[This story contains various flattenings and mild spoilers for party members in Xenoblade Chronicles 2]

Twisting tunnels of pure cave walls were interrupted by ancient yet intricately carved structures of walls. A catacomb of turns and bends led from one ruined piece of a long-forgotten civilization to the next. These ruins, through deliberate and clever design by a dead society, resembled an Antol colony more than a place for people to inhabit. And through this winding maze of architecture, a group of voices bounced and echoed off the walls…

“The Zekinator says we go left at the next turn!”

“We already went left three times! We’ll go in a bloody circle if we turn that way again!”

“Wait, I could have sworn we went right two forks ago…”

“She’s right, Brighid, it’s been three. I think.”

“Tora’s feet hurt…”

“Poppi can carry Masterpon, if Masterpon wishes.”

“Th-That not necessary, Poppi!”

Rex and Pyra slowly trudged ahead of the bickering group of companions behind them. Though Pyra was able to light the way through the darkness of the abandoned structures, none of the band of errant adventurers were able to illuminate the correct path within the labyrinthine ruins.

“Pyra… I’m starting to think going on this mercenary mission ourselves wasn’t such a great idea…” Rex said, his shoulders drooping low.

“Yeah, but everyone else was busy, remember?” Pyra replied, “And that painter said that she really needed to make her paints from an ancient dye at the bottom of these ruins.”

Rex mulled things over for a second. “Y’know, I’m starting to think we need to set our priorities a bit better in terms of which little side adventures we choose to go on-”

“Oh! Look, torches!” interrupted Pyra.

The Aegis quickly jogged over to a series of old torches mounted across the walls ahead. Using her control of fire, she was able to light all of them in an instant. The entire party perked up at the suddenly well-lit hallway in front of them. Rex was finally able to get a good look at all his friends again: Zeke and his sassy blade Pandoria, Mòrag, the Inquisitor who wielded the power of Brighid, Tora the Nopon and Poppi the artificial blade, the feline duo of Dromarch and Nia, and, of course, his own beloved Blade, Pyra.

“Finally!” Nia’s heavily accented voice rang out, “Pyra’s light is all well and good, but I’d prefer not to have to stay three feet behind her just to see my own hand in front of my face!”

“I’m surprised these torches are even still intact,” Brighid observed, “Perhaps this path was not used frequently.”

The gang looked ahead at the path forward. For whatever reason, a long, tiled hallway had been built into this stretch of the cave. It was adorned with a series of huge tiles covering the walls and ceiling, with almost completely smooth tiles below. The only thing that really stuck out was a rather conspicuous lever all the way at the other end of the hall.

Pandoria clapped her hands together. “Welp, looks like I won’t have to worry about  constantly tripping over rocks for a bit!” She took a step forward, but was stopped by Zeke’s hand on her shoulder.

“Hold it, Pandy,” the unlucky prince said, “There’s some ancient writing carved into the wall over here. I believe it would behoove us to translate before we proceed.”

“Woooow, surprisingly thoughtful coming from you,” Pandoria replied.

“Hey, it’s probably important if they took the time to write it down!” Zeke shot back.

Ever the helpful Blade, Dromarch stepped forward. “I believe I understand this old language. Ahem… ‘To those who seek to take the easy path, beware: you may lose your depth for your arrogance.’” Dromarch turned back to the rest of the group. “It’s much more poetic in the original language.”

“That settles it, we’re turning right around and finding another way!” Zeke declared, already pivoting towards where they came from.

“Hold it, Shellhead!” Nia interjected, “We’re pretty much the most badass group in all of Alrest, don’tcha think we can handle some rusty old ruins?”

“I agree,” Mòrag added, with Brighid nodding in agreement behind her, “We’ve walked too far to backtrack now. Besides, if we spend too much time endlessly wandering without a good spot to rest, we may wind up too exhausted to continue. We should press on ahead.”

“Tora not want to risk deadly booby trap…” Tora said.

“But Masterpon, Poppi thought you liked all forms of booby,” Poppi replied. Since she was currently in her QTπ form, she pointed at her own well endowed chest.

“I’m not sure about this either,” Rex quickly added to change the subject, “My salvager’s intuition is telling me this isn’t a good idea…”

“That isn’t your salvager’s intuition, old chum,” Zeke said, striking a pose, “That is a man’s intuition! The sense of looming danger may simply be dulled on these ladies due to their tired feet or something.”

Tension rose. Eyes narrowed. The silence in the chamber was deafening.

“I didn’t realize part of being a man was being a big scaredy-cat baby!” Pandoria cut in through the silence.

“B-Baby?!” Zeke looked aghast, “You expect me to risk running into a hidden trap knowing my luck? I’d much rather take my chances navigating through these wretched tunnels! As a man, I can simply use my superior sense of direction to guide me!”

“Oh, so Shellhead thinks he’s a human compass now…” remarked Nia.

“Oooh, this hallway is soooo scary!” Pandoria mocked, “Check it out, I’m taking my first steps into my doooom!” As she spoke she took a handful of bold steps down the hall.

Click~

“Huh? What was-?”

WHAM!!!

The entire gang jumped from the heavy, kinetic thud that seemed to shake the very halls they had been traveling. It turned out the first section of the wall was not entirely as it seemed. Either side of the hallway had sprung forward in a split second to meet in the center, propelled by two cylinders that were now visible. After a moment’s pause, the walls then retracted, pulling back to their original positions. What was more interesting, however, was the thin strip left in the middle of the hallway.

“...Ow.” Pandoria managed to squeak out. The rest of the party didn’t even register she was still there at first; that is, until her flattened form crumpled into a haphazardly folded heap on the floor.

Pyra spoke up with her hands covering her mouth in shock. “...Oh my… I suppose that writing wasn’t kidding..”

“You ok there, Pandy?!” Zeke called forward to the fabric-like form ahead.

“I’ve… been better…” Pandoria replied with a small twitch of her form.

Zeke sighed, then summoned his sword. Delicately, he fished Pandoria back to where it was safe, then held her up to get a look at the damage. The electric Blade had been crushed while facing the rest of the group, and so was flattened sideways. Her left and right sides were now the only two sides she had left, making it impossible for her to simply look straight ahead through her oversized glasses. The eye on the side facing the group looked over them as her face grew pink from the gazes of her friends.

“...Yeah, o-ok… Now we know t-to be more careful…” Her speech was a bit muffled due to her mouth being stuck flat, but I’m just gonna write it like normal cuz writing this shit will get real exhausting if all these bitches start talking like that. Use your imagination.

“Correct,” Zeke said, “And by that you mean 'The Zekinator was completely correct in his assumptions, I apologize on behalf of all of us ladies, and we should simply leave the navigation to a manly man like you.’ Now, let’s get go-”

“Hold it.” Mòrag’s commanding tone brought all eyes on her, “Now that we know what the trap is, we should be able to avoid it without much issue.”

Brighid gave her Driver a sideways glance. She recognized that the Special Inquisitor of Mor Ardain was letting her competitive side get the better of her… But she wasn’t about to let an arrogant blowhard like Zeke take the win on this one. She nodded in agreement with Mòrag, confident in their abilities.

“That’s right!” Nia’s blood had begun to boil as well, “We don’t need a buncha smelly boys to guide us around like we’re some stupid princesses who can’t do anythin’!”

“My lady…” Dromarch said, already knowing that Nia wasn’t about to change her mind on this. Rex gave his armpit a test smell in the background, wondering where that comment came from.

“Alright! Fine!” Zeke declared. As he spoke, he started to messily fold Pandoria’s paper-like body into a more manageable size, which was accompanied by a series of muffled complaints from the Blade.

“Hey! Cut it out! That’s not supposed to fold that way! Watch it, jerk!”

Ignoring the protests, Zeke continued talking. “How’s about us chaps find a path to the other side of this cursed hallway, while you ladies waste your time getting crushed into mere parchment paper!” He ended his challenge by dramatically shoving the folded up Pandoria into his coat, sandwiching her between his chest and the garment.

“You’re on!” Mòrag and Nia both responded nearly in unison.

“I dunno about this…” Rex hesitated, “What do you think, Pyra?”

Shing!

With a sparkling shimmer, Pyra vanished, and in her place stood her more brazen personality, Mythra.

“We don’t need you guys to solve this one,” said Mythra, dismissively waving her hand at them to go, “I think us women can use our superior intellect to solve this silly trap.”

“Ah-! I-If you’re sure…” Rex stammered.

“Of course I am! Get going!” Mythra stomped a foot down for emphasis. Rex shrugged, apprehensively accepting that he had been volunteered for Zeke’s side.

Tora expressed his doubts as well, “Tora unsure if ladies will be alright from booby trap.”

Brighid responded this time, “Just hop on over to Team Misogyny, Mr. Closet Full of Maid Costumes.”

“Th-That Grampypon’s collection!” Tora retorted while also going to stand by Zeke and Rex.

Poppi tilted her head. “Poppi on opposing side of Masterpon?”

Nia looked over to her, “Well, you are female-coded, ain’tcha?”

“Poppi is coded to maximize cuteness and battle efficiency at same time.”

“...Just stay with us.”

And so, the genders separated from each other, leaving the men to navigate by torchlight through the never-ending cave system and the women to figure out a way past the sabotaged hall.

“...So,” started Nia, “Did anyone have any ideas?”

“Yes. It’s quite simple, really,” proclaimed Mòrag. She drew her whip-swords, then flicked it at the tile Pandoria had stepped on before. Quickly pulling the sword back, she smirked to herself as the wall trap once again activated.

THUD!!!

“We merely have to check each tile, and find which ones are safe to step on.”

“Wow, Mòrag is genius-level trap buster!” Poppi said excitedly.

“A bit boring, but not bad,” said Mythra.

Shing!

Pyra replaced Mythra to add the more positive comment, “That really is pretty smart, Mòrag!” Nia nodded in agreement.

With the plan forward settled, Mòrag and Brighid set to testing each tile along the floor, memorizing which did and did not activate the wall crushers. Minutes later, they had a path laid out before them.

“Alright, looks like there’s enough space to go two at a time. Brighid, we’ll start.”

“Of course, Mòrag.”

Driver and Blade proceeded forward, gingerly taking their routes step by step. Things went well at first, until Mòrag took a deep breath and felt a tingle in her nose.

“D-Dusty-!” Mòrag hissed under her breath. The impact combined with the heat of Brighid’s swords had created clouds of ancient dust that the two had to wade through. In a vain attempt to prevent the inevitable, she tried pinching her nose, but the tickle only got worse and worse until-

“Ah- ACHOO!”

The sneeze was so intense that it caused Mòrag to step back in recoil.

Click~

Mòrag and Brighid turned to face each other.

THWOOM!!!

The other girls jumped as the walls claimed their second victim of the day.

“Oof, that’s just rotten luck…” Nia commented.

The walls once again returned to their original position. This time, there was nothing in the middle, however, a quick glance to the side showed why this was. Looking at one wall, it was almost like a 2D image of Mòrag had been painted onto it. Well, at least an image of the back of Mòrag.

“Wait, Mòrag’s pasted to that side, but what about Brighid?” inquired Pyra.

She didn’t have to wait long for her question to be answered. Gravity soon acted on Mòrag’s single layer of a body, causing it to slowly peel off the wall. As her own weight dragged her toward the floor, the back of Brighid’s head was revealed on the other side of Mòrag’s. It didn’t take much longer for the two of them to flop down onto the floor, their flattened bodies landing gently enough to not set off the trap again. The Flamebringer and her legendary Blade were now just a double sided poster of their usual selves. On top of this, the two were smashed symmetrically face to face, leaving them locked in a ridiculously tight kiss.

“Brrhmm…!?” Mòrag grumbled from beneath her partner as she realized the situation they were in.

“M-Mrrrhm!” Brighid replied.

The two squirmed in random directions, lifting up a few millimeters in an apparent attempt to pull apart. Neither were used to being so instantly and thoroughly flustered. All sense of composure was out the window upon realizing their predicament. Their only saving grace as they wriggled around was that the others couldn’t see how hard they were blushing.

“Alright, alright, calm down…” Nia said in an effort to comfort the two newly flattened friends. She created a small, gentle current of water to drag them back to the safety of the start of the hall, then the whole group looked them over.

“Are you two ok?” Pyra asked.

“Hrrmm mmrhm hmmph…! Mrrrph…” replied Mòrag somewhat unhelpfully. With her lips locked with Brighid’s and her mouth and throat flattened as thin as paper, it was hard for her to form a coherent word.

“Yeah, sorry girls, but I’d have an easier time understandin’ a Volff tryin’ to teach me to do algebra,” Nia said.

Poppi poked the back of Brighid’s head, causing both women to let out a surprised squeak. “Poppi not realize flesh and blood so easy to squash.”

“Prrhphrr…” Brighid groaned.

“Let’s just leave ‘em alone for now, Poppi,” Nia said, firmly but nicely guiding Poppi’s hand away from Mòrag and Brighid’s prone forms on the floor, “Besides, I’ve got a plan now!”

“Really?” Pyra’s voice was filled with optimism, “What did you come up with, Nia?”

“I’ll just use my feline powers to jump past the floor traps!” the Gormotti declared, “Didja notice how the wall smasher thingies only go so far down the hall?” She was correct; the sections of the wall that smashed together only consisted of a portion of the long hallway. “If I just jump past that part, we should be good to go!”

“Huh…” mused Pyra, “Not quite as elegant as Mòrag’s solution, but hey, if it works it works!”

“Poppi excited to observe jumping power of Gormotti in peak physical condition!”

“A-Alright, no need to bend down and worship me…” Nia scratched her cheek and looked to the side, wearing her embarrassment on her sleeve. “Now, watch this!”

Nia hopped to the very edge of the danger tiles and got down on all fours. She then stuck her rear up in the air and wiggled it back and forth, getting a sense of balance perfected before the leap. Pyra tried her hardest not to giggle. After a few more seconds of wiggly preparation, Nia squatted down, putting her weight on her legs. Then, like a spring, she extended her whole body outward in a catlike leap forward! Her assessment of her own abilities wound up being accurate; she cleared the smashers with room to spare. She landed on the other side on all fours.

Click~

“Looks like I made-”

DHOOM!!!

Pyra and Poppi were even more startled than last time. While Nia did clear the wall smashers, none of the girls had been aware of the ceiling smasher a few steps further down the hall. It was nearly identical to the horizontal ones along the wall, but now the cylinder’s wrath came from above to smash all those beneath it. The two remaining three-dimensional girls stood on their tiptoes to peer at what was left of their catgirl companion.

As the smasher ascended back into the ceiling, Nia’s prone and very flat body was revealed to the onlookers. Like Mòrag and Brighid before her, Nia’s face was also hidden. However, instead of being locked in an unintentional kiss with a faithful companion, Nia was only getting a face full of the floor. With her limbs stretched out and splayed in an X-like pattern, she looked like a Looney Tunes character who had just fallen off a cliff and impacted into the ground. They don’t have Looney Tunes in Alrest, but you get the reference.

“Grrwwrrrr…” Nia emitted a muffled growl resembling the noise a cat would make while trying to put it in a bath.

Mythra popped into Pyra’s thoughts. “Wow, she’s even flatter than normal.”

“Pfft-!” Pyra covered her laugh and turned her head away from Poppi. “M-Mythra!” she chastised under her breath with the smile still in her voice.

“Hmm hmm hmm~” Mythra hummed innocently.

“Poppi see problem with Nia’s plan,” declared Poppi.

Pyra looked at Poppi, then to Nia’s face-down, flat form on the ground, then back to Poppi. “...Yeah?”

“Nia not have Leaping as Field Skill, unlike Poppi,” Poppi explained, “Poppi acquired Leaping level 4 by filling out appropriate node on Affinity Chart with Masterpon.”

“...Huh?” Pyra tilted her head.

“Pyra not need to worry,” Poppi said, stepping up to the plate, “Poppi will use Leaping power to make jump across booby traps!”

Crouching down, Poppi prepared the shapely legs of her QTπ form to spring herself forward. After a few rushed calculations on her own end, Poppi was ready to make the leap. And so, she burst forward through the air, nearly flying ahead! A half second later, she landed.

Click~

“Hrrnf?!”

Poppi looked down at her landing spot. She was standing on a very annoyed and confused Gormotti rug. She then looked up-

THMMM!!!

Pyra winced as yet another of her friends’ third dimensions was claimed by the maliciously devised traps laid before them. The ceiling smasher lifted back up to the ceiling, carrying with it a newly imprinted disc made of 100% artificial blade. After a moment, Poppi’s smashed form was dislodged from the oversized piston and came clattering down to the floor like a dropped metal serving tray.

“Hrnn!” Nia, who was now crushed even thinner and wider by the second smashing, grunted at Poppi’s impact essentially smacking her in her flattened butt (and the rest of her for that matter). The two failed jumpers then settled, with Poppi as an oversized coin with her face on top resting on the butt of a one of a kind Nia carpet.

“What happened, Poppi?” Pyra called out, “Did you not make the calculation right?”

“Ooouuugh…” Poppi’s eyes spun around the flat plane of her face like the hands of a clock spinning around, “Poppi forget… Only have Leaping skill in Poppi α form…”

“Wait, Poppi, why didn’t you just switch to that form and use your rocket feet thingies to fly across the traps?”

Poppi’s eyes focused in a moment of realization. “...Poppi… decline to comment.”

Pyra sighed. “I guess even artificial blades can be forgetful,” she said under her breath. “Alright, Mythra, looks like it’s up to us.”

“Don’t worry,” Mythra reassured, “There’s no way I’ll end up like that!”

Just then, a rumble came from the ceiling of the hallway. Pyra and Poppi, the only two still able to look up, looked up as small rocks and bits of dust crumbled down. Then, on the far end of the hall, a whole section of roof crashed down! Clouds of dust were kicked up all the way down to where Pyra was still standing. She coughed and waved her hands to clear the debris. After a few moments she was able to get a good look at what had fallen.

“Wait, is that…”

On the other end of the hall, right next to the lever to switch off the traps, was the group of boys that had departed earlier. Rex, Zeke, Tora, and Dromarch were all haphazardly piled on top of each other on top of a mound of what used to be the ceiling.

“Uuughhh… Tora tell Zeke floor not look stable!”

“Wh-, how was I supposed to know the whole bloody thing would cave in!”

“Oww, where did we even-” Rex started. He then looked up and noticed a bewildered Pyra staring at him from across the way. Momentarily confused, he looked to his side and saw the lever that so many girls had lost their depth to attain. He looked back to Pyra. A smug smirk began to creep on his face as he elbowed Zeke for his attention.

“What is it chap, did we-” Zeke took a second to get a hold of his surroundings. Noticing the same things as Rex, he too turned to Pyra. “Well well well, it looks like us guys-”

Shing!

“NO!” Mythra yelled across the hall, pointing a finger at the completely accidental winners of the group’s spur of the moment battle of the sexes. “That does NOT count! You got over there through PURE LUCK!” The powerful Aegis stomped her foot like a kid not getting the toy she wanted.

“Sorry Mythra, but we’re over here, and from the looks of things…” Zeke looked at the flattened women littering the hallway, “You ladies just weren’t cut out for it.”

“Oh yeah?!” challenged Mythra, “OH YEAH?!”

“Mythra-” Pyra interjected in their shared mind.

“You aren’t gonna convince me not to show them up,” Mythra replied.

“Oh no, that’s not what I was about to say,” Pyra said back, “I was just gonna say to make sure to rub it in their faces when you make it across.”

“Heh,” Mythra smirked. “You boys better not touch that lever over there!” she declared, “Cuz I’m about to show you what an Aegis can do!”

The gang of guys all stood up and got their bearings, most of them eager to see what this last non-flat party member had to show. “Mythra…” Rex called out, “I think enough of you have wound up falling for this thing. Just let us disable it first, ok?”

Mythra shot a glare at Rex that nearly paralyzed him in place. She focused, then used the power granted to her and her alone; the power of foresight. Seeing a few seconds into the future, she knew exactly which steps would result in a future of humiliating, crushing defeat. Knowing her path, she swiftly bounded ahead, barely even touching the ground as she practically skipped past both the wall crushers and ceiling smasher. She gracefully landed her final step well past the range of the second trap and a few meters away from the group of guys.

“Wow… Mythra so cool!” Tora was the first to break the silence.

“Yes, quite impressive,” Dromarch added.

“Good stuff Mythra!” Rex cheered, his pride in Mythra far outweighing any sense of loss in the silly game they were playing.

Zeke was the last to comment. “Hmmph. Not bad.”

Mythra’s triumphant smile told the whole story of how she was feeling. She put one hand on her hip and flipped her hair with the other. “I told you guys, some silly trap is no match for me,” she said. She moved her foot a step to the right to complete her little victory pose. “In fact, I-”

Click~

“Huh?”

Unfortunately for Mythra, her foresight only let her look so far into the future. With her guard down, she wasn’t able to predict that there would be one final trap at the end of the hallway, or that the trap would consist of two huge sections of the floor rapidly flipping up at 90 degree angles to smash her flat between them.

BWHMMMM!!!

“Ghhk-!” Rex grunted and completely tensed up while the others jumped in shock.

Tora looked over to Rex as the impact seemed to hang in the air for a moment. “Ahh, Tora almost forget! Rex-Rex feel same thing as Pyra and Mythra…”

“Oof,” Zeke remarked, “Sorry, buddy.” He patted Rex on his shoulder.

“R-Right…” Rex said through a stiff grimace, “I-It’s f-fine…”

The two floor panels then slowly slid back into their positions on the floor. The victorious visage of Mythra that had been there moments earlier was replaced with a two-dimensional counterpart. The powerful Blade had seen the panels coming just a split second too late, and her flinching response left her face as some ridiculous halfway point between triumphant smile and cry for help before being smashed flat. She stood stiff like a cardboard cutout, seeming to hang in the air for a moment… and a moment was what it took for Mythra to get a bearing of what had just happened.

“ACK! Pyra! Switch me! NOW!” She thought, animalistically desperate to escape any further embarrassment.

Shing!

Once again, Mythra vanished for half a second, then Pyra reappeared to take her place.

Click~

“Huh?!” asked a very disoriented Pyra. She suddenly felt the tightness of being flat, and she certainly didn’t want to look so ridiculous in front of everybody! “Mythra, I-”

CRRRMM!!!

“GAHH!” Rex cried out again. The lads all winced in solidarity as Pyra got her own serving of ancient person-crushing technology. The trap then retracted once again, leaving a Pyra standee. The uniform force of the impact spread her mass outward in every direction and left her one and a half times taller and wider than usual while reducing her depth even further. A discomforting tingle spread across the surface of her body in response to the new redistribution of mass. Based on these bodily messages, one thing was certain to her; she was not supposed to be configured to be so thin.

“That… wasn’t… good…” Pyra squeaked out through flattened lips.

“Y-Yeah…” Rex replied, “I can… t-tell…”

Then, nearly exactly in sync, both Driver and Blade slowly tilted backwards until each fell on their backs, Rex landing with a thud and Pyra with a soft wobble.

Zeke, Tora, and Dromarch looked over the pitiful state of their party. With six out of the ten capable fighters in their party reduced to posters, it was apparent to everyone that the proper course of action was to retreat before a big boss battle or something. After all, if they always lost in cutscenes with a full party, having less than half strength would be a disaster.

“Rex you doing ok, chum?” Zeke leaned down to check on the de facto leader of the group.

“Y-yeah… Just feelin’ a bit stiff is all…” Rex slowly sat himself back up, then even more slowly got to his feet. “A-After all, I’m sure this is nothing compared to what Pyra and Mythra are feeling…!”

Zeke nodded his approval, and the boys got to work. Making his way down to the entrance of the hall, Zeke found the still-writhing form of Brighid and Mòrag on the floor.

He stood over the plastered pair and crossed his arms. “Is that-... Oh my! Get a room, you two!”

The Mor Ardanian sandwich growled a response, which came off much cuter than either intended.

“I would be quaking in my boots if I couldn’t just stomp them down on you to stop you,” remarked Zeke. Mòrag and Brighid just seemed to get more infuriated by this comment based on the increased intensity of their wriggling. Zeke merely shrugged then lifted them off the ground. Like Pandoria before, he next began to fold them into a more manageable size.

“Hrrmph! Nnmgh! Hrrngh! Mmph~? Nnrrgh!”

After a series of folds, the Special Inquisitor of Mor Ardain and her famous Blade were both in a small enough little bundle to travel around with. Zeke shoved them into his coat pocket as with his own Blade, but on the opposite side so things didn’t get too crowded on the journey.

“Now you two behave yourselves,” he talked down to his coat pocket, “I know it must be exciting to be so near to the Zekinator, but I can’t have any distractions on the trip back.”

The reply was silence. Then, a slight warmth on Zeke’s chest… followed by a burning hot sensation and smoke coming from his coat.

“OW! Ow ow ow! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Zeke patted his chest in a panic as the heat calmed down. Muffled chuckles came from all three flatties, and Zeke just slumped his shoulders in defeat.

Meanwhile, Tora and Dromarch were taking care of getting Nia and Poppi set for the road. Tora picked up the Poppi disc and examined it closely… very closely.

“Meh-meh! Tora not realized Poppi’s body so compactible!” he excitedly exclaimed.

“Poppi not know either,” replied Poppi, “Although very interesting, can Masterpon please restore Poppi to original proportion specifications?”

“Sorry Poppi, will probably have to do that back at lab…” Tora said dejectedly before his mood picked back up, “But look! Poppi perfect size and heft to use in battle! Can wield Poppi just like Drill Shield! Could call this new form… Poppi Shield!”

“...Poppi does not want to be smacked in face repeatedly by big monsters…”

“R-Right…” stuttered Tora.

“Excuse me,” interrupted Dromarch, “But could you lend a hand? I don’t exactly have the proper digits to get my lady off the floor.”

“Hrrmm mmph,” Nia grunted in approval.

“Of course! Tora help right away!” Without even another moment’s thought, Tora took Poppi and, like using a coin to peel off a pesky sticker, scraped the top of Nia’s head off the floor.

“Ah! Improper use of Poppi!” chided Poppi.

“Yah, be careful with that! I mean, her!” the freshly able-to-speak-coherently Nia added.

“Tora sorry! Will be more gentle with the rest…”

After some careful peeling (with plenty of backseat advice and complaints from the catgirl sticker herself), Tora managed to free the floppy healer from being stuck to the ground.

“Right… That’s a bit better, at least,” Nia said, “Though it still feels awful tight, and I can’t exactly waltz around on my own like this…”

Dromarch stepped forward. “Would you like me to carry you in my mouth, My Lady?”

Nia’s wincing face was all the response Dromarch needed.

“Oh! Tora’s genius brain have idea for this too!” Tora nearly yelled. He set Poppi aside, then grabbed both of Nia’s floppy ribbon arms. He draped Nia over Dromarch’s back, then tied Nia’s two arms together in the front, effectively making her into a flowing cape on Dromarch.

“Tada! Impressed with Tora’s handiwork?” Tora proudly posed.

“Wow, Masterpon come up with graceful solution!”

“I believe this will work fine. Does it suit you, My Lady?”

Nia’s eyes narrowed and looked at each one of them. “...If anyone outside of this room finds out about this, I’ll tie these arms around your neck extra tight, got it?”

The rest nodded in agreement.

This left Pyra and Mythra as the final flattened femme to account for. Still feeling the residual effects of their flatness, Rex shuffled his way over to their paper-thin body.

“Will you be alright to carry them, Rex?”

“Oh, Gramps! Did you finally wake up from your nap?” Rex asked the small dragon-titan-thingy in his helmet. He was very sleepy and had to take a nap, which explains why Gramps has not actually appeared in this story up to this point despite being physically present.

“Ah yes,” responded Gramps. “My, it looks like she went through quite the intense smashing down there. Of course, this isn’t the first time. Why, I remember way back in the day, Mythra tried to prove how strong she was by lifting a smaller titan over her head-”

Shing!

“Azurda…” Mythra murmured a one-word threat through her flat, nearly frozen mouth.

“Hey now, get along, you two! You’re going to be riding together in my helmet on the way back.”

“Ah…” Mythra averted her eyes and asked, “...Are you sure you’re good to carry me? I mean, you must be feeling some of what I’m feeling now, which… probably isn’t pleasant for you. I don’t need you distracted by trying to protect me on our way out.” Her face grew a shade pinker as she spoke.

“Of course! I’ll carry you anywhere!” Rex declared. He knelt next to Mythra’s face, still stuck with a silly expression, and continued, “I’m only feeling a fraction of what you must be going through. Remember what I told you when we first met? No matter what, we’re going to make it to Elysium together-”

“Do not make this into a big emotional moment.”

“Ah! R-Right, sorry. Force of habit.”

Rex delicately lifted Mythra off the ground and set to packing her up for transportation as well. Unlike Zeke’s brutish crumpling methods, Rex carefully folded and creased Mythra in ways that seemed to cause the least amount of discomfort. If she weren’t too proud to admit it, Mythra might have admitted that being folded up like a piece of laundry wasn’t so bad… Of course, when she and Rex made eye contact and realized how hard they both were blushing, both had to suddenly avert their eyes and act like nothing weird was happening.

“Phew! That aughta do it,” said Rex. He had folded Mythra down to where only her face was visible on the outside surface. “You think you’ll hold up like that, Mythra?”

“Well, my whole body still feels like it’s under immense pressure, I can hardly move, and this is one of the most humiliating moments in my life…” she started, “...but I guess I could be worse.”

“It’ll have to do for now,” replied Rex. He then carefully placed his folded up Blade in his helmet behind him, taking up some space next to Gramps.

“So, Mythra, does this new form have its own name too?” Gramps coyly remarked to his new roommate.

Mythra’s gaze shifted to him. “Pyra. Hold me back.”

Shing!

Pyra’s two-dimensional face once again appeared in place of Mythra’s. “I think what Mythra is trying to say is… we really aren’t in the mood for jokes about this right now.”

“Alright mates, we got everyone?” Zeke asked the members of the party still able to walk on their own.

“Tora ready!” replied Tora.

“We are ready to depart,” responded Dromarch.

“Yep! Let’s get back on the road!” Rex said with his usual amount of optimism.

And so, the gang set out to escape the ruins and find a healer skilled enough to fix a group of girls with an acute case of the not-3Ds… and, if nothing else, they could always find some wind Blade to blow them back into shape.