Tina stared at the person standing in front of her desk.  The curvy redhead had seen a lot of strange things come and go (mostly go) during her years at the reception desk at Technicon, but this was something special.  It looked exactly like her best friend, Charlie.  She compared every detail she could think of to her memories.  Finally she grinned.  “Your freckles are unbalanced.  There should be three more on the left, not the right.”

“What?” Holly protested.  “Charlie swore I was perfect.  Did we mess up and end up mirror imaged?”

“Oh, wow.  You were perfect, but the moment you open your mouth, you completely blow it.  You sound nothing at all like her.”  Tina shook her head in surprise.  “That’s just weird, hearing someone else’s voice come out of her mouth.”

Holly blinked.  “Then how could you tell I wasn’t Charlie?”

Tina nodded to the man standing behind Holly.  “Because Charlie texted me to prepare the paperwork you’ll need.  She’s taking your new job, you’re taking hers, then we swap it all around with a couple of Form 42Bs, and we’re good to go.”

Charlie cleared his throat.  “He,” he emphasised the pronoun, “is taking the new job.  I’m thinking I’ll stay this way a while.”

Tina looked Charlie up and down.  “Seriously?  Miss ‘never going to end up in your wardrobe’ has decided she wants a new body?  Hah, I knew you were looking for something specific.  Is this really it?”

Charlie considered that for a beat, then shook his head.  “Not quite.  But it feels like a big step in the right direction.”

“Really?” asked Holly.  “So that means you’re really okay with me staying like this?”

Charlie laughed.  “I moved you into my apartment so you can wear my clothes.  What did you think?”

“I thought you wanted to swap back and forth, and the idea of going out as twins sounded like fun.  You did buy a lot of cute clothes for that body though...  You really like it?  I never did.”

Charlie hugged Holly tight.  “There’s nothing wrong with this body that a little exercise won’t fix.”

Holly giggled. “I’m surprised there aren’t any weird devices here that help with that.”

“Funny enough... there really aren’t.  One of the guys in the lab used to swear that exercising while an inch tall is more effective than at normal size.  Then he got chased by a cat.  He claims that was his best aerobic workout ever, but stopped doing it after that.”

“Why not shrink to a more reasonable size?”

Charlie shrugged.  “You’d have to ask the lab boys that.  The only shrinkers we’ve tested shrink by a factor of one hundred and one thousand, respectively.  Being smaller than an ant is...”  Charlie shivered.  “Not something I’d want to do again.”

“I don’t know...” mused Holly.  “With the right person it could be amazing to explore their body like it was some kind of enormous landscape.”

Charlie wrung his hands nervously, “If the person promised to stay extra still...  Seriously, you have no idea how terrifying it is to have a hand as big as a jumbo jet swoop down on you.”  He swooped one hand down onto the other, like an eagle after a mouse.  Then he mimed picking up something tiny, staring at the imaginary creature in his grasp.

Tina grinned.  “Charlie’s gonna be tiny,” she sung.  “Nice work, Holly.”

“What?  I...”  She looked over at Charlie, who had the faintest hint of pink to his cheeks.  “If you do it, I’ll do it too.”

“At the same time?” asked Tina, grinning even wider.  “You could explore me together.”

“And if we used the Robotizer first, we’d be much harder to damage,” said Holly.

“You’re both crazy,” said Charlie.  “I knew I liked you for a reason.”  He hugged Holly tight.  “C’mon, we’ve got paperwork to do, then you need to get to the Wardrobe.”

“What, we need uniforms around here?” asked Holly.

Charlie shook his head.  “Nope.  You’ll see.”  And despite Holly’s begging, that’s all he or Tina would say.

The paperwork took over an hour, because Holly insisted on reading through everything.  The non-disclosure agreement was standard enough, but the parts about retirement required explanation.  “Reasonable efforts at restoration” in particular struck her as vague.

Tina gestured to Charlie to explain.  “Look, the tech we’re testing here almost always involves some kind of radical transformation.  I’ve been partially erased, turned into a pet, shrunk, turned into a balloon and popped.... That last was actually kind of fun.  But it also meant that the early model Ballonifier couldn’t restore me.  That happens a lot, it’s why we test.  But we have a way of changing you back, no matter how bad it gets.  The thing is... it’s not perfectly reliable.”

“That sounds worrisome,” fretted Holly, fidgeting with the pen in her hand.

“It’s not as bad as you think.  Would it help to say that the ‘retirees’, the people who don’t go back to human, are happy the way they are?”

“How can you tell?”

“One of our other toys, of course.  There’s this thing called the Vocalizer, lets any inanimate object talk.  We can demonstrate on Bobby.  After you sign.”

Holly nodded, and signed the last of the papers.  “Okay.  Now what?”

“What’s this about Bobby, anyway?” asked Tina.

Holly opened up the bag she was carrying and set Bobby the toaster on Tina’s desk.  She pressed the mute button, and his display lit up.  “Toast!  Oh, hi Tina.”

“Oh my god.  You turned Bobby into a talking toaster?”

“Toast!”

Holly hit the mute button again.  “Yeah.  I was getting revenge on him for cheating at cards.  But I found and exploited bug with the current firmware on the Robotizer, and he’s refusing to change back.”

“Sweet!”

“What?  It is so not sweet.  I didn’t want to kill him!”

Tina waved off the objection.  “He’s not dead.  Is he happy?”

Holly giggled.  “Deliriously so.  Literally, when he’s toasting he goes incoherent with pleasure.  Says it’s better than sex.”

“I should have known...” mused Tina.  “I could tell he wanted to be small and useful, but purse wasn’t right.  Ah well, it’s not like the Wardrobe can turn people into toasters.”

“What is it with this wardrobe?” asked Holly.

“Time for the tour!” crowed Tina.  “And your first taste of just how strange things can get around here.”

“Holly was a guy named Andy before the card game with Bobby,” noted Charlie as the trio headed further into the facility.  “She’s had her share of Technicon-branded weirdness already.”

Tina waved a hand dismissively.  “She’s human.”  Then she frowned.  “That’s actually pretty unusual for here.  Wait a minute....  We have a body swapper, now?”

“Yup!”

“Oh, next weekend’s poker game is going to be awesome,” enthused Tina as she led Holly and Charlie back into the main hallways of Tehcnicon.

“Tina…”

“I know, I know.  The pussies don’t want Tina the shark at the table.”  Tina pouted.  “No fair.”

“They think you’re cheating.”

“Is it my fault I can read the lab boys like a book?  None of them can bluff their way out of a paper bag, and the ones that try end up in my panty drawer.  Ooh look, we’re here.  Room 101.”

The room Charlie opened had a variety of large high tech devices neatly tucked against the walls.  Most had a chamber of some sort attached, each big enough for a human.  A few were even larger.  In the middle of the room stood a wooden box, incongruous in its contrast to the technology around it.  It was made of a dark, fine-grained wood, and what Holly initially thought were decorative columns in the corners turned out to be inlaid in finely carved runes.

Holly leaned in close, “Runes of transformation?  What is this?”

“You recognize those?” asked Charlie.

“My mother’s Swedish, she made me learn Norse runes as a kid.  I had fun using it to write secret messages to my sisters.”

“Cool.  Should have put that down on your application too.  Though... this is the only magic thing here, as far as I know.”

Holly walked around it, and saw the broad doors.  “Oh!  The wardrobe, quite literally.”  She opened the doors, and peered inside.  “Empty?”

Charlie chuckled softly.  “Only until someone steps inside.”

Holly hopped inside.  “Like this?”

“Holly!”  Charlie called out.  “We didn’t even tell you what it does.”

Holly attempted to step out again, but couldn’t.  “Um...  I’m stuck?”

Charlie nodded.  “Until the doors close and open again.  Sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?  Just do that.”

“When the doors open, there won’t be a person inside the wardrobe.  Just a piece of clothing.”

“Me?  Oh.  Hence the purse, and all that.  Do I have to think about what I want to be?”

Charlie looked over at Tina, who shrugged.  “It helps.  But the person who closes the door has a say, too.”  Tina reached for the doors, but Charlie stopped her.  “Hey!”

“I’m not letting her become your toy,” said Charlie.  “We lose more people that way, and I like her.”

Tina snickered.  “Like, is it?  Fine, go for it.”

“Ready, Holly?”

Holly grinned and nodded.  “Hit me.”

Charlie grinned back.  “Be cute.”  He closed the door, and the runes of the wardrobe flared.  A few stayed bright for longer, then faded as well.  Once the last of the lightshow had faded, the door creaked open of its own accord.  Hung neatly in the wardrobe was a simple black dress.

Tina scooped it out and held it against her body.  “What a sweetie, she went for...”  Tina blinked down at the dress.  “There’s no way she’ll fit me.  What?”

Charlie’s hands brushed against the fabric.  “Oh, it feels so...”

“Transformed clothes are the best,” gushed Tina with a dreamy smile on her face.  “There’s a reason I’m trying to fill my own wardrobe from this one.”  She pushed the dress at Charlie.  “I think this is for you.”

Charlie held the dress against his body.  The chest swelled out with integral padding.  “This... fits this body?”  He shucked out of his shirt and pants, ignoring Tina’s presence.  

Tina watched, eyes glittering with envy and amusement as Charlie wriggled into the dress.  Once he had it settled she clapped her hands excitedly.  “Oh, it’s so you!”

The machine with the largest chamber had a brightly polished surface that made a serviceable mirror.  Tina tugged Charlie to stand in front of it.  “See?”

Charlie spun this way and that, feeling the smooth, soft fabric of his dress flicker against his legs.  “Oh.  Wow.  I wonder if I could get more of these.”

Tina held her hands up defensively.  “Hey, don’t look at me!  I use the wardrobe.  I don’t go inside.”

Charlie looked alarmed.  “I don’t mean other people.  I mean... could I get more dresses made from the pattern of this one?”

“Bo-ring.  But, yeah, I’m sure that’d be possible.  They’d be custom, and expensive, but...  Damn.  You look amazing in that.  How do you feel?”

Charlie stared at his reflection, running hands over his dress and his body.  “I feel... perfect.  Right.  God, I want to keep her so bad.”

Tina glanced at Charlie’s hips.  “Want to keep her, or just want her, hmmm?”

Charlie covered up the tent in his dress, blushing.  “Oh!  I...  Oh!”  He squirmed in place, eyes rolling back in his head as his moans got louder.  

“Done?” asked Tina once Charlie had quietened.

Charlie panted, then looked down at his dress.  His blush grew incandescent.  “I can’t believe I just did that.  Is there a drycleaning place nearby?”

Tina broke down in giggles.  “You two are perfect together.”

“It’s not funny!  We haven’t even...  And now...  Oh, God, what is she going to think of me?”

Tina pointed at the one machine in the room that did not have a booth.  It consisted of a round glass platform, with a similar sized glass disc mounted on the wall behind it.  “Use the Vocalizer.”

Shamefacedly, Charlie stripped his dress off, made a pathetic attempt at cleaning it with some tissues provided by Tina, then folded it neatly on the platform in such a way as to hide the damp spot.  “Hey Holly.  Can you hear me?”

The glass disc on the wall flickered and Holly’s voice emerged from it.  “Hi Owner!  I can hear you fine.  Did you have fun?”

Charlie’s blush found a new part of the spectrum.  He stammered, “I... I’m sorry I made a mess.”

Holly giggled.  “Did I do that?  Cool!”

“How is that cool?  We just...  Just...”

Tina smirked.  “Had your first time as guy and dress, rather than guy and girl?”

“I wanted it to be special...” said Charlie weakly.

“It was special!” chimed in Holly.  “I’ve always wanted to give you a skirt-job.”

Charlie rolled his eyes.  “You haven’t always been a dress, Holly.  You just feel that way.  It’ll wear off, but until then you can’t use the Wardrobe to become normal.”

“But I am normal!” protested Holly.  “C’mon, clean me up and wear me.”

Charlie’s face went pink again.  “I...  Maybe when we get home, okay?”

“Okay!” enthused the dress as Charlie whisked it off of the Vocalizer.

“Are they always that eager?” asked Charlie.

Tina shook her head.  “First time’s always special, though.  And...  Holly is gaga over you, whether she’s human or a dress.  She’ll remember being human by tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow!  I can’t change her back until then?”

“Nope!” chirped Tina cheerfully.  “She’s your dress for tonight.  Get her cleaned up nice, and maybe we could go dancing?”

Charlie shook his head vehemently.  “I... don’t think that’d be such a great idea.”

Tina eyed Charlie slyly.  “Think you’d end up making another mess?  We could go dance at your place instead.  Give Holly a treat.”

“Just Holly?” asked Charlie.

Tina giggled.  “I didn’t think you were my type.  But in that dress?  I’d be willing to... experiment.”

“Tina!”

Tina patted Charlie on the cheek.  “Don’t worry.  I’m sure your dress won’t be jealous.”

Charlie whined, then sighed.  “I’m not going to talk you out of this, am I?”

“Sorry sweetie.  You’ve disarmed yourself against feminine wiles.”

Charlie snorted.  “Right.  Like I could ever stop steamroller Tina the other way.”

“Nope.  Now get out there and do some testing.  File Holly’s bug report, too.  I’ll get your paperwork all filed away properly.”  Tina gave the dress a pat.  “She’ll fit right in, don’t worry.”

“I’m worried she’ll fit right in your wardrobe.”

“Oh sweetie.  I don’t poach.  She belongs in your wardrobe.”

Charlie clutched the dress to his chest defensively.  “No she doesn’t.”

Tina waggled her eyebrows.  “I give her a month, tops.  A week, if you try.”

* * *

Charlie spent the day in nervous distraction.  He didn’t let Holly out of his sight, carrying the dress with him all day.  Tina loaned him a handbag to tuck Holly into, and the weight of the bag felt soothingly familiar.  Tina also knew where a highly effective cleaning device was to be found among the toys at Technicon.  She didn’t explain what she’d needed it for, and Charlie didn’t ask.

Once his paperwork was in order, Charlie brought Bobby to the lab techs, explaining how he’d gotten stuck with a super-high ‘satisfaction’ setting from the Robotizer.  

They replicated the bug using a hand instead of a head, so it didn’t cause the same problems on restoration, and congratulated Charlie on finding the bug.  He pointed out it was the new girl, Holly, that had done it.  He opened the handbag to show the dress within.

“Wardrobed already?” asked Gary.  “Tina’s doing, I bet.”

“She hopped right in without prompting.  Didn’t even know what it did.  She fits me, so I’ll be taking her home.”

“Oh, good.  Better you than Tina.  She’d have her in her closet, no question.”

Charlie frowned at Gary’s resigned tone.  “Are you guys that afraid of her?”

Gary nodded,  “It’s...  The Wardrobe is supposed to be safe.  Safe-ish.  But with her around, the odds have changed.  Nobody’s willing to risk it, and it’s screwing up our schedule.”

“But you can just use it without her around, right?  I mean, if someone else closes the door,” Charlie clutched her bag a little tighter, “You’d fit them, not Tina.  So... what?”

Gary was shaking his head.  “If you have a really solid image of what you want to be, that doesn’t help.  It’s like she sees into your soul, or something.  She can find something to tease you about that starts to sound really, really good.  She keeps making kissy faces at me, asking me if I like the shade of lipstick she’s wearing.”

Charlie looked confused for a moment, then his eyes widened.  “She wants to turn you into lipstick?”

“Worse.  She wants me to turn myself into it.  And...  God help me, but the next time I step into that damn thing, I know what I’ll become.  Being so small...”  His eyes went distant.

“I thought you got enough of that with your shrunken exercise program.”

“Nah, I still do that every now and again.  I talked the boss into letting me have a TCAT-231.  We figured out how to add an auto-restore timer to the old ‘23, you don’t even have to be on the platform.  I just make sure I know where Mr. Bigglesworth is and lock the door before I shrink.”

Charlie shook his head.  “Whatever works for you.  Can you do anything for Bobby?”

“At his S-rating?  Not any time soon.  The only practical way is to talk him into letting the Robotizer upload his mind again.  That’s why this thing with Tina is so frustrating.  You can get people out of the Wardrobe if you can sell them on being human again.  But she does the opposite.”

“I’ll talk to her,” said Charlie, doubtfully.

“Please?  We can’t get anyone to test the demasculator in permanent mode.”

“With a name like that I’m not surprised.  Does it really erase…”

“Yep!  If we can get the kinks worked out, it could be a big seller as a defensive weapon for women.”

“You can mass produce it?” asked Charlie incredulously.  “We’ve always gone for one-off custom builds before.”

“If we can sort the restore function after permanent removal, we think so.  The tricky bit is making sure we can erase with one unit, and restore with a different one, so there can be ‘restoration clinics’ if too many women start to use it aggressively.  We’re pretty close, but the last couple of tries ended up making it a bit too permanent, and the only guys immune to Tina’s charms have refused to let it be tested on them again.”

Charlie almost volunteered on the spot.  He spent the rest of the day thinking about it, and wondering what he really wanted.  He even went so far as to put Holly back on the Vocalizer at the end of the day, but her cheerful enthusiasm for her current shape felt artificial.  It was clear he’d get no insights from her in that frame of mind.

As promised/threatened, Tina showed up on Charlie’s doorstep just as he got home.  She had a bottle of wine in hand, making Charlie shake his head.  “It’s only Monday night.”

“Perfect time for a drink.  C’mon, you never were this kind of stick in the mud as a woman.”

Charlie sighed and opened his door.  “It has been a very confusing sort of day.  I’m fuzzy-headed enough, alcohol will just lead to bad decisions.”

He still partook in the wine while they chatted over a take-out dinner, just like so many times before.  So when Tina asked to see Charlie in the dress once more, he obliged.

Tina cheered as Charlie walked shyly into the room.  “You look good like that.  I really, really don’t get how, but it suits you.  You should keep the dress.”

“Tina!  I love Holly, I don’t want her to be stuck as my...”  Charlie’s eyes went wide and he covered his mouth.  “Do you think she heard that?”

“Oh heck yes.  Their hearing gets extra sensitive.”

“I have to talk to her!”

“Work’s closed now, but the Vocalizer will still be there tomorrow.”

Charlie cast his eyes about the room, and they fetched upon the Robotizer that they’d fetched from Bobby’s old apartment.  “Maybe...”  He shucked out of the dress and folded it neatly atop the Robotizer.  The display lit up, and both humans stared at it in consternation.  Underneath the “Unwilling Subject” warning was a display of the dress’ current settings.

“Why does a dress have an S-rating?”

Tina shook her head in confusion.  “Is twenty bad?”

“If it’s accurate, it’d explain why Holly thinks she’s a dress.  I wonder if I can use the Robotizer to turn it down.”

“Not while she’s unwilling, from the looks of it.  Maybe you can talk her into it?”

“Hey sweetie, can you let me do a little change?”  Nothing.  “C’mon, I promise not to mess with your mind.  I’ll robotize you, so maybe we can talk?”  Charlie tried cajoling and taunting, but nothing worked.

“You know,” mused Tina when Charlie wound down.  “She called you Owner.  Try ordering her?”

Charlie shrugged.  “Can’t hurt, I guess.  Holly... no, Dress, as your Owner I order you to let me robotize you.”

The display blinked, and the “Unwilling Subject” warning went away.  To Charlie’s disappointment, the S-value was still greyed out, but he was able to increase the robotization of the dress.  She had no idea what would happen when she pressed the button, but did so anyway.

Holly vanished.  A moment later, a shimmering puddle of silver fabric replaced her.  Glowing blue lines wove through the fabric.  Charlie nearly dropped the robotized dress when he tried to pick it up.  “Slippery little devil, aren’t you?”

“Heeehee, that tickles!”

“Holly?”

“Still mostly Dress.  Holly is in here, though.  How may I direct your call?”

Tina giggled, and soon Charlie was as well.  “Can you let me speak to Holly for a bit?  I promise I’ll wear you dancing if you do.”

“Without changing me back to normal fabric.”

Charlie looked over at Tina, who grinned broadly and nodded.

“Sure.  You look amazing.”

“Patching you through,” said the dress in an exaggeratedly synthetic voice.  Followed by a more human voice saying, “Charlie?  Hey, how are you doing?  Don’t look so worried, I’m fine.”

“You can see me?” asked Charlie, surprised.

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool.  Being Dress rocked, but this is even better.  Think we can keep this dress?”

“I don’t want to lose you,” fussed Charlie.  “Human you, that is.  But...”  He rubbed a finger over the super-smooth and impossibly shiny fabric.  Holly purrred happily at the stroking.  Charlie pulled his hand away guiltily.  

“Don’t worry,” reassured Holly.  “My brain’s not melting.  Though if you keep that up, persuading me to change back will get harder.”  She snickered, as did Tina.

“Not the only thing getting harder around here,” added Tina, setting them all off into fits of gigglesnorts.

Once they’d calmed down, Holly suggested uploading her brain out of the dress, and into Charlie’s spare body.  “You’d be stuck as a guy, but...”

Charlie hugged the dress tight.  “We’ll do it!  Later.  I promised someone a night of dancing, and by God I’m going to deliver.”