Rodeo Clown Makeover
By Hugo Prosperio
(Anonymous Commission)
The door to the odd shop opened wide, the horn placed above it to herald someone’s entry had barely had any time to honk before a very well-dressed, very confident young man strode in, his cowboy boots clacking on the floor. From head to toe, he was dressed as a steer roper of olden days, including a large hat upon his head.
“Well now this is quite the little store you got here,” he said looking towards the man sitting behind the counter. The man behind the counter was done up equally as goofy but in an entirely different manner. The man behind the counter was a clown, wearing a three-piece green and orange suit, with blue hair curled into an Elvis-style coif atop his head.
“Well, Howdy there, partner.” Said the clown. “My name is Chuckles and welcome to my Joke Shop. What brings you ‘round these parts?” he said giggling.
“Well, nice to meet you, Chuckles, My name is Slim and I dunno if you know that the Rodeo is in town.” said the man with a smile. “I am one of the performers, and well, tonight’s show is when I get Rodeo Clown duty. So I gotta dazzle up my outfit a bit and see just what kinda options you might have since I see you do clown stuff pretty darn well!”
“Well, that is just a wonderful compliment! Thank you. I do think very highly of what we do here..” he said, beaming with pride. “You say you work in the rodeo?”
“Sure do. Have for quite a few years now!” he replied to the clown.
“It seems dangerous!” said Chuckles with a look of concern.
“Certainly can be. Our prized bull almost put me in the hospital last year, knocked me right on the rear end and almost trampled me, but it all turned out the way it was supposed to. The show must go on, after all!”
“Well, that is a motto I subscribe to myself!” Chuckles stated. “And I think we can get you a wonderful get-up for your time as a Rodeo clown and it might even help keep you from falling like that one time”
Slim smirked and watched as the clown walked to the costume racks, pulling various bits of colorful clothing into a pile.
“Okay, so let’s see if it all fits!” he said as he grabbed the man by his shoulders and guided him into a small dressing room in the back corner of the shop, sliding the selected garments under the door.
Slim looked down and sees a strange-looking costume, but it certainly fits what he is looking for for a rodeo clown getup. He saw a pair of jean overalls with colorful patches sewn all over, with a big flap over the ass held in place by two bright yellow buttons. The suspenders on the overalls are rainbow colored and a bright yellow shirt finishes the combo, with a red bandana on the side.
“Colorful!” he said with a big grin on his face.
He also noticed colorful boxer shorts with red hearts on them. Kicking off his boots, he then stripped down and put on the boxers, and then the overalls, and as the overalls went on, he started to hear a hissing sound, like the inflating of a balloon.
“What’s that noise?” he asked.
“What noise?” Chuckles replied from the outside
“The balloon inflating…” he started to say but then noticed it wasn’t a balloon inflating, it was his butt. It was filling out into the oversized overalls, taking up all the extra space, wobbling and wiggling as it grew.
“My ass,” he said with a gasp.
“The balloon is inflating your ass?” Chuckles asked with a giggle.
“Hey this isn’t funny,” he said, attempting to remove the overalls, but found…he kept putting them on. He couldn’t stop.
“Hey, I can’t stop putting this costume on, help!” he said.
“That’s the sign of a true Chuckles costume!” he said with a giggle. “Once you start you simply cannot stop!”
“You knew this would happen?” The man asked, reaching for the shirt that came with it, removing the straps of the overalls to do so, he thought he might be able to stop himself, but as soon as the shirt was on, he found himself replacing the straps, putting them back.
“Come ON!” he muttered
His thighs were swelling to match the new humongous rear end the man had grown thanks to the mysterious outfit. He tried to fiddle with the suspenders of the outfit again, only to notice he was now wearing thick three-fingered gloves.
“What are these?” he muttered trying to take them off, but they wouldn’t budge as if they were part of his skin. He gasped as a pale white color began to leak out of the gloves and flow up his arm, spreading the now cream-white color the rest of his body rapidly, even taking over his face.
“This is a nightmare,” he said, trying to exit the changing room but his thicker gloved fingers fumbled with the doorknob.
He then felt his stomach starting to gurgle and he looked down to watch it push out into the shirt and pants, swelling up like a fleshy balloon.
“No no no!” he cried trying to push it back in with his hands, but it just kept growing, and it seemed to pick up speed.
Soon it was pushing his shirt up a little bit, while it pushed his pants out, revealing a pale white belly button sticking out.
“You have to stop this!” he shouted
“I can’t. It’s kinda of a package deal, and even if I wanted to I wouldn’t be able to stop it now.” Chuckles said. “But trust me, you are gonna be the star of the show with this new look!”
“I look like a fool!”
“Clowns usually are fools, Rodeo clowns doubly so.” replied the clown with a deep laugh.
“You son of a…” He started to say before he was distracted by a prickling sensation at the top of his head. “Oh no”
Suddenly his hair began to pull inward, sucking into his scalp rapidly. It was a strange sensation, and he felt a bit dizzy from it, but the mirror in the changing room showed him what was left of his once prized head of hair.
“SHOOT” he cried out. He had meant to say SHIT but the word morphed into a less vulgar sound before it even left his lips. “MY HAIR”
He saw one tuft of hair left, sticking straight up, defying gravity. It wiggled a bit as he touched his now mostly bald scalp and muttered more altered words, no curses coming from his lips despite his best efforts.
He watched a pink hue form around his eyes and lips, while his lips themselves became bright red and thickened into a plump grin smack on his face. He tried to frown, to do anything but smile but it wouldn’t budge.
“I’m a fudging clown!” he cried.
“Not quite.” came the voice of Chuckles. “If I am not mistaken, we have one last piece.”
“What are you talking about, you funky meanie?!” he said, still trying his best to shout curse words at the clown.
He then felt a tingle on the tip of his nose and went a bit crosseyed to look at it, a look that wouldn’t go back to normal, his eyes staying perpetually crossed.
He watched as a red color spread across the tip and then to all of his nose as it began to expand, inflate, and round out into what one might consider a stereotypical clown nose. It was the size of a golf ball before long, and he reached up to grab it. This confirmed it was part of his face and not a costume piece of some sort.
Slim heard a click and turned to see Chuckles standing there, smiling. “Looking good:” he said
Slim raised his gloved hands ready to throttle the clown, but Chuckles then pulled out a massive cowboy hat, truly a ten-gallon variety.
“Wha…what is that?” Slim asked hesitantly.
“Your new hat,” Chuckles replied and Slim found his hands reaching out for it instead of the clown.
Once the hat was in his hands, he found them doing the only logical thing, raising it to his head.
He placed it on his head and then pulled it down tightly, the hat slipping down to cover the man’s face for a moment.
A muffled voice tried to speak from inside, trying to beg Chuckles to get this thing off him, but then the pitch changed. It sounded higher pitched and was now giggling.
The hands then lifted the hat off his face and pulled it upwards, which made his skull stretch with it, taking the tuft of yellow hair upwards forming Slim’s noggin into an egg shape. Once the shape was finished, the hat was then lowered again, this time stopping at his forehead like a cowboy hat should sit.
“How do we feel, Slim?” Chuckles asked.
“Wowie, that felt super-de-dooper silly.” he squeaked. “I feel much better though!”
“I thought it might help. Anyway, come on out of there, and let’s see how you look.”
As the new rodeo clown stepped out of the changing room, his feet slapped on the wooden floor of the shop, expanding and stretching out to be proper clown size, and he giggled at the cold floor on his soles.
“See, I knew this outfit was just the thing for you, Slim. Hmmm, I don’t think your cowboy boots will still fit anymore” he said, going into the changing room and grabbing the human-sized footwear.
“I can fix that easily though,” he said as he pulled out a silly little plastic cowboy gun and fired a shot at each shoe.
A puff of pink smoke hit each, and they began to enlarge and stretch wider, gaining a fun yellow and red color across them as they became true rodeo clown boots
“Perfect. And with those feet and these boots, you won’t be falling over anymore!” he said with pride.
As the hat sat on his head, his mind settled into the role of the clown he had become and his memories began to adjust. As a young clown in the world of Clowntopia, he had longed to be a rodeo clown like his idol Pecos, the most famous Clowntopian rodeo clown.
He remembered meeting Pecos who told him the best place to be a rodeo clown was not in Clowntopia but in the human realm, so he left home in search of fame and fortune.
“Thanks for having something my size,” he said as he slid on the boots. He had forgotten about coming in for a new outfit, and now thought he had just come in for a resizing on the boots. “My feet just keep growing”
“As a good clown should.” Chuckles stated “It’s no problem. Just hook me up with tickets next time you play the Clowntopian Rodeo.”
“You got it, Chuckles!” said Slim as his stance became a bit more cartoonishly bow-legged, and he walked towards the exit of the store, the spurs on his new boots jangling loudly. He turned, smiled, and honked his nose, before leaving, whistling a silly song and tipping his hat at a pair of young women walking past him on the street.
Chuckles stood by the window and watched him leave. “Go get 'em, cowboy!” he said with a massive grin on his face.