Behind a door marked “16 - R. J. Lupin, DDS” lay a typical sort of dental practice. Inside the practice, it had started as a typical sort of day. Patients shuffled in and out, emerging with bright smiles and clean teeth, or the occasional grimace at news of a cavity.
Dr. Lupin had just wrapped up a particularly fiddly filling. “Alright, now I can look at that x-ray of yours, Mae. What’s the problem?”
Mae gave him a harried smile. “I’ve checked and double-checked them. These are definitely the x-rays I took today, but they don’t match Mr. Green’s file.”
Dr. Lupin frowned. “Have we got the wrong X-rays in the file?”
Mae shook her head. “We have five sets going back ten years. All of them match each other, but this one is way out.”
“And you’re sure it’s the right file?”
Mae handed him the file. “Same birthday, same address. I checked.”
Dr. Lupin strolled into the exam room Mae indicated. “Let’s see what mystery we have here. Good morning Mr. Green. Could you sit up a little, please?”
He put the X-rays up on the illumination box. “Here we have the X-rays we took today, and here we have your previous set. A couple little ghosts I wanted to keep an eye on, nothing serious... except if you look at them side by side...”
Mr. Green leaned forward. “They look like teeth.”
“Do they look like the same teeth?”
Mr. Green looked back and forth between the two. “Uh... not exactly?”
“So we have a little mystery. Either my old file is wrong, or you’re an impostor, or...”
Mr. Green’s eyes went wide. “Oh! I used one of those Venn Machine thingies last month. Couldn’t get those last 20 pounds off, so the wife and I made each other a touch thinner.”
Dr. Lupin sighed. “Ah. Well. That does put a new light on things. And it explains the missing fillings.”
“I need fillings?” asked Mr. Green worriedly.
“No, no. The old ones on file. They’re gone. You have perfect teeth. Congratulations.”
“Oh! Well lucky for me.”
“Indeed. Perhaps not for me, though. I might be out a job.”
*** *** ***
“Richard, could you take a look at this X-ray, please?”
“Another oddity, Mae? Did you ask them if they were Venned?”
“Yes, it’s on the intake form like you asked. Mrs. Scarlett said she changed back to normal specifically for her checkup.”
“How kind of her,” said Dr. Lupin dryly. “So what’s the problem?”
Mrs. Lynn handed over the file. “She had a couple of lesions you’d been worried would develop into cavities, as you see.”
Dr. Lupin sighed. “I remember. Unless her habits changed, we’ve got some fillings to do this time around.”
“That’s just it. Her teeth look perfect. And her receding gums have grown back.”
Dr. Lupin blinked. “Truly? Well, let’s hear what she’s been up to.” He strode into the exam room. “Good afternoon Mrs. Scarlett. I hear you’ve been very good about your dental care.”
“I have?” asked the woman in the chair. “I... um, well...”
Dr. Lupin put on his friendliest smile. “It’s fine, we won’t judge. I’d like to know what to recommend to my other patients. Your teeth look like they’re years younger.”
“I spent the last year as a vase.”
“I’m sorry, come again?”
“I hate needles and fillings, and I told my best friend about my worries. She promised me that if I let her transform me into an object, I’d get better. I... guess she was right? My teeth feel so much better now, and you said they were perfect.”
“Yes... But isn’t that a little extreme?”
Mrs. Scarlett’s cheeks pinkened. “I suppose. But... I’m seriously considering going back.”
“Truly? Why on earth would you do that?”
“I used to work in clothing retail. My store closed, what with the Venn Machines making it easy to update your wardrobe and all. Being an object is just so... simple. No daily grind, just stand there and be pretty.”
Dr. Lupin shook his head. “Should I set up an appointment for a year from now?”
“I’ll get back to you on that. Depends on how persuasive my friend is. This time she wants me to be her bra.”
Dr. Lupin glanced over at Mae. “I guess put her down for a reminder call in a year, and we’ll see.”
Mae nodded and hustled away to the front desk. After Mrs. Scarlett had left, Dr. Lupin found her staring out the door. “Problem?”
“I wonder what it would be like. I don’t suppose you’d like a glass sculpture for the front desk for a few days? I have some vacation owing.”
“And it has been fairly quiet. If you’d like to spend your days off that way, that’s fine by me. We could stand to pretty the place up a bit.”
*** *** ***
“I’m sorry, Mae Lynn is unavailable until next week.”
*** *** ***
“Hey boss, what do you think? Pretty, right?”
“Mae...”
“Oh come on, Doc. It’s just the two of us this week. Let me be informal.”
“I cannot believe you talked the other hygienists and my receptionist into becoming display pieces. It is very pretty, I’ll grant, but still...”
“Case load is way down, you’re going to have to let someone go. I think I can talk Tina into staying on as a sculpture.”
“Why would I do that?” asked Dr. Lupin.
“Because she’d be willing to take odd shifts on an as-needed basis. There’s a new Venn Machine not ten minutes drive from here, I could be there and back again first thing in the morning, then again to change her back at the end of the day. No rent, no bills, what she’d make would be pure profit.”
“Is that even legal?”
“If she’s not human, employment laws don’t apply.”
“But she’d be human during the days she’s working,” protested Dr. Lupin.
“Not necessarily. I could turn her into a robot. She’d have all the same skills, but she’d be completely sterile, and unable to catch any kind of disease. Been thinking about it myself, to be honest. The kids are old enough that they’d adapt to a new look, if I don’t change too much. And being able to turn off my nose for little Danny’s stinky diapers...”
Dr. Lupin nodded slowly. “I suppose I can see the advantage. Fine, we’ll try that out next week.” He looked around the office then sighed. “I guess I’m on reception duties today.”
“You’ll do fine. We’ve only got four patients today, and five callbacks for tomorrow. Lena left the files out for you. It’ll do you good to chat with a few more people.”
Dr. Lupin chuckled. “You do seem to know what’s best.”
Mae winked at him. “You know it.”
*** *** ***
“Welcome to Dr. Lupin’s full service dental clinic, how can I help you today?” asked Mae cheerfully.
“Wow, Terry was right. You really are a robot.”
Mae smiled. “I get that a lot. Yes, all our hygienists and staff are Venned for maximum sterility.”
“Cool. Um, I haven’t had my teeth looked at in... kinda way too long. It doesn’t bother me when I’m, er...”
“Venned?” asked Mae.
The lanky guy nodded. “Yeah. I’ve been spending a lot of time as a girl, and her teeth are fine. Mine... not so much.”
“Have you considered full-time Venning?”
“Can’t. Work’s picky about iris scans of late, one of the IT guys let his girlfriend talk him into ‘trading lives’ for a while. Boss was furious when he found out, fired him on the spot.”
“That’s terrible. What happened to him?”
“That’s the best part. Instead of turning him into a copy of her, she turned him into a silk tie, and wore him to work. After he was fired, he stayed on as her blouse.”
Mae shook her head. “Takes all types. We’ve got an opening in an hour, if you’d like your teeth checked.”
He agreed, and after filling out some basic paperwork, Patrick sat in the waiting room reading through a few of the magazines. Later on, he brought one up to Mae. “What language is this?”
Mae giggled. “Nobody knows. Venn script. Tina’s spending her off hours as different things around the waiting room.”
“This is a girl?”
“Was, yeah. Now it’s full of pretty pictures of her in gorgeous scenery. We’ve only figured out where about a quarter of the pictures are from. See if you can do any better, James.”
He nodded, and went back to perusing the magazine. “That explains the post-it notes. But I think this one you’ve marked as the Australian outback is actually Mars... That really looks like part of Olympus Mons in the distance.”
“Huh. So it does.” Mae scribbled out the note, and added his correction. “Maybe some of the other odd places in the back are other planets?”
Trying to figure out if the ice scenes were Europa or Pluto kept James distracted for the rest of his wait. He set the magazine down and patted it gently when his name was called. “Thank Tina for being a lovely distraction, will you?”
Mae smiled at him winningly. “Of course.”
James made his way into the exam room, and tried not to wince as Mae poked and prodded at his teeth. She made some small talk while making notes about the problems she found, then took X-rays and asked James to wait while they developed.
Dr. Lupin studied the X-rays and sighed. “What a mess. What has he been doing, eating batteries?”
Mae chuckled. “Bad habits, and many years since he went off his parents’ insurance. On the plus side, he Venns regularly.”
“How is that a plus side?” sighed the dentist.
“Remember Mrs. Scarlett? I dug into the research, and we’re not the only ones that have seen healing like that. The Journal even has an article on it, it’s still considered experimental and they’re looking for more results. As long as the patient is willing...”
“Fine, fine, I’ll put it to him.”
Dr. Lupin strolled into the exam room with a concerned look on his face. James saw it and was already wincing. “That bad?”
“You need a couple of root canals, and about seven other fillings. I’ve seen worse, but not often.”
“Ugh. How much of that will my insurance cover?”
Dr. Lupin looked to Mae. “The fillings, and one of the root canals,” she replied. “Second will get expensive.”
James cringed. “Ugh. Are they as bad as people say?”
“They’re not fun for either of us, that’s for sure,” said Dr. Lupin after a glance from Mae. “There is another option. Ms. Lynn?”
“If you spend a month Venned into a fully inanimate form, you’ll only need fillings instead of the root canals. A year, and your teeth would be like new.”
James sighed. “I could burn a month of vacation time, I guess. But a year is out of the question. And I’d miss time with Katie. What if I just spent some of my time inanimate? Say, a couple weeks to start, then evenings and weekends? My apartment is two blocks from a Venn Machine, popping in whenever I want is easy.”
Dr. Lupin nodded slowly. “It’s worth a try. I’ll have Mae book you an appointment two months from now, and we can see how it’s working. If it isn’t going fast enough, I could try some temporary patch jobs to cover the worst while they heal.”
James nodded slowly. “Sounds better than a root canal, anyway. Who knows, maybe Katie will come up with something fun for me to be.”
“I hope so,” agreed Mae. “I spent a week as a glass sculpture in the front office, and quite enjoyed the peace. It’s very relaxing.”
James chuckled at Mae’s earnestness. “I could use relaxing. I’ve been so worried about my teeth. Thank you.”
*** *** ***
“Are you sure, Mr. White?”
The patient standing in front of the desk nodded. “Yes. I’d rather not change back. Do you think he’ll see me anyway?”
Mae smiled. “The good Doctor Lupin has been unbending a little about the Venn Machines, especially after the SARS-3 crisis. I tried to get him to stay on in a sterile body like the rest of us, but he said it didn’t feel right. Dentistry is very fiddly work, you see. If your hands don’t work quite the same...”
Mr. White nodded. “I understand completely, let me assure you. My hands work very differently too. In my case, they’re a radical improvement. Lost ‘em in an accident, you see.”
“Ah. I am sorry to hear that. I’m sure I can talk him around. We have an opening right now, business has been slow of late.”
Dr. Lupin was less than pleased at the news, but Mae was persuasive. Soon he was striding into the exam room exactly as he had done countless times before. “Good morning Mr. White. I understand you have need of our services?”
Mr. White nodded. “I’m sticking with this body long term. No complaints so far, but it has been six months, so... I’d like a checkup?”
“Very well. Normally we’d start with a cleaning, but I’d like to take a closer look at your teeth first. The trouble with Venn Machines is that you never know what the teeth are going to be. Might be enamel like they should be. Might be porcelain, or even stainless steel for all I know. The X-rays will give me a better idea.”
Dr. Lupin studied the proffered teeth for a time, then shrugged. “Well, they look normal enough. Mae, can you do the cleaning and measure Mr. White’s gums? It looks like they’re already starting to recede a bit.”
After a thorough cleaning, some X-rays, and a workup of a new patient record booklet for Mr. White, Dr. Lupin returned. “The good news is your teeth look like a teenager’s. The bad news is that teenager has some bad habits. Your teeth are normal enough, as far as I can tell. So the normal precautions apply – limit the snacking on anything with sugar in it, even notionally healthy things like fruit, or even carrots. Meat and cheese are generally okay. The gum erosion suggests very vigorous brushing, I’d recommend a toothbrush with soft bristles, and only use a minimum of force. Alternatively, electric toothbrushes can be had quite reasonably, and do a better job with less fuss.”
Mr. White nodded sharply. “I’ll take care of it right away. See you in six months?”
Dr. Lupin smiled and nodded. “We’d be happy to see you again.”
*** *** ***
As news spread that Dr. Lupin’s practice would see Venned patients, business picked up. A few weeks later, Dr. Lupin’s stride into the exam room came to an abrupt halt. “Mae! What on earth are you playing at?”
Mae smiled at him winningly. “This is Miss Russet. She’d like her teeth checked, she’s having a little trouble with them.”
“Miss Russet appears to be a fox.”
“I prefer kitsune,” said Miss Russet softly. “Three tails.”
“The tails don’t enter into it,” grumbled Dr. Lupin. “You have a muzzle.” He took a few steps closer, and studied the dentition on display. “And carnassial pairs... Could you open and close your mouth a few times?”
Miss Russet did as requested. “They scrape together on the side.”
“X-rays?” asked Dr. Lupin. Mae pointed to the chart, and he moved over to study them. “Looks like you had your work cut out for you getting these. They do look conventional enough. Clean?”
Mae nodded. “She’s brushing and using chew sticks. It seems to be working well enough, her gums are healthy.”
“How long since your last Venn?”
“Ah... I guess it’d be three months.”
Dr. Lupin frowned. “You guess?”
“I went plastic for SARS-3, then went back to my history. So in one sense it has been almost two years.”
“Interesting... How long have you been having trouble with them?”
“Just the last week or so. I was chewing on a particularly tough bit of steak and it felt like something gave.” Miss Russet tapped her cheek on one side. “Over here.”
Dr. Lupin studied the indicated teeth more closely, then turned back to the X-rays. “Ah, now I see it. Hairline fracture, you must have tried to shear something that didn’t want to be shorn.”
“Is that bad?”
“It can be if it’s not treated. I could bond it and smooth it now, and unless you’re careless about what you chomp down on, you should be fine. Or you could try fixing it in the Venn Machine.”
Miss Russet whined piteously. “It took forever to get this body just right. Will it hurt?”
“It shouldn’t, but I’d prefer to freeze it... ugh. I have no idea what anaesthetic will do to your biology. If it doesn’t hurt, then... it probably should be okay. I’ll be as gentle as I can.”
Miss Russet nodded nervously. The procedure went smoothly, and after a few polishing passes where the drill wasn’t the only thing whining, she agreed that the result was worth it. She promised to tell all her friends, too.
*** *** ***
Dr. Lupin stared into the maw of his next patient and shook his head. “What am I supposed to do with this?”
“What’s the matter, Doc?”
“You’re a wolf. Why don’t you have any canines?”
“Because I’m a vegetarian.”
“Sure, yeah, that makes as much as sense as anything does these days. Your teeth look like they belong in a horse, so that tracks. What seems to be the problem?”
“Well... I’m a big fan of seeds and nuts, see. And when I try to crack them, it hurts.”
“Of course it hurts. You have grass-chewing teeth, not seed-cracking teeth.”
Mr. Grey’s ears drooped. “Oh. That would do it, I guess. Can you fix it?”
“I can’t reconstruct your teeth to that extent. It’d be absurd amounts of work for Venned teeth.”
“What about Venning them to the right kind?” asked the wolf.
“Oh. Uh... do your friends know how to do that?”
Mr. Grey shook his shaggy head. “You seem to know, though. Can’t you do it?”
“I’m not really much for Venn Machines,” temporized Dr. Lupin. “Let me consult with my expert. Mae?”
“Yes boss?”
The sigh that time was nigh imperceptible. “How hard would it be to Venn Mr. Grey’s teeth to something that can handle seeds and nuts?”
“If you know what you’re looking for, you shouldn’t have too hard a time. Darren here is our last, so why don’t the three of us head to the Venn Machine, and you can set him up with the right kind of chompers. You okay with some design tweaks, Darren?”
Mr. Grey nodded eagerly. “If it means I can eat my favourite foods, heck yeah.”
That was how Dr. Lupin found himself inside a Venn Machine for the second time ever. Mae had given him all kinds of encouragement and advice on the way over, and promised she’d make sure nothing bad would happen.
He set to work and found the endless array of maws on display fascinating. A few minutes work produced dentition that he felt would do the job. “Ready?”
“Actually... would you mind if I changed you too, Doc? Mae had some cute ideas. If you don’t like ‘em, you can change right back.”
“Ah... sure, that’d be okay I guess. If I can change back, and all. I found the robot body Mae likes just didn’t suit me.”
“Yeah, I can see that. Not for everyone. I was thinking a little more organic. What’s your wife’s favourite animal?”
“Oh, that’s easy,” replied Dr. Lupin. “She loves otters. Shows me cute videos of them all the time.”
“Otters, is it? Cute as a button, they are... Hm, yes. That’ll do. Ready when you are.”
A moment later, Dr. Lupin nearly tripped over his new tail as he exited the Venn Machine. He was drawn inexorably to the nearby mirror. “That’s me? I’m so... cute.”
Mae gave Mr. Grey a high five. “Nice work, Darren. How does it feel, boss? Not so weird?”
“Oh, it’s very weird. But not so... grindy.” He rubbed at the back of his wrist. “Weird. It looks like fur, but it’s slick. What did you do?”
“Bioplastic with a fur-pattern printed on it. You’re as sterile as your assistants,” said Darren. “And no fur to shed. It’s really popular in some circles. Give it a try. We changed for a year, but you can come back tomorrow, or next week, or whenever you feel like and go back to normal.”
Dr. Lupin’s gaze turned back to the Venn Machine. “I don’t know...”
“C’mon, boss. Let your wife see. Imagine what she’ll think?”
He chuckled softly. “Okay, Mae. You’re right.”
“You know it.”
When he arrived home, Richard Lupin hesitated at the door. He’d texted her about getting Venned, and his wife had gone from guardedly curious to optimistic after Mae had pitched in. Still, would she recognize him?
He took a deep breath, then opened the door. “Hi honey, I’m home!”
“Rich? Is that really you?”
He shrugged out if his overcoat and put it on the hook. Then he did a little spin for his wife’s inspection. “In the flesh. Or bioplastic, I think they called it.”
“Eeee! You look so CUTE!” Mary darted in and hugged him tight.
Richard sighed happily. Hugging as a robot had never felt right, but this...
“Why do you have breasts?”
Richard glanced down. “Huh. Didn’t notice them. Wait, am I...” He pulled open his pants, and gasped. “MAE! Damn it, now I have to go get this fixed.”
He started toward the door, but his wife grabbed his arm and pulled him back. “Not so fast, buster!”
“But Mary, I’m...”
“Cute. The word you’re looking for is not only cute, but devastatingly cute.” Mary’s grin was wider than he’d ever seen.
“I... but we... It’s Friday night, we always...”
“I’m game if you are. Let’s see what that tail of yours can do.”
Richard blinked his eyes, wide lashes fluttering. “Are you serious? I’m like this for a year if I don’t go back...”
Mary was shaking her head vigorously. “No going back.”
“But my patients...”
“Will understand. Heck, most of ‘em are Venned these days, right?”
“You and Mae talk too much,” grumbled Richard, but he was starting to grin. “She knew, didn’t she?”
Mary giggled. “Yep. C’mon, love. I’ll make it worth your while.”
And she did.
*** *** ***
“Welcome to Otter Dentistry!” chirped Mae. “Venn Dentistry is our specialty.”