[F+M Shapeshifting, AR, N-AP, Memory Change/Suppression]

[CW: Non-Con, Breach of Trust]

“No!” I was exasperated with Lily’s incessant pleading. I sat there on the floor, taking care of the litter of puppies I just had as my original male self. I had been told three puppies was a typically  very small litter and that I could have expected as many as eight - or more! - but I still wasn’t thrilled with the whole “miracle of childbirth” thing.

So while I played with and fed the new puppies on the carpet - they were finally old enough to not need milk or ‘momma’ around anymore - Lily begged me to let us have a kid. I had started off by saying “not right now”, or “maybe in a little bit”, because I was honestly just exhausted from having gone through it myself. After a while though, my answers became more and more curt.

Apparently, just exclaiming “No!” isn’t going to have a positive reaction from a partner that really wants something, and has the power to get what they want.

“What do you mean, ‘no’?! Isn’t your whole thing ‘how could I say no’?” She stood over me, looming ominously. “Look, I know you want to, and I want to. I’ll take care of everything.” Lily paused, wiping a tear away. She looked like she wanted to say something, but changed her mind. “I love you,” was the final words I heard before she grabbed me by the shoulder.

For a moment, my world whipped and spun around me. This was the usual discomfort of changing, but I was actively getting smaller, shrinking down much like I had when I was a dog. Except I was a rather large breed of dog, and I was getting smaller than that quickly. I was also getting dizzy, both physically from the room spinning and reorienting, but additionally my head seemed to be filling with a fog that was impossible to think or reason through. It became a chore, and soon impossible, to even remember simple things like my name or where I was.

My last memory was Lily squatting over me, her large sundress forming a tent around me, and then darkness.

 ===

There’s a gap where I don't remember anything. It’d be impossible to remember, of course. Instead, my first memory was much like anyone else’s first memory: I was a toddler, a bright and colorful cartoon was on the television singing about numbers or something, and Clifford was reclined in just the right way to keep me propped up. But, like most memories, those weren’t the things that really stood out to me. It’s the smells, for this one at least, like how I could tell mommy was baking chocolate brownies in the kitchen, poking her head in frequently to watch me wiggle along with my animated friends.

Memories from around this time were sparse, understandably. How many toddlers have their earliest memories? There are a few constants though. Mommy was baking a lot. Clifford, our German Shepherd puppy, was always around. Other than that, not much happened for years.

 ===

The first day of school. A rather important day in any person’s life. While adults always go on about how it prepares a child for the future and it’s the path forward and all that, that’s not what kids think.

What did I think on my first day of school?

That’s a lot of people. That was it, no profound ideas to impart. Just shock and fear at the sheer amount of people. Fortunately, it seemed most of us were in the same equally terrified boat together, and quickly, we banded together. That’s when I met him.

Brandon. He made the heart in my little girl's chest nearly explode. He was nice, and cute. He shared his cookie with me, and during nap time, he laid down next to me. The end of school was rough, and hard to handle that day, but Brandon and I promised each other, as best we could in limited children’s speak, that we would see each other the next day.

Upon getting home, I couldn’t help but to talk mommy’s ear off. Brandon was wonderful, and clearly my new bestest friend forever. Mommy seemed…distant while I talked. In retrospect, it’s clear why, but I didn’t care at the time. I was just excited to have a friend.

 ===

Mom touched my face, and I felt a slight discomfort. It was almost itchy, but not quite; it was unlike any sensation I had felt before.

I had known for a few years that mom could shapeshift. Apparently she didn’t like going to the bar and people recognizing that the mother of one of the top students in the middle school drank from time to time. It was hugely cool when I found out, but now it was just a fact of life.

She had a rule though. She *could* change me, but she refused to. At least until I was eighteen, and could make major decisions for myself. Tonight though, for the eighth grade graduation dance, she made an exception. Nothing major, just some makeup and hair styling. Nothing that a salon couldn’t do, but this made it special. Mom and I shared a long moment, before the doorbell rang.

We both looked at each other, and we couldn’t help but let out two very feminine giggles. Wordlessly, she patted me on the shoulder and gestured to the door. Tears welled in her eyes, but she was smiling. She was proud of me, and of my man.

I rushed down the steps, wearing the dress I’d be dancing in that evening. I opened the doors, and there he was. “Brandon,” I whispered. He had literally taken my breath away, dressed in that fancy suit and holding a bouquet of flowers. He was such a sweetheart. I immediately grabbed him into a hug.

“Hey there Rose,” he whispered back, rubbing my shoulders with his free hand. I felt someone take the flowers out of his hand, because he was able to hold on tighter. Thanks, mom.

After long moments holding each other, we pulled away. I was tearing up, thankful for the permanent shapeshifted makeup mom had applied to me. “Wow, you look so great.”

He laughed and shook his head. “Not as perfect as you.” He smiled, and it lit up the room. Or, perhaps that was the flash of the camera, as a picture was taken of us. We both laughed and protested, more pictures were taken of us clutching together, and being a cute couple. After goodbyes and promises, we headed out for the dance.

Walking along to the school, Brandon started digging through his pocket. Eventually he pulled out something he immediately hid in the palm of his hand.

“Hey, Rose?” He stopped walking and turned to face me. I similarly halted, worried something was wrong.

“What is it?”

He smiled, and my heart sped up again. God, he had me under his spell when he did that. “Look, we’ve known each other for a long time. Nine years. It’s crazy to think we’ve been together for our whole lives. And, well, high school starts in a couple months, and I know people will be asking, so…” He held out his hand, and opened it so that his palm faced the sky.

There was a ring. The most ‘holy shit’ moment of my nearly fourteen years of living was happening right then. I help my breath out of instinct.

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

I tried my best not to scream, and I thought I could get away with a muffled yelp of joy. In fact, I did completely scream, causing a lot of neighbors to look outside concerned at us.

“Yes, Brandon, yes. Oh my gods, yes!”

 ===

“So, why can’t Brandon be here? It’s *my* eighteenth birthday after all.” I stomped my foot, frustrated with mom. She was setting all the rules, and didn’t even allow my boyfriend to come by later after she talked with me about adult shapeshifting things.

“Look, I am just saying, we need to discuss some stuff.” Mom looked way more tense than usual. Something was up, so I slowly slid into a dining room chair. “I… don’t know how to tell you this. You won’t believe me, until you work it out yourself. But… I changed you, before you were born. You're not my daughter.”

I paused, feeling my stomach do a sidewise lurch. “I’m…adopted?” The confusion rang through my voice, and I could see mom nearly start to cry. This wasn't making sense and I didn’t know what to expect.

“Here, I’ll just…show you.” She reached out to my forehead and laid her palm against it. For a long quiet moment nothing happened, and then with a sigh, she used her shapeshifting ability.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. My life as Jake - as a man - had been suppressed and kept from me for nearly two decades. That confusing transformation that final day as a man? That was myself being pulled into mom’s… Lily’s womb. She wanted a child, so she had one. A daughter, named Rose, who was her boyfriend.

“What… what the fuck did you do…” I mumbled, staggering out of my seat. “Why did you do that?” My voice was rising without my noticing, and the edges of my vision were going red. I couldn’t believe my mom… no, Lily, would have done this when I specifically said no.

Lily remained quiet. I looked into her eyes for an answer, and saw guilt and fear. But also, lurking deeper within was a sadness I’d never seen before. The normally happy-go-lucky girl was depressed. She hadn’t just violated and breached the trust of her first actually loyal boyfriend, she had put me in a situation where, as I grew up, I’d fall in love with someone else.

As if perfectly on queue, Brandon used the spare key I had snuck him months ago to come inside. “Hey, I heard yelling, what’s up? Is everyone ok?” The moment he saw me, shaking and crying in rage, the present and flowers in his hands dropped and he ran to hold me. I fought him for a long moment before succumbing to his hug. I sobbed, hard. What even was true? Which life was actually mine? Jake had been dead for eighteen years, essentially, so was I just Rose now?

“I… can fix this for you,” Lily whispered. “I can fix your life. But you have to trust me, one last time, and then I’ll leave.”

I shook my head violently against Brandon’s chest. No way was I letting her near me again. I’d just run away with Brandon, and never see her again. But Brandon, stroking my hair gently and holding me, whispered into my ear.

“I don’t know what is going on, but she seems genuinely upset. Why not let her help?”

I sighed. Of course the perfect guy would want me to try and make up, even if he was lost in the situation. I turned to Lily and nodded. “Alright, Lily. But I swear to the gods…”

She was over in an instant, hand against my head before I could finish my threat. Tears poured down her face as she whispered, “I’m sorry” over and over again.

I couldn’t feel the uncomfortable pull of the change. Instead, it was like my entire mind simply collapsed, like building blocks put under too much stress. I sat there, suddenly no longer crying as I felt nothing, and thought nothing. Then I realized what happened.

I didn’t have a past anymore. Not me, personally. It was hard to explain, but the events that were my past weren’t quite connected to me anymore. They were more like stories that I had lived through. I was still me, but I didn’t have a past anymore.

“Why?” I looked up at her, reaching out in confusion. She backed away, and I kept reaching for her. My arm grew and grew before I realized what happened. I was shapeshifting, on my own. Lily had given me independence from her, in every way possible. Losing your past must be what triggers becoming a shapeshifter, or a requirement somehow.

I looked at Brandon, and wiped my face as my arm returned to ‘normal’. At least, normal for Rose’s body. It didn’t even feel like my body, it was just the form I’d been growing in as part of this latest ‘story’ in my life. “Let’s go,” I whispered.

Before he could say anything, I was already out the door, and he was hot on my heels. I doubted I’d ever see Lily again.