Feels like it's been a bit since I wrote anything.  Chapter 5 kind of took it out of me.  Plus some other stuff is bouncing around in my noggin.  Which is kind of the point of me doing this "reflection" thing in the first place.  You know?  Trying to get the noggin organized...

Look, I have to get this out there.  I'm not in the mood to write right now.  I probably shouldn't, but it's like, I don't want to stop and if I take too much time off, what if I don't come back to it?  You don't win by only working when you feel like working.  You win by doing it when you don't feel 100% or you're not in the mood or you'd rather be having a veggie patch pizza with your friends at Applebees.  So, anyway....here I am....veggie patch pizza-less, trying to win at noggin organizing.  Hope this doesn't suck....

So this chapter is going to be 99% real stuff.  I'm time jumping to October 2020 or thereabouts.  I don't remember if that's a jump back or forward from where we left off.  No wait, it was back.  We left off in November 2023 (predicament bondage in my basement).  So, jump back.  October 2020.  It was cold.  I remember that much for sure.  I was on a work trip to Philadelphia and had a great big hotel suite in a skyrise (Hilton I think) right on the water front.  My future clients spared no expense.

Whatever.  Anyway, Mia and I had been chatting for a while now.  Remember Mia?  She was the sub that got "owned" by Mistress Sanot back in Chapter 3.  Anyway, Mia and I started chatting and we were talking basically everyday.  I was cranking out little fantasy bondage short stories and Mia had such fabulous feedback.  It was usually that I needed to tone down the fairy tale bullshit (Mia had a cursing situation going) and add more realism.  She loved my descriptive writing.  She used to tell me I could put her into any bondage position with my words.  And that compliment meant so much to me.  Honestly, it turned me on every damn time she said it, and like I've already said, I'm not gay!

And Mia shared with me too.  But Mia wrote some very dark, very disturbing stuff.  Do you think my Mark story in the dungeon was dark?  Freaking Muppet Babies compared to Mia's stuff.  All of her protagonists wound up tortured, raped, and usually disfigured or murdered too.  She wrote one story about witches where the protagonist not only got tortured and rapes, she actually got trapped in a time loop hell where she's be tortured and raped forever, over and over again.

I need to tell you all, I'm not into stories that dark.  At least, I can't tell stories like that.  I understand where Mia gets her inspiration for them.  Remember, she lived the nightmare of human trafficking.  But as twisted and cringey as it was to read, Mia's words about the feelings her characters experience were some of the most elegant and empathy provoking words I've read to this day.  I can usually kind of guess what vocabulary a writer is going to use.  They fall into patterns or habits.  I definitely do.  But not Mia.  Somehow she's come up with a new and perfect way to describe some profane and invasive offense against her characters.  I could never prepare myself for her next word.  I was surprised every single time.  It was like expecting to be punched in the guy but instead having a cigarette put out on the side of your neck.  Reading her stories was soulful.  It wasn't fun or easy.  But you knew you were reading something authentic and pure.  I loved Mia for her art.  And for her friendship.

Besides helping each other creatively, we had another symbiotic relationship.  I kept Mia company while she was rehabilitating from her years old injuries.  (I don't think she ever healed and may never heal completely.)  And she informed me about all things BDSM.  And the "think" I was the most interested in learning about was submission.  We talked a lot about bondage, but I already knew pretty much about that.  It's easy to find out about bondage this day and age.  But it's not so easy to learn about Mia's kind of submission.  She's a true 24/7 slave to a Mistress (Sandy)).  She was trained by a master Domme.  And she remembered her lessons, the rules, the techniques, and everything that she went through learning to be basically a perfect sub/slave and how to live that way.  And that was ALL that I wanted to know about.  Because I knew I was a bondage whore (Mia's words).  I knew that I craved being tied up and helpless.  I knew it turned me on and gave me wild, wonderful dreams.  But I didn't know if it was because bondage was submission, or if it was something else.

God this chapter probably sucks to read.  Sorry readers.

Back to Philly.  I had a wide open night.  We had an early dinner with the clients and I was upstairs by like 7.  Mia and I had planned a little play session.  I had the toys and tools I could fit in a carry one.  Handcuffs, leather straps, ball gag, massage wand dildo and some tape.  Just the bare essentials.  I'd also brought a bottle of Kentucky's finest beverage, Maker's Mark (God I love living in Kentucky).

OK, so, I logged in and there was Mia.  "Hey Sexy Pants!"  (I loved that she called me "Sexy Pants.")  "Hi Mia.  How are you feeling?"  Usually Mia wasn't feeling well, not that she'd admit it.  Today, she must have been feeling especially poorly because she said, "Feeling awesome, bitch!"  (Mia had a dirty mouth...)  So, I was already getting prepared for some basic self bondage and an evening chatting with my bestie, when Mia took it a little sideways....

"I think we should find out if you're a sub or not."

And I was not at all ready for that.  I was almost as shocked by those words as I was by the words in her beautifully revolting stories.  "Mia?  I mean, you know I'm a sub.  Come on.  You've.."

Mia interrupted.  "Tina, stop.  I....this is kind of hard.  I want you to know for sure, OK.  I know you're not sure.  And, we can figure it out.  Tina.  You there?"

I was shaking like a leaf.  I was flatout terrified.  Not by how Mia wanted to find out.  I was terrified that she might decide I wasn't a sub.  That I was faking.  That I was broken some other way and just a bondage slut freak of some sort.  I was freaking out.

"Tina..."

"Yes!!  Mia, Yes, I'm still here.  Sorry.  Sorry.  What.  How do you mean?  What can we do?"

Deep breath from Mia.  "Tina, I need to log out for a minute.  Not long.  I'll log back on.  And then, just, just react honestly.  OK?"

"Mia, what does that even mean?"

Mia seemed to ignore my question.  "I'll be right back.  Remember, just be you.  It'll be fine."

And she logged out.  I jumped up off the bed and paced the room holding my phone an inch from my nose.  Where did she go?  What was she doing?  What was she going to do?  What was I going to do????

Mia didn't lie.  She was back online.  "Hello pet."

I was so relieved, for no apparent reason...."Mia, hi.  What...."

"Get on the bed, pet.  Do you understand?"  I didn't understand.  I stood like a statue.  "Get onto the bed, now."

I scrambled up onto the bed, sitting cross-legged.  "Sure.  OK."

"No my pet.  You forgot who you are speaking to.  OK, what?"

I was caught off guard but not TOTALLY off guard.  And I smiled.  Mia is playing D/s with me.  We'd never done THAT before.  "I mean, OK Ma'am."

"Better pet.  I hope you're naked."  I wasn't naked.  I thought about just saying I was.  This wasn't for real, after all.  I'll just say, "Yes Ma'am, and keep the game going...."



"No Ma'am.  I'm in my pj's."

"Why didn't you get naked, pet?  Didn't you know I was on my way?  That's a bad girl.  Go get your tooth brush."  Holy SHIT!!!  My heart was absolutely beating out of my chest.  But I hopped down and retrieved my tooth brush from the bathroom.

"I have it."

"You have it what?"  Mia asked.

"Errr....I have it, my toothbrush??"

"Try again pet.  You have it.....WHAT?"

"Ma'am!!  I have my tooth brush, Ma'am."

"This isn't going to be easy for me, is it, slut."  I had no idea what to respond with, but Mia wasn't finished.  "That was going to be to swat your ass, slut, but instead, put it in your asshole."  I'm sure I was as pale as a sheet.  "Wait.  It's clean, right?"

"Yes Ma'am."  Thank God I remembered to say Ma'am.

"Good.  Make sure it's clean.  Suck it like a dick."  Slowly, carefully, I did as instructed.  I lapped  the tooth brush with my tongue.  I pushed it back, deep into my throat.  I wrapped my lips tightly around it and pulled it back and forth, in and out.  "Suck my dick, slut."  I held it with both hands so I wouldn't lose focus and so I wouldn't do anything to offend Mistress Mia with my other hand.  "Did you clean my dick, you whore?"

I was panting.  "Yes Ma'am."

"And where do you need to put Mistress's dick?"

"In my ass Ma'am."



"Good girl.  Now do it."



I slid the wet shaft of the tooth brush into my tight asshole.  I was carful.  The bumpy plastic was challenging.  It was uncomfortable.  I've never enjoyed anal intercourse.  I ended a relationship once over it.  It was a crappy relationship anyway, but his insistence on anal was the straw that broke the camels back.

"Is it inside you, cunt?"

"Yes Ma'am."

"And you don't like it, do you?"

Fuck no I didn't like it.  "No Ma'am."

"Stir it around until you do like it, slut."  Shit.  This sucked.  But I was doing it.  I was mesmerized now.  Something was mesmerizing me.  My mind had gone sort of blank at some point.  I don't remember exactly when.   But I was kneeling on the hotel bed fucking my asshole with a tooth brush.....and that was different.

"Now go get that bottle of bourbon, pet....."



(TO BE CONTINUED)