"...And for the first season finale of Extreme Stunts: Extraneous Executive Explosion Edition, we have the winner of our fan contest!"
The camera panned away from Natalie, the seductive host of ES:EEEE, to a young woman energetically descending down the stair upon which the audience sat. As she walked down the stairs she repeatedly pumped her fists in excitement and high-fived audience members so hard that she nearly broke some of their wrists. Her only attire was a sports bra and some gym shorts, both of which served to show off her slim, athletic body. Her blonde ponytail bounced around as she finally bounded down the last of the stairs.
Grabbing the microphone from Natalie's hand, the girl screamed "I'M SO F-bleep-ng EXCITED TO BE HERE!"
"Haha, calm down dear, this is a family program," Natalie said with a hint of slight worry. "Would you tell us your na-"
"I'M KAREN AND I'M READY TO KICK SOME A-bleep!"
"Dear, please calm down, we have to pay for those," explained Natalie seriously nearly under her breath. "So, uh," Natalie began to regain her previous demeanor, "How about you tell everyone what you're stunt is going to be? Actually, on second thought, maybe I should-"
"WE'RE GONNA SHOW THAT CHRIS ANGEL IS A LITTLE P-bleep-Y A-bleep BI-bleep!"
Natalie gave a pleading look to the camera, intended for the producers of the show. "Maybe I should clarify. Back in the day, famous magician Chris Angel tried a magic trick where he got run over by a steamroller. Today, Karen here is going to try to outdo him..."
The camera pans to a line of five steamrollers entering the ginormous studio.
"Karen here said earlier that she could go through what Chris did a thousand times over! Unfortunately we couldn't afford a thousand steamrollers, but we'll make do! Karen, are you ready? Actually wait don't ans-"
"I WAS F-bleep-ING BORN READY MOTHERF-bleep-ER!" Karen yelled as she dove onto the ground in front of the first steamroller.
"... Well, good luck," Natalie said, clearly ready for Karen to stop talking. "Go right ahead boys!" she called out to the steamroller drivers.
Karen had rolled over on her back to get a better view of what was to come. As the first steamroller slowly approached, she braced herself. As the huge machine ran over her legs, she laughed. "THIS DOESN'T EVEN HURT! IS THIS A F-bleep-ING JOKE! I'M WAY BETTER THAN THIS F-bleep-ING THING! YOU CAN'T- MMPH!" She had continued her tirade all the way up until the steamroller ran over her face. The audience had been watching as Karen's body seemed to disappear underneath the behemoth roller. After her entire body had been run over by the second set of rollers, the audience could see what had become of Karen.
Unlike the aforementioned magician, this was no magic act. Karen's body had been crushed under the massive weight of the steamroller. It looked like she had been replaced with a poster of herself at the last second, but the paper thin figure on the floor of the studio really was her. She had been flattened while trying to resist the inevitable, her hands palms up in a futile attempt to stop the rollers, and her face stuck in a determined to win look. Karen moved her eyes around, a sign to the doubters in the audience that there was no trickery involved.
Natalie walked over to Karen and leaned down towards her flattened face, "Oh, looks like that first pass didn't treat you so well, huh?"
"MMMPHH MMM MM MMPPH MMMMMPPPHH!" Karen rebelliously mumbled through her now squished shut mouth.
"Well, don't worry dear, you're already one-thousandth of the way through with your stunt! Rev 'em back up boys!" Natalie once again yelled to the steamroller drivers as she stepped back. The drivers got straight to work, running over the now helpless Karen four more times. Karen was revealed once again, only this time looking slightly wider than before.
"Oh hey, looks like Karen is spreading out a bit. I thought she was tough, but I guess she's a big softy after all! Well, let's skip ahead and see what happens!"
The show cuts to a fast paced montage of Karen being rolled over multiple times, before cutting back to Natalie.
"And we're back with our special guest Karen! Though I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't recognize her after being rolled over 100 times so far!"
The camera pans down to what is left of Karen. Where the girls was laying mere minutes earlier was nothing but a mostly skin tone blotch. Near one end of the blotch was a smearing of some colors; a little bit of pink, some black, and some blonde, but other than that it was nearly uniform.
"I would ask our lucky contestant winner how she is, but I really don't think she could respond right now. Unfortunately for her, our show policy states that we won't stop the stunt until you explicitly say no! So I guess it's 900 more roll overs for you! While we do that, why don't we cut to a commercial break?"
The program cuts out, then returns to a cut. Out the studio window, it can be seen that it is now night time.
"Phew, finally, one thousand rolls! If you're wondering how Karen turned out, just look down!"
The camera pans down and away, revealing Karen's entire new form. Her body, having been rolled over so many times, had been spread out to multiple time its normal dimensions, leaving Karen as a smear across the entire floor of the studio. From wall to wall, Karen stretched, now an unrecognizable flesh colored mess. She had been spread so thin that she had practically no depth, to the point where she was actually slightly transparent.
"Well Karen," Natalie said, idly rubbing her foot into what was just a little space on Karen's now massive surface area, "It looks like you didn't fare too well after all. At least it was worth a shot! Everyone give it up for Karen!"
The audience applauded for the smeared out girl.
"Now, as for getting you back to normal... Well, the medical guys told me after about the 500th pass that they didn't know how they could possibly restore you, and we aren't responsible for anything that happens on the show, so it looks like you're going to be a cute little smear for quite some time. Or, I guess, a cute big smear. We needed new carpet anyway, so it looks like you'll be a permanent addition to our show!"
The camera panned down to Karen, only to play a womp-womp sound effect at her expense.
"That's all the time we have now, but join us next time for more Extreme Stunts: Extraneous Executive Explosion Edition!"
With that, Natalie walked off stage, and all over Karen's body, as the credits roll on the screen.
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"...So? Can't we do anything about it? It's been three more seasons since then!"
"I'm sorry sir, but I've been over the contract that she signed, and I really can't think of anything we can do."
"How can you be so nonchalant? My girlfriend got smeared into a see-through paste on national TV, and you're telling me that you, a lawyer, can find no way to get her back?"
The lawyer replied, "They have top notch lawyers I'm afraid. This thing is full proof. Afraid she's at their mercy."
Josh sighed. "Damn. Well, I guess I can't say I didn't try. They've let me into the studio to talk to her, but whenever I demand they restore her, they just say that since she's embedded in their floor, she's their property. Then they say that they couldn't even restore her if they wanted..."
"Well, didn't you say you already got a new girlfriend?"
"It's not about that OK? I mean, now I realize that she was, like, way too extreme for me, and she bossed me around all the time, but I still want her back. I mean, they've made her into a running gag! That hostess talks down to her all the time, asking her for her opinion on things! Can you believe that!"
"...I think it's kinda funny actually..." the lawyer guiltily responded.
"...That's not the point either." Josh once again let out a sigh, "Well, thanks for your help anyway. I guess I might just have to wait this out after all." Josh walked out of the lawyers office, wondering if Karen would ever get out of her predicament as a stain on the carpet of her former favorite TV show.