Piece of Cake

Mary was setting out yet another tray of sticky raisin buns when the door to her shop jingled.  She smiled at the pretty woman who’d entered and gestured to the back of the shop.  “Come in, come in, I could use some more variety.”

“More... what?” asked the brunette, confused.  “I’m here about...”

But Mary had already headed into the back of the shop, leaving the younger woman to follow.  She looked around in surprise.  There was no oven, but dozens of cooling racks, and tray after tray of raisin buns on them.

“What?” she asked again.  “No, where.... Where is what I need to know.”

“Just stand right there and we’ll see what you’re made of,” said Mary, holding up a small device that looked like a hand-held grocery scanner.  “You’re right-handed, right?”  At the woman’s confused nod, Mary pressed a button and bright purple light lept out to engulf the woman’s hand and part of her forearm.  A moment later the light vanished.  So did her forearm.

A small purple box connected to the scanner pinged, and Mary opened it.  An overpowering scent of lemon wafted into the room.  “Oh!  Lemon pound cake.  Well, let’s give it a try.”

“But... My...”

Mary cut a slice of the lemon loaf, and the other woman squealed.  “I felt that!”

“Of course you did.  It’s part of you, still.”

“You crazy witch!  You turned my arm into cake?”

Mary took a bite, and her lips puckered involuntarily.  “Oh dear.  You are one very sour, bitter woman.”

“Of course I’m bitter!  My brother’s gone missing, and now some crazy bint has hacked up my arm!”

“Only volunteers come in before the shop opens,” said Mary, unruffled.  “But I’m afraid I can’t use you.  Far too sour, even if I covered you in honey.”

The woman turned and stared around her in horror.  “This... all of this... all these buns were people?”

“Well, yes.  That’s what we do here at the Piece of Cake Bakery.  The Cakinator turns people into delicious pastries.  Everyone comes out as something different.  Monday I got a pair of caramel-skinned twins that turned into ever so many raisin buns, you wouldn’t believe.  I’ve been doing everything I can to move them.”

“And you sell them?”

Mary nodded happily.  “There’s nothing a bit of baked goods likes more than to be eaten.  I facilitate that.  They make good money, too.”

“How can you be so casual about this?  This is insane!”

Mary’s pale blue eyes went flinty and she started to argue the point, but the other woman held up her remaining hand.  “Never mind.  What I need to know is... where is my brother?  Name is Edward, looks a lot like me except male...”

“Oh!  Yes, I see the resemblance now.  Apple fritter, he’s quite popular.  I’m afraid I’ve not pushed him as much as the raisin buns, so he’s been selling slowly this week.”  She gestured to one of the racks that wasn’t full of raisin buns, where two trays of fritters lay glistening.

“That’s all that’s left of Ed?”

“Would you like to try one?  They’re delicious.  He’s only got a little of your sour, just the right amount.”

“You want me to EAT my brother?”

“Well, yes.  You have to eat them up so they change back,” Mary said matter-of-factly.

“That... That...  Wait.”  Confusion came over the younger woman’s face.  “They change back?”

“Of course they change back.  What do you think I am, some kind of monster?”

The young woman stared at her, blinking in confusion.  “Uh... kinda?  You just said you turned my brother into apple fritters.”

“Oh yes, Ed’s a regular here.  Doesn’t even need any touch-up.  I can move five trays of him in a day, most days.  It’s just been a crazy week, so he’s been stuck a little longer than usual.”

“A... regular?” the young woman asked, weakly.

“Yes.  He comes in most mornings, I Cakinate him into apple fritters, and sell him.  Usually he sells out before the evening rush, and can go home with a tidy sum.”

“Wait... this is his... job?”

Mary nodded eagerly.  “Most of my volunteers treat it like one.  They get half of the sales.  It’s good money, we have a lot of regular customers, and it’s way easier than waiting tables or running a till.”

The door jingled, and Mary brushed her hands off on her apron.  “Speaking of customers, I’ve got to get busy.  Since I can’t sell you, can you give me a hand?  I’ve got a lot of raisin buns to move.”

Following behind her the brunette snarked, “I’m already down one hand, and you want another?”

Mary was already smiling at her customers, and pulling their orders out of the display case.  As she rung them up, she talked the newcomer through the procedures and prices.  It was particularly important to ring up the correct items, she noted, so the volunteers would get paid correctly.  Soon the new woman was handling the till while Mary served customers.

Once the morning rush died down, Mary thanked her new assistant.  “That went much better than usual.  Is there any chance I can persuade you to stay on?  I keep losing assistants to the Cakinator.”

“That’s not making me feel any more comfortable, you know.”

“Ah yes.  Your brother.  We sold the last of him not long ago, so he should be back any minute.  Assuming nobody kept their purchase for later, anyway.”

The younger woman looked ill.  “Would that mean he’s stuck forever?”

Mary shook her head, smiling reassuringly.  “No.  If they’re not eaten, they go kind of fuzzy and fade away after a week.  Happens every now and then.”

“Doesn’t that worry you?  People just vanishing for a week?”

Mary shrugged.  “Nobody has complained.”

“I’m complaining!  I don’t have a brother.”

“Nancy!” called a familiar voice from the back of the shop.  A dark-haired guy rushed out and grinned. “What are you doing here?”

“Ed!  You’re alive... all your parts accounted for?”  Nancy asked worriedly as she hugged her brother tight.

“Yup, right as rain, as always.  What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” screeched Nancy.  “You didn’t come home for three straight days is what’s wrong.  I was worried sick!  Mom and Dad wouldn’t say anything or do anything, so I...”

“Took it upon yourself to track me down.  Thanks sis.  Really, I’m fine.  It’s a fun job, and pays well.”

“Fun?”  Nancy’s voice spiralled even higher.  “Being eaten by strangers is fun?”

“It’s pleasant enough, anyway.  You’ve tried it I see,” Ed said, pointing to her arm.  “How was it?”

Mary shook her head.  “She came out all sour and bitter.  Can’t sell her.”

Ed laughed.  “I could have told you that.  Wait, what’s going to happen to her arm?  Is it really so inedible?”

Another customer entered, and Mary shooed the siblings into the back to continue their discussion.  Nancy pointed out the lemon loaf to her brother, and he tried a nibble.  “Wow.  You really are insanely bitter.  I might be able to choke down half a slice, but...  I’m really sorry sis.  Did you have anything you needed a hand for this week?  I’ll help out however I can.”

Nancy shrugged.  “I’ll live.  I might even have picked up a job here, which would be nice.  The modelling gig is really irregu...  Oh.  Crap.”

“What?” asked Ed, worriedly.

“I’ve got a shoot this afternoon.  I’m going to have to cancel!  Fuck, this is going to ruin my rep.  The only thing I’ve got going for me is being reliable.”

“And your pretty face.  Come on, it’s just a hand,” Ed encouraged.  “I’m sure you can pose to hide it.  Call the guy and explain you got tangled up in a magical mishap.”

“Fine,” Nancy said with ill grace, digging out her phone.  The conversation was brief, and when she hung up she looked stunned.

“What?”

“He’s... he’s willing to go ahead.  And is offering royalties.  I’ve never gotten a cut before.”

“What?  Why?”

Nancy shook her head in disbelief.  “It’s a fetish clothing shoot.  Apparently armless is big in some circles, but it’s hard to find amputees willing to do this kind of modelling.”

Ed looked at his sister askance.  “And you were worried about the kind of work I’m doing?  Should I be going along with you?”

“Nah, I’ve worked with Dave before.  I like him, he’s not creepy like some of them.”

Ed fixed his sister with a disapproving stare.  “They haven’t...”

Nancy laughed in his face.  “Do you really think I’d let them touch me?  Any sign of that and I’m gone.  But I can’t turn down the creepers that just want to look, or there’d be no work at all.”

“Fine.  Whatever.  It’s your life.”

“Or his, more likely.  You know you’re not the only one Dad taught to shoot, right?  I always carry when I’m going to see someone new.”

Ed raised his hands and surrendered the point.  “OK, OK.  I get it, big sis can take care of herself.  Even down one arm.”

“Damn right she can.”

Ed hugged her again.  “Sure you’re going to be OK for the week?  Maybe there’s some other way to deal with the cake.”

Mary entered as he was speaking.  “Sorry.  We’ve tried all sorts of ways, you’re not the first inedible.  It’s eating or nothing.  And...  Well, you’ll want to be back here in a week.  If you’re not here when the cake fades...”

Nancy winced.  “I’d be stuck like this forever?  Jesus, Mary, how can you take such risks on people who, I would like to note, haven’t even consented?”

“Oh!  No, it’s not that bad.  Your arm would just come back by itself.”  Mary held up a hand to forestall Nancy’s next protest.  “It’s not messy or anything, they just look like mannequin parts.  The thing is, to put it back we’d have to turn it into cake first, and you’d be stuck for another week.”

“Oh.  Fine, fine.  I’ll come work for you when I don’t have modelling gigs.  That way I should be near when it pops back, right?”

Mary nodded.  “That’s worked well in the past.  Can you stay through lunch rush, at least?”

Nancy pulled out her phone to check her schedule.  “Yeah, no problem.  There’s a college studio in an old storefront not far from here, we’re meeting there.”  She frowned at the phone, then looked outside.  “Huh.  Really near here, it’s on the other side of this block.”

“Excellent.  Things are going to get crazy in a bit, so even one extra hand will be helpful.”

Nancy glared at Mary for the joke, but there was little heat behind it.  “Really?”

Mary grinned.  “Oh come on.  Turn that frown upside-down, you’re not crippled forever.”

“Only for a week,” groused Nancy.

“And I am sorry about that.  I’ll experiment with sauces tonight, to see if I can come up with some way to make you edible.”

Then the bell jingled, and there was no time for talking.  Lunch rush had begun, and the shop filled up so quickly it made Nancy’s head spin.  Ed stuck around and helped out, and even promised to cover for her when she went for her shoot.

* * *

When Nancy returned to the Piece of Cake Bakery, she was all grins.  “Hey Ed!  You’re still here.  I wasn’t sure...”

Ed chuckled.  “Yeah, I was tempted to get turned into a couple sheets of fritters, but we still have so many raisin buns to sell.  I don’t know what Mary was thinking.”

“Have you tried one?” asked the silver-haired proprietress of the shop.

Ed and Nancy both shook their heads, so Mary scooped two more out of the case.  “On the house.”

“Thish ish delishous!” mumbled Nancy around a mouthful of bun.  She swallowed.  “No wonder they’re selling so well.  But why did you make so many?”

Mary smiled and shrugged.  “They were just so eager, really.  I got a little carried away.”

Nancy frowned.  “Wait.  No, the right question is how did you make so many?  Ed was good for five sheets, and these twins made thirty or so?”

“Fifty-two,” corrected Mary.  “It’s mostly a matter of how big a bite you take.  If I stood back and Cakinated someone in one shot, you’d get one batch of buns or cakes or whatever.  It can only fit a dozen buns at a time, you see.”

“Or a couple pound cakes,” mused Nancy, staring down at where her left arm ended.

Ed followed her gaze and shook his head.  “You’re not thinking of taking more off, are you?”

Nancy waved her arm around.  “Not like it’s doing me much good like this, and Dave... uh, really seemed to like the idea.”

Ed continued to study his sister.  “Are you... blushing?  What did he say to you, anyway?”

Nancy sighed happily.  “He made me feel pretty.  You should have seen the way he looked at me.”

Mary nodded briskly.  “Then we’ll do it.  Ed, can you mind the shop for a minute?”

In back, Nancy asked if there was any way to make the result a bit more rounded.  Mary considered that, then handed her a muffin pan with rounded corners.  “Here, use this to mask the part you want to keep.  It doesn’t work through metal.”

As Nancy fiddled with the muffin pan she asked, “How’d you find that out?”

Mary laughed.  “One of my former regulars came in with wide bracelets on.  Ended up leaving a little bit of her behind when she turned into cupcakes.”

“Former regular?  What happened to her?” Nancy fretted.

“Oh, nothing like you’re thinking.  One of my customers with a real sweet tooth asked to meet the girl behind the cupcakes, and before you know it they’re off getting married.  I wish I had more control with this thing,” Mary said, holding up the Cakinator’s emitter.  “I’d have made them a wedding cake.  Still, I got to turn her into cupcakes for her sweetie’s stag party, that was fun.”

“Oh!” gasped Nancy, then she started to smile.  “She sounds sweet.”

“Mmm, she was.  Sweetest girl I ever did meet.  Ready?”

Nancy nodded and watched in fascination as more of her left arm lit up with the purple light.  There was no transition between illuminated and present, and her arm vanishing further.  The box pinged, but Nancy ignored it.  She was studying her foreshortened arm.  It ended just at her elbow, with a much more neatly rounded tip.

When Mary pulled the new loaf out of the Cakinator the smell of citrus wasn’t as overpowering, and she examined it closely.  “How curious.  It’s not the same as the other one.”  A quick slice later, and she smiled.  “Well, now!  It’s nowhere near as bitter.  Still on the sour side, but... I can work with this.  A little honey glaze should do the trick, maybe a dusting of vanilla...  Would you mind if I put it out to sell?”

“Does it always feel like that when someone eats you?” Nancy asked.

“Not uncomfortable is it?  Everyone seems to react a little differently.”

Nancy blushed, and shook her head.  Mary grinned.  “Oooh, you’re going to be a fun one.”

“But what if I don’t want to spend my days in the display case?”

“You’ve done pretty well helping around the shop one-armed,” noted Mary.  “That could be your thing.  I could get six, maybe eight loaves out of your arm, have them sold by noon, and you could even do it again before the day is out.  So you’d get the cake sales, and get paid for helping with the till.”

“Oh!  I think I could do that,” agreed Nancy with a smile.  “But first I need to go find Dave for another round of photos.”

Nancy came back twice more during the afternoon.   Four more lemon pound cakes appeared, each of the sweeter variety, though still in need of “a touch of honey and vanilla”.  By the time she was done, there was nothing left of her arm at all, just a neatly rounded shoulder – using metal to shape the otherwise square edge of the cut was working beautifully.

Toward the end of the dinner rush she appeared once more, this time with a guy about her age in tow.  He had a runner’s build, and was carrying an expensive camera around his neck.  Mary grinned at him amiably.  “So this is the young man who has sweetened Nancy’s cakes.”

Dave blinked at her.  “Wait, what now?”

Nancy pointed out the decimated row of lemon cake slices.  “That’s what my arm has been disappearing into.  It’s temporary, once they’re all eaten.”

“People have been eating your arm?  What’s it feel like?”

Mary looked him over, and shook her head.  “Too stringy.  We could test, but you could end up inedible like Nancy’s first batch.”

Dave shook his head emphatically.  “I need my hands to take pictures.”

“But I don’t,” mused Nancy.  “Mary, could you sell a couple more loaves tomorrow morning?”

“Easily,” replied the shop’s owner.  “Dave, do you want to see it happen?”

Dave’s huge grin was reply enough.  Soon they were in back, and Mary had him hold the muffin pan to block out Nancy’s shoulder.  A flash of light later and her right arm was a pair of lemon pound cakes.  Dave stared at the new loves and Nancy’s newly empty shoulder back and forth in amazement.  “That’s... that’s...  How did you come by such a thing?”

Mary shrugged.  “A friend of a friend heard about it, and knew I’d be interested.  Wasn’t cheap, but it’s paid for itself so many times over I can’t even count.  And I’m employing a dozen people most weeks, too.”

Nancy hopped in place experimentally.  “Speaking of employment, I have some modelling to do.  Privately.”  She grinned at Dave.  “Can you give me a lift back to my place when you’re done?  I’m going to have trouble paying for the bus.”

“I think I can manage,” said Dave in a strangled tone of voice.

As they were leaving, Ed intercepted them.  “I really don’t like this, Nance.  How are you going to protect yourself if Dave tries to...”

Nancy leaned in and kissed her brother on the cheek.  “Eddie... I’m really hoping that he will.”

The squeak that got out of Dave made Nancy laugh.  “C’mon.  Pictures first.  Then back to my place for a nightcap.”

* * *

The next morning, Nancy and Dave showed up at the Piece of Cake Bakery during volunteer processing.  They watched in wonder as the twins were swiftly reduced to trays of raisin buns.  Not quite so many this time, so that others would have their chance to be sold as well.  Ed showed up shortly after they did, and offered to help on the till, since Nancy was still armless.

Once all the volunteers were on trays, and the display cases had been loaded up, Nancy checked out how many slices of lemon cake were left.  “How long until you’ll have me sold out, Mary?”

Mary shrugged.  “You’ve been moving fairly well.  Sometime during morning rush, I’d think.”

“Could you... uh... move a few more by lunch rush?”

“Nancy...” began Ed, worriedly.

She flashed him a grin, and pointed at Dave.  “C’mon, look at what the thought of me limbless is doing to him.”

Dave’s stunned, goofy expression made Ed smirk.  “Fine.  On your head be it.”

Mary shook her head at the exchange.  “You’re a strange one, lemon-girl.  Are you sure you wouldn’t rather just spend the time as nothing but cake?”

Nancy shuddered delicately.  “No, thank you.  I like breathing.  And...” she favoured Dave with a wink that made him blush even more, “other things.”

Mary had Nancy lie down for the next bit, and covered her hips with a pair of pie tins.  A flicker of purple light later left her skirt flat on the floor.  “C’mon, Dave.  Carry me away.”

Dave carefully got his arms under Nancy’s torso, and lifted.  “Oof.  You’re a big girl, even without your limbs.  Sure we can’t nip off a little more?”

Nancy squirmed around to face him.  “If you’re especially good, you can erase whatever you like.”

Dave grinned and considered this for a moment.  “Nah.  If I reduced you to just a bust, we’d lose the fun bits.”

“La la la, I can’t hear you!” said Ed, getting laughs from the others.

Dave slowly made his way out of the shop.  “We’ll be back after lunch.”

“No rush,” said Mary with a cheerful wave.  “Ed can handle the till just fine.”

Ed sighed as the door closed behind them.  “She doesn’t know yet, does she?”

“Nope.”

“Why didn’t you tell her?”

Mary chuckled wickedly.  “It’ll be funnier this way.  Plus, did you see how Dave was looking at her?  Trust me, it’ll work out.”


When Nancy returned, she looked flushed and happy, nestled in Dave’s arms.  He’d built a sling-like arrangement to help carry her, so he wasn’t looking so strained.

Mary nudged Ed.  “Told you.”

Ed just sighed.  “There are only a couple slices left.  Would you two like them?”

Nancy nodded eagerly, “Yes please.  This has been fun, but I’d like my arm and legs back.”

“Yeeah, about that,” drawled Ed as he pulled the last two slices of lemon cake out of the case.  “There’s a teensy detail Mary seems to have left out.”

“Oh?” asked Nancy nervously.

“Reappearance isn’t piecemeal.  You have to eat everything before anything comes back.”

Nancy’s eyes went very very wide.  “I’m stuck like this for a week?”

“What?” asked Dave.  After a quick explanation and taste-testing of the super-bitter loaf, he understood the problem.  “I could try sucking on ice to numb my tongue...”

Ed shook his head.  “Tried that, too.  Managed two bites before puking.  But give it your best shot.”

Dave managed two slices, which impressed the heck out of everyone, but even he admitted he couldn’t possibly touch another crumb.  “Sorry, Nancy.”

“You did your best.”  She was still cuddled up against Dave in her sling.  She wriggled up higher and kissed him on the cheek.  Then she nuzzled up to his ear and whispered something that made him blush bright red.

As Dave turned to go Nancy grinned over at her brother.  “See you in a week.”