“Hey Artie, what’s up?”

An unkempt twenty-something guy with a voluminous shoulder-length brown hair and blue-black sunglasses on grinned at his friend.  “Hey Fuzzy.  Can I ask you a favour?”

Uzzi sighed at the old nick-name, a reference both to his name and his bear-like stature.  He shrugged.  “Sure.  Come in, have you eaten lately?  You’re looking a little hollow.”

Artie nodded eagerly, and followed his taller friend into his apartment kitchen.  “It’s been a rough couple months, you know?  Ever since I lost the job, really.  Nobody’s hiring, but all my friends are here...”

“I hear you.  If it wasn’t for my uncle I’d have been in the same boat.  Bank teller isn’t exactly glamorous, but it pays pretty well.  Want me to put a word in for you?”  Uzzi pulled a couple burritos out of the freezer, put them on a plate, then turned to the microwave.

Artie shook his head.  “You know that won’t work.  Background check, and all that.”

As the microwave started, Uzzi nodded.  “That’s right.  The grow-op.  You’re not still...”

“Nah.  I wasn’t using, gives me indigestion.  Stupid roomies.  I should have guessed, but I wasn’t exactly in a position to be picky.”

They chatted about others in their circle of friends while the burritos warmed up, then Uzzi handed the plate to his friend and watched in some amusement as Artie wolfed both down in quick succession.  “Are you okay?”

Artie’s eyes were watering from the heat.  He fanned his mouth a couple times before nodding.  “Haven’t eaten in a couple weeks.  Felt good.”

“A couple weeks?   Artie!  That’s not...  wait, how are you still alive?”

Artie pulled a shiny leather collar out of the pocket of his coat.  “That... kind of relates to the favour I want to ask.”

“That looks like an awfully expensive collar for a broke guy to be carrying around.”

Artie nodded.  “Cost me a month’s rent, but... well, it’s worth it.  Can I demonstrate?”

“Um, sure.”  Uzzi followed Artie to the apartment’s common room, and watched curiously as Artie carefully centered himself on the clapped-out old couch opposite the TV.

“Hey, can you keep an eye on the cat?” asked Artie.  “I don’t want her getting caught up in this.”

Uzzi raised an eyebrow at that.  “You heard him, Squeak.  Off the couch until he’s done, okay?”

A blue-eyed cat with an unlikely puff of dark headfur over an otherwise cream-coloured body streetched languorously then hopped off the couch.  She bunted her head against Uzzi’s leg, until he picked her up and skritched her into purring bliss.

Artie watched Squeak’s antics with an amused look on his face, then shook his head and took a deep breath.  He buckled the collar around his neck.  Nothing much seemed to happen at first, until Artie spread his arms across the back of the couch.

Uzzi frowned.  “Are you... melting?”  Squeak pushed her head against his hand until he resumed the skritches.

Artie shook his head, the only part of his body that wasn’t spreading out and smoothing into what looked like molten chocolate.  “Merging,” he murmured.  “Don’t worry, it’s reversible.”

Over the course of the next minute, Artie’s body flowed over the couch.  His arms gave an elegant curve to the back-rest of the couch, as his torso spread across it and turned the broken-down cushioning into smooth leather.  His hips merged with the torn couch cushions, filling them out to lovely rounded shapes as his legs flowed into the feet of the couch.

Uzzi crouched before the result.  “Curious.  Only your feet are wood, the rest is...”  He sniffed.  “Wow, top notch leather.  You make an amazing couch.”

“Thank you,” murmured Artie softly.

The cat in Uzzi’s arms squirmed out of its collar, and started growing rapidly.  Before long, a naked woman was snuggling against Uzzi.  “Hey Artie.  Nice look, but what’s with your voice?” she asked.

“Oh!  Cool trick, Shirley.  Couch-parts don’t have lungs,” he said slowly.  “Can’t speak loud, or long.”

“But your voice sounds different, too,” she protested.  “Almost feminine.”

“Neuter, I think.  It, not he.  Couches aren’t gendered.”

“And... you want to stay like this a while?” asked Uzzi.  “As our awesome new couch?”

Artie grinned brilliantly.  “You like it?  I’ve tried a few others.  They got creeped out.  Didn’t know you had... a magic collar too.”

Shirley was already shrinking again, and bounded up onto the new couch.  She kneaded it a few times, drawing some interesting expressions from Artie, then curled up just as she had been before.  She nodded at Uzzi before apparently dozing off to sleep.

“While I’ll grant it is a bit odd... you seem happy.  And you’re Squeak-approved.  Do you like being a couch?”

Artie nodded.  “It’s nice being useful.  I missed that.”

Uzzi gingerly sat in one corner of the couch, angled so he could still speak to his friend’s face.  “Wow.  You’re really comfortable.  So how do you want this to work?”

“Well... see, it’s like all magic.  I need to change back every day... or I get stuck.  Just an hour when nobody needs me.  Check on email.  Hit the job postings.  That kind of thing.”

“How stuck?” asked Uzzi worriedly.

“Oh, not forever, just...  For the first day... I can will the collar off.  After that, I’m just a couch.”

“Not even a head?” asked Uzzi.

“Head stays.  Gets more couch-like.  Shouldn’t, defective magic.”  Artie bobbled his head from side to side uncertainly, since he couldn’t shrug.  “Made it cheap.  Cheap-ish.”

“But you’re broke, why waste money on something like this?”

“Don’t need to eat.  Thought I’d be helpful, not just a leech.”

Uzzi chuckled softly.  “Ah.  That sounds more like the Artie I remember.  It’s not my call to make, but Squeak seems happy enough with the upgrade.”

Squeak popped her head up and gave an affirmative chirrup before prowling over to snuggle up against Uzzi’s side.

“I’ll take it up with the others when they get home.  I don’t imagine Mel or Charlie will object, but they will want to have their say.”

“Think I’ll seem weird?” asked Artie softly.

“A bit, yeah.  They’re used to Shirley spending half her time as Squeak, though.”

Squeak perked up again at the mention of her name, and bunted her head against Uzzi’s hand for more skritches.  Uzzi and Artie talked softly about what they’d been up to, though Artie had little enough to tell.

About half an hour later another cat prowled into the room, and hopped up beside Squeak.  Uzzi introduced her as Bubbles, and did his best to distribute skritches evenly between the two cats.  Artie asked if Bubbles was human too, getting an indignant look from Squeak for his question.

Uzzi chuckled and shook his head.  “Squeak is very insistent we treat her as a cat when she’s a cat.  Which is for the best.  See, we’re only allowed three unrelated people per apartment here, by the tenant’s agreement.  So Squeak here isn’t a tenant, she fits under the ‘two pets’ rule if anyone asks.”

“Ah.  And I would...”

“Obviously, you’re furniture.  So it should all work out.”

Artie smiled at that.  “It’d be nice to have a place to stay.”

Shortly afterward, a muscular blonde woman strode into the apartment, and Uzzi hopped up to greet her.  The kiss they shared was more than simply affectionate, especially given the way she groped Uzzi’s butt.

“We have a guest, Charlie,” said Uzzi when they came up for air.

Charlie looked around.  “Do we?  One that’s going to mind?”

“Artie’s open-minded.  And the couch.”

“What about the couch?”

Uzzi started explaining, then had to start over when a curvy redhead showed up.  “Okay, we’re all here now.  Shirley, could you join us please?”

Squeak hopped off the couch and headed out of the room.  A minute later Shirley walked back in, wearing a long shirt that barely covered her hips.  “Hey.  So what’s the plan?”

“I’d like to let Artie stay here for a while,” said Uzzi.  “He can count as furniture if anyone asks.”

They talked it over for a time, with Charlie driving the questioning.  Artie answered the few questions directed at him, mostly with “I don’t want to be a bother”.  Uzzi pointed out that Artie didn’t need to eat, and that the old couch was dreadful.

At the end Charlie called for votes, and all four agreed that Artie could stay as a long-term guest.  Artie thanked them warmly.

Soon all four were working together to get dinner ready, moving around each other in the nook of a kitchen with the grace of long familiarity.  There were also many idle touches and the odd grope.

They settled around the kitchen table to eat, and offered Artie a bite.  He declined, as he couldn’t eat while couched, and Bubbles was napping on him so he “couldn’t change back and disturb her”.

After dinner, Shirley excused herself as she was working nights.  All three sent her off with kisses and hugs.

The remaining three gathered in the living space, but only Uzzi sat on the couch to start.  “Come on, Artie won’t bite.  And you know the best spot for watching TV is here.”

Charlie laughed and readily agreed, though Mel took a little more convincing.  Soon enough, all three were snuggled together on the couch, watching a show.

Later, when they headed off to bed, Mel patted Artie on the shoulder.  “Thanks. You make a great couch.  So comfy.”  Artie beamed at her.

The next morning, Uzzi asked how Artie had slept.  Artie claimed he’d done well enough, especially as Bubbles had kept him company.

After the bustle of breakfast and preparations for work, the apartment was soon empty.  Bubbles was off in the kitchen nibbling daintily at her breakfast, so Artie finally had a chance to change back.  He was snacking on a bowl of cereal when Shirley came home.  She paused on the threshold, surprised to see him.

“Oh!  Hey, sorry.  Figured I’d stretch my legs a bit,” apologized Artie.  “I can go back...”

Shirley waved him off.  “No rush on my account.  I’d just forgotten.  What’s it like being a couch?”

Artie held up the collar.  “You could try, if you like.  Getting out just takes a few moments of willpower, as long as you change back in the first day.”

“Oh, right.  I heard you mention that.  But if you let it go longer, someone else has to undo the collar?  My cat-collar isn’t like that, it automatically falls off after six hours or so, and I can squirm out of it any time.”

Artie nodded.  “So it’s pretty safe.  I mean, not so much if you forget to change back... but I trust Fuzzy to change me back, and the rest of you seem pretty nice too.”

Shirley dimpled a grin at him.  “Thanks.  We’re all a cozy little family...”  She noticed Artie’s look of surprise.  “Oh.  Didn’t Uzzi tell you?”

“I’d guessed a bit from how you touch each other, but... poly?  Open or closed?”

Shirley shrugged.  “Yes to the first, of course.  The other is more complicated.  Got a minute?”

Artie laughed.  “The only place I’m going is back to the couch.  Unless you want to take my place for a bit?”  He held the collar up again.

Shirley took it, turning it in her hands.  “Sure, sounds like fun.  Does it only do couches?”

“Nah, anything about the right size would work.  Anything from a bean bag chair to a bed.”

Shirley’s eyes lit up.  “Oh, I could be the bed?  I’m going to have to try that one day.  But for now...”  She sat in the middle of the couch, as Artie had, then slipped the collar on and lay back and draped herself over the back of the couch.  “Mmm, you didn’t say it felt so nice to melt!”

Artie blushed.  “It’s... yeah.  I like it.  Um, a lot.”

Shirley purred happily as her body melted into pale leather, smoothing itself over the couch and bulking it up.  “Wooh.  That is quite the trip.  So I’m a couch now?  Cool.  Sit on me!”

Artie approached her shyly, then gently sat in the corner of the couch, twisted to face her.  “What do you think?”

“My cushions feel kinda...”  Shirley bit her lip, then took in another shallow breath.   “Nice.  This breath thing...  Bleh.  Sucks.”

“Yeah, it makes it hard to talk.  Wanna change back?”

Shirley frowned in concentration and after a moment the collar fell away from her neck.  “Hey, that’s nifty.”  She purred softly as the old broken-down couch slowly appeared from under a receding wave of leather.  Once she was done, she stood up and gave herself a shake.  “Huh.  Even restored my clothes.  Nice.  The cat collar ignores them, so I end up buried in them when I turn into Squeak.  Speaking of which, can I have a cozy couch to sleep on?” she wheedled.

Artie picked up the collar.  “Of course.”

Shirley headed off to the bedroom with a swish in her walk, and Squeak returned with an even more sinuous pace.  She jumped up onto the plush couch to find that Bubbles had beaten her to it.  She snuggled up with the other cat, and dozed off.

*** *** ***

The rest of the week continued in much the same way.  Artie slowly came out of his shell, talking more as the others grew used to sitting on him and chatting.  He started joining them at breakfast on a regular basis, to get a little time away from being a couch and reset the timer.  Most of the rest of his day was spent with one cat or the other napping on him.

The weekend disrupted their schedules, though Shirley still had night shifts Friday and Saturday nights.  Saturday morning found Squeak curled up on the couch before the others got up, and between one thing and another someone was sitting on Artie all day Saturday, and Sunday as well.

Monday morning, long after the others had bustled off to work, Shirley emerged yawning for some breakfast.  She waved to Artie, then padded over to take a seat on him while she ate.  “Going to join me?” she asked.

“This is nice,” murmured Artie.

Once she was a little more awake Shirley traced a finger over Artie’s cheek.  “You look different.  A little leathery.  What’s up?”

Artie shyly admitted that he hadn’t found a convenient time to change back over the weekend, so he couldn’t free himself any more.  Shirley clucked at him, and offered to take the collar off for him.  Artie shook his head, unwilling to disturb Bubbles.  He also admitted to liking it, and curiosity as to how far the change would go.

Shirley shrugged, and chattered with Artie for a few hours, then spent the afternoon dozing on the soft comfy couch as Squeak.

The rest of the week followed the new pattern.  Artie supported catnaps, discussions, and TV watching, dozing with the cats.  His face changed slowly enough that nobody except Shirley noticed it, and she didn’t make a fuss about it.

It took until the second weekend for Uzzi to realize that Artie was stuck.  Artie’s reaction was much the same, not wanting to be a bother.  Uzzi pointed out that unbuckling a collar wasn’t much work in the grand scheme of things, but Artie’s “it’s fine” was clear enough.

Mel went through much the same a little later, though Shirley took up Artie’s argument because his voice had grown weak enough that it was hard to hear.  Mel petted and stroked Artie, and called it a very good couch.  Artie’s answer was a huge smile that made everything better.

Charlie was the one that broke the impasse, after a month.  She called a family meeting to discuss the “Artie situation”, as his face had almost entirely disappeared into the back of the couch, and she wanted to know if it was even possible to revert him at this point.

Uzzi said that Artie had claimed the collar was perfectly safe, but agreed that Artie likely hadn’t tested it quite this far before.

“So why did he end up like this?” demanded Charlie.

Shirley piped up with, “I think it likes being a couch.  It’s very good at it, cozy and supportive.  The perfect napping spot.  See, even Bubbles agrees.  Artie didn’t want to get in the way, and can’t change back on its own after the first day.”

“It?” asked Charlie pointedly.

“I got to talk to Artie a lot in the mornings when everyone else was working.  Couches don’t really have a gender, so...  I offered to use neuter pronouns with it, and it seemed to like that.”

Charlie rubbed her forehead.  “Look, this is beside the point.  We can’t just turn someone into a couch and keep them that way indefinitely.  Besides, I saw your smile just now...  You like him.  It.  Whatever.  Get him out, we need to talk.”

“But it likes being a couch,” protested Shirley.

“And if Artie says that to my face, we can let the collar take its course next month.  Do it.”

Shirley clambered up onto the couch, as the collar had migrated down the back to be out of the way.  Her feet slipped in between the cushions, making Artie’s faded grin grow a little bigger.  It took a little struggling to get the collar free, but after a few moments Shirley held it up with a cheer.  Then she squealed, as Artie’s face was emerging right between her breasts.

The squeal became more of a giggle and squirm as Artie formed underneath her.  Shirley had been Squeak up until Charlie called the meeting, and hadn’t bothered to get dressed, so Artie got a lapful of naked, giggling Shirley.  She was blushing almost as much as he was by the time they got disentangled, and she sat beside him on the ratty old couch.

Charlie made a face at them.  “I’d forgotten just what Artie was covering up.  But more important is what you’re covering up, Shirley.  You know how the family works...  Is there something you want to say to us?”

Shirley gulped, then nodded.  “I like Artie.  It... er, he...  Oh bother.”

“I don’t mind,” said Artie softly.  “Call me anything.”

“Artie was nice to nap on, and made happy noises when I kneaded it,” said Shirley, softly but with growing confidence.  “I want to do more with it.”

“As a couch?” asked Uzzi, incredulously.

Shirley bit her lip, then nodded.  “Kinda, yeah.  Is that too weird?”

“In a house where one resident lives part time as a cat, and another just spent the last month as furniture, I think it’s just about perfect,” volunteered Mel.  “Go for it.”

Charlie chuckled softly.  “That’s two votes in favour.  Artie, do you understand what we’re discussing, here?”

Artie shook his head, though his hot cheeks suggested otherwise.

“We have one rule for our little family.  To bring someone into the circle requires a unanimous vote.  Who sleeps with who inside the circle, that’s up to the individuals.  If you join us, you get to do anything you like with anyone in the circle.  But no still means no.  Ask first, and accept the answer gracefully.  Ditto with making requests, no request is to be met with shaming or tears, just a ‘no’ if you don’t want it.  Do you understand?”

Artie’s blush was much brighter, and he couldn’t quite Charlie in the eye.  “I... I understand.  I’m no good at saying ‘no’, though.”

Charlie looked over to the woman sitting beside Artie.  “Shirley, it’s up to you.”

Shirley took a deep breath, and squeezed Artie’s hand.  “I want to make Artie part of the family.  Does anyone have any questions they want to ask before we vote?”

Uzzi nodded.  “It’d be nice to not be the only guy.  Are you interested in, um... non-couch activities?”

Artie blushed.  “With you, or the others?”

Uzzi chuckled softly.  “Answer them separately, if you like.”

Artie looked over to Shirley.  She smiled at him.  “Just answer honestly.  It’ll be okay.”

“I... kind of can answer both at once.  I don’t...  I mean...  Couch.  For both.  Um, at least for now.”

Uzzi laughed.  “You’re sitting beside a naked woman who will let you do anything you want with her.  And you’d rather be the couch?”

“Uzzi!” protested Shirley.  “Let him talk.”  She turned to face Artie.  “How do you see that working?”

“I... I’m not sure.  I’d have a mouth, and certain spots felt... good.”  His blush was rising again.

Shirley’s eyes sparkled, and not just with mirth.  “You want to make love to me while you’re a couch?”

“Or... just be there while others... on top of me.  I... I mean, if you want to.”

Uzzi looked thoughtful.  “You are really comfortable.  I’d do it, if you’re okay with it.”

“Yeah!”

Charlie grinned at Artie.  “At last an enthusiastic response.  Yes from me.  Mel, you’re still okay with a couch as a part of our little circle?”

“Yeppers!”

Charlie turned to Uzzi.  “I know you were looking forward to a guy to play with.”

“Yeah, your toy is fun, but...”

Mel snickered.  “Butt, indeed.  Hey Artie, can that collar of yours merge you with something about so big?”  She held up her hands about a foot apart.

“That’s too small,” said Artie.  “It can only merge me with something about my size, or a little bigger.”

“So if we got a really big...” giggled Mel, arms stretched out as wide as they could go.  “No?”

“Mel...  I know weirdness turns you on, but what would I do with something that big?” asked Uzzi, grinning.

“I’d sleep with it, cuddled up to it like a pillow,” said Mel.

“Okay,” said Artie, blushing even more.

Uzzi smiled at Artie.  “Interesting.  Maybe we can add things to the couch before you merge with it...”

“Ooooh!” agreed Mel, “so many ideas...”

Shirley pulled Artie closer.  “Don’t.  Please?  Artie’s a sweetie, and maybe we can experiment a bit later.  But right now I think you’re breaking him.”

“Thank you,” whispered Artie.

Shirley pointed at Uzzi.  “Yes or no.”

“Yes, without reservation.  I’d like to experiment with what the collar can do, but I don’t want to push Artie.  Maybe you two can work on having a little fun with it when you’re home during the days, Shirl.”

Shirley beamed.  “Awesome.  So...  Is that it, Artie’s in?”

Charlie nodded.  “Yes, Artie’s now a full member.  Remember to play respectfully.  Meeting adjourned.”

Shirley squealed and hugged Artie tight.  “So what do you wanna do now?  Back into the couch and then have some fun?”

Artie nodded, a shy smile blooming across his face.  “But, uh... you need to get off.  Just for a bit.”

Uzzi snickered. “She never has trouble getting off.”

Shirley hopped off the couch and onto Uzzi’s lap.  “But it’s more fun when someone gets me off.”

Uzzi hugged Shirley as they watched Artie melt back into the couch.  As soon as it was done, Shirley slipped off of Uzzi’s lap, gave him an apology kiss, then dashed back to the couch.

Shirley knelt on the couch, kissed Artie soundly, then grinned and said “Show me what you’ve got.”

She then tried to stand up, but her feet slipped in between the cushions.  She wriggled a bit to get free, then suddenly slipped downward with a yelp of surprise.  Down and down she slid, much further than seemed possible, only stopping when her arms around Artie’s neck acted as a brake.

Artie’s face was a study in surprise, and Shirley’s attempts to extract herself only produced incoherence from the couch.  She slipped down further, and grabbed at Artie’s hair.  That pulled Artie out of its reverie with a yelp of pain.  “What was that for?”

“Help, please?  I can’t get any traction, I’m not even sure I can feel my legs...”

Artie shook his head.  “I don’t know.  What’s happening?”

Shirley’s grip slipped, and she fell even further into the couch.  Everything below her breasts was gone.

Uzzi knelt before the couch to study Shirley’s predicament.  He tried to lift the cushions, but they were no longer separate from the couch, and all he could do was push them aside enough to see that the old tear in the couch had become a gaping hole, big enough to swallow Shirley whole.  “I guess you’re going where loose change does...”

Shirley gave him an amused look.  “Really?”

“I’m sure we can fish you out later, when we need some money for a pizza.”

Shirley snickered.  “You better.”  She tried to squirm upwared, but shifting her arms opened the hole wider, and she slid out of sight.

“Holy...  Uh, Artie, is she part of you now?”

Artie tilted its head as it considered the question.  “No.  She’s in there.  I seem to be... hollow?”

Something pressed up against the underside of one of Artie’s cushions.  The raised spot moved around, then pressed harder to reveal the shape of one of Shirley’s hands.  “Come on,” called a voice from inside the couch.  “Have a seat.”

Uzzi was the first to venture to the couch, as Charlie and Mel were otherwise occupied.  He brushed a hand against Shirley’s, then with a look to Artie for permission, tried to reach inside to find her.  Shirley giggled and cooed as Uzzi’s hands found various bits of her, but her attempt to pull Uzzi inside with her failed, as there simply wasn’t enough space for both of them.

It was around then that Charlie and Mel joined Uzzi on the couch, and distracted him from his efforts to retrieve Shirley.

*** *** ***

“Does every induction... end like that?” Artie asked Uzzi once the party had wound down.  

Uzzi was still draped across the couch, waiting for Mel and Charlie to finish in the shower.  “All the best ones do.  Shirley’s was outstanding, wasn’t it Shirl?”

Uzzi patted the cushion of the couch.  “Shirley?  Artie, where’s Shirley?”

Artie looked confused.  “What about Shirley?  I thought she left...”

Uzzi shook his head.  “I was on top of you, think I’d have noticed.”

“I don’t feel anything inside,” fussed Artie.  “Oh no, what did I do?”

Uzzi located his pants and pulled out his phone.  He put it in flashlight mode and peered inside the couch.  Artie tried not to giggle too much.  “Careful.  Ticklish on the inside...”

Uzzi stuck his upper body inside to peer around.  “I don’t see anything in here.  Do you remember trying to absorb her, or something like that?”

Artie mused on that, missing the squawk of surprise from his friend as he tumbled fully inside.  “There was a weird pulling...”  A sudden slurping noise got Artie’s attention, and It looked down to see the cause.  Uzzi was gone.  “Oh bother.”

“Think, Artie, think.  You can fix this.  Take collar off?”  Artie shook his head.  “No.  They’d be stuck.  Oh bother.”  Artie called out for help, but was unable to raise its voice, and nobody answered.  Eventually, Artie gave up and fell asleep.