with it. And challenge isn’t even the right word. This isn’t a matter of success or failure. I can’t “opt out.” I’m locked in. This is GOING to happen. I don’t have a say in that anymore.
Hmmm. Maybe that’s the point. I am property. I must obey. I will accept punishment. Etc. I can barely struggle at all. Escape is impossible with the key to the cuffs is way up here on my collar. And I’m not allowed to escape anyway. Obviously. But I really can’t even try to escape. Trying has been taken from me. By a Dom who is really just learning my capabilities.
The reminder that my helplessness comes from the Dom brings with it an almost lightheadedness. And that comes just in time for the last minute or so of the wand. I feel like melting into the wand. I wasn’t told to resist orgasms. I decided to do that on my own, and I didn’t really have a reason. And come to think of it, this task is actually a test and the Dom wants data. Orgasm control IS data. Of course so are orgasms. Now I have to make a choice. Fuck. Once of the best things about being property is not having to choose.
The cycle switches up again and I’m back to biting onto my gag. The discomfort brings doubt. Can I take this much longer? The Tens and even just the position. My back is killing me. The skin on my forehead is stretched taut by the harness gag tether. I’m not sure WHAT my hands are doing. I can barely look down to see them turning about as if I’m trying to cast spells.
I’m suddenly struck by how out of control I am. There are physical sensations throughout my body that I am forced to feel and have no ability to control or mitigate. My ability to move has been restricted to virtually none. I can’t make a sound other than yelps and moans and shrieks. I feel so reduced. I understand how an object feels. Dominion over nothing. Even my mind struggles to formulate intentional thoughts.
Perhaps that’s the last bit of me resisting my current condition. Perhaps I’m still habitually clinging to freedom in my head, in spite of all evidence that I don’t have freedom. I don’t have choices. I am not currently enduring this situation because I WISH to please a Master but simply because I don’t have a choice.
The strange thing is that I’m still proud. And I’m happy. I hope the Dom is pleased knowing that he possesses me. I hope the data I’m providing in this report satisfies him. And if it doesn’t, I hope he determines a suitable solution so I can perform better and be more pleasing in the future.
The remaining cycles are a grind. I endure them with varying degrees of focus. I am anxious to get through this. I don’t find the physical relaxation necessary to hit a climax. The wand locks my body up into spasms. Then the Tens Unit does the same thing.
Eventually, the stimulations are finished, and my air mat deflates moments later. I think I’ve progressed as a submissive today. I’ll wait to hear what the Master thinks.
This completes this report. Have a good day.