“Hey Lizzie whatcha doin?”

Lizzie looked up from the row of little origami figures on the glass tabletop of their shared living room.  “Practicing for my new job.”

Sarah watched Lizze dust one of the figures with a feather duster.  “Oooh, you made it all sparkly.  How?”

“Magic!  They let me take it home to practice with it, but I had to practically sign my life away.  No messing with it.”

“Aww, but I wanna try.”  Sarah made a grab for the duster, and got her hand batted by it for her troubles.

“No!  It is not a toy.”  Lizze went back to carefully dusting a paper crane, adding an extra flick to make it slightly translucent.

“Um, Liz?”

Liz rolled her eyes but didn’t look up.  “What?”

“I can’t move my hand.”

That got Lizzie’s attention.  She turned to her roommate.  “You can’t?  Why not?”

“The duster, doofus.”

Lizzie brandished the brush at Sarah.  “I am not a doofus!  I didn’t know it worked on people!  I mean, we were told to be careful, but not why...  I guess I see why we were told to practice.”

“Practice later!  Fix me now!”  Sarah held out her hands imploringly.  Both were now frozen, and her right hand was looking pale.

“How?”

“I don’t know, brush me again or something.”

Lizzie did so, but was not surprised to see Sarah’s hands go completely transparent, clear as glass.  “That doesn’t fix anything, it just makes things look like glass.  See?”

“Fuck!  Lizzie, how could you?”

Lizzie waved the brush at her roomie.  “Easily.  Like this.”  She dusted up Sarah’s arms to the shoulder, doing a nice job of getting her sleeves and arms perfectly clear.

Sarah whined piteously.  “You’re a meanie.”

“Oh, don’t be a baby.  It’s not permanent.  We have to re-dust most things every day.”

“I’m going to be stuck for a day?  Lizzie!”

Lizzie shrugged.  “Hey, at least your arms will be nice and shiny...”

“That doesn’t really help.  Come on, there must be some way to speed it up.”

Lizzie sighed and set the feather duster down on the table.  She pulled a laminated card out of her pocket and squinted at the fine print.  “Uh-huh.  I see.  Yep, should have read this more carefully.”

“What?”

“It’s a duster.  What negates a duster?”

“Uh... dust?”

“Exactly.  And with the state of this place, all you need to do is walk around a bit, maybe bump against the blinds.  If that doesn’t work, try Katie’s room.”

A look at the blinds showed there was more than enough dust, and a shoulderbump to start them swinging freed up Sarah’s arms in a twinkling.  Lizzie started dusting them once Sarah had moved clear.

“Hey, we might need those later.”

Lizzie shrugged.  “There’s enough dust around this place you’d probably be free in a few hours anyway.”

“You should dust Kathy.  She never cleans up around here.”

They exchanged a wicked look, and tiptoed into Kathy’s room.  A few whisks with the featherduster left their sleeping roommate glossy and inanimate.  They giggled and high-fived, and then had to find dust to fix Sarah’s hand again.

Some hours later, Kathy emerged from her room stretching and yawning.  “Man, I slept like a log last night.  How’ve you two been?”

“Oh you know, the usual,” replied Lizzie.  “Tidying up around the place.”

“Good.”

After a late breakfast and a later lunch, Kathy was crashed out on the couch “watching” TV, but in reality napping.  Sarah and Lizzie conspired at the other end of the room.

“She’s asleep, we could get her again.”

“Do you really think she’d notice?”

“Worth a try.”

Lizzie shrugged, and crept up on their sleeping roomie.  A gentle whisking later and she was a glossy statue of herself once more.  “She does look pretty like this.”

“Not the point.”

“What is?”

“Well... at least she’s stopped snoring?”

They put on their favourite soap opera, and were able to watch the whole thing through without one snide comment from Kathy.  She stirred just as it was ending, yawned, and stretched.  “Hey, is it time for Mythbusters?”

Lizzie and Sarah groaned, but Kathy had already snagged the remote and was flicking through the channels.  They left her to it, conspiring once more.

“Do you think if we got her head first, she’d fall down or stay standing?” asked Sarah.

Lizzie gestured toward Sarah’s room.  “Talk there.”

Sarah started to turn once she heard Lizzie close the door behind them.  “Talk abou...”

Sarah blinked awake, lying on her bed.  “You minx!” she hissed.

Lizzie giggled.  “You froze right up.  Good thing your blinds are as dusty as the ones in the main room.  This is going to be fun.”

Lizzie returned to the living room and puttered at dusting the shelves, the blinds, and whatever else needed it.  When Kathy finally stood up, she was there with the duster, and a quick paff to her head left her standing like a statue.   A sweep down front and back left her glossy as well, and then it was time for the fun part of the plan.

Kathy blinked.  “Hey Vern.”

“Oh, hey Ms. Kathy.  Thanks for the help.”

Kathy glanced down at the sandwich board she was wearing.  “Oh.  Sure.”  She noticed how little she was wearing under it.  “Mind if I borrow this for a bit?”

“Not at all.  Dinner rush is over.”

Kathy walked up to the apartment with a puzzled look on her face.  “Was I sleepwalking?” she asked Lizzie.

Lizzie and Sarah burst out into giggles, but Lizzie recovered in time to nod.  “Yeah.  Couldn’t stop you, so we did the next best thing.  I’ll take the sandwich board back to Vern.  Want some fries?”

“Yeah, sure.  Thanks.”

Sarah followed Lizzie to the door.  “Seriously?  Sleepwalking?”

“She’s done it before, but never outside the apartment.”

“I cannot believe she doesn’t realize yet.  Now what are we going to do?”

Lizzie grinned wickedly.  “Wait for it.”

Kathy blinked awake in the corner park near their apartment.  A flight of pigeons fluttered all around her, fleeing abruptly.  “That’s odd.  Why were...”  She sighed as a downward glance revealed not a stitch of clothing.  “Bother.”

Kathy strolled back to the apartment as serenely as she could, nodding to passers-by as if she did this all the time.  Nobody commented, but there were a few soft wolf-whistles from behind her, and the occasional crash of a pedestrian running into a newspaper box.  And more than one slap.

She tapped politely on the door of the apartment, and a grinning Lizzie let her in.  “This sleepwalking thing is getting terrible.  Why didn’t you stop me?”

“Sorry, you weren’t here when we got up.  Sarah’s making pancakes, want some?”

“Of course!  It wouldn’t be Sunday without her pancakes.  Yum.”

Kathy stumbled her way to the couch, and dropped into it heavily.  “Hey, whose featherduster is here on the table?”

Lizzie squeaked, but didn’t say anything, watching out of the corner of her eye as Kathy swished it about.  And then tried to tickle her nose with it, and froze up.

“Did she just...?”

Sarah giggled.  “Yeah, she did it to herself this time.  Better fetch the duster before this gets worse.”

Lizzie walked over to do just that, but found that Kathy’s grip on the handle was as firm as the rest of her.  She wouldn’t budge at all.  “Hey, Sarah, give me a hand with this.  Maybe we can pry her fingers open.”

“Just a minute for this last batch.”  Once the pancakes were perfect, Sarah flipped them into a warming tray with the rest, and slid it back into the oven to stay warm.  Unfortunately for both of them, when Sarah knelt on the couch beside Kathy, a spray of dust went up from the cushions.

Kathy yelped in surprise to see Sarah’s face right in front of hers, and batted at it with the duster.  Sarah tumbled back a step and ended up seated on the table.  “Sarah?  Why is your face all glossy?”

“Well...” started Lizzie.  “You see...”

“The duster.”  Kathy pointed it accusingly at Lizzie’s face, close enough to give it a lovely gloss.

Lizzie stood there, unblinking.

“Well?  What do you have to say for yourselves?  Aren’t either of you going to talk?”

A few more swipes with the brush turned Lizzie’s arm and head to glass.  Kathy stared at what she’d done.  “What on earth is going on here?”

Seeing that neither girl was about to answer, Kathy sighed.  “Fine.  Be that way.”  She gave Lizzie another poke, then yelped as Lizzie started to topple.  Kathy lept from the couch and managed to guide Lizzie to an ungentle landing in her place.  Dust billowed, and Lizze sat up with a cough.  “Damn it.”

“You’ve been doing something.  The sandwich board.  The park.  That was you.”

“You didn’t react to the first few times.  Just kept on sleeping.  Boring.”

“Boring?  I’ll show you a reaction alright!”  Kathy shouted.  She swept the duster across Lizzie’s face once more, then sighed.  The only people who could tell her how the duster worked were unable to talk.  Still, she figured, Lizzie had changed back fairly quickly.  Perhaps some further experimentation was in order.

Lizzie blinked.  “Hello?”

Kathy wandered into the living room.  “Ah good, you’re awake.  I’ve been dusting your bodies every few hours, but leaving your heads free, I’d hoped for this.”

Lizzie tried to look downward, but couldn’t move her neck.  “Ah.  That would explain the glass arms.  What are you going to do to us?”

“Yeah,” added Sarah, “This was all Lizzie’s doing.  She got the duster from work.”

“Way to throw me under the bus, Sarah.”

“I think both of you have been freeloading far too long while I pay the rent.  I’ve had to work extra shifts to cover, and... well, statues won’t eat me out of house and home, will they?  All I have to do is dust you twice a day.  I can manage that.”

“Please, Kathy.  I just got this job, and I really want to make a go of it.  Working with the duster is so cool, I’d hate to lose it.”

“Fine.  If you keep the job, you’re not freeloading.  Sarah, now...”

“Hey, don’t I usually do the cooking?”

“Well, yeah... but Lizzie’s almost as good a cook, and now that she’s paying a share of the rent I can afford takeout more often.”

“So you’re going to leave me... what?  A decoration?”

“You make a very pretty statue.  A little overdressed, mind you.  And the pose could use work.”

“You can’t do that to...”  A swipe of the duster silenced Sarah.

“I really prefer my statues a lot quieter.”

“That wasn’t very nice, Kat.”

Kathy brandished the brush at her.  “You don’t work until tomorrow morning.  You could join her.”

“Um... so what do you want for dinner?”

“Make it good.”

Lizzie wiggled her nose.  “I can’t cook like this.  I could order a pizza?”

Kathy pondered that for a moment, then tickled at Lizzie’s throat with the brush, turning it to glass.

Lizzie gasped faintly.  She tried to speak, but found she could only whisper.  “Now I can’t even use the phone,” she sighed.

“I can order pizza just as easily as you can.  More easily, at the moment.  And this way, I won’t have to share it.”

“Please Kat... Kathy.  I don’t want to spend the night as a statue.”

“Tough, say goodbye.”  Kathy raised the duster high.

“Lookout!” hissed Lizzie as loudly as she could.

Kathy spun about, and dropped the duster in her haste.  It glistened her arm on the way down, then caught her face and one breast before it fell to the floor.

“Kathy?” asked Lizzie weakly.  “Oh bother.”

An hour passed, and nothing in the tableau changed, other than how the slowly setting sun glinted through Sarah and Lizzie’s body.

Lizzie tried once more to blow and stir even the slightest bit of dust.  Nothing.

“I am so leaving that duster at work on Monday.”

*** *** ***

“Ah, Lizzie.  How did your practice with the duster go?”

Lizzie set the duster on the glass tray reserved for the estate’s collection of them.  “I learned that it works quite well on people, Mr. Chaparral.”

“None traumatized, I hope?”

Lizzie shrugged.  “One annoyed, one... I think more amused than anything.  She asked if you had any openings.”

“Not for staff, no.  For statuary, however...”

Lizzie chuckled warmly.  “I think she’d be willing.”

“Pretty?”

“Quite.”

“Excellent.  There’s a garden party next weekend, and glass statues are always a favourite.  I don’t suppose you know of any other volunteers?”

“Me?” asked Lizzie.

“Ah good.  Two statues are better than one.  Thank you.”

Lizzie blinked.  “Did I just agree to be a statue for the weekend?”

“That was my impression, yes.  There’s a substantial bonus in it for you, I do hope you’re not reconsidering...”

“I...  Sure.  Sounds good.  At least the time passes instantly.”

“You sound disappointed.”

Lizzie looked away, failing to hide a grin.  “It made it harder to prank our roommate.  She thought she was sleepwalking.”

“Oh dear.  I don’t suppose you’d be interested in borrowing something a bit more entertaining?”

Lizzie’s head snapped back to stare into the twinkles in her boss’ eye.  “Heck yeah.  Wait... what are you up to?  You don’t have hidden cameras watching us, do you?”

“Oh goodness me, no.  We have no need of such things, when we have a crystal ball that lets us scry employees.”

“What?”

“It was in your contract.  You did read it, yes?”

“I thought that part only counted when I was at work!”

“Or when in possession of estate property.”

Lizzie studied Mr. Chaparral carefully.  “So... I can borrow prank-appropriate magic, as long as I understand we can be watched while using it?”

He grinned and nodded.  “That is why we loan out the dusters so readily.  To see who has potential.”

Lizzie offered her hand to Mr. Chaparral and he shook it.  “I think this is going to be fun for both of us.”

*** *** ***

Kathy eyed Lizzie warily.  “You’re far too smug.  You’ve got another of those damned items up your sleeve.”

Lizzie held out her arms.  “Nothing up my sleeves.”

Kathy peered at them suspiciously.  “Fine.  I’m just... tired of being the coyote for all your ACME pranks.  I’ve been flattened, inflated, folded, laminated...  Then there was that vacuum cleaner that slurped me up and turned me into a bowling ball.”

“We won the tournament that night because of you.  That was a good one.”

“For you, sure!  But the coyote at least gets the joy of scheming, and playing with toys, before he’s the butt of the joke.  I’m sick of it.  Leave me out.”

“Aww.  Are you sure?”

Lizzie held out a package tied with a big bow, and a comically oversized tag that said “To Kathy”.

“This isn’t going to spring open and do something terrible to me?”

“Mr. Chaparral has heard your rant before.  Said it was his apology.”

Kathy set the package on the kitchen counter, then used a pair of tongs to pull the ribbon.  Nothing exploded, no mystic glows emanated.  She peeked inside with one eye scrunched closed, then opened both in wonder.  “Woah, that looks cool.”

“What is it, what is it?” asked Lizzie eagerly.

Kathy lifted out a gleaming silvery ovoid, with an obvious pistol grip, and a spiky emitter tip ringed in gold.  “Disintegrator ray.”

“Holy...”  Lizzie backed away.  “Don’t...”

Kathy aimed it at her.  “Then don’t do anything stupid.”  She glanced down at the card that was under the ray-gun.  “Oh.  Oho!  Well, now.”

“What?”

Kathy carefully checked the lever on the side of the grip.  “Perfect.”

“What?” repeated Lizzie, then a beam from the ray gun caught her in the belly.  “Ooooh, it feels all ting...”  The light spread across her body rapidly, then all that was left was sparkling dust that rapidly whisked away into the disintegrator.

Kathy flipped the leer to “Reintegrate”, and pulled the trigger once more.  Sparkles shot out of it, and reformed into Lizzie.  Except this time, she was six inches shorter, and much curvier.

“What?”

Kathy giggled.  “Re-integration mode.  It brings you back in whatever shape I imagine you.  Now let’s see if I can get the aim just so...”

Kathy lined up the shot while Lizzie cringed.  A moment later, Lizzie’s body was sparkling away, and her clothes fell to the floor unoccupied.

This time when Lizzie reappeared, she was a potted plant, with a skin-tone pot, and her face in place of the flower.  Ten purple dots lined the edge of the pot, matching her nail polish.  “What?”

Kathy picked her up and set her on the counter.  “This way you can brighten the place up.  Now... where’s that no-good co-conspirator of yours?”

Lizzie shook her head.  Flower.  Whatever it was.  “Not telling.”

“Like she’ll be hard to find.  I can hear her music from her room.”  Kathy prowled off.  There was a brief flash from Sarah’s room, then she returned, grinning like the cat that got the canary.  “Didn’t even have to aim.”

Another skin-tone potted plant appeared beside Lizzie, this time with multiple smaller flowers, one for each eye, one for the nose, and the last for Sarah’s lips.

“Hey Kathy.”  Sarah waved a leaf at her.   “Turnabout time, is it?”

“Yep.”

“How long does this one last?”

Kathy checked the note again.  “It just says duration: reversible.”

Lizzie winced.  “That means we’ll only change back if you change us back.  You could leave us like this!”

“Oh, you know me better than that, girls.  I’m not going to leave you like this for long.”

“Oh.  Whew.”

“I need a pair of shoes to go out dancing tonight.”

“Kathy!  No!”

“Oh, yes.”  Two quick zaps silenced the objections, letting Kathy get on with preparing.

Later, she reformed them as promised, with their cute little faces pointing up from her toes, and their mouths quite firmly sealed so their objections could not be heard.

*** *** ***

As usual, Kathy arrived home at an hour she considered late, but her roommates would have laughed at as being ridiculously early.  Her shoes were not laughing.  Smirking, yes, because for once Kathy was coming home with a guy.

Kathy kicked her shoes off the moment the door closed behind them.  “Ah, relief at last.  These are the most comfortable shoes I’ve ever owned, but dancing still takes it out of a girl.”

James chuckled.  “You were remarkably energetic out there on the floor.  I was hard pressed to keep up.  I don’t suppose I could trouble you for a cold drink?”

“Alcoholic or not?” asked Kathy as she picked up her shoes.  She rolled her eyes at the expressions she saw on their toes.  “Shush, you.”

“Whatever the lady’s having,” was the reply.

Kathy set her shoes on the living room table, then headed into the attached kitchen.  She pulled a couple of brightly coloured tins from the fridge, and offered one to James.  He raised an eyebrow at the improbable mix it suggested, then popped the top and tried it anyway.  After mulling it for a moment, he tried another sip.  “Oddly refreshing.”

“I know, right?”  Kathy sat on the couch, and poked at one of the shoes.  “Sarah found them at one of the local shops.  Just enough alcohol for a little buzz, and tastier than it has any right to be.”

James took another contemplative sip, then sat down on the couch an arm’s length from Kathy and studied the shoes.  They appeared to be making faces at him.  “Not quite a matched pair.  Where on earth did you get those?”

Kathy giggled, almost snorting a bit of her fizzy drink up her nose.  “Oogh.  Those are my nosy and annoying roommates.”

“Truly?  How did they end up in such a predicament?”

“Magic.  These two brats have been borrowing magic from her employer.”  Kathy poked the other shoe, whose eyes went momentarily wide with alarm as it toppled.  “They’ve done all kinds of crazy stuff to me with it, I’m their favourite victim.”

“As crazy as turning them into shoes and dancing on them?”

“Worse.  I’ve been blown up like a balloon, turned into confetti, flattened, and used as all manner of things.  I spent last weekend as their beach towel, and the one before that as suntan lotion.”

“In the right hands that last one sounds pleasant enough.”

Kathy chugged a mouthful of her drink and then sighed deeply.  “You want the honest answer?”

“I would very much appreciate it.”

Kathy eyed him suspiciously, then abruptly nodded.  “Yeah.  I didn’t tell them, but...  God, that one felt really damn good.”

“Has any of it felt bad?”

Kathy quickly shook her head.  “It doesn’t hurt.  Otherwise I’d never have done this to them.  I’m not cruel.  It’s just... the snickering.  It sounds so childish to whine about it, but they’re always so damn smug whenever they get the drop on me.  Like I should have guessed that stepping on the big red X on the floor would get me smushed into a pancake by some kind of randomly appearing anvil.”

James snorted at the description.  “Sounds like you’re living in some sort of cartoon.”

“Haw!  Yeah, I keep bitching about that.  Always the coyote, but never access to that sweet ACME vault of toys.”

“It does seem unkind of them to always be picking on you.  I do hope turning the tables on them has improved your mood.”

Kathy’s grin in reply to that was immense, and she pulled the disintegrator out of her purse.  “Oh yeah.  I don’t know who decided I should get to play with this sweet thing, but getting to zap them was so much fun!”

“You’re welcome.”

Kathy blinked at James for a beat.  Then the disintegrator swung to point at him.  “Explain.”

“James Chaparral, at your service.”  He bowed as best he could from his perch on the couch.

“You’re Lizzie’s Mr. Chaparral?  With the vault of toys?”

“One and the same.  I have access to the estate’s collection of treasures, and Mr. Thompson has rather particular tastes.”

Kathy’s eyes narrowed.  “It wasn’t a coincidence, running into you at the club.”

“Magic is expensive.  The ‘toy’ you’re pointing at me is worth more than either of us, partly because of how flexible it is.  So we have a crystal ball that can watch...”

James was cut off by the disintegrator firing, turning him into a scatter of sparkles.  He reappeared as a throw pillow, and continued unperturbed.  “That can watch any of our valued possessions.  I wanted to ensure there were no rampages.”

“And how would you do that?  You don’t appear to have any defense from it.”

“Many of our more interesting items can only be used by permission of the owner.  That permission can be easily revoked.”

Kathy zapped James again, watching avidly as he sparkled away into glittering dust and vanished into the disintegrator.  “Can’t take it if you can’t talk.  But... you didn’t seem inclined to.”  She drained her drink, sighed, and zapped James back into existence.

James smiled as he realized he was human again.  “Forgiven?”

“For?”

James winced.  “Spying on you.  On all of it.  Your reactions have been delightful, so unflappable.  Even your rants have been entertaining.”

“You’ve seen...  Jesus.  The one that backfired on the both of them, and I...”

“There’s a privacy filter of sorts.  It blurs out certain things.”

“But not my expression.”

James blushed.  “No.”

“I could turn you into another, and go to town again.”

James tried and failed to cover a smirk.  “Do you think I’d object to that?”

Kathy set the disintegrator down on the table.  “You’d enjoy it.  Far too much for my tastes right now.”

“Right now?”

“You’re not getting lucky tonight.”

“Tonight?”  James smirk was gone from his lips, but not his voice.

“Let me keep the zapper, and I’ll feel much more inclined to forgive your intrusions.”

“Ah,” sighed James.  “While I can loan out items from the treasury, I can’t give them away.”

Kathy pouted.  “I have to return it.  How soon?”

“At some point.  I’m afraid it is estate policy to only loan out one item per person.  So if you were interested in anything else from the vault, perhaps something that doesn’t leave its victims faces plastered over the object in question...”

Kathy giggled.  “I rather like the effect.  Lets me see how they’re taking it.  If it’s all the same to you, I think I’ll hang on to this a while yet.  I have a few things I want to try first.”

James finished his drink and set it down.  “I am at your disposal.”

“Oooh, nice.”  Kathy fired, and he sparkled away into dust once more.  She got up then glared down at the shoes.  The delighted looks on their faces made her roll her eyes.  “That’s enough out of you smug gits.”

Kathy tossed both shoes under the couch, then headed for her bedroom.  “Apology accepted.”