Gwen held up a hand.  “Hold on.  Let’s be specific.  What exactly is wrong with your Duncan body?”

“Everything!” Duncan exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air melodramatically.  “It has never felt real, and having this body... it’s so...”  She sniffed, then wiped at her cheek.  Her eyes went even wider.  “It can cry?”

“Cry, eat, sleep.  Even added a few bonus features for sex.”  Gwen waggled her eyebrows.

“Gwen...” grumbled Duncan.

“Oh, lighten up.  You finally have a body that feels right, after being stuck with that awful robot body for months.  That’s something to celebrate!”

Duncan nodded slowly, tracing one pair of arms down her sides.  “It... does feel very nice.  Comfortable.  Home.  But what will Sidney think?  Amidst all this insanity, her point of reference has been her husband, Duncan.”

“And you’re still her husband.  Just...”

“Not a man any more.  But I suppose that has been true for the last year and a half, if I’m being honest with myself.  I thought that when Donna became her own person, that part of me was excised... but it wasn’t.”

Gwen shook her head.  “You’ve changed less than she has, sure.  But all of this... it has all happened to you.  Often without your consent.  You stepped up when Bunhill attacked the city, attacked me to draw you out.  That fight tore you into pieces.”

“Dia was born in that fight,” mused Duncan. “But Donna was already somewhat separate before then.  If I’m being truly honest, the Donna side of me goes back a long, long way.  Years.  Decades, even.”

“Want to talk about it?” asked Gwen.  “Or do you want to see what this new body can do?”

Duncan licked her lips, then shimmied her hips.  “I feel like this body is half liquid.”

“Not far off.  It’s so flexible you could stuff yourself into... uh...  Let’s just say Ourobouros has nothing on you.”

Duncan rolled her eyes.  “You had way too much fun designing this body.”

“That wasn’t my idea.  Or Ray’s.  I think it was Isolde.”

“You let that succubus design my body?” asked Duncan, wonderingly.  “No wonder it feels so hot.  There’s not going to be much of my male side left after tonight.”

“Yes there will,” replied Gwen confidently.  “You’ll go home, and snuggle up beside your wife, and remember all the good things about being a guy, too.  You’ve just spent too long away from this.”  Gwen stepped closer, and wrapped Duncan in a hug.

Duncan melted in her arms, coils drooping shapelessly around her legs.  After a long contented sigh she looked down at herself and giggled.  “You were serious about being half-liquid!”

“Mhmm.  C’mon, let’s dance!”

Duncan slithered after Gwen, approaching the stage with some trepidation.  Donna had danced here so many times, but Duncan still remembered those first few weeks, when Donna’s confidence and dancing skill abandoned him.

Gwen smiled at Duncan, and tugged her onto the stage.  Three beats in, Duncan’s fears were forgotten in the vigour of the dance.  She discovered her body could ripple down the poles like water, and yet had some peculiar adhesion that she could use to cling to the pole or slide down it fluidly.  Once she’d gotten comfortable on the poles, she sprung at Gwen and tangled with her in an erotic display that set the whole room cheering.

Gwen and Duncan returned to the green room to catcalls and whistles.  Rowan shook her head at the way Duncan was draped over Gwen.  “Get a room, you two.”

Duncan dropped off of Gwen and slithered back away from her.  “We weren’t, I mean I wasn’t, I mean...”

“You two need to talk.  Go, we’re closing soon anyway.”

Duncan slithered and slunk along behind Gwen.  Discovering that her body could undulate its belly to slide up the stairs without sidewinding at all distracted her somewhat from her funk.  Soon they were in front of Gwen’s apartment, one of several above the club.  Various dancers lived there, saving them the hassles of a commute, especially so for those who could not pass as human and thus could not go out into the open due to what Duncan called the “magic censorship” principle.  Showing off magic in private spaces like the club didn’t trigger it, but if anyone outside could see you, it was nearly impossible to override the reflex to hide.

Duncan followed Gwen into her apartment, glancing around.  Crystals glittered everywhere.  “You’ve redecorated.”

Gwen chuckled softly.  “Ettie had some fun ideas.  Always does.”

“How is she?”

Gwen sighed, and shook her head as she kicked off her shoes.  “The usual.  As soon as the Moon hits the third quarter, she’s out like a light.  I can’t get anything off of her, nor can Dia.  She’s just a simple crystal.”

Ducan started to suggest a new approach to the problem, then shook her head.  “How have you been holding up?  It’s easy for Ettie, but you lose her for two weeks at a time.”

Gwen tossed her top on a chair decorated with several other such tops.  “It sucks.  Donna has been...”  She blushed, and looked to her bedroom.  “I should do something nice for Sidney.”

Duncan gestured to herself.  “And this was your idea?”

“No, the cake was my idea, but she decided to mix things up at the last moment.  How did she react to what she saw?” asked Gwen as she tossed the last of her clothes then curled up on a broad couch upholstered in purple velvet.

Duncan grinned broadly.  “Amorously.”

“See?” cheered Gwen.  “She’ll be fine.  Really she will.  It’s not like this new body of yours doesn’t have significant upsides.”

“Do tell.”

“OK, you know the low-density foamed muscle we use so the headband bodies can be flat-packed?  You’re mostly that from the diaphragm down, except somewhat higher density.  You can’t go completely flat, but you can compress to about a tenth your volume.  Try relaxing, starting at your tailtip.”

Duncan peered down at her tail curiously, then slithered over to sit beside Gwen on her couch..  She tensed up the muscles she could find, then let them relax fully.  Her tailtip slumped, going flat on the floor.  A ripple of tension and relaxation ran up her tail, and before long there was a snake-shaped quilt lying on Gwen’s floor and part of her couch.

“Hah.  I can be a blanket for Sidney.  She’ll love that.”

“Now try tensing up just along your long axis,” suggested Gwen.

The quilted snake on the floor gathered itself up, and compressed into something a bit more like a bean bag chair.  Duncan focussed her attention on firming it up, and before long she was sitting on a taut sphere no more than two feet across.  “Wild,” she breathed.  “Pity the rest of me doesn’t collapse.”

Gwen giggled.  “We’ll work on that next month.  Or you can just borrow one of the Crazy Eights headbands that pops you into a ball, or a boob.  Or a set of starfish pasties, so I can wear you out dancing.”

Duncan blushed and smiled.  “I think I’d like that rather more than is safe.  You know I love you as much as the others do, right?”

Gwen smiled at Duncan, then sighed.  “And I know you love Sidney at least as much.  While I’d love to get you to try out your retractable hemipenes on me...  I won’t push it that far.  I promise.  Unless you want to let Donna have a go with this body, while you’re robo-Duncan?” she asked, hopefully.

“This is... the real me, isn’t it?” asked Duncan softly.  She tapped her chest.  “I can feel my crystal is here.  And Donna’s is...”  She glanced toward the bedroom.  “Oh, Gwen.”

Gwen laughed merrily.  “It was her idea!  She offered to join my toy drawer, and who was I to say no?  She can still take over any headband body she likes, no lock for her.”

“She can’t move.  She doesn’t need one.”

A slender vixen prowled out of the bedroom.  “I do, actually,” replied Donna.  “It’d be fun if Gwen could stuff me in whatever body tickled her fancy, and I couldn’t just jump to another.  Next month.”

“You can have mine,” affirmed Duncan.  “Being stuck as the cake was enough trapped time for a while.  And this body...”

Donna giggled.  “You like it?  Happy birthday.”

A crystalline voice chimed from the bright diamond on Donna’s brow.  “Happy Birthday, sister.”

Duncan chuckled softly.  “Sister, is it?  I won’t always be female.”

“You are now, and we are content.”

Duncan gathered them all into a hug.  “Thank you.  I should probably head home.  This body feels like it needs more sleep than the robot.”

“It does,” agreed Dia.  “All of us need more sleep than we get, but you in particular are inclined to do too much with too little.”

“Can I get a lift home?” asked Ducan.  “I don’t think I can drive a stick shift with a tail, and there’s no way I can cover up enough to satisfy magic censorship.”

Gwen nodded.  “Yeah.  I’ve got a van that’ll do the trick, I can bring it around to the loading dock.  We’ve got a few club ones too, I’m sure Ray would let you borrow one.”

“Should probably just buy one myself,” mused Duncan.  “It’d be handy to have two vehicles that can transport the kids.  I guess my little sports car will have to go...”

“Oh come on,” chided Gwen.  “I know you’re loaded thanks to all the gold you made.  Buy yourself something nice.”

Duncan wriggled her tail out to full length again, then rolled forward off the couch and over her coils.  “Okay.  I’ll take care of that soon.  But if I could bum that ride for tonight...”

Gwen rose from the couch and hugged Duncan.  “Any time.  Either way.  Or just hop down here via the little snake, or any of the headband bodies.  Don’t be a stranger, okay?  You belong here just as much as Dia and Donna do.”

*** *** ***

Sidney woke to find an unfamiliar body next to hers.  “Duncan?” she asked hesitantly.

Duncan opened her eyes and smiled at her wife.  “Yes.  Big version of the little body, it’s sooo much comfier than the robot.  Please don’t be mad.”

“Mad?  Why would I be...  Oh.  Are you...  Damn it, Duncan, you’re a woman.  What the hell?  I thought you gave that up.”

Duncan shook her head slowly.  “Always has been there, to be honest.  Part of me.  Not all of me.  Donna finding her own way clouded the waters for a long time, but...   I want to spend some of my time female.”

“Some?” asked Sidney hopefully.

“Yeah.  Once I find the right body I’ll spend more time male.  I think.  It’s hard to sort out right now.  I’ve been forcing myself into the ‘must be a good husband to my wife and father to my kids’ mould pretty hard the past few months, and I’m going to need time to decompress before I can find the right balance.”

“Ah,” sighed Sidney.  “That sucks.”

“I am sorry.  There are... upsides to this body?” offered Duncan.

“Really?”

“I can spread my tail out like a blanket, so you can snuggle up under me.”

“Show me.”

Ducan slithered over to Sidney’s side of the bed, relaxing and flattening her tail as she did so.

“Oooh,” purred Sidney.  “You’re warm.  Your offer is accepted... for now.”

“For now?”

“I want my husband back.  You are...  I don’t know who you are.  Do you?”

Duncan sighed heavily.  “No.  I’ll go see Arwen after work.”

Sidney rolled her eyes.  “You’re going to work after all this?  I still don’t get it.”

“I’m not looking forward to it either.”  Duncan settled down beside her wife, and robo-Duncan woke up.  “Bleah.  We’ve been making these things for months now, and the new ones are so much nicer.”

“I bet.  You’re running on a crappy old android phone, when you could have a nice new iPhone.”  She glanced over at her favourite toy in its charging cradle.  “Wait, is this snaky new body your version of an iPhone?”

“Not exactly.  It’s much, much nicer than an iPhone.  It’s more like... finding the right home, after making do for years.”

“Oh hell.  Maybe I need to see Doctor Sakurai, too.”

Duncan blinked at her.  “Why?”

“Because this isn’t just a phase, is it?”

Duncan shook his head.  “Sorry, love.  You’re married to a part-time male, not a full time one.”

Sidney flopped her head back onto her pillow.  “Damn it.”

“Love you too.  Want me to bring breakfast in?”

“Nah.  I should get moving before the kids do.”

“Unit Jade could take care of them for a morning.”

Sidney shook her head.  “They miss their mother.  Though if past experience is any guide, they’ll be perfectly fine with the new you.  Lucky for them.”

Ducan smiled at her warmly.  “Maybe try to see it their way?  Still me.”

Sidney harrumphed.  “Put the kettle on, and I’ll see if coffee helps make sense of this.”

Duncan did so, then got ready to head off to work.  One upside of his robot body was that it didn’t require much preparation, just a quick wipe with a damp cloth and a clean set of clothes.  The kids woke before he left, and he got Courtney’s breakfast ready while Sidney tended to Victor.

Maybe it was the coffee, maybe the kids, but Sidney unbent enough to give Duncan a kiss goodbye as he set off for work.

*** *** ***

Duncan found work duller than ever.  The project was progressing nicely, which meant that the bugs they were finding were more and more subtle, just the sort of thing he needed as a distraction.  It wasn’t enough of a distraction to forget the need for a meeting with Doctor Sakurai, and he called to make an appointment as soon as her office hours started.

Arwen was happy to hear from him, and had dealt with enough of his issues to have some idea why he might want a couple’s meeting with her.  “Not marital issues, I expect?”

“Not exactly.  It touches on the night job, and the gift I got for my birthday.  I’ll explain in person, you know the drill.”

“Of course.  Can you make it here for six?”

“Easily.  Are you okay staying open so late?”

Arwen laughed.  “Duncan, you know better.  After all you’ve done to help my patients and everyone else, I can make this small sacrifice.  Besides, this might go better with Joseph here, yes?”

“You’re likely right.  Thank you.”

The rest of the day went slowly.  Duncan tried not to think of the body waiting for him at home, but it was challenging.  He tried throwing himself into the work, but couldn’t muster the focus required to do a good job there, either.

The time spent driving to Doctor Arwen’s office helped more than any of the work had.  The simple meditation of driving helped center him, let him relax into a routine that made the car feel like an extension of himself, much as his robot body did.  He spent the last half of the drive mulling over that metaphor.

Doctor Sakurai welcomed Ducan in to her office, and he smiled to see her and Joseph sitting side by side on one of the couches.  “Couples therapy time,” he sighed.  “And me without magic.”

Arwen chuckled, then rose again to let Sidney into the office.  Sidney chose one of the chairs, instead of the loveseat Duncan was sitting in.  Arwen glanced between them.  “I see.  What exactly is the problem?”

Duncan glanced to his wife, and she shrugged.  “I suppose it starts with my birthday.  Gwen, Dia and Donna got together to give me some gifts.  First, time to just be me for a week or so before my birthday.  That was... nice, but... served to make me realize I am better as a part of them than I am on my own.”

“Duncan...” started Sidney, then she sighed.  “No, go on.”

“Yes dear.  The biggest gift was a new body, somehow they’d managed to incorporate my crystal into a new body without me knowing.  It’s lovely, and suits me perfectly.  Half snake... half woman.”

Arwen scratched a few notes on her pad.  “I see.  How does this body make you feel?”

“Whole.  It’s like... coming home after a year away, except in your absence someone has renovated the whole place.  It’s completely different, and wrong in subtle ways, but so much of it is so right you can’t imagine how you lived anywhere else.”

“Wrong how?” asked Arwen.

Duncan considered that with a frown.  “I’m... not entirely sure.  There are improvements I would make to certain details.  Perhaps a few minor additions.  And part of me will never be fully content in just one form.  I’ll want something else in a month or three.  Certainly three, by then I’ll want something more masculine.”

“What am I supposed to do for three months without a husband?” asked Sidney.

Arwen nodded slowly.  “I see.  You don’t see your husband in this new body, I take it?”

Sidney opened her mouth to answer, then stopped.  She thought for some time, then shook her head.  “I see...  Duncan.  I don’t see a husband.  It’s a very sexy, very girly body.”

“And that’s a bad thing?  You just called it sexy.  Are you attracted to the new Duncan?”

“I...”  Sidney ducked her head.  “Yes,” she said softly.

“Then why all the fuss?” asked Duncan.  He winced at Arwen’s glare.  “Sorry.  I don’t want to put you on the spot.”

“You don’t have to answer today,” said Arwen after wagging her finger at Duncan.  “We’re here to listen first, and help if we can.”

Sidney nodded.  “That’s okay.  I’ll try.  There’s this image in my head, of what a perfect marriage looks like.  Perfect house, all the furniture just so, everything clean and bright and... right.  And in that house, a wife and husband.  It’s not like I have anything against gay people, I had lots of gay friends at university, and I’m glad Canada did the right thing and let them get married.”

“But?” asked Arwen after a long silence.

“But I’m not...”  Sidney frowned.  “I don’t see myself...  Look, magic has turned everything upside down.  I’ve been a guy, and made love to a Duncan as a woman.  And he’s made love to me as a couch more than a few times, enough that it’s kind of a regular thing.  I want to think of myself as normal.  But I’m not.”

“Is magic the problem?” asked Arwen.  “Do you want it to go away?”

Sidney shook her head vigorously.  “It’s scary, but...  I’m ten years younger and many pounds lighter.  I love my body more than I ever did.  We finally have enough money to do everything we want.  Duncan going off to fight ghouls terrified me, but that’s over now.  We’re safe.”

“You don’t sound sure about that.”

Sidney shrugged.  “Is anyone safe?  I have a headband that lets me become the couch.  If Duncan wanted to, he could turn me into the couch and leave me like that.  Or an eclair.  Or anything.  He could even make it so I loved my new shape.  If I say the w word at the wrong time with the wrong dream, it can become reality.”

“And that’s scary.”

“I made him eat me once.  Wished I was his yummy eclair, ate me all up.  And last night, I almost got turned into his birthday cake.  Apparently there’s a headband for that now, too.  I can become a cake whenever I want.”

“Is that scary?” asked Arwen.  “You seem awfully intent on this.”

“Shouldn’t it be?”  Sidney hopped out her chair and started to pace.  “I mean, I got nibbled on, slurped up, swallowed down Duncan’s warm, snuggly throat and oh my god I’m turning myself on just thinking about it.  What is wrong with me?”

“Is your desire harmful?” asked Arwen.

“I got eaten!” cried Sidney.  “How can that not be harmful?”

“And yet you’re standing here before me.”

Sidney squirmed, then abruptly sat down again, this time beside Duncan.  “I’m fine.  Terrified, nervous, aroused, an emotional wreck... but physically fine.”

“What is wrecking your emotions?” asked Arwen.

“I have terrible urges.  I want to be turned into a pastry, hollowed out and filled to the point where I’m ready to burst, then the sliding and the...”  Sidney turned to glare at Duncan.  “This is all your fault.”

“You wished for it.  I did warn you,” said Duncan mildly.  “I’d like to say I’m sorry, but you enjoyed it very much at the time, and because you enjoyed it, so did I.”

“Wait wait wait,” Sidney put a hand on Duncan’s mouth.  “You enjoyed it because I enjoyed it?  Not because you like the idea of eating people?”

Duncan gently took his wife’s hand.  “I’d call it 80-20 or thereabouts.  I would never deliberately harm you, and the idea of eating people in a way that makes them suffer is abhorrent.  But when it’s consensual and fun and safe... many very strange things can be fun.  I’ve granted a lot of strange wishes at the Blue Vixen.  Yours are not the strangest, not at all.”

Sidney snickered.  “I bet you have.  What ones do you hate?”

Duncan chuckled.  “You’ll laugh.”

“Maybe.  Tell me anyway.”

“I hate the boring ones most,” admitted Duncan.  “The ‘I want to see my favourite celebrity naked’ ones in particular.  Just... no creativity at all.  Donna’s long been at the point where boobs in general are boring.  Certainly if there are only two, and they’re normal sized.  I still see the appeal, but...” he shrugged.  “Creativity and novelty are much bigger turn-ons.”

“Huh.  So your ideal night with me would be to turn me into something strange and new?”

“Close,” agreed Duncan.  “The ideal night would be one where you come up with something weird and new for me to turn into, just before the Moon sets.  And maybe you wish for it so I don’t get to choose, and I’m stuck until the next time the Moon rises.”

Sidney let out a pent-up breath, and licked her lips.  “I... wow.  Okay.  I can do that.  You’d really like that?”

Duncan nodded fervently.

“So... we know Duncan’s perfect date night.  What is yours, Sidney?” asked Arwen.

“Magic food.”

Ducan and Arwen raised their eyebrows.  “Eating, or being?”

Sidney shrugged helplessly.  “Yes.  In that order.  I want a big fancy dinner that I don’t have to lift a finger to prepare or clean up after, then... me for dessert.”

Duncan beamed at her.  “As you wish.”

“That’s not too weird?”

Duncan pulled his wife into a hug.  “It is weird.  Wonderfully, deliciously weird.  And then afterward, as the moon sets...”

“I’ll wish you into something fun, something I can wear.”

Duncan offered Sidney his hand, and she shook it.  “It’s a deal.”

“Looks like you two have this well in hand,” offered Joseph.

Duncan smiled at him bashfully.  “Sorry, I guess we didn’t end up needing your expertise.”

Joseph smiled.  “Watching my sweetie work is always worth it.  Especially with you.  I’m going to have to figure out what Arwen’s perfect night looks like.”

“If it needs magic to help it along, I’d be glad to set up whatever you need.”

Arwen dimpled at Joseph.  “We’ll be taking you up on that.”

“Really?” asked Sidney, avidly.  “I told you my fantasy, it’s only fair...”

Arwen giggled.  “Okay.  My favourite one ends up with me in several pieces, all of them... toys.”

“I could give you a headband body that lets you do that.  Or turn you into a collection of toys, and give you a headband that controls a normal body.  Our synthetic bodies have improved leaps and bounds the past few months.”

Arwen licked her lips.  “I’ll... think about it.  I think I’d rather have a timer, than be truly helpless.”

“Also doable.  You’ve done so much for all of us, I’ll make both of you anything you ask.”

Joseph chuckled softly.  “You are too kind.”

“Not at all,” said Duncan.  “It costs me so little to bring such joy.  I have no regrets whatsoever in using power that way.”

“And other ways?” asked Arwen.  “How has the healing been going?”

Duncan smiled.  “Very well, on the whole.  The good Doctor O’Brien has a few co-conspirators in Vancouver, now.  I don’t know how he’s keeping it a secret, I know the death rates have plummeted in the hospitals here.  I have to wonder what’s next... but we’ll deal with it one way or another.”

“Good, good.  Come in any time if you need to talk.”

Duncan and Sidney thanked both of them for their help, and headed home. Once they were there, robo-Duncan seized up just past the door, and Duncan slithered out of the bedroom in her new body.  Sidney just looked at it and sighed.